The One That Got Away vs the One Who's Here Right Now

[wyldflower]

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Help!!! I have never considered myself a dishonest or deceptive person, but the other night i did something that my heart has been screaming for, for a long time. I went and saw my ex's band play, which led to eyes across the dance floor meeting, which led to drinks and much dancing afterwards, which led to THE KISS. Could have escalated into something further only my conscience finally kicked in and I went home.

 

This man is always the one I referred to as "The one". We have been friends for a few years, on and off for all but the last year in which the boyfriend entered and contact became a lot harder to maintain.

 

The ex is charming, soulful, musical, wise and it was circumstances alone that separated us. I loved him in a way I had never loved before.

 

The boyfriend is sweet, loves me and accepts me for who I am, encourages and supports me, loves my children and wants to spend the rest of his life with me.

 

So why am I even thinking this way?

 

After "the other night", the ex left a long and beautiful message on my voicemail talking about what a beautiful girl I am and how he knows he messed everything up with us. And my heart skipped.

 

I feel so guilty, so cruel and heartless. My boyfriend does NOT deserve to be betrayed. I just don't know what to do. By principal, I shouldn't be with him for the simple fact that I feel so strongly about someone else. Yet I love the friendship we have and the life we have together.

 

Help me!!! I am torn.

[Mr Spock]

Sheer Nostalgia. Ignore him, and move on. Did the message say "I want you back, and I'll do ANYTHING" if not, he more than likely wants to get in your pants, which you don't need. Right?

[wyldflower]

Nah... but he does want to see me this weekend. And the company is lovely. Grrrr.

[Sal Paradise]

Originally posted by wyldflower

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Help!!! I have never considered myself a dishonest or deceptive person, but the other night i did something that my heart has been screaming for, for a long time. I went and saw my ex's band play, which led to eyes across the dance floor meeting, which led to drinks and much dancing afterwards, which led to THE KISS. Could have escalated into something further only my conscience finally kicked in and I went home.

 

This man is always the one I referred to as "The one". We have been friends for a few years, on and off for all but the last year in which the boyfriend entered and contact became a lot harder to maintain.

 

The ex is charming, soulful, musical, wise and it was circumstances alone that separated us. I loved him in a way I had never loved before.

 

The boyfriend is sweet, loves me and accepts me for who I am, encourages and supports me, loves my children and wants to spend the rest of his life with me.

 

So why am I even thinking this way?

 

After "the other night", the ex left a long and beautiful message on my voicemail talking about what a beautiful girl I am and how he knows he messed everything up with us. And my heart skipped.

 

I feel so guilty, so cruel and heartless. My boyfriend does NOT deserve to be betrayed. I just don't know what to do. By principal, I shouldn't be with him for the simple fact that I feel so strongly about someone else. Yet I love the friendship we have and the life we have together.

 

Help me!!! I am torn.

 

You cheated on your boyfriend and he deserves to know. If you want to work it out with him and he is willing to give you a second chance then you need to never contact your ex ever again for as long as you're with your boyfriend. If that means the rest of your life then thats what you need to do. You can't be friends with someone you have feelings for. Its unfair to your boyfriend. He deserves better than a lying, cheating, ungrateful woman who is using him.

 

If you don't want your boyfriend then stop being a coward and come clean with him and then leave him. Be sure to tell him why you're leaving. He needs to know you cheated. He needs to know you're not worth being upset over. It will help him move on and find a real woman who will love him for who he is.

 

You have put this ex up on a pedestal that no man could compete with. If the guy means that much to you then you should leave your boyfriend and go be with him. Don't waste your boyfriends life by settling for him, no one wants to be someone's 2nd choice or the person they settled for.

 

If you care at all for your boyfriend you will come clean and either cut this crap out or leave him. If you don't you will either end up sleeping with this guy and really hurting your boyfriend, or you will stay and just always secretly desire and wonder what might have been and unfairly compare your boyfriend to a a fantasy. No one can compete with a fanatsy. A fantasy doesn't argue, a fantasy doesn't hurt you, a fantasy doesn't age, a fantasy doesn't fart in its sleep or get morning breath.

 

You need to make a choice, you can't have both.

[wyldflower]

I know I know.

Logic is a wonderful thing but sometimes not that easy to apply.

You don't need to drag my name through the mud... I am doing that just fine on my own. I know something needs to be done.

And in light of my cheating, I don't think my boyfriend will consider me unworthy of being upset over. Maybe just human.

Thanks for the advice.

[Bryanp]

Quick question: How would you feel if the roles were reversed? Wouldn't you respect your boyfriend if he told you the truth? If you do not tell him then you are continuing to disrespect him as a person and a boyfriend. Either you wish to be an honest and trustworthy person or you don't. The choice is what type of person deep down you wish to be. I wish you luck.

[sparkle & fade]

What was the circumstance that seperated you and the "great one" to begin with????

[coaster]

okay, well I don't think you really need to tell your current boyfriend about the ex. what you need to do is cut ties with the ex. you are in a good relationship right now and you are taking it for granted.

 

if it were meant to be with the ex, then it will happen someday, just not today.

 

i have put someone musical and beautiful and "meant to be" on a pedistal. but i finally realized he is no different from any other guy.

 

at any rate, follow your heart. Think of your children and god bless.

[wyldflower]

Thank you so much for your advice. It was everything I needed to hear, without judgement. Thanks