Wife to Vegas, Girls Weekend, Clubbing?

[BetheButterfly]

D-Train

 

In part I understand you to say that you have some safety concerns for your wife in a strange city because she is a friendly / tactile person who had a tendency to drink too much. Under the influence of alcohol, you are concerned that some unscrupulous person will take advantage of your wife & harm could befall her.

 

That is a legitimate concern and you are sweet for worrying about her.

 

However . . . your concerns go on from there & it comes across as you don't always respect your wife's choices & you don't like her behavior when she's been drinking.

 

First even flirty "huggy" women & I can be one, dial it back when they are on their own as opposed to with their husbands. I know I do. Hopefully she's more like that. She hugged the people on the cruise because cruises do tend to foster an artificial sense of "we're all in this together."

 

Perhaps ask her to go easy on the cocktails & to text you periodically with a photo so you knows she's safe.

 

Whatever you do, unless you have more reasons then you stated here, don't accuse her of wanting to cheat or even of setting up a situation where she can claim she didn't know what she was doing.

 

Emphasize your love for her & your trust. Focus on her safety, not your insecurities and you are more likely to achieve a compromise.

 

That's awesome advice!!!

[The D Train]

D-Train

 

However . . . your concerns go on from there & it comes across as you don't always respect your wife's choices & you don't like her behavior when she's been drinking.

 

Perhaps ask her to go easy on the cocktails & to text you periodically with a photo so you knows she's safe.

 

Whatever you do, unless you have more reasons then you stated here, don't accuse her of wanting to cheat or even of setting up a situation where she can claim she didn't know what she was doing.

 

Emphasize your love for her & your trust. Focus on her safety, not your insecurities and you are more likely to achieve a compromise.

 

She would never never think about cheating. It is the combination of her very friendly nature + drinking issues + environment where men will be aggressive, especially with women who appear to be intoxicated that could lead to huge level of problems.

[loveweary11]

Give her the gift this once.

 

Give her the total freedom to go have a blast, so long as she remains faithful.

 

Despite all the threads here, not every woman is a cheater.

 

Let her get it out of her system. She'll probably do it only this once. If she does it more, I'd be concerned, but not this once.

 

Giving someone freedom like (and trusting them) that will strengthen the marriage.

 

I let mine do whatever she wanted when we were married. It was fantastic. More often than not, she wanted to just be with me.

 

She did the same. I had this weird fixation that I wanted to hook up with a Hispanic chick since I never had. She said, "go ahead", gave me her full blessing.

 

Soon after, it lost all appeal.

[d0nnivain]

She would never never think about cheating. It is the combination of her very friendly nature + drinking issues + environment where men will be aggressive, especially with women who appear to be intoxicated that could lead to huge level of problems.

 

Fine. But express that to her as a concern for her safety. The way you phrased it in the post is going to make her defensive because it really does come across as you trying to control her not just you being worried about her. You have since expressed understanding of the differences. I am merely reiterating that you chose your words carefully when you discuss this with her.

[privategal]

Fine. But express that to her as a concern for her safety. The way you phrased it in the post is going to make her defensive because it really does come across as you trying to control her not just you being worried about her. You have since expressed understanding of the differences. I am merely reiterating that you chose your words carefully when you discuss this with her.

When driving down the highway she could have a fatal accident but you dont stop her from driving do you?

Theres safety concerns and theres jealousy or insecurity or both. I think you worry shes attractive, social and lost weight and men come onto her. You can't hold her. She loves you, shes faithful and knows how to look after herself. Loosen the leash.

[Qboro90]

Would you be concerned in this situation to let my wife go on the ever popular "girls weekend" to Vegas or other city to go bar hopping or just locally to bars or clubbing?

 

 

Some background info. We are both mid 40s with two kids, married 15+ years. I am a conservative guy and I admit a little controlling at times but mostly laid back. My wife does hang out or will go out with her girl friends about 2X month usually at one of their houses (in our neighborhood) or to a local restaurant to have drinks & a bite to eat. She is usually home by midnight but occasionally she loses track of time and I have to prod her to come home - more on that later. On the flip side, my social activities include her 99% of the time aside from watching a football game at neighbors house or a work happy hour about 2-3 times per year.

 

 

She has lost a fair amount of weight and feels much better about herself now and I am happy for her. She has mentioned about taking a girls trip to Vegas which I remained silent on and those Vegas plans faded away b/c. Even when we went to vegas together she headed down to the casino-bar to play video poker by herself while I got ready and guys next to her were hitting on her and bought her drinks.

 

 

She is a VERY social person and is very friendly and I think guys see that as an "opportunity" if I am not around. For example, we recently went on a cruise and she initiated talking with various couples at one of the bars. The next night at the bar she was hugging all the husbands of the couples we had just met the night before.

