Married folks-describe your relationship with your best friend of the opposite gender

[Anderlie]

I didn't realise the circumstances of the OPs friendship. Definitely not great if you know there are feelings there and you're hiding it from your wife. In all other successful circumstances there is transparency when needed and trust. You are kind of avoiding both of those.

 

Sister?

 

 

What sister?

 

 

Wait till your husbands funeral

 

I knew both of these guys years before I met my husband, when I was single. That's when they took their shot and that's when I said no thanks yet here we all are. Besides I would actually have to WANT to be with them. I don't know why there's this prevailing idea that because a guy is interested I will eventually have to jump into bed with him because....? Just the thought... ew.

[ShatteredLady]

You had an intense EA with this woman. You're both trying REALLY HARD not to sext & flirt.

 

You were very interested in the idea of a poly relationship but realized that wasn't ever going to fly with your wife so now you're getting people to describe their HONEST friendships with members of the opposite sex to what??

 

The simple TRUTH is you want your EA, you'd like it to be PA. You can't have either but you don't want to let go....

 

It doesn't matter what label you put on it! You WANT this woman in any capacity that you can but you want to keep your wife, marriage, FAMILY too. It's NOT going to work! Stop searching for ways to cheat without calling yourself a cheat!!

[BetheButterfly]

1) How often do you communicate with your friend and what topics do you generally discuss?

 

At least once a week, usually more than once a week. Almost everything

 

2) How do you communicate? Phone? In person? Texts? Social media? Is your spouse aware of all of these communications?

Phone, texts, email. He lives in another state and doesn't "do" social media.

 

3) Do you have personal talks with your friend that you both keep private as you might with same-gender friends?

Not that I can think of

 

4) Have you or your friend ever expressed sexual/romantic interest in the other?

Ew yuck!!! No!

 

5) Is this friendship different than your same-gender friendships? If so, how?

Yes. He's my Dad, my bestest male friend ever, since before I could walk, since before I can remember!

[MightyPen]

You had an intense EA with this woman. You're both trying REALLY HARD not to sext & flirt.

 

You were very interested in the idea of a poly relationship but realized that wasn't ever going to fly with your wife so now you're getting people to describe their HONEST friendships with members of the opposite sex to what??

 

The simple TRUTH is you want your EA, you'd like it to be PA. You can't have either but you don't want to let go....

 

It doesn't matter what label you put on it! You WANT this woman in any capacity that you can but you want to keep your wife, marriage, FAMILY too. It's NOT going to work! Stop searching for ways to cheat without calling yourself a cheat!!

 

 

The EA is over. We don't talk about anything romantic or sexual anymore. Relationships can change, especially when the people involved have tons of common interests enjoy talking about deep topics. (Most people shy away from deep topics either because they can't wrap their brains around them or because they're more comfortable with surface level 'fluff')

 

I NEVER mentioned having any sort of "poly" relationship or any sort of physical relationship. Never. In fact I've said over and over that we both knew that nothing in the flesh would ever happen and that neither of us wants to screw up the other person's life. We are both realists. I'm not sure why you're saying otherwise.

 

And I had no ill intentions in asking people about their different-gender relationships. None at all. I'm really curious about how people deal with attraction (if it's there) and how these relationships differ (if they do) from the normal same-sex friendships. They are all legitimate topics to discuss and explore on a forum like this one.

 

I just wanted to clarify these things.

[cocorico]

I know this could have went in the Friends section to, but I thought this was the right place because I'm specifically addressing married people.

 

Many of you know my story so I won't rehash it, but I'm still pondering the nature of male-female friendships when one or both of the friends are married. To make this easier, I'll use the term "friend" but it obviously refers to "best opposite gender friend who is not your spouse or a family member."

 

1) How often do you communicate with your friend and what topics do you generally discuss?

 

It varies. We used to talk for hours every day when we worked together; now we're continents apart so it's a lot less frequent, via online chat or Skype, and sometimes time goes by with little comms because we're both busy, and other times it's full on and intense. What we talk about - pretty much anything.

 

2) How do you communicate? Phone? In person? Texts? Social media? Is your spouse aware of all of these communications?

these days mostly online, unless we're in the same place, then we meet for coffee. My H is generally aware - it's not hidden, but I don't rush in to tell him every time I get a text.

 

3) Do you have personal talks with your friend that you both keep private as you might with same-gender friends?

 

It's no different from same-gender friends. Why should it be?

 

4) Have you or your friend ever expressed sexual/romantic interest in the other? If so, how did that turn out? Did it ruin the friendship or were you able to move on?

 

Certainly not! He's a friend, not a lover. And these days he's happily settled with his partner, as I am with mine.

 

5) Is this friendship different than your same-gender friendships? If so, how?

 

Not at all - why should it be? I choose people as friends based on who they are, not what's in their underwear.

[wmacbride]

My best ( and only) opposite sex friend is gay. we talk about all kinds of things, and he is able to give me the male perspective on some things that I otherwise wouldn't get.

 

He is married to a really nice guy, but we never actually get to do more than talk on the phone or email ( I hate skype), as they live far away.