Boyfriends likes his exes photos?

[MidnightDream]

Recently I was kinda insecure and curious. I had never checked out my boyfriends ex's Instagram, I knew she was pretty but never knew to what extent so I decided to have a little stalk.

 

Through that I found out my boyfriend still follows his ex (he told me he had blocked her), and that he still likes her photos.

 

To be fair, since we've been dating he's only liked one 'selfie' of hers, the other photos he's liked are of her dog etc. I can let the one selfie go, since it was when we first started dating. And If I'm honest, liking dog photos aren't even worrisome to me, it's just a cute dog.

 

Although he DID tell me he had her blocked everywhere.. Which bothers me, why would he lie? It makes me think that him liking her dog photos aren't only just cause he likes the dog and more trying to get her attention?

 

I've not said anything to him yet, and I don't think I even should, as I think I'm getting a bit ahead of myself. Should I just drop it? Confront him? Or casually bring up if he has his exes blocked to see what he says now?

 

Thanks

[RySant]

It's a possible Red Flag. Actually, it is a Red Flag.

 

How long have you been dating? Yes, he's sending feelers for the girl obviously.

[Raena]

I don't know, I don't think liking an exes photo's means anything. What I'd be more concerned with is that he said he blocked her every where and obviously didn't.

[MidnightDream]

We've been dating nearly 6 months.

 

I'm like 75% sure he's not speaking to her. We spend every second together except from when we work (even then he drives me to work and back etc). It's him that never wants to spend time apart. I always suggest we spend a night apart just to give HIM a breather (I love spending time with him as well it's just my biggest fear is he gets sick of me), but he says no and that he loves spending time with me.

 

He's non-secretive of his phone. The only time he changed his password to one I didn't know was when I changed my own (because one of my nosey bestfriends knew it), but now we both know each others passwords. We are pretty open, we don't leave our phones lying around but we agreed if one of us were worried the other showed us their phone.

 

I've noticed he deletes a lot of messages from Imessage, facebook etc. But they are useless ones he's deleting to just clear space, so I think if he was speaking to her, he would probably delete it anyway.

 

Idk, I'm quite worried he's speaking to her but it's most unlikely? I'm like 100% sure he's trying to get her attention in some way though. Whether it's to make her jealous (by then looking at his profile and seeing photos of us) or purely wanting her back, i have no clue.

 

So maybe it's best to say something

[RySant]

Talk to him. Ask him what he wants.

[smackie9]

He obviously wants to be an acquaintance/ friends with her at a distance. Liking a few puppy photos is not a crime. He bs'd about blocking her because he was avoiding drama from you. That's my take on it.

 

If you find this disturbing, dump him. The minute you bring it up, is the minute he is going to find out you are insecure and went snooping in his stuff. It will only get ugly from there.

[Glitters]

I personally dont stay ' friends' with exes and not in favor either. Too much drama. The blame comes on you when he is in the wrong ! They are exes for a reason and should stay there.

[maryslamb]

Do you know if they had a bad break up or if it was mutual?

 

The first red flag is the lying. Because then you start to think back about what wlse hes lying about.

 

It seems that there isnt a non confrontational way to bring it up about why he is still following his ex. He will then wonder how much snooping you have done. And make sure you have a definate answer as to why you looked up his ex on social media.

 

Some people may say that liking pics of a dog is no big deal, but it kind of is. The way I see it, if its cute dog, he doesnt have to like the picture , just look at it and keep going. But it seems that by "liking" the pic of the dog or any other thing shes doing can come off as leaving a door open for communication.

[smackie9]

They haven't communicated so I feel it's save to say him and his ex know their boundaries respectfully.

 

Not being allowed to say "hey how are things with you?" to an ex is a little bit of an extreme expectation.

[Qboro90]

It's disrespectful to like an ex's posts on social media once you are in a new relationship. Your mutual Friends can see what he likes and it can be embarrassing to you if they're able to see that. You have every right to explain that to him and ask that he respects you enough not to do so.

[MidnightDream]

He obviously wants to be an acquaintance/ friends with her at a distance. Liking a few puppy photos is not a crime. He bs'd about blocking her because he was avoiding drama from you. That's my take on it.

 

If you find this disturbing, dump him. The minute you bring it up, is the minute he is going to find out you are insecure and went snooping in his stuff. It will only get ugly from there.

