I think I really made a huge mistake

[rjh610]

I just recently divorced my ex-wife of 5 years (were together 9 years). We lived as roommates the last 2 years of our marriage because I wanted to stay together for the kids. While she continued remained steadily drunk and stoned. March of 2015 I filed divorce and moved out.

 

In June 2015 I met a a woman that I started to date. The relationship moved rather quickly and in October she moved in with me. She talked about marriage quite a bit. In November I got my divorce decree and my girlfriend insisted on getting married, not in the future but that week. Some how I allowed her to pressure me into it.

 

During our dating there was a lot of jealousy from her. She would constantly go through my phone, emails and social media. She never had a reason to worry and there was nothing to find anyway. After we married it moved to new heights. She would grill me over my friends social media posts, spam email(yes she even searched my spam folders), every time I got a call or text or even if I had the volume off on my phone was reason for suspicion. She started using my phone to respond to my texts and to post on my social media. She even made posts on Facebook and blocked people on my account that she was jealous of. I have since deleted or deactivated all of my social media accounts. There is a full blown investigation every time I am out of her sight. She even asks me where my cell phone is when I go to the bathroom and demands that I leave it with her if its in my pocket.

 

There is even jealousy coming from her over me spending time or showing affection with my 2 daughters. Not to mention if I need to talk to my ex about my girls.

 

 

This may not sound that unusual for someone in their early twenties but we are both in our early 40's. We have been married less than 2 months and together less than 7. I started to regret my decision the day after we married. After a month I realize I no longer have any respect or love for her. I resent her for trying to change me and not allowing me to be me. I have talked to her about this and she has tried to correct it. But she still continues to question me and accuse me of flirting or messing around. I still find that she was been through my phone while I sleep. She is just being sneaky about it. The problem has not gone away, she is just hiding it better. I really regret getting and I really just want to get out.

 

I have talked to about her behavior almost everyday. The last few weeks I have talked to her several times that I want out, I want a divorce. But she just says"no,I am not ready to give up". I don't know what to do....

[PegNosePete]

You need to file for divorce (again).

 

She can't force you to remain married if you don't want to.

 

See an attorney and get the papers served. She can kick and scream all she likes, but it won't prevent the divorce going through.

 

And next time... think!

[GorillaTheater]

I've got to go with Pete on this; your marriage sounds like a f*cking nightmare. Have you looked into the possibility of an annulment? I don't know anything about the legal aspects, but at least have this general impression that it may be easier procedurally and cost-wise though I may be entirely wrong.

 

 

If there's any shred remaining of you wanting to work this out, it's going to take you putting your foot down in a major way:

 

 

"Wife, this bullsh*t is not normal and is entirely unacceptable. I'm not going to live my life this way and it ends NOW. I'll support you in seeking counseling to figure out why you're this way and to do something about it, but here's the line and the next time you cross it, I'm filing for divorce ASAP."

[M1ke12]

I just recently divorced my ex-wife of 5 years (were together 9 years). We lived as roommates the last 2 years of our marriage because I wanted to stay together for the kids. While she continued remained steadily drunk and stoned. March of 2015 I filed divorce and moved out.

 

In June 2015 I met a a woman that I started to date. The relationship moved rather quickly and in October she moved in with me. She talked about marriage quite a bit. In November I got my divorce decree and my girlfriend insisted on getting married, not in the future but that week. Some how I allowed her to pressure me into it.

 

During our dating there was a lot of jealousy from her. She would constantly go through my phone, emails and social media. She never had a reason to worry and there was nothing to find anyway. After we married it moved to new heights. She would grill me over my friends social media posts, spam email(yes she even searched my spam folders), every time I got a call or text or even if I had the volume off on my phone was reason for suspicion. She started using my phone to respond to my texts and to post on my social media. She even made posts on Facebook and blocked people on my account that she was jealous of. I have since deleted or deactivated all of my social media accounts. There is a full blown investigation every time I am out of her sight. She even asks me where my cell phone is when I go to the bathroom and demands that I leave it with her if its in my pocket.