 

 

My main concern for this is that alcoholism runs in her family and occasionally she loses control when she drinks too much. She becomes almost like a different person, doesn't know when to stop, I have to drag her away from drinking/social situations. One night last week she had a bit much to drink and she initiated sex. She did not remember it the next morning. No jokes please.

 

 

She is also a very conservative person and would never knowingly cheat but I worry if she drinks too much she will put herself in a very bad situation. There also the constant worrying I would do while she is away.

 

 

What would you do? Does her drinking issues allow me to be a bit more controller of her? Feel free to ask other questions.

 

 

She's either going to cheat on you or she's not. Nothing you're gonna say or do is going to change that. Has she done anything in your marriage that would make you not trust her? If not then she should be able to go and do whatever she wants without having to prove anything to you. Your insecurities are yours to deal with and she shouldn't be punished because of it.

 

The vegas trip is not her only chance to do something with another guy by the way. If she wanted to hook up with other men she could do so at home. This trip doesn't give her a magical opportunity. And you'll never find out either way. So you either trust your wife or you don't?

[Poutrew]

Have you honestly asked yourself what you would do if she did something on this trip and you found out? First, do you think she would tell you? Or, would you have to surmise it from her behavior? Does the situation or circumstances matter? Does it make a difference if she got blackout drunk and woke up with an aching vagina in some hotel room but didn't remember what happened, rather than having consensual sex with a stripper?

 

If she is dead set on going and nothing you can do will get her to change her mind, then you should at least tell her that this trip has the potential to permanently alter your marriage in a negative way...

 

Also, you might start thinking about getting together with a bunch of your single horn dog friends for a trip to St. Louis for the Mardi Gras festival, and don't let her change your mind either...

[MidwestUSA]

 

Also, you might start thinking about getting together with a bunch of your single horn dog friends for a trip to St. Louis for the Mardi Gras festival, and don't let her change your mind either...

 

 

Not the safest choice. I'm a native, and I won't go near it.

 

Check the crime stats. Find a nicer option. My advice to you, as well as OP.

[loveweary11]

St Louis?

 

Isn't New Orleans the right place?

 

Or Rio?

[MidwestUSA]

St Louis?

 

Isn't New Orleans the right place?

 

Or Rio?

 

N'orlans

STL

Rio

 

I think that's the order.

 

History, Travel, Arts, Science, People, Places | Smithsonian

[beatcuff]

She would never never think about cheating.

 

then why are we discussing this.... oh wait, you started another thread in which YOU are concerned YOU may cheat.

[privategal]

First he mentions cheating, then its her safety, then its a fear alcoholism runs in the family...

I think you better just state the truth instead of blaming everything else.

You are jealous and insecure, your wife is prettu and social and has opportunities to cheat, you've been overweight and not sure if you've still got it, and a 20 something year old maybe flirting was your only indication MAYBE you did...so you wanna put yourself out there and see what your made of with the ladies, see if you could cheat...so basically, your fear your projecting onto her is she will do what your doing...mentally straying...no physical yet but after 15 years of boring marriage...maybe if the opportunity presented itself...who knows?

Your worried that shes got the automatic attention your gonna have to work for and its gonna be easy for her if she wants to. And that makes you crazy jealous too, not only cause it would mean she would step out on you, but because you want that to be the case for you.

You wanna feel like you still got it...like her.

Your marriage is in trouble.

And you are the catalyst not your wife.

[Lois_Griffin]

She is a VERY social person and is very friendly and I think guys see that as an "opportunity" if I am not around. For example, we recently went on a cruise and she initiated talking with various couples at one of the bars. The next night at the bar she was hugging all the husbands of the couples we had just met the night before.

Funny how your social butterfly wife only hugs the men.

 

She's got you SO snowed, coming off all innocent that she's just so friendly, and so warm and so engaging. Yet, it appears to be directed at males.

 

Not saying she's a cheater, but she knows exactly what she's doing, so stop blaming it on men 'misinterpreting' her supposed innocent friendliness.

[road]

The OP's wife has shown that she can not be around alcohol and men.

[The D Train]

When driving down the highway she could have a fatal accident but you dont stop her from driving do you?

Theres safety concerns and theres jealousy or insecurity or both.

 

Much less risk with her driving than her being in Vegas, intoxicated in a bar full of guys on the prowl searching for easy prey

[The D Train]

She's either going to cheat on you or she's not. Nothing you're gonna say or do is going to change that. Has she done anything in your marriage that would make you not trust her?

 

My point is she would never cheat - period, end of story and she has never done anything for me not to trust.

 

 

It is the combination of her friendly persona + drinking issues + environment of being in a sexually charge situation (guys dead set on getting laid) that would put her in a bad situation.

