Obsessive thoughts

[make-this-stick]

Oh man! I really need some help here. I'm on day 16 of NC & I'm having obsessive thoughts about exMM. What the heck should I do to stop myself becoming a crazy woman? I miss him so much & desperately want to contact him but know there's no point. Really what would it solve? But rather than feeling stronger, I feel anxious, weepier & not good physically. Have others felt this way? I can't believe that he's gone from my life.

[MidnightBlue1980]

Churchill, "If you are going through hell, keep going". Turning around will only delay your recovery and you will be back at square one. I like to think I am climbing a mountain and each day is one step out of the swamp at the bottom. Contact him, beg, plead or have any romantic contact and I slide all the way back to the bottom.

 

Obsessive thoughts are natural. Write letters you don't send. Read the posts here. Go work out hard in the gym. Cry. Listen to sad songs. Watch trash TV. Take baths. It's a breakup, treat it the same as any other jerk. My friend had a boyfriend for 6 years. On the day before they were to move in together, he texted, "I don't feel the same" and refused to answer his phone. Many men - married or single - are children. I can only promise you that IF you do not feed it (i.e add new info from FB or talking to him), it will fade.

 

I am on week 3.5 of "NC".

[make-this-stick]

Do you feel stronger 3 weeks in? How long was your relationship for? I think I'm waivering back & forth because our ending was so unclear. He didn't come out & say his feelings have changed, in fact the opposite, but that his life had & he couldn't bear hurting me anymore. Such mixed messages, such BS...I'd would have been so much better with a clean break. This is just agony.

[Popsicle]

I love Churchhill.

 

This is normal and you just have to push through it. In time, it will lessen.

[privategal]

You are still in the early stages and will have more hard days than good days right now.

"I can't stand to hurt you anymore?"

That means "if you stay with me, I will only continue to hurt you cause nothings changing".

He's in his marriage for life.

That does hurt that he is out of your life for good yes.

You gotta keep letting that sink in. Its done. He isn't yours, its hard saying goodbye, but its better this way.

Cry until you can't cry anymore. That's what happened to me, I woke up one day and said I'm sick of crying.

The most exciting next step was the first real smile/laugh. I never thought Id smile again.

Erase that hope by erasing all contact methods therefore not checking your phone EVERY minute. So it isn't that he isn't reaching out...it's that you wont let him, you are now focused on you and reinventing your world.

[MidnightBlue1980]

I am not sure how to reply directly to you.

 

Am I feeling stronger....well, here is my story in a nutshell. I am a MW and in a business group for 5 years. I know many of the guys well we are friendly, some are customers now. One guy I really didn't know too well, just a few dinners and lunches over the years (professional) but then in early15, he texted me that he loved me. We had playful flirtation for a few months but I really wasn't interested. End of July, we went to an event and talked for hours. Still platonic, we started an EA, lots of communication, see each other weekly at our meeting. We hung out twice at night in August and it became a PA. My husband saw my phone right after and went crazy on both of us. We could not break the connection but dialed it back a lot, basically MM was so afraid his W would find out. Two weeks later, I see H's phone and he is having his own affair with a single girl in her 20s. (I am 40). H does not want to give her up and proposes we try this out, we each explore our own thing. H is in love with this girl and was actually dating her in public on Saturday nights, painting the town, while I was having a "respectable" A in dark taverns where only low-lifes go.

 

So we tried this dysfunctional thing except it was unbalanced. This poor girl was all in love with H and they spoke for hours daily and had real dates. MM is obviously married and although he was all about the I Love Yous, he was really there for physical stuff as he and his wife had not had any intimacy in 3 years. MM was thrilled at my H's idea and wanted to explore that but in 5 months, there was limited physical activity because to be honest, I felt terrible afterwards. He'd go off happy as a clam and I'd be with my family dying inside, seeing his wife post pictures on FB of the happy family.

