Confusion

[kel]

I am a married woman who has had problems in the past with my husband cheating. He swears he hasn't done anything in a while but the problem is I have fallen out of love with him and have fallen in love with someone else. This other person I have never been with physically but we are friends and I care about him alot. The problem with this is that I have 3 children with my husband and it is hard to break-up a family. I just don't know how I can continue to pretend that our relationship is working and it isn't. I love my kids and I don't want to hurt them. Please does anybody have any advice for me.

[Tony T]

You have a lot of years to live on this planet. It's not a good idea to try to deceive your children. Eventually they will pick up on the fraud. Staying in a bad marriage for the sake of children is not a good idea. They will know.

 

If you can't save your marriage, terminate it and do the best you can to be sure your children feel secure in all you do.

 

Look out for yourself and be true to your feelings. But before you do anything, be very sure you know exactly what your feelings are. This is a very big step but one you must take if you feel your marriage is dead.

 

Also, consider that your feelings for this new guy could change. They could be a direct result of your state of vulnerability rather than a result of any rational decision you have made.

 

If you get a divorce, you ought to have some down time. Then, you need to look around and make lots of friends and give yourself time to get your balance before you land in the arms of another man.

[Lilly]

I don't know if this will help you, I am not the most experienced in this arena, but I have an inspiring story to tell you. But before I tell you about that, I was just wondering what is the underlying cause of your husband's infidelity. Also why have you fallen out of love with him (is the the affair,or something else)? I think you should really think about this.

 

I have a friend from college whose parents lost a baby (1 year old). The trauma of this experience tore the marriage apart. Instead of looking to one another for support they drifted apart in their grief. The husband ended up having na affair as a consequence of his isolation from his wife. My initial thought was, "I could never stay with a man who cheated." I think otherwise at this point. This couple went through marriage counseling ect. But the single most important thing they did was to hand their marriage over to God. By looking to God for the answers and having faith that the Lord provides the answers to our deepest sorrows, this couple was able to recover their marriage. I know it took a while, but these two are more in love than ever before. A similar thing happened with my parents, they were on the verge of divorce, and when they handed their marriage over to God, their relationship took on new meaning. Again, this happend to my minister and his wife.

 

The bottom line is: marriage is the union of two souls under God. As humans we make many mistakes and we damage our relationships. But if you have faith in the Father, all your worries will be cared for. If you loved your husband at one point, you have the potential to love him again. You two need to find in eachother the things that made you fall in love in the first place.

 

If you want to be a role-model to your children, they will forever be grateful that you and your husband were patient and trusted that you could find love in eachother again. My parents/my friends parents/ and my minister and his wife are all a great inspiration to me. I trust that if a relationship is trusted in the hands of God, he will help heal all broken hearts.

 

Hope this helps, I can only image how hard this is. Good luck.