road Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 You need to get her to tell you everything now. And do this calmly. Then stay calm after you find out those secrets. Vent her first if you think it necessary. As to her cheating on you she did not. There was no exclusive talk. Now many men do not multi date and unfortunately assume their latest woman of their dreams does not multi date either. Instead of assuming the talk should happen right away if their partner is multi dating and that is unacceptable to them. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted January 16, 2016 Share Posted January 16, 2016 What is this other stuff she needs to tell you but has to wait? You need to stop with the fairy in the clouds, this love is most perfect, soulmate jazz. Sounds like she fed you a few lines about crushes and you ran with it, then you find out it's not such a fairy tale now you don't feel so special. Technically yes she didn't cheat, but then it sort of doesn't tally up with what she's saying about you being this awesome crush then actually being with this awesome crush, theory says there wouldn't be anything else remotely even close to being on her radar..and yet she banged a guy. I think you're more "betrayed" because you wholly bought into what she was selling you. You need to talk to her. Get everything out in the open, then you can decide how you move from there..only this time maybe without the rose tinted glasses. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted January 16, 2016 Share Posted January 16, 2016 (edited) You need to get her to tell you everything now. And do this calmly. Then stay calm after you find out those secrets. Vent her first if you think it necessary. As to her cheating on you she did not. There was no exclusive talk. Now many men do not multi date and unfortunately assume their latest woman of their dreams does not multi date either. Instead of assuming the talk should happen right away if their partner is multi dating and that is unacceptable to them. If the girl is telling the guy he is her soul mate and she can't imagine herself with anyone else? I'm sorry but no, I call bull. You don't get the play the "we weren't exclusive" game while saying that. So there was no exclusive talk. There was talk of this guy being her soul mate and her not wanting any other guys. That's not some small detail. If "You are my soul mate and I can't imagine being with anyone but you" shouldn't be code for "I won't ride my ex bf behind your back" then I've lost all faith in humanity. People need to stop acting like computers and being so technical. She told him she loved him, told him he was her soul mate, said she couldn't imagine being with anyone else. Well, apparently this person has some kind of learning disability or something since she then had no problem "imagining" herself banging her ex. So either she is a shady cheater trying to use a technicality to not seem shady or there is some kind of legit thing with her not knowing the true definition of certain words and phrases. So I guess my advice is either dump her or get her some kind of tutor and she can brush up on definitions of words. Edited January 16, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted January 16, 2016 Share Posted January 16, 2016 He's 35 years old! TEXT her for a confession to something that wasn't any of his business at the time anyway? Paleeze . . . If he's going to entertain any kind of "confrontation", he should do it like a grown up and sit down and talk to her. Frankly, she's the one dodging a bullet. 35 years old and torn up over a 24 year old girl after only 3 months -- hormones and ego really are powerful forces . . . Yep, this manipulative disrespectful person is the one who dodged the bullet. Right. And rain flows upwards and rivers are really made out of soda pop not water. Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted January 16, 2016 Share Posted January 16, 2016 Folks, strong opinions on sleeping with an ex are welcomed but they shall be respectful of the subject matter and definitely not include language or name-calling covered in our individual and group berating policy. When forming up posts, think about dear old mom. Would you call her that? Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Keke1 Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 He's 35 years old! TEXT her for a confession to something that wasn't any of his business at the time anyway? Paleeze . . . If he's going to entertain any kind of "confrontation", he should do it like a grown up and sit down and talk to her. Frankly, she's the one dodging a bullet. 35 years old and torn up over a 24 year old girl after only 3 months -- hormones and ego really are powerful forces . . . Yea they hadn't done anything but talked and hugged before. You probably should've asked her outright if she still has feelings for anyone and if she's sleeping with anyone because you're not. Check the thermometer on how serious it really is. Words mean jack. Get answers next time if you decide to leave her. I don't see the problem why you are sooooo mad. I get you're mad but I don't get why you're staying mad. She exposed you to nothing. Hope she doesn't tell you it happened after you both slept together. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
moebius Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 (edited) I can't remember any moment of a relationship when my GF and me said "Ok. Since this very moment we are exclusive". What is that supposed to mean? When you get to know someone you don't go over every single value you have to check if it matches. It's more like you see this on the way. Most people don't care about their partners' business until they are exclusive. But when they start being such is a matter of discussion itself. For some people it's since the very first date. For other people is since marriage (trust me). And there is no warranty your idea matches your partner's opinion about that. I guess your idea of being exclusive doesn't matches your girlfriend's idea. And maybe you should take some time comparing which other mismatches you two have at value level. PD: A lot of people think they have to have one last sexual encounter when leaving a relationship and starting a new one. Usually that happens in the way it happened here. Which means you have sex with someone else right when you are in the (usually) most idyllic time of a relationship. When you are supposed to be totally in love with a new person. How can this happen that often? Because it happens too often. I agree with those that say this behavior make us doubt about these people capable of doing that. Picture you are on a date with your girlfriend after dating a month and you have your first kiss. But she had sex with her ex hours ago. Edited January 17, 2016 by moebius PD Link to post Share on other sites
Author StraightUpGuy Posted January 17, 2016 Author Share Posted January 17, 2016 You are going to confront her and you will probably hear what you already know (BTW, she's mentioned 2-3 things she owes to tell you, ask her to open everything now). After this you'll have to make a decision. Before taking any decision, try to stick with some basic elements. 1. If you choose to stay, can you stay without resentment? Because if you're gonna stay and being bitter all the time, it will not work. Decide to stay only if you think you can really really forgive her. 2. If you tend to call it off, think! Are you willing to lose her for good? Because if you leave, and then miss her and regret, and so and so, this will be the worst for you. Because then she might sleep with her ex again, or other dudes, while you're not together, and it will eat you from the inside so much until the pain you feel now is nothing compare to that. If you break up, it means that the minute after, she is free to go with other men. Can you handle it? Can you really loose her? What i'm saying is every decision you make - make it when you're convinced this is what you want, and stick to it Thank you very much. What you said helped me a lot to gain some perspective. Particularly it helped me form a situation in my head, at least. I feel a little bit relieved after talking to someone. She's been out of town for the week so it turns out it was the right moment to cool my head. I'm just thinking, she never directly said she slept with him in her tweets so there's a slight chance she didn't. I know that's perhaps just my wishful thinking. We will see. Someone said this may be a nice punch to my brain to get me out of this love haze. Whether I'm willing to live with this without resentment time will tell. But I'm sure I won't kill something good just because I got mad. I'm not sure exactly when I will tell her this but I'll update you what happened, now since my love life has become a topic of public interest. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 Sounds like she blows a lot of hot air up people's backsides to divert from whatever she's really up to. I would speak to her about this immedately. Also tell her she needs to come clean now about whatever this other "thing" is that she needed to tell you. She needs to cut the romantic rhetoric and get real. You deserve the truth. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maxtor Posted January 18, 2016 Share Posted January 18, 2016 3 months. 3 months.... Link to post Share on other sites
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