I got a jealousy/control Problem. REAL BAD(LONG)

[Tysen]

I have a bad problem! I need serious help! Now some Stuff i Say in this post may not be Relevant but I feel i need to throw it all out there in order for people to understand alittle better.

 

I have Alot of ideas about the reason behind why i am the way i am but it doesn't help me until i have other peoples opinions. I don't feel comfortable talking about it to my friends only because i'm affraid it will leak out eventually and/or they will judge me.

 

So i come to you a neutral(for now) Party. I come asking of you for guidance!

 

 

I have always been a "Ladies man", People say i look like the young justin timberlake. I'm 21 years old and look like i'm 16. Girls just get Attracted to me and To be honest i have always got every girl i have wanted.

 

back in high school i was a dog. I would PRIDE myself on how many girls i could be dating at the same time......I got up to 16. I had no respect for women. To me they were beautiful prizes and I did what i pleased with them. They would cry infront of me and i wouldn't even Flinch! I was heartless, I had no soul! it didn't phase me.

 

So i met this girl and you can say i fell in love! This was it, I was 17 and I didn't want to fool around no more. This girl was perfect for me!!But Something came along with these feelings.... Jealousy and control! I needed to have a leash on her. I made her give up her friends and Do what i said all the time and she did. Ofcourse there was fighting but i would CRY to get my way. I would literally start to whimper until she would give in.

 

In the end , She had 0 friends and We were on a strict routine! But to me there was nothing wrong with this. I was somewhat happy and having ultimate control made me feel safe!

 

It ends up i needed to move for my dads work and i had to break up with this girl.

 

It hurt but life goes on.

 

I get to my new home and life is good. I started doing the same thing,. I did back at my old school! Trying to see how many beautiful girls i can bag!

 

Until i met a girl that i actually like(Who i am Dating currently) and again i start with the controlling/Jealousy thing!!

AHHHHH It's all Wierd because they let me do it.

 

I've had long relationships with girls that I wasn't in the jealous/controlling state with. But i was being unfaithful.

But the relationships i want to last and be faithful in. I feel The least happy in! I hate the feeling of jealousy and the need to control the situation!

 

I want to stop but i'm addicted it feels like

 

It's wierd because I trust the two girls.

 

I don't like them checking their Emails, going on msn, going out with friends, Text messaging anyone who isn't me, Even spending time with their family. I don't stop them on some accounts but on some i do stop them!

 

THE THING IS!! I don't wanna live this way..... I am so weak and can't overcome the feeling of control and jealousy! I need help. bad

[moimeme]

You are not well. Seriously, you need help from a professional. People like you can become abusers. You want to stop your behaviours before you get to that point. Tell your doctor about your issues and ask your doc to find you a good psychologist FAST. You'll eventually end up in big trouble if you don't change. And you can't fix it yourself.

So get help.

[sumflower]

on a different note, i do have to applaud you for being brave and actually confronting yourself on this. the first step to changing any bad behaviours (especially in regards to addictions) is to actually acknowledge that you have a problem. some people may wonder why i would praise someone who just admitted to being controlling and manipulative around women, but in my experience, encouragement for your accomplishments (no matter how small) will only push the person even more to keep getting help.

 

 

that being said, i agree and think that you should definitely seek counselling. your behaviour is abusive towards these women, and i don't think that you can stop on your own. obviously, something has happened to you in your life where you feel that you have to control a woman in order to feel secure; otherwise, letting them just 'be' seems to create feelings of powerlessness (hence the jealousy thing).

 

 

you've done the right thing by writing to the forum, saying that you need help. you also acknolwedge that you don't want to be this way, which is a sign that you are no longer in denial about your behaviour. if you're feeling guilty, it might also be worth talking about this with your current girlfriend(s), depending on how serious it is, so that they do not think that they are the faulty ones in the relationship. keep in mind that your efforts to control and manipulate are damaging to their self-esteem. ask yourself if you really want to hurt someone you care about?

 

 

if you have the means, seek professional help. you may not like what that implies, but it would be the best thing you could for yourself (and for your relationships).

[Tysen]

Thanks for the input, I appreciate it and it helps to know that People are out there.

 

I think i've come to the conclusion that i will tell my girlfriend I need a break because I need to work out things in my life before i try to bring someone else in.

 

My actions are not healthy and I believe are rooted to my father. I don't respect women..... It's hard to say but deep down I believe i dont. I remember back when i was a small child my dad would always make fun of my mother right infront of me. Now they were jokes but being a small child i could not Distinguish them from insults.

 

I believe i will seek help. I've tried to ignore my feelings of jealousy lack of control but i get anxiety attacks and I literally cry until i get my way and I am the king of guilt trips!

 

I constantly Ask my girlfriend about her thoughts about my controlling and jealous side and she says "I understand, You just love me", And i would take it as justification. I'm not blaming anyone because There are 10000 things i could say that can justify my behavior but this doesn't make them right.

 

My girlfriend has always been clingy and needy and to be honest i think this worsens my condition. my Ex, Girlfriend was the exact same way!

 

I am like a parasite, Show me weakness and i'll infect you and kill your personal Self. It's Sickening!!

 

I am letting it all out here guys and i appologize for all these spurts of information but I feel it's necessary to get it out on the table!

 

I don't wanna hurt anyone anymore. I'm a nice man on the outside but inside i'm a insecure boy.

 

I think it's best if i take the enablers out of my life and get my Act together. It's not fair to bring another soul into my Storm.

 

It's best to be honest with my partner in order to make us both happy.

 

 

If anyone knows a good Therapist in the calgary area please help me.

 

Or if you think you can help me and want to meet up and have a coffee. That wouldn't be bad either.

 

 

I'm alittle embarassed of my out of control situation. I'm a nice guy but when it comes to Relationships i'm a Ass