How do you find comfort in being single?

[Sunberry]

I've been single for 3-4 years, and since last year I've tried accepting that's it's okay to be single and not look, but subconsciously I still do. Every time I go out with friends, go to a grocery store--I have fantasies of just running into someone at a Hobby Lobby or something and just domino effect into a love story.

 

A majority---I take that back---ALL of my close friends are in LTRs (or just relationships). As are my brother and sister...and all my cousins I talk to on a day to day bases. My dad recently asked me why everyone has one and I don't. He later realized what he said and apologized but it still stung cause it's true. One of my best friend's boyfriend told me that she was probably the closest thing I'll ever have to a boyfriend as well. =/

 

When I'm busy with work and school I don't think about it. In the grand scheme of things I pretend that I don't really care for one. That's what I tell people because I want to believe that. I don't talk about it to friends anymore. I gave up on OLD months ago...eh...

 

How can I become comfortable/content in being single? Thank you.

 

EDIT: I just wanted to add when I do meet someone unexpectedly (genuinely) they end up being dicks. So, I don't know how much water "let love come to you" has.

Edited January 15, 2016 by Sunberry

[Nilfiry]

If you are not content, why force yourself to be? There are a lot of ways you can meet new people. Go to hobby shops. Contact your old classmates. Use online dating. Check local and online interest gatherings. These things takes patience and timing.

 

The only other way to be content is to realize and accept that happiness originates from you and no one else. However, that topic requires some spiritual beliefs. Otherwise, you just need to let some relationship cripple you emotionally, which is not good.

[StBreton]

OP...how old are you?

[Sunberry]

If you are not content, why force yourself to be? There are a lot of ways you can meet new people. Go to hobby shops. Contact your old classmates. Use online dating. Check local and online interest gatherings. These things takes patience and timing.

 

The only other way to be content is to realize and accept that happiness originates from you and no one else. However, that topic requires some spiritual beliefs. Otherwise, you just need to let some relationship cripple you emotionally, which is not good.

 

Because I feel like at my age I should be focusing on a long term career or something...idk...so many people are getting married...having kids...speaking of that just found out ex is expecting a baby...part me of feel like trying to be content is what I'm supposed to do.

 

OP...how old are you?

 

Turning 23 very soon.

[Otter2569]

You might be too young to have been divorced or to see all of your friends unhappily married and wishing they were single or should be getting divorced but are staying together for their kids ofr for financial reasons.

 

Also being able to come and go as you please when they need permission to go to the bathroom.

 

Plus I can date anyone or everyone, they can not.

 

That does it for me but I am twice your age

[d0nnivain]

You are 23. If you haven't been in a relationship for 3-4 years, you still have no idea what adult love / relationships look like because your last relationship ended when you were still a teen (19).

 

First calm down. You are no where near over the hill. You are at the beginning.

 

When Single I used the time to self soothe & improve myself. Take a fun class. Enjoy your hobby. Volunteer doing something that makes you feel good about your contribution to the world. Work over time to advance your career.

 

Now because you actually don't want to be single, but seem to be trying to make peace with resigning yourself to being single, change direction. There are ways to work toward achieving what you want -- a relationship with a solid compatible person without being desperate. Remember you don't need a SO, you want one because your life is already rich & you want to share.

 

You have to take action not just daydream about finding someone. Make a commitment to yourself that you are going to make an effort to put yourself out there & find love. I made myself do something new at least once a week while I was searching. Do some of the following:

 

1. make an

OLD

account

 

2. go speed dating

 

3. attend singles events There are all sorts of niche ones out there which serve various interests. Search them out & attend the events. I went to one called Leashes & Lovers because I could bring my dog. He also made me feel more secure because I wasn't going by myself. I had a wingman even if he has 4 legs & a tail. Others go wine tasting or set you up to play golf or tennis.

 

4. Attend Meet Up events in your area

 

5. tell friends & family you are open to meeting new people & ask if they know any one.

 

6. join a co-ed sports team

 

7. look around on your daily commute. Who's there when you buy your morning coffee, in the elevator in your building, at the sandwich shop where you get lunch. Smile & say hi.