 

 

We do not have bad kids but we will talk to them when they get older about how alcohol can impair your judgment and terrible things can result - drunk driving, date rape, etc

[BettyDraper]

The OP's wife has shown that she can not be around alcohol and men.

 

That's true but the OP is no prize when it comes to being trustworthy either.

D Train has posted on Ashley Madison searching for women to tell him that he is attractive. He has also talked about wanting to contact an ex to apologize to her and "see if there is still something there". His wife has already expressed her dismay that D Train was talking to his ex on Facebook.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/565458-unrequited-love-4.html#post6734080

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/565827-mid-life-crisis-normal

 

D Train clearly has no respect for his wife or their marriage. This is why I think his reluctance to "allow" his wife to go to Vegas with her friends is a bit rich. It looks like midlife crises turns people into selfish and juvenile teenagers all over again. Sadly, sometimes those who are having a midlife crisis ruin what they have worked so hard to build before they realize that their bad decisions were not worth it.

[BettyDraper]

My point is she would never cheat - period, end of story and she has never done anything for me not to trust.

 

 

It is the combination of her friendly persona + drinking issues + environment of being in a sexually charge situation (guys dead set on getting laid) that would put her in a bad situation.

 

 

We do not have bad kids but we will talk to them when they get older about how alcohol can impair your judgment and terrible things can result - drunk driving, date rape, etc

 

I always wonder how husbands and wives can say that their spouses would NEVER cheat. Look in the Infidelity section. There are plenty of BS who uttered those famous last words before they caught their WS with someone else.

 

If you can search for validation from other women and seek out exes, there is no reason why your wife cannot have an affair.

Sometimes the most conservative people are the biggest cheaters. Josh Duggar anyone?

[Qboro90]

My point is she would never cheat - period, end of story and she has never done anything for me not to trust.

 

 

It is the combination of her friendly persona + drinking issues + environment of being in a sexually charge situation (guys dead set on getting laid) that would put her in a bad situation.

 

 

We do not have bad kids but we will talk to them when they get older about how alcohol can impair your judgment and terrible things can result - drunk driving, date rape, etc

 

 

Then you're just being irrational and controlling. Your wife is a grown up. She's drank alchojol before . She's not 21 celebrating her birthday. She won't turn Into a different person and forget right from wrong. And sorry to disappoint you, but the guys in vegas looking to get laid, aren't going after the 40 year old women. Vegas is the Mecca for young attractive girls. So your wife won't be the top priority they target.

 

And she'll be with friends who are adults. No ones going to ruffle her. Don't watch so many movies

[BettyDraper]

Then you're just being irrational and controlling. Your wife is a grown up. She's drank alchojol before . She's not 21 celebrating her birthday. She won't turn Into a different person and forget right from wrong. And sorry to disappoint you, but the guys in vegas looking to get laid, aren't going after the 40 year old women. Vegas is the Mecca for young attractive girls. So your wife won't be the top priority they target.

 

And she'll be with friends who are adults. No ones going to ruffle her. Don't watch so many movies

 

I agree with what you have posted except that the OP's wife could look much younger than 40.

[carhill]

Much less risk with her driving than her being in Vegas, intoxicated in a bar full of guys on the prowl searching for easy prey

Heh, spend some time in Vegas and wave to the cameras that follow you everywhere and the security folks that are ten seconds away not because of men getting randy with women rather because Vegas was built on *money* and there's huge amounts pushed through it every minute. Unless she's grabbing these guys and taking them back to her room, she's got nothing to be concerned about from a security standpoint.

[Popsicle]

Why does it matter? What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

[oldshirt]

Why does it matter? What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

 

 

 

except herpes. That comes home with you.

[BettyDraper]

:lmao:Call the undertaker because I'm dead.:lmao:

 

Cause of death: laughter from jokes above.

[MissBee]

There is no excuse for being controlling.

 

Your wife isn't your child, she's your wife. I understand your concerns and you should voice them with her instead of resorting to trying to control her. The whole point of relationships is that people are in them voluntarily and the whole point of being faithful is to also choose it of your own free will, control should NEVER be part of the equation.

 

If your wife wouldn't cheat and so far has not, I think your own insecurities are getting the better of you more than reality. Look, read the infidelity boards, most people who cheat on their spouses do not randomly cheat on a weekend away or because they went clubbing. Most cheating occurs between coworkers, family friends, a friend of theirs, an ex, someone they have had an ongoing relationship or reason to interact with in a consistent fashion. It is something that builds up overtime and is less about having some drinks and then running off to have sex with a stranger.

 

If drinking makes your wife want to have sex with strangers then you all have bigger issues that you controlling her won't fix. If she wanted to cheat she doesn't need to go to Vegas or a club to do so, believe me. It's better for you to discuss your concerns and come to a compromise for example : her checking in frequently on the trip etc. rather than you playing the role of house master or her father.