Forevermore13 Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 I recently broke it off with my O/H of almost 5 years and I'm currently single... I don't think of myself as naive or closed to situations... but I've had a few shocks and 'WTF' moments since being single. It seems that a multitude of men and women I know really don't give a second thought about their current partners and are looking for the 'other woman/man'... In the few months I've been single, Ive had two good male friends (in long term relationships) message me, saying that their situation is difficult because they like me and wan't to be with me, but can't do anything about it because of their partners... I completely understand that people cold feet and getting bored and uninterested with relationships, I felt exactly that way, but when I knew it was done, I ended it and before that happened, I certainly wasn't trying to sway men. Why do some people think it's acceptable to message "good morning, gorgeous", "I wish I was there with you", "I want you" etc etc etc while their probably in the same room as their partner of 6 years+!? What makes you think this is attractive? whats to say you wouldn't do the same to me or the next person? Of course it could be 'worse', and they could be out cheating, but regardless, this still isn't okay in my books. If I was their partner, I'd be heartbroken if I found out. Why are so many people desperate for the other woman/man. Maybe I am naive, but how common is this?! I dread to think:sick: 6 Link to post Share on other sites
NewLeaf512 Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 I recently broke it off with my O/H of almost 5 years and I'm currently single... I don't think of myself as naive or closed to situations... but I've had a few shocks and 'WTF' moments since being single. It seems that a multitude of men and women I know really don't give a second thought about their current partners and are looking for the 'other woman/man'... In the few months I've been single, Ive had two good male friends (in long term relationships) message me, saying that their situation is difficult because they like me and wan't to be with me, but can't do anything about it because of their partners... I completely understand that people cold feet and getting bored and uninterested with relationships, I felt exactly that way, but when I knew it was done, I ended it and before that happened, I certainly wasn't trying to sway men. Why do some people think it's acceptable to message "good morning, gorgeous", "I wish I was there with you", "I want you" etc etc etc while their probably in the same room as their partner of 6 years+!? What makes you think this is attractive? whats to say you wouldn't do the same to me or the next person? Of course it could be 'worse', and they could be out cheating, but regardless, this still isn't okay in my books. If I was their partner, I'd be heartbroken if I found out. Why are so many people desperate for the other woman/man. Maybe I am naive, but how common is this?! I dread to think:sick: This resonates with me completely. I've been single for years save my debacle with ExMM (by choice). I can't think of one man who has hit on me (and there have been a substantial number) who isn't Married Living with someone Hilariously "separated but still living together" Pretending to be completely enamoured of me and pursuing me exclusively (whilst doing the same to multiple women) Proclaiming they want a relationship but really just want a shag Obsessed with their ex wives Have a sense of entitlement so enormous they feel that Miss Universe should bow at their feet I dispair over the prospects of single men (if any exist, it feels like seeing a dodo bird in London might be more probable) Technology has lowered the standard of integrity and morality of the planet. 12 Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 (edited) Too many many people confuse lonely with Alone time. I cherish the latter. To the OP, you can have fun with these [people], and tell'em "I just took a snap pic of our message thread and I'm ready to send it to your SO". They'll plead and beg not to. But yet, just few min ago they were describing their misery. People, like that make me sick. Edited January 16, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 6 Link to post Share on other sites
brothers343 Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 These man do that becouse most woman would probably take the offer. Apparently you have integrity not too. I have been in the seat your in now with one of my friends. It was a sexual offer, I'm not going to lie and tell you I didn't think about taking her offer but the 20 year plus friendship that i had with her boyfriend helped me see clearly. She is now devorced and well I'm sure you have heard the stories of what comes after. My point is as much as man can be dirty, so can the smell of a beautiful woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Nilfiry Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 People do it because they can get away with it. Much of it is just the hormonal drive to breed, and not everyone has the mind to keep their sexual desires in check. even nice people who mean well are susceptible. Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 These man do that becouse most woman would probably take the offer. Apparently you have integrity not too. I have been in the seat your in now with one of my friends. It was a sexual offer, I'm not going to lie and tell you I didn't think about taking her offer but the 20 year plus friendship that i had with her boyfriend helped me see clearly. She is now devorced and well I'm sure you have heard the stories of what comes after. My point is as much as man can be dirty, so can the smell of a beautiful woman. I disagree with you. You cannot say MOST women would take that offer. Some men will ask anybody, anywhere on the off chance of being accepted. I don't know any woman who would be attracted by such behaviour. Poppy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 This resonates with me completely. I've been single for years save my debacle with ExMM (by choice). I can't think of one man who has hit on me (and there have been a substantial number) who isn't Married Living with someone Hilariously "separated but still living together" Pretending to be completely enamoured of me and pursuing me exclusively (whilst doing the same to multiple women) Proclaiming they want a relationship but really just want a shag Obsessed with their ex wives Have a sense of entitlement so enormous they feel that Miss Universe should bow at their feet I dispair over the prospects of single men (if any exist, it feels like seeing a dodo bird in London might be more probable) Technology has lowered the standard of integrity and morality of the planet. None in Sydney either Leaf. Poppy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NewLeaf512 Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 None in Sydney either Leaf. Poppy. I hear you sister. Link to post Share on other sites
RySant Posted January 16, 2016 Share Posted January 16, 2016 (edited) I am not sure how rampant it is in my country but it exists. HOWEVER, it is very frowned upon and if you cheated, you and your [affair partner] will receive great bashings and embarrassment. Edited January 16, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted January 16, 2016 Share Posted January 16, 2016 Folks, the starter of this thread asks why people are so fickle so please address that inquiry and without resorting to name calling as such is a violation of our individual and group berating policies and will only result in sanctions or loss of posting privileges. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted January 16, 2016 Share Posted January 16, 2016 (edited) There was a time that I seriously thought men who cheated were either: 1- In bad marriages (ie "bait and switch") and cuz of the kids, finances, and/or misplaced "guilt" (ie saying wife has a health/mental condition is why she is not a good wife) they are "trapped". 2- Selfish, narcissists, low self-esteem. In other words "no" woman can satisfy them. You could be the best in sex, affection, etc. and, you'll never satisfy their endless need for attention and/or conquests. 3- One time mistakes. They were probably going through a rough patch in their marriage/RL and simply "slipped". They maybe had a ONS and/or a short-term affair, sorted themselves out and will never, ever make such a stupid mistske. Well, over the years my views aren't still the same. I'm coming to find out that a lot of guys just wanna have their cake and eat it too. They want "home base" (wifey, who they probably can't stand), while they go out to "play" (flirting, affairs)....at the end of the day it's all about "them". I do sorta believe that men have the capacity to have more thsn one woman they hold in esteem (more than one "wife")...cuz some cultures - even religions allow a man to have more than one "wife". But it's not like those weird cults where the guy is taking advantage of minors, abusing women and sitting on his duff while they apply for food stamps. For example, Muslim men can have more than one wife, but he must treat them as "equal" as possible (ie buy a dress not for "one", but both of them), and he sorta has to ask first wife for permission to get another wife. The practice of having more than one wife was usually more prevalent around war time when there were widows and they needed a man to take them and/or their kids under his wing (times where women had no income/working requirements/assets and relied on men). Also, let's say wife 1 can't have kids...well, instead of casting her off to "spinster/old maid island", she could stay married, but husband and her get another wife to have kids with them. Now, I know some people are like "yuck, I'm not sharing anyone", but look how our world is. Women put up with men dating others here and there (ie married wife who "looks the other way cuz she's glad he's no longer nagging her for sex and is getting it somewhere else but continues to pay her bills and keep the "image" of a happy family). Also, couples who have trouble trying to conceive go out for surrogates in various forms . Thing is, IMO, the mainstream affairs/straying husband situations aren't like I described above, there's the guy lying to both women, playing both sides, lies/deception/etc - as you can see by just reading some OM/OW stories. I don't know, but while I am NOT a fan of "poly", "swinging", and "sister wives" type stuff, I think that if an affair is gonna take place, if you take out the lies, deception, playing and do it "right", it would go better. I mean let's say your wife doesn't wanna have sex anymore, stops keeping up her appearance...then have a frank conversation with her Ask her: 'Do you want me to stay in a sexless marriage, or do you want me to masturbate to porn, get a mistress'? But, at the end of the day, IMO, if you're in a bad marriage, try to fix it and if wife doesn't care then divorce. Stop playing both sides. And, if you're in a good or even "so/so" marriage, but like to seek out attention (ie flirting) KNOWING that you have no intention of leaving the o'l "ball and chain", then you deserve a kick in the nutz for playing around with people's hearts, minds, and emotions. My 2 cents. PS: I also am not the type to want to break up a family. So, I'm not calling his house all times of the day/night and/or fighting with a BS. I live a busy life and just figured that an affair would give me the "now/then" company that I need cuz yes, I do have fears from childhood that left me scared to trust and wanting to keep a guy at a distance. I also fear that sue to my busy lifestyle, not sure if a guy in a "normal" RL would be satisfied. But, like with my last FWB and current feelings for dude, guess that I want/need more than what an affair offers Edited January 16, 2016 by Gloria25 3 Link to post Share on other sites