 

Would going through his exes Instagram count as snooping through his stuff? I've never went on his phone because I've never really felt the need to (even now), I only know that he deletes conversations because he does it right next to me. I've never counted 'stalking' an ex as going through his stuff, interesting though. I guess I shouldn't of done it, but I think everyone does it atleast once or twice in their life.

 

Do you know if they had a bad break up or if it was mutual?

 

The first red flag is the lying. Because then you start to think back about what wlse hes lying about.

 

It seems that there isnt a non confrontational way to bring it up about why he is still following his ex. He will then wonder how much snooping you have done. And make sure you have a definate answer as to why you looked up his ex on social media.

 

Some people may say that liking pics of a dog is no big deal, but it kind of is. The way I see it, if its cute dog, he doesnt have to like the picture , just look at it and keep going. But it seems that by "liking" the pic of the dog or any other thing shes doing can come off as leaving a door open for communication.

 

Their break-up was kinda mutual. He had spoken to me as just friends while still with her, but fell for me. So he was trying to break it off with her, they ended their relationship as a 'This isn't really working, there's nothing there', but she did hang on to him for a bit afterwards, stalking his social media and texting him whenever she saw something about me and him (we weren't dating, I pushed him away a lot because I was scared of getting caught in their drama, but 5 months later I decided to give it a shot).

 

I've now confronted him about it and I'll recap the confrontation under the next quote.

 

It's disrespectful to like an ex's posts on social media once you are in a new relationship. Your mutual Friends can see what he likes and it can be embarrassing to you if they're able to see that. You have every right to explain that to him and ask that he respects you enough not to do so.

 

I decided to bring it up to him in a forward way, I just asked why he was following her and why he was liking her photos. I said I didn't mind him liking them (aslong as they weren't 'seductive' photos of her) but I'm worried about the reason he kept it from me.

 

From there I found out quite a lot (not necessarily terrible things). She contacted him when we were a month into our relationship, she voice called him on facebook messenger by mistake (was obviously snooping and didn't mean to press it) and she denied it from there they had a full blown conversation for like 10 messages, nothing bad just how are you doing etc.

 

I got mad at him for keeping that from me, since he said at the start of the relationship "I would expect you to tell me anything that happens between you and a guy while we are together, even if it's just an ex messaging you. I would ever pry blah blah blah please just tell me", so I kinda thought he would do the same but obviously not.

 

He said the reason he was keeping it form me was so I wouldn't worry about anything going on, and I replied "Well now that you've kept it from me, can you understand why I now DO think something is going on?" and he agreed it was wrong, he said he thought he blocked her Instagram as well and cant remember liking the photos (not a I DIDNT DO IT way more like I have no idea why I done it I'm sorry way).

 

In a little recap, He's been kinda fishy but he knows now not to keep things from me, my trust has faltered in him, but it will probably rebuild in time. If this happens again though I would need to dump him, not for what he's done but for lying. I don't think he wants her back but he might prove me wrong, guess I'll find out soon

 

Sorry for being super long hahah.

Edited January 15, 2016 by MidnightDream

[smackie9]

Hah now he knows you will be making future searches to make sure he is on the up and up.....he will just hide it better......and the games begin.

[HereNorThere]

A smart person wouldn't have ran to him and said something. I would lay back and watch for more inconsistencies or lies. If something is really going on and you show him your cards, he'll just take it further underground.

 

Sometimes you just have to give someone enough rope to hang themselves and see if they'll do it.

Edited January 16, 2016 by HereNorThere

[moebius]

After reading the whole post, what worries me most is that he expected you to tell him anything going on with a guy during your relationship (even an ex), but then he hid all this from you. For me there is the actual red flag. This guy expects you to follow rules he won't follow.

[Keke1]

Hah now he knows you will be making future searches to make sure he is on the up and up.....he will just hide it better......and the games begin.

 

Exactly. How would you know if they contacted each other? Trust that he'll tell you? You have caveats about him liking pix. This will probably be all down hill from the point you found that out. The seeds are already in your head. I've been there and don't wish that on anyone. Except my ex. She deserves the same BS she put me through.

[MidnightDream]

Guess I didn't think of that at all, I have no idea how. I'm an idiot

 

He blocked her on all social media to ease my mind and also deleted her number and blocked it (he claims to not know her number off by heart so if he was to look in the blocked numbers he wouldn't recognize it).

