Should I start an affair?

[Sassy Girl]

Ok, just to clarify. I do not want a long term affair with this man. I want to experience life again. I realize it is far from the perfect situation in so many ways. However, it does fulfill my fantasies and after this long, I feel like I deserve that! I don't see if being more than that one weekend, maybe two. He doesn't want to end his marriage and is up front with that. I have practice building a wall around my heart.

 

If you want some background, go to Marriage forum, 3rd page. I posted on there about 6 or so weeks ago. It's titled "I think I'm married to an asexual man". Please read that before you judge me.

 

Not judging you for leaving your marriage. I will judge you for trying to involve yourself in someone else's. Don't do this to his wife, just so you can 'feel' something. You're being incredibly selfish right now and will be hurting someone else who doesn't deserve it. Right now you can walk away with your integrity. But not if you sleep with a married man. Forget legal implications - you'd still have to look at yourself I the mirror.

 

Does he have kids?

[Ohmyohmy]

Oh SCShea...sorry to hear of how long you've been living in an unhappy marriage. While I don't really understand the true dynamics of your marriage or why you've stayed so long...guessing to raise your kids? I do understand the dynamics of being in an A. And while not all A's are the same, I'd keep reading on LS a while before you go any further with your plan. Almost all our stories have strong(heart-breaking)similarities. It sounds as if you are already in an EA? adding a PA will complicate this so much more. It is a slippery slope into an emotional roller coaster. If you are brave enough and secure enough to get a D maybe you could consider waiting just a little longer to find a man who is available. You might think this relationship is just going to be a casual fling but you've already got the EA...you're attaching yourself already. The longer it goes on the more complicated it gets...no matter how detached you think you could be. Good luck to you, hope you find some answers here on LS.

Ohmy

[hippychick3]

I can understand what you are saying but I would feel safer with a married man, which is totally strange. I am not ready for a relationship. I don't want to go into all games, or commitment or anything like that right now. I don't want someone who is just a player. I want a man that loves his spouse but has gone through the same sexual rejection and blame as I have gone through.

 

You don't want to go "into all games" but want to be secretive and sneaky instead by having an affair? How incredibly selfish of you to only think of yourself and have such utter disregard for this man's wife. He is not at all a "safe" partner. A married man is the most dangerous partner of all. You will get in way over your head with this while hurting not only yourself but others as well.

[SoleMate]

A MM is about as far from a safe and sane partner as you can get. You will be much better off with a single man who can be a lover and/or companion without having to be a [liar] at the same time.

 

I want a man that loves his spouse but has gone through the same sexual rejection and blame as I have gone through.

You realize that for every tragically devoted yet sex-deprived MM out there who wants only the best for his wife (bear with me here), there are 100 self-indulgent, lying cheaters who will spin you whatever tale it takes to get you in bed and keep you hooked.

 

I don't want someone who is just a player.

Understandable, of course you don't want to be played by a dishonest person who claims to love or care about someone and then mistreats her horribly while lying about it. That's easy to understand, and you're quite right.

 

OTOH, how you get from "don't want to be played" to "best choice is a cheating MM" makes no sense to me. Seems like you're new to Loveshack, I'd urge you to read the Other Woman forum and see which of the common patterns you hope your A will follow.

Edited January 17, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language

[Phoenician]

SCshea

don't care about negative feedback ;

 

you are not a teen ,

 

 

you are someone who suffered from rejection for years;

 

nobody can be in our shoes .

 

guys , rejection is awfull ,

 

it sucks your happiness from your heart .

 

i am not able to sleep , eat well, work well , etc...

 

nothing explain rejection except that they are selfish partners!

like mine .

 

If they want they can do a lot without even a PIV , but they stink

they won't do oral

they won't even kiss properly.

 

if it was the other way , i am sure that op (if she is a giver : 28 yrs ! yes she is)

she would have done the impossible .

 

LD is not the problem , it is the selfishness

[carhill]

Yes, I have talked to my husband about an open marriage. He obviously does not want sex or any relationship with anyone else, he just wants more of me. Last night he told me that he would send me on a cruise, like that one thing will just fix me. Again it would be him in control of my sex life. I wouldn't be allowed to talk on the phone with other men, etc. I think it would make me resent him more.

 

Apologies for missing this when forming up my original response.

