lostandlonely2 Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 I am feeling a bit mixed up about something that happened when I was about 12 or 13... I ran my finger down the leg of a friend of my sister's who was visiting us (my sister, her and I were all just sitting on a bed together, not doing anything sexual at all) it was just kind of absent-minded and very innocent (bit still inappropriate) and later my sister told me not to make any passes at her friends (which is fair enough) but it has always affected me, to the point I think it stunted my growing sexuality (...no pun intended but it has also made me wonder if I inadvertently had sexual feelings for my sister as well? I never imagined sleeping with her, or anything, but somehow it 'sexualised' our relationship, and even now I feel like I am attracted to women who are like my sister - maybe since she told me 'not to be sexual' as a kid? Link to post Share on other sites
artnoveau Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 I don't think this necessarily means that you were attracted to your sister. I think her behavior might have made you feel ashamed, inadequate and selfaware at a point when you were not sure of yourself and your sexual identity. So I think she has hurt you and it has stuck with you. The fact that you feel attracted to girls who look like her doesn't mean you are attracted to her either. I have been left by my father pretty early and always end up with guys who are as ambivalent and hard to get as he was. I am trying to compensate the fact that I was hurt and how it affected my selfesteem. Maybe you are trying to do the same. At that age sexuality is emerging and having implied that your actions (even if not meant, but by others perceived as sexual) are inadequate can be disturbing. In psychology diagnosig sexuality is always linked to sexual fantasies. If you have never had sexual fantasies about your sister you are not sexually attracted to her. And if you should be attacted to her: that's okay too. Its not about how you feel or who you are attracted to, its acting on it that makes it "bad". I wouldn't worry about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostandlonely2 Posted January 16, 2016 Author Share Posted January 16, 2016 Thank you, ArtNoveau... I do think it also had a more profound effect on me as I was slightly autistic as a child as well (I have been diagnosed now with functioning Asperger's) so it basically told me not talk or approach any women (not that I would have been able to anyway! lol I was just wondering if I was actually attracted to my sister's 'approval' in a weird round-about way in sexual relationships now - so, in a sense, I want it to 'be ok' with her that I do touch someone, but not necessarily her - if you understand what I mean? She is just 'caught up' in my sex-life, in a sense, but is not the actual object of my desires (sexually - other than a desire to have her 'approve' of my being with someone sexually) Link to post Share on other sites
artnoveau Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 Yes, I get what you mean and completely agree. In that way she is a part of your sexuality and completely get why you'd want that approval. Link to post Share on other sites
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