What I learnt about self improvement

[ZA Dater]

The architects of self improvement are often our friends or perhaps even family and this post is about the fact self improvement should not be a blinkered process.

 

 

First you need to decide WHY you want to improve and what OBJECTIVE do you have in mind, only with those things can you formulate a concrete plan of improvement.

 

 

In my case I didn't really feel I needed any improvement at all but because my dating history was so pathetically poor I bought into an idea that self improvement may help me to be able to get what I want.

 

 

Herein lies a lesson about self improvement, its only improvement if you can measure betterment so from the outset have some yardstick to use.

 

 

The easiest self improvement, relatively speaking to achieve is appearance, many times people say if you look good you feel good but in my experience that's only half true, you can look good but still feel deeply unattractive.

 

 

Lets be honest for most people improving is to become more attractive.

 

 

Its easy to buy clothes, to work out but in all honesty I do not thing either of those count for much in the grand scheme of things, the hardest improvement to make is to your personality, in fact I believe its next to impossible.

 

 

My final comment, think long and hard if you are happy with who you are before going about self improvement because if you can look in the mirror and be happy with what you see then why go about self improvement.

 

 

In my case self improvement was an expensive lesson in failure, new clothes and a new style doesn't change the person.

[losangelena]

I read a great quote recently about focusing on things like appearance and weight when trying to make changes for the better (and this is a paraphrase):

 

"It's like trying to redecorate the walls of your cage."

 

It's very tempting to think that changing the outsides will somehow change the insides, but it doesn't work that way. That's why a lot of people who lose weight, for example, find that they still have the same insecurities, because they haven't dealt with the internal reasons for why they were overweight in the first place.

 

It's much harder work, and the results are very incremental, but I don't think it's impossible, necessarily.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I read a great quote recently about focusing on things like appearance and weight when trying to make changes for the better (and this is a paraphrase):

 

"It's like trying to redecorate the walls of your cage."

 

It's very tempting to think that changing the outsides will somehow change the insides, but it doesn't work that way. That's why a lot of people who lose weight, for example, find that they still have the same insecurities, because they haven't dealt with the internal reasons for why they were overweight in the first place.

 

It's much harder work, and the results are very incremental, but I don't think it's impossible, necessarily.

 

I second this except I would change think to know...I know it's not impossible as I've done it and I've known many people. The first hurdle is self-awareness and the second is a willingness to do what it takes to improve and change.

 

It appears you simply focused on the outside only to realize it didn't mend the inside. Until you realize that they are not necessarily one in the same then perhaps you might have a fighting chance to make bigger, deeper changes.

[sportygirl89]

Have you tried a spiritual approach? Might help! I have found it helpful.

[Chris2016]

How do improve the inside?

[Qboro90]

Look at how definitive some of the things you state are when you have these "revelations" from time to time. A few months ago you were "positive" that it was all about how you look and present yourself with confidence and were adamant that you "could not change your personality ever because, you are who you are"...

 

Now this mindset took hold.. And while its progress. You're also no expert with all the answers. Sometimes knowing, that you know nothing at all, and that's not a bad thing, is just as helpful as thinking you've got it all figured out.

[Rejected Rosebud]

OP - what you wrote is false. It is not necessary to have some kind of "yardstick" to know whether you improved yourself or not.

 

I just finished reading a very long and difficult novel in its original French. I am very proud of my accomplishment! It was hard! Getting through that without quitting - I've started it more than once before, and given up - was self improvement.

[lino]

You're comparing reading a book to the life of a guy in his early 30s who's still a virgin?

 

Must be tough if your only woes are reading a book in another language. Imagine what it must be like if you had to endure decades without any intimacy at all? I'm guessing you wouldn't worry about books anymore