First Day With the NC

[WonderKid]

After reading some threads from this section I just thought I'd make my own, eventually. I guess writing does help more than I thought and LS isn't a bad place to do it.

 

But I read the NC Guide and got insight from another member on here. And I grasp an idea on how I'm going to handle it.

The girl and I met online. Starting talking in mid December and the more we hung out, the more connected we got. After New Years, she asked if we can be an item, get in a RS. Now I've been single prior to this for 3 years, decidedly. The last GF ended in a disaster and I went on a hiatus from dating.

 

This lady is pretty cool and we connected and have understandings, so I extend myself out and accept. She pointed out how she doesn't want me flirting with girls. I told her that's not how I am--even thought many perceive me as that.

 

Fast forward to a couple days and she wants to break it off. I seen it coming though, too. Because she called us being together "awkward". I don't want to be awkward--that's like saying something doesn't belong. When she broke it off, it was the basic: You're a great guy and I want us to be friends. But she added in also, I want us to naturally happen. She felt that she was having second thoughts and went too fast.

 

How is that possible, if not already? I was naturally treating her right. Initiating dates and whatnot. Basically all she did was show up and be herself. She said that she gets tricked a lot doing these things, but I think she's the one doing the tricking. I think in many ways she's just like her sister. Her sister has two kids, very attractive, many friends and talks to many guys at a time--it's always been like that for her.

 

One of the things that got me mad is that I know she had to be talking to other guys. We never checked each other's phones or anything. But one point I was giving her a massage and her FB messages kept going off. Numerously she checked them. I must've been pretty boring for her to pay those much attention--I mean if my GF was giving me a body rub not a man or woman on a phone could take my attention away.

 

I took her out to 3 dates (2 including breakfast). When the trash was full at her place (they stay in a 4 story building on the 2nd floor) I would take it out before leaving. Her sister, the guys she brought over, would see the full bags at the door and would walk right past them.

One day she cooked. She cooked for everyone in the place including 4 little kids. Most people did not eat her food. Her sis and the guy she was with didn't. She felt sour about it, I could tell. I ate the food and had seconds. At least that uplifted her some.

 

So I didn't have a RS with her. I thought I had one with her. I believed that was what she wanted. She could've wanted it but for different reasons other than me. But I do think she was just trying to get with someone else or maybe an ex.

 

But if I look at the breakup, what she did wasn't dastardly or anything. People have the right to what they like and whatnot. I just know deep down I was cast away for some other guy or for her to be available to shop around. Just a stepping stone for the holidays.

 

I think what is eating at me the most is how I want to express how I feel. Attack her in acts of vengeance. But that would just make me look lack of composure and desperate. It would be all on emotion if I did. And she's very casual about it all--which shows me that she knows she done nothing wrong.

 

What decided me to seek the NC thing is how she interacted with me during post-breakup. She invited me over to her place, all for us to talk a little her and there and then get ready for bed; basically I was there for just an hour. We were supposed to watch an anime Tokyo Ghoul and finish it but didn't.

 

Then she doesn't contact me frequently. I have to initiate it. Then yesterday I decided to text her asking how was her new job going. The exchange was brief but with effort. She cut it off with the "take a nap, ttyl" type thing. I'm like...she taking a nap at 7PM? It's not likely, plus she just got done driving. That's when I thought, I need to start defending myself better now. I'm going to end up in her orbit if I don't.

 

She's 23, and from the impression I've gotten from her, she knows what she wants. I think the reason of leaving primarily involved somebody else.

I want to every day to send a text or email giving her a piece of my mind...but I resist. This almost makes me seriously not want to pursue a RS anymore. It's tough going from person-to-person. That's why I cannot see how people get divorced 2-3 times. All the mental and emotional investment. At some point, the capacity you have runs out.

 

Maybe there will be a day she contacts me back. If not, I'll live.

Edited January 14, 2016 by WonderKid