RySant Posted January 16, 2016 Share Posted January 16, 2016 (edited) I just read a local newspaper and one of our celebrity "power couple" announced their separation due to the man cheating. Hmm... I want to defend that there is still true love out there but oh well..... Edited January 16, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Diatribe redacted Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted January 16, 2016 Share Posted January 16, 2016 So you've been 'good friends' and it never tweaked that these guys approached other women? A night out on a Friday is usually enough to see what the fickle are like after a drink or two. I find it hard to believe that suddenly they felt it appropriate to message you out of the blue without you encouraging it or you being aware of their character. Link to post Share on other sites
WaitingForBardot Posted January 16, 2016 Share Posted January 16, 2016 When I read your post I see people who have mentally made their minds up to cheat and are actively trying to do so. This is not normally what I think of as being fickle although I'm sure the description fits sometimes. And the obligatory quote: The fickleness of the women whom I love is only equalled by the infernal constancy of the women who love me." --George Bernard Shaw 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted January 16, 2016 Share Posted January 16, 2016 So you've been 'good friends' and it never tweaked that these guys approached other women? A night out on a Friday is usually enough to see what the fickle are like after a drink or two. I find it hard to believe that suddenly they felt it appropriate to message you out of the blue without you encouraging it or you being aware of their character. Low character is low character - period. A woman could be dancing naked on some men's head and he'll still have enough character to say "no thanks". Character is shown in what we do when no one is looking. So sorry, don't believe in the "temptress" argument. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
WaitingForBardot Posted January 16, 2016 Share Posted January 16, 2016 Low character is low character - period. A woman could be dancing naked on some men's head and he'll still have enough character to say "no thanks". Character is shown in what we do when no one is looking. So sorry, don't believe in the "temptress" argument. This assumes that enough blood is still flowing to his brain to allow cognitive activity. Not necessarily true when naked breasts are flying at his face! ..lol.. Yes he should say no, but I'd say the measure of his character would be his avoiding any situation in which this sort of thing would be likely to happen to begin with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted January 16, 2016 Share Posted January 16, 2016 This resonates with me completely. I've been single for years save my debacle with ExMM (by choice). I can't think of one man who has hit on me (and there have been a substantial number) who isn't Married Living with someone Hilariously "separated but still living together" Pretending to be completely enamoured of me and pursuing me exclusively (whilst doing the same to multiple women) Proclaiming they want a relationship but really just want a shag Obsessed with their ex wives Have a sense of entitlement so enormous they feel that Miss Universe should bow at their feet I dispair over the prospects of single men (if any exist, it feels like seeing a dodo bird in London might be more probable) Technology has lowered the standard of integrity and morality of the planet. While I would say most men I have met or been chatted up by etc are as above there are still a few gems out there Newleaf... Keep at it and keep marching forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Forevermore13 Posted January 16, 2016 Author Share Posted January 16, 2016 So you've been 'good friends' and it never tweaked that these guys approached other women? A night out on a Friday is usually enough to see what the fickle are like after a drink or two. I find it hard to believe that suddenly they felt it appropriate to message you out of the blue without you encouraging it or you being aware of their character. Why would it ever teak an idea, when they're always around their partners and seemed to be happy? Sorry, but as these men have partners, encouraging anything would be far from what id be comfortable doing. They probably decided to 'message me out of the blue' as I'm now single, and thats one less obstacle they have to come up against. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 16, 2016 Share Posted January 16, 2016 There are people who want constant validation that they're desirable. If they haven't learned to live and be happy with themselves as they are by the time they're 30, no one should want them. They're just sucking the life out of everyone to feel full for a minute. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NewLeaf512 Posted January 16, 2016 Share Posted January 16, 2016 There are people who want constant validation that they're desirable. If they haven't learned to live and be happy with themselves as they are by the time they're 30, no one should want them. They're just sucking the life out of everyone to feel full for a minute. This is exactly right. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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