 

One strategy when dealing with this kind of power play is an open and defiant affair, preferably with a single partner. Right in his face, get ugly. Nice? Nope! Not cheating though. Make him pull the plug or sweat. The key to this is not caring about social fallout. Some people can pull this off and others can't. It's essentially a contest to see who can care the least. Healthy? Probably not. Effective? Experience varies. It usually gets things moving, one way or another. Unless you're a Vanderbilt, the money part is irrelevant. Again, the key is caring the least to reclaim your life. Up to you.

 

I've done this and wouldn't do it again. Then again, I wouldn't probably get married again either. No interest in playing those games anymore. Best wishes for wisdom in your choices. Once you make them, they go with you to the grave. Choose wisely.

[oldshirt]

If you want to get away from your husband so you can live a rich and full life on your own and possibly find love, that is understandable and fine. Go for it.

 

 

If you are actually going to file for divorce next week, do you have a lawyer?

 

 

Do you have a place to live?

 

 

Do you have a moving truck and or people to help you pack up your stuff to move?

 

 

Will your husband cause problems while you are moving? Do you have arrangements with the police or friends/relatives to be present so he doesn't cause problems?

 

 

Do you have a job or source or income to support yourself after separating?

 

 

Do you have a plan in place to continue your health insurance? Do you have a car and car insurance?

 

 

Are any of your children minor and still need child support? If your children are over 18 but still full time students, how much of their support will you still be obligated to provide (in some states, divorced parents are obligated to provide a percentage of their children's college education)

 

 

Do you have a plan on how to divide 28 years worth of marital assets, financial accounts and property?

 

 

Will you owe or be owed spousal support?

 

 

Do you have any form of retirement plan or retirement account?

 

 

Do you have a plan on how/when/where to inform the children of the divorce and do you have a plan in place on how to celebrate major holidays with them?

 

 

Do you have a plan in place for if your husband refuses to cooperate on the divorce and fights everything in court?

 

 

Other than filing for divorce next week, which of those things do you have a plan in place for??

 

 

How well have you actually planned and thought out this divorce plan vs wondering if you should screw some MM you haven't met yet?

[oldshirt]

i have one question :

 

what is the legal implication of getting caught ?

 

That I committed adultery so I wouldn't get spousal support. Our kids are grown, so I doubt that I would get that anyway. I don't know if there is anything else. I have read up on it and that is all I could find.

 

 

 

These are the kinds of things that you discuss with your lawyer?

 

 

Do you have a lawyer?

[Horton]

If you want some background, go to Marriage forum, 3rd page. I posted on there about 6 or so weeks ago. It's titled "I think I'm married to an asexual man". Please read that before you judge me.

 

I took your advice and I found this on your other thread. It's in response to a poster saying the following.

"Yeah, but you still shouldn't cheat. You should divorce."

 

Yes, I agree with you. I wouldn't do that to him. He will either need to agree to let me find something he is unable to provide outside our marriage or we get a divorce. It seems like my choices are narrowing quickly. I don't know if it is still considered cheating if he consents to it or not. I wish I didn't love him. This would be so much easier.

 

and it was posted on Dec 19th of last year. So my question is how did it go from that to what I've quoted below in such a short amount of time?

 

I can understand what you are saying but I would feel safer with a married man, which is totally strange. I am not ready for a relationship. I don't want to go into all games, or commitment or anything like that right now. I don't want someone who is just a player. I want a man that loves his spouse but has gone through the same sexual rejection and blame as I have gone through.

 

You've gone from refusing to have an affair at all due to the moral implications that it would bring, to now actively seeking an affair, but only with a man who is already married with a family of his own. Do you find this at all odd? Cause I sure do.

[Ohmyohmy]

If you want to get away from your husband so you can live a rich and full life on your own and possibly find love, that is understandable and fine. Go for it.

 

 

If you are actually going to file for divorce next week, do you have a lawyer?

 

 

Do you have a place to live?

 

 

Do you have a moving truck and or people to help you pack up your stuff to move?

 

 

Will your husband cause problems while you are moving? Do you have arrangements with the police or friends/relatives to be present so he doesn't cause problems?

 

 

Do you have a job or source or income to support yourself after separating?

 

 

Do you have a plan in place to continue your health insurance? Do you have a car and car insurance?

 

 

Are any of your children minor and still need child support? If your children are over 18 but still full time students, how much of their support will you still be obligated to provide (in some states, divorced parents are obligated to provide a percentage of their children's college education)

 

 

Do you have a plan on how to divide 28 years worth of marital assets, financial accounts and property?

 

 

Will you owe or be owed spousal support?

