My crappy situation - really need some words of wisdom

[Learningtowalkagain]

My ex and I dated for most of 2014. The break up was 100% mutual. During 2015 we'd contact each other here and there, we still cared for each other. During summer I found out she had a new bf, I'll admit it hurt. So a few months go by and they break up, I'm walking in to work in September and she approaches me in the parking lot at work. She had tears in her eyes and was very emotional, said she still thinks about me and how great of a guy I am this and that and we should talk some time. I give it thought but left it alone because I wasn't sure.

 

November rolls around, and she's at my desk at work with a bag full of gifts for my daughters birthday. Very nice of her. I sit down and she instant messages me saying it was great seeing you again. We make plans to hang out. We talk for 8 hours straight, and I could tell she was still interested. We go out to her car and she starts kissing me. Then she says "you know I'm still in love with you". I was taken back.

 

So this goes on for a few weeks. She is very affectionate and sends me stuff about soul mates this and that. So one night she drunk text'd me, we got into an argument...but it was stupid and we both apologized. A few days later she contacts me saying she's feeling indifferent, a big part of her wants to be with me but she doesn't believe in going backwards in life. So now I'm confused.

 

I ask her what she wants and she says to take things slow. But at this point I was emotionally invested. So I did a stupid thing and gave her an ultimatium of either being with me or not. She says she doesn't know what she wants, it 's like the U2 song with our without blah blah blah (this was early December). So I decided to give her her space. She still text'd me and instant messaged me here and there.

 

New Years eve after midnight she sends me a text saying Happy New Year and telling me what an amazing person I am. So a week ago I text her, asking her if she still wants to take it slow and when is she available to grab a drink. She gives me this wishy washy answer about work (she's not lying she's having issues at work) and she'll contact me later. She texts me later but it was "how's everything going, bout to run tot he gym". So I don't hear from her again.

 

2 days go by and now I'm just pissed. So I shoot her a text saying how ****ty it is she pushed herself back into my life and that she wasn't the person I thought she was. She shot about 15 texts back pretty much saying she can't believe I would say that, yes she still loves me and I was the only guy she ever loved and my message to her hurt his and that. We wind up texting all day. She keeps mentioning meeting up to chat in person.

 

Next day comes and she texts me more of the same. We should meet up and chat, low key, no expectations happy hour. I apologized for saying she wasn't who I thought she was and said I just wanted an answer and I feel like you've been jerking me around and really all I'm seeking at this point is closure. She apologizes there hasn't really been any closure but keeps reitereating we should meet up and talk in person. I unfriended her on facebook, because I didn't want to see what she's doing. So this past Friday she goes on my sisters page and likes a pic I'm tagged in. Then Friday night I get a late night text about how I didn't care about her for a year and now I'm coming out of the woodwork with my feelings and this and that. So I waited till the morning and made a joke about her drunk texting me. She never responded.

 

So I know a lot of you are going to say "she's unsure, just walk away"...trust me, I want nothing more than to do this...I even joined Match. But I still have strong feelings for her apparently. She has a lot of issues but I know how to deal with them and her best is simply amazing.

 

My question: Should I bother texting her back telling her I did care about her and her perception is wrong. We know a lot of mutual people, really any of these people could tell her yeah he definitely cared for you when you guys weren't together.

Next question: Would it be a bad idea to meet up with her and hear her out? I told her in one text, if you never see a future with us again, just say so. I just want closure. She still won't give me a straight answer.

And finally: How do I stop thinking about her? I have OCD so it just makes the situation a million times worse. I know people are going to say move on and I'd like to but at the same time it's not that easy.

[pianomanwoman]

Don't self diagnose. Get help now if you need it. You can't be a good partner unless you are together. Now for the easy part, Let her know how you feel,tell her thanks for the presents and love. Promise to remain friends and see how it works out in the future. Don't be obsessed about her or this relationship until you get yourself straightened out. That's the best. If you want to be with her she will understand. Even people with disorders can have loving lasting relationship together!

[Learningtowalkagain]

Don't self diagnose. Get help now if you need it. You can't be a good partner unless you are together. Now for the easy part, Let her know how you feel,tell her thanks for the presents and love. Promise to remain friends and see how it works out in the future. Don't be obsessed about her or this relationship until you get yourself straightened out. That's the best. If you want to be with her she will understand. Even people with disorders can have loving lasting relationship together!

 

I'm 40, I've had OCD since I was 15. The OCD started at 15 after a girlfriend I had broke up with me. I constantly add numbers and look for numbers that aren't divisible by 3. 3 is my bad number.

 

We didn't break up because of my OCD. She has her own issues. It's just when I'm in limbo with a girl that's when my OCD is the worst. I tried pretty much every SSRI but the side effects are too much.

 

My plan is to go no contact with her. I need to heal. If she reaches out so be it. I don't hate her, I still love her and she still says she loves me. But I don't know if it will ever work with her.