 

When you unblock someone on facebook, you can't reblock them for 48 hours, would it be worth me asking to see his facebook once in a while to see if he's unblocked her? Or would that just come across intruding privacy? He wouldn't make a fuss of it (unless he's hiding something).

 

Or do you think this is too much of a red flag to forgive & forget?

 

Sorry for being a little dumb guys, when it's someone else experiencing the problem I can be 10/10 with advice, when it's me I'm a solid 2/10 and constantly making mistakes

[Qboro90]

Guess I didn't think of that at all, I have no idea how. I'm an idiot

 

He blocked her on all social media to ease my mind and also deleted her number and blocked it (he claims to not know her number off by heart so if he was to look in the blocked numbers he wouldn't recognize it).

 

When you unblock someone on facebook, you can't reblock them for 48 hours, would it be worth me asking to see his facebook once in a while to see if he's unblocked her? Or would that just come across intruding privacy? He wouldn't make a fuss of it (unless he's hiding something).

 

Or do you think this is too much of a red flag to forgive & forget?

 

Sorry for being a little dumb guys, when it's someone else experiencing the problem I can be 10/10 with advice, when it's me I'm a solid 2/10 and constantly making mistakes

 

If you and your BF spend all your time together then try and be logical. When would he be seeing or talking to this girl without you seeing or getting suspicious somehow?

 

While it's not the greatest thing to hear that his ex messaged him and they exchanged "how you beens?" , it's also not the worst thing in the world. If something was going on he wouldn't have shown you the messages or told you about it. He'd keep kt hidden. Also add the fact that you say he's not very protective of his phone and that says he's not fearful of anything being seeing because there's nothing going on.

 

You did the right thing by explaining to him how he made your trust in him falter a bit by bit telling you she contacted him. It's a typical guy move on his part. We worry about you overreacting and having to explain that it's nothing rather than be up front and tell you it's nothing immediately. It's more of an avoidance issue and not wanting to discuss something he knows isn't important than anything.

 

So just keep your eye out for anything suspicious. But don't treat him like a criminal either. If he's been loyal to you this far, then give him the benefit of the doubt. If it happens again, or you find out they've been talking, then you can make it a big deal. But don't stress about social media blocking, unblocking, dog picture likes, etc. Pick your battles

[MidnightDream]

If you and your BF spend all your time together then try and be logical. When would he be seeing or talking to this girl without you seeing or getting suspicious somehow?

 

While it's not the greatest thing to hear that his ex messaged him and they exchanged "how you beens?" , it's also not the worst thing in the world. If something was going on he wouldn't have shown you the messages or told you about it. He'd keep kt hidden. Also add the fact that you say he's not very protective of his phone and that says he's not fearful of anything being seeing because there's nothing going on.

 

You did the right thing by explaining to him how he made your trust in him falter a bit by bit telling you she contacted him. It's a typical guy move on his part. We worry about you overreacting and having to explain that it's nothing rather than be up front and tell you it's nothing immediately. It's more of an avoidance issue and not wanting to discuss something he knows isn't important than anything.

 

So just keep your eye out for anything suspicious. But don't treat him like a criminal either. If he's been loyal to you this far, then give him the benefit of the doubt. If it happens again, or you find out they've been talking, then you can make it a big deal. But don't stress about social media blocking, unblocking, dog picture likes, etc. Pick your battles

 

Thank you so much,

 

He's honestly been a perfect boyfriend apart from that, and I didn't mind him talking to her at all but I think now that he's hidden it from me before, if he were to talk to her again I would probably overreact and get way more hurt than I should be.

 

I think the only time he could contact her without me knowing is at work, but even then I've went his work one day (as my friend also works there so I was visiting her for lunch) and I was going to invite him along but he was far too busy and working all the way through lunch, and my friend even said he's normally like that every day. So it feels as though he genuinely has no time to contact her, which is comforting I guess.

 

I'll definitely be taking your advice though, I'm just gonna try ignore what's happened now, let him be aware that I'm still a little upset but not try use that against him to cause any arguments.

 

But I'll for sure be watching out for anything else suspicious, I just hope I don't keep this at the back of my mind for however long our relationship lasts.

 

Thanks so much for your reply.