 

 

Do you have any form of retirement plan or retirement account?

 

 

Do you have a plan on how/when/where to inform the children of the divorce and do you have a plan in place on how to celebrate major holidays with them?

 

 

Do you have a plan in place for if your husband refuses to cooperate on the divorce and fights everything in court?

 

 

Other than filing for divorce next week, which of those things do you have a plan in place for??

 

 

How well have you actually planned and thought out this divorce plan vs wondering if you should screw some MM you haven't met yet?

 

SCShea, Oldshirt has made some good points here, these are really important things to consider(minus the "screw some married man" kinda harsh part). I hope you keep reading and sorting through the diverse and open perspectives offered here. Life isn't black and white, but for you, I hope you can find an easier path than starting an PA. There really isn't freedom to be found in an A.

Put yourself first in a healthy way now if you can. Love yourself first.

Ohmy

[oldshirt]

 

 

You've gone from refusing to have an affair at all due to the moral implications that it would bring, to now actively seeking an affair, but only with a man who is already married with a family of his own. Do you find this at all odd? Cause I sure do.

 

 

 

In kind of a sick and twisted way I do kind of understand where she is coming from in wanting to find someone who is in a similar situation as her.

 

 

I am not saying that she is right or that she should do it, I am simply saying that I understand why she is thinking along those lines.

 

 

She is still hoping for an "Option C" and that if she found someone just like her, they could have some hot, sweaty romps every now and then and maintain their familiar lifestyles and maintain the benefits of their respective marriages. It is probably the fantasy of all people that are chronically sexually dissatisfied in their marriages.

 

 

I get where she is coming from there. The part of the story I am having trouble buying is this supposed plan to file for divorce next week.

 

 

Divorces take a lot of work, a lot of planning, a lot of money and are very intrusive and disruptive. She made it sound as significant as dropping a couple dresses off at the cleaners while she went on about her fantasies of this MM.

 

 

I think we are having a few reality issues at the moment.

[SCShea]

If you want to get away from your husband so you can live a rich and full life on your own and possibly find love, that is understandable and fine. Go for it.

 

 

If you are actually going to file for divorce next week, do you have a lawyer?

**I am working with a sex therapist because of my husband asexuality. The plan is to discuss attorneys on Tuesday and then schedule an appointment to meet with a lawyer.

 

Do you have a place to live?

***Yes, my parents own a home they only use for 4 months in SC. I will use that to start out.

 

Do you have a moving truck and or people to help you pack up your stuff to move?

***I will not move anything but personal belonging at this time. SC requires a years separation prior to divorce.

 

 

Will your husband cause problems while you are moving? Do you have arrangements with the police or friends/relatives to be present so he doesn't cause problems?

***No, my husband will not cause problems. We have been discussing this possibility since last summer.

 

Do you have a job or source or income to support yourself after separating?

***Yes, I can support myself after separating.

 

Do you have a plan in place to continue your health insurance? Do you have a car and car insurance?

***I carry my own health insurance, own my car and pay for insurance.

 

Are any of your children minor and still need child support? If your children are over 18 but still full time students, how much of their support will you still be obligated to provide (in some states, divorced parents are obligated to provide a percentage of their children's college education)

***2 of our children are married. Our daughter has a trust fund that pays for her college education.

 

Do you have a plan on how to divide 28 years worth of marital assets, financial accounts and property?

***No, I don't have a plan for this. I guess its lucky that we don't have a have a lot of marital assets. I would rely on an attorney to help with this. My hope is that all of this can be done amicably.

 

 

Will you owe or be owed spousal support?

***I don't know for sure. Our incomes are pretty similar.

 

Do you have any form of retirement plan or retirement account?

***Yes, this would need to be divided

 

Do you have a plan on how/when/where to inform the children of the divorce and do you have a plan in place on how to celebrate major holidays with them?

***Our children are already aware of this possibility. My husband told them about his asexuality and the emotional trauma he put me through. They are saddened but supportive of both of us.

 

 

 

Do you have a plan in place for if your husband refuses to cooperate on the divorce and fights everything in court?

***I do not believe he will fight in court.

 

 

Other than filing for divorce next week, which of those things do you have a plan in place for??

 

 

How well have you actually planned and thought out this divorce plan vs wondering if you should screw some MM you haven't met yet?

 

***I have posted the answers to your questions above. I do not have a perfect solution or everything worked out. I am trying very hard to keep the decision about my marriage separate from my own selfish desires. I journal daily about this for at least an hour. I have lists of the pro's and con's of every decision I could possibly make along with my daily roller coaster of emotions.