 

There is even jealousy coming from her over me spending time or showing affection with my 2 daughters. Not to mention if I need to talk to my ex about my girls.

 

 

This may not sound that unusual for someone in their early twenties but we are both in our early 40's. We have been married less than 2 months and together less than 7. I started to regret my decision the day after we married. After a month I realize I no longer have any respect or love for her. I resent her for trying to change me and not allowing me to be me. I have talked to her about this and she has tried to correct it. But she still continues to question me and accuse me of flirting or messing around. I still find that she was been through my phone while I sleep. She is just being sneaky about it. The problem has not gone away, she is just hiding it better. I really regret getting and I really just want to get out.

 

I have talked to about her behavior almost everyday. The last few weeks I have talked to her several times that I want out, I want a divorce. But she just says"no,I am not ready to give up". I don't know what to do....

 

 

My advice? Don't follow one mistake by another. In other words you have to be sure of your decision so you have no regrets later.

 

Tell her the truth. Ask her to get counseling. If there is no improvement or she is not willing I don't see why you would ever feel regret about leaving someone like that.

 

The red flag was that she was so hell bent on getting married so quickly. But that is hindsight.

[turnera]

Get an annulment.

[sandylee1]

DON'T EVER allow a new spouse to get jealous over your children.. you've literally gone from a bad marriage to a much worse one. You allowed her to pressure you into marriage.. don't allow her to make you stay.

 

She sees you as weak because SHE KNOWS she pushed you into the marriage... she's continued her dominance into your marriage and it won't stop. You don't need her consent to divorce ... it may take longer...but now you need to show her you are not submissive and you have the ba**s to stand up to her.

 

Does she ever show any violent tendencies? Or manipulation to get her way? Like tears or starting to treat you nicely for a while? Going all out to please you? Making you think she's changed.

 

Sounds like she's been cheated on in the past and never got over it ...so she has trust issues. You didn't really know her when you got married.

 

So... you either have ONE final talk..tell her to seek counselling over her behaviour..and if you don't see changes within one month.. YOU WILL file for D. No ifs or buts or maybes.. YOU WILL do it.

 

The ball is then in her court. Her kind of possessiveness and jealousy can be deadly. Imagine if she actually got the wrong idea about something. .... I think you'd be history.

 

How does she get on with your kids?

Do they stay over at your place?

Do they like her?

[sandylee1]

Just to add.. you've brought a woman you don't know well enough into your children's lives part of the time. That's quite irresponsible and I bet if your Ex married a guy or moved in with him after a few months...you'd question her judgement. You'd probably be very concerned about your daughters...

 

Think about your children's wellbeing in all this. After this is done ...take some time out and be single.

 

You did make a big mistake..but you can get out of it. Make sure she does not try and trap you with a baby if she thinks your leaving her. NO unprotected sex and you need to take care of it...she can't be trusted.

[rjh610]

Sandylee1,

 

No violent tendencies that I have seen. But she does put on the act to try to make me believe she has changed but she can only do it for a day at most. Then slowly she starts to question me every time I touch my phone, use the computer or leave the room.

 

She is good with my kids, considering I only have them a few hours a week. But soon I will be having them a few days a week a I doubt she will be able to handle it. But I plan to end it before then.

 

I am beyond the point of reconciling. It's time to move on.

 

Oh and trust me after this I plan to remain single for a very long time too......

[loveboid]

I have talked to about her behavior almost everyday. The last few weeks I have talked to her several times that I want out, I want a divorce. But she just says"no,I am not ready to give up". I don't know what to do....

 

Newsflash...she already knows her behavior is bad and she doesn't care. She's promising you change to keep you on the hook and she has no intentions of changing.

 

Second newsflash...she doesn't get to say no when you want a divorce. Omigod, she's funny...in a sad, scary way.

 

Btw :sick:warning:sick: this is typically behavior of a controlling, potentially violent man...a domestic abuser. There are potentially violent women too. Looks like you found one!