 

My husband and I had talked about an open relationship starting last fall. We both agreed that it would only work if I was with a man that was in a committed marriage. Maybe it was naive on both of our parts, and I am sure now that it was. In our thinking, it would reduce the chance of me becoming emotionally involved. That is why I started talking to this particular man in the first place. I am obviously way off base from the feedback I have gotten. I don't know anything about dating or affairs or any of this. I am trying to learn as I go so I don't make a really poor choice. It looks like my idea of this affair would be one of those really poor choices.

 

I have been reading the book "Opening Up" to learn more about open relationships. At first I really thought that would be the ideal situation. My husband and I love each other but he has no interest in me sexually. If he has no interest, then he shouldn't mind if had that need filled elsewhere. I thought if we could agree to it, then all would be solved. After reading the book, it looks like you better be in a really good place in your relationship or it won't work. I am finding out that is true. Even though he is not interesting in me sexually, he doesn't want anyone else to be. That's his choice, obviously. It just has left me feeling like my only choice now is divorce. That would not be my first choice but it may be for the best in the long run. I know I am going around in circles and contradicting myself at times. I'm sorry. That is just how messed up and confused I feel right now.

[oldshirt]

***I have posted the answers to your questions above. I do not have a perfect solution or everything worked out. I am trying very hard to keep the decision about my marriage separate from my own selfish desires. I journal daily about this for at least an hour. I have lists of the pro's and con's of every decision I could possibly make along with my daily roller coaster of emotions.

 

My husband and I had talked about an open relationship starting last fall. We both agreed that it would only work if I was with a man that was in a committed marriage. Maybe it was naive on both of our parts, and I am sure now that it was. In our thinking, it would reduce the chance of me becoming emotionally involved. That is why I started talking to this particular man in the first place. I am obviously way off base from the feedback I have gotten. I don't know anything about dating or affairs or any of this. I am trying to learn as I go so I don't make a really poor choice. It looks like my idea of this affair would be one of those really poor choices.

 

I have been reading the book "Opening Up" to learn more about open relationships. At first I really thought that would be the ideal situation. My husband and I love each other but he has no interest in me sexually. If he has no interest, then he shouldn't mind if had that need filled elsewhere. I thought if we could agree to it, then all would be solved. After reading the book, it looks like you better be in a really good place in your relationship or it won't work. I am finding out that is true. Even though he is not interesting in me sexually, he doesn't want anyone else to be. That's his choice, obviously. It just has left me feeling like my only choice now is divorce. That would not be my first choice but it may be for the best in the long run. I know I am going around in circles and contradicting myself at times. I'm sorry. That is just how messed up and confused I feel right now.

 

 

 

OK that helps. That shows that you have given divorce some action thought and have looked at things in a more realistic way.

 

 

The thing is if you are serious about divorce and do move forward with it, it will be a lot of work and a lot of disruption to your life. Once it starts getting real for both of you (ie once actual papers are served and you start packing, you probably aren't going to be having time or energy for flirting with married men.

 

 

Sure it could happen for a night or two and I do think once you do have a hot, sweaty encounter with someone, you will start moving full steam ahead with the separation and divorce.

 

 

Your ideas of maintaining a content, stable marriage while having a sex life with someone else and not becoming emotionally involved with the OM is completely unrealistic however.

 

 

Once you have someone desiring you and once you have an orgasm, you will become emotionally attached. That's simply what orgasms were designed to do.

 

 

You will be like a starving Ethiopian living in the desert all your life and then moving to a first world country and living a block from the grocery store, you will leave the desert and not look back.

[oldshirt]

And FWIW, I personally don't have any moral or ethical issues with people starting to date/have sex once the papers have been filed, the other person has been served and the two parties are living physically separate. However you need to discuss the legal ramifications of that with your lawyer and you also need to keep in mind that while Oldshirt may think it's ok, There will be other people that will have a big problem with it.

[oldshirt]

...but I think the point I'm trying to make is your idea that you can farm out the sexual component and keep the rest of your marriage intact is unrealistic and is likely to simply cause more trouble and a higher level of complexity to your life.

 

 

....and you will end up wanting to leave and divorce anyway.

 

 

And my other point is once you do move forward with the divorce, you will be so busy and involved with the divorce process and your life will be so disrupted, scoring some tail on the side may be the last thing you have on your mind for a while.

[georgia girl]

OP,

 

Here are the only two issues I have with your plans. The first is that while you state you want someone married because you are not ready for a relationship, you are showing a disregard for the married person's family. It's okay for you want to experience a sexually fulfilling relationship, but to do that at someone else's expense - particularly a spouse and young children's - seams a little mean.

 

On the other side, while you say you are not ready for a relationship, you have also possibly forgotton how much physical intimacy can really tug at your heartstrings. I think you are very ripe for falling head over heels I. Love. And as another poster notes, can you imagine how incredibly hard that would be? Trying to deal with the emotional upheaval of divorce with a broken heart over a MM who is t leaving his wife? I think you are setting yourself up for the personal disaster of your life.

 

Please proceed with caution. You are coming out of years of physical affection starvation and ending your marriage at the same time. I think the best thing you can do is make smart choices for yourself.

[Gloria_Smellons]

I had a 'good' affair - if such a thing exists.

 

The answer to your question is still no.

[Poppy47]

NO Do not start an affair.

 

You are a grown woman. Get a divorce and live the life you want.

 

If you start an affair you will only bring more unhappiness on your head.

 

Free yourself from the marriage and go your own way. It takes courage but it can be done.

 

Poppy.

[Friskyone4u]

In a book called "HBis Needs, Her Needs" the author explains that it is not practical for two people to be in a long term relationship that will remain intact if one of their needs is totally unmet. Seems like that is the case here, and you have very valid reasons for not being too thrilled with the monogamous married life.

 

The book, "Opening Up", IS a very truthful book because it does not give you only the "pie in the sky" scenerio of open marriage. And you have comprehended the warning I believe that non monogamy DOES NOT heal broken marriages but in most cases widens the cracks.

 

You may be different, but MOST WOMEN ARE NOT ABLE TO TOTALLY REMOVE BECOMING EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED to affair partners. All you have to do is rfead here all the women going bonkers trying to emotionally detach from OM that they have become involved with. You are already somewhat emotionally involved in an EA with this guy.

 

Now you can TELL your husband you ARE opening the marriage and quite frankly it sounds to me like he will just grudgingly accept it since he has no interest in sex. But that does not bode well LONG TERM. If you go to a polyamory site it is filled with women involved with co dependent men who are to lacking in self esteem to not accept what has been shoved down their throats. But that usually lasts for only a certain amount of time.

 

If you file for divorce, none of this conversation is relavant because you are totally free to do whatever you want without any baggage. I would NOT call you a cake eater because you have tried and tried to resolve this WITH your husband.

 

You may beat the odds, but I would not count on getting sexually involved with another man, who is married, and not having some truly negative fall out at some point. I can't say anything regarding your husband not wanting or being interested in sex. Can't identify with it so I have no right to try to explain it.

[AngeliqueC]

I can understand what you are saying but I would feel safer with a married man, which is totally strange. I am not ready for a relationship. I don't want to go into all games, or commitment or anything like that right now. I don't want someone who is just a player. I want a man that loves his spouse but has gone through the same sexual rejection and blame as I have gone through.

 

 

Um, let me weigh in here. I was of the same opinion, feeling "safter with a married man" when I filed for divorce in 1991. And so, I chose a married man. And here I am, twenty-plus years later, still with the same MM, still the OW, still waiting for him to make up his mind about leaving his wife. And he is 68 years old now. And I'm so depressed most days (and nights), realizing how my life has been wasted being "on hold" for him. The older you get, the emptier the nest, the longer and lonelier the nights become - and the more your self-esteem rots away. Now, I'm far too old to go out and meet some "single guy" and start over. Don't be me!!!

Edited January 19, 2016 by AngeliqueC

[Lady2163]

Um, let me weigh in here. I was of the same opinion, feeling "safter with a married man" when I filed for divorce in 1991. And so, I chose a married man. And here I am, twenty-plus years later, still with the same MM, still the OW, still waiting for him to make up his mind about leaving his wife. And he is 68 years old now. And I'm so depressed most days (and nights), realizing how my life has been wasted being "on hold" for him. The older you get, the emptier the nest, the longer and lonelier the nights become - and the more your self-esteem rots away. Now, I'm far too old to go out and meet some "single guy" and start over. Don't be me!!!

 

My aunt was in her late 60's when she met the man of her dreams. He was married, his wife was in a nursing home and had been for years. She was no longer cognizant. He reached the point where he finally told his adult children he still had years left to live, would never neglect or stop loving their mother, but he was going to have love and companionship. My aunt and he dated, spent every weekend together, were a couple for many years. They did marry after his spouse died.

 

So, it can work at any age.

 

OP, I totally get what you're saying about the "safety" of a married man. I didn't want someone who would interfere with my plans or tell me what to do and how to spend my money. I don't regret the time I spent with MM. I don't feel I wasted those years.

 

I would encourage you to get divorced as well. Start the process. If you are moving out, then you will know within a few weeks if your new lifestyle is conducive to being the OW. No, it shouldn't be your first choice. Actually, if you didn't appear to be seeking an emotional connectiom as well, I'd tell you to check out local - or a couple hours distant swinging clubs.

 

Good luck. Very few divorces go as simply as people would like.

[Poppy47]

My aunt was in her late 60's when she met the man of her dreams. He was married, his wife was in a nursing home and had been for years. She was no longer cognizant. He reached the point where he finally told his adult children he still had years left to live, would never neglect or stop loving their mother, but he was going to have love and companionship. My aunt and he dated, spent every weekend together, were a couple for many years. They did marry after his spouse died.

 

So, it can work at any age.

 

OP, I totally get what you're saying about the "safety" of a married man. I didn't want someone who would interfere with my plans or tell me what to do and how to spend my money. I don't regret the time I spent with MM. I don't feel I wasted those years.

 

I would encourage you to get divorced as well. Start the process. If you are moving out, then you will know within a few weeks if your new lifestyle is conducive to being the OW. No, it shouldn't be your first choice. Actually, if you didn't appear to be seeking an emotional connectiom as well, I'd tell you to check out local - or a couple hours distant swinging clubs.

 

Good luck. Very few divorces go as simply as people would like.

 

After my husband died, I didn't want to have a live in relationship again. I am indpendent, have good life and I am in my late 60s.

 

I had a 7 year affair with a MM. It wasn't my plan to do so but I don't regret it either.

 

He was not in a position to divorce his chronically ill wife and I didn't want him to. He is nearly 74 now. It all got too much for both of us to cope with in the end.

I am still in contact with him and we love each other a great deal.

 

My years with him were by no means wasted. He was and is a lovely man.

 

If I had been a younger person, like SCShea, it would have been foolish as she has her whole life ahead of her. She is in a different stage of life and should divorce and go her own way.

 

Poppy.

[Bufo]

Another repeat post from Bufo. Here is your homework. Read any 10 OW threads picked at random. Keep score on how many had happy endings versus those with unhappy endings. If that doesn't help you decide, pick another 10 at random and repeat the math with those10. Then decide. Tip: Are you and he so special that your future is guaranteed happy? If you think you are special ask yourself why.

 

You don't want to be back here in a year with A tale of woe.

[SCShea]

Thank you for taking the time for your input. I know I hit some nerves bringing up this subject. My husband has asked for one final attempt at our marriage. It will now be deemed a partnership rather than a traditional marriage. I honestly don't believe it will work in the long run, but am willing to give it an honest try. We will have a monogamous/non-monogamous relationship. I am free to seek out FWB relationship with a married man/men that lives in another state or is substantial distance away. My husband is stipulating the married part in this, not me. It is the only way HE will feel secure.

 

If/when this arrangement does not work, I will move forward with filing for divorce.

 

For those of you who were concerned about the MM that I am planning to meet soon, he does not have any children. I would draw the line at breaking up any family, as the children would be innocent victims. I am not that self centered or cruel.

[Lady2163]

Thank you for taking the time for your input. I know I hit some nerves bringing up this subject. My husband has asked for one final attempt at our marriage. It will now be deemed a partnership rather than a traditional marriage. I honestly don't believe it will work in the long run, but am willing to give it an honest try. We will have a monogamous/non-monogamous relationship. I am free to seek out FWB relationship with a married man/men that lives in another state or is substantial distance away. My husband is stipulating the married part in this, not me. It is the only way HE will feel secure.

 

If/when this arrangement does not work, I will move forward with filing for divorce.

 

For those of you who were concerned about the MM that I am planning to meet soon, he does not have any children. I would draw the line at breaking up any family, as the children would be innocent victims. I am not that self centered or cruel.

 

Again, I encourage you to check out swinging. They can be very open to married people who have "permission" to play. Condoms are a must and discretion is the norm. You can meet some great people. You can also meet some drama magnets, so don't feel the need to dive right in.