 

Meanwhile Single Girl started putting demands on my H to leave me. I was like Go, Go Go! as things were not good. But he had no intention of leaving, why would he? He said to me, if we split up (he and I), I will be single and date, she would be a reminder of all this badness. And I would watch the way H treated her and I felt sorry for her, she really loved him, and I KNEW that the same way my H played with her, MM was playing with me. Around Thanksgiving, H just ended it with her, as men seem to do. He did die inside. He laid in bed for days but she never knew because when he saw her, he was mean. He said, that is what you have to do in these things. And then he put the squeeze on me to end it.

 

Before Christmas MM was sending me texts about how he wanted to leave and be with me. H and I had a huge row over MM and I left. The next day I asked him directly, are you leaving your W? And he said no, he wanted us both. I said, it's over. I saw him 2 days later and same thing. That night he told his wife about me but twisted it making me seem crazy and he the victim. I know bc the W called my H, who did give her the truth. MM's wife said they were going to work on their marriage and H agreed we were too and both agreed that neither of us (me and MM) should have contact outside our group and not speak to each other there.

 

What followed were two weeks of hell, pain, suffering for me as MM did no NC with me. I am sure I don't need to explain. I saw him the first time and he was cold. Then I forced him to talk to me and he said that he needs to work on his marriage and so do I. The next week (which is last week), he said he does love me but cannot offer me anything right now and can't do anything (ie sexual). I found this hysterical, the guy still thinks I am game for an affair. I corrected him and just said that if he stays, he has to treat me with respect due to my position and we have to deal with each other publicly. Otherwise, he can leave (the place we are in together)

 

Sorry for this novel. It helps to tell my story. So 3.5 weeks in and it does get easier. I no longer check the email he used, I no longer feel the sharp pain but I do feel a lot of other things - stupid, foolish, etc. I do still love him (yes, I don't know why) and it's hard when I see him. I am not sure how to act. Ignoring him only gives him power. I want to strive to be indifferent and treat him like the other guys there, but it hurts. At this moment typing this it does not hurt but in a few days, it will hurt again.

 

I guess if I had to sum it up, I would say I feel not good enough - good enough for sex and an affair but not good enough for a real relationship. It doesn't matter how good looking you are or what you do in bed, they won't leave easily - MM is staying in a sexless marriage over being with me. And I know this is true because my H yelled at his W and said she needs to sleep with her husband. I know I am better off, what kind of guy openly admits he wants both his W and me. But it hurts.

[Popsicle]

^^That story is deep, midnightblue1980.

[make-this-stick]

Wow MB, what an incredibly complex & stressful situation! Seeing both sides of the fence at the same time & working with your ex ap......you're a strong woman to be handling all that. I so recognize your feelings of not being good enough. I'm a great friend, confidante, fantastic sex partner but obviously can't compete with his alcoholic wife . He won't leave as he's scared she'll fall apart. It didn't stop him beginning an affair 3 years ago, & he still has his kids, but now he's using them to hide behind. He is a good man, misguided, but good. But your story... Just wow!

[MidnightBlue1980]

Thanks. Yes, I could leave but I have been there as long as he has now and I have a high position and get business. Why should *I* leave? I feel like I am two people - the emotional me who just feels she loves this guy and the thinking me who has to protect both of us (both me's) from basically myself. Because he may be back, maybe not, hard to say but if he starts, I need to be strong. What helps me is I have this picture of me and a guy friend (also in the group, knows the whole story) taken on 12.29 and someone put it on FB, we were at an event. I didn't know I was being photographed and I was looking down at my hands, which are facing up on my lap and I just look so broken.

 

I saved it to my phone and I look at it often to remind myself that I never, ever want to experience that death-like pain again, so brutally caused by MM's hands. He knew how I felt as he recently told me that he was also "devastated" at not being able to communicate.

 

What, were you in a Chinese prison? I think not. He made the choice to ignore me. Even my own husband said he was surprised at how he cut off so cruelly.

 

But - it does get easier. I did not die.

[whichwayisup]

Oh man! I really need some help here. I'm on day 16 of NC & I'm having obsessive thoughts about exMM. What the heck should I do to stop myself becoming a crazy woman? I miss him so much & desperately want to contact him but know there's no point. Really what would it solve? But rather than feeling stronger, I feel anxious, weepier & not good physically. Have others felt this way? I can't believe that he's gone from my life.

 

Remember this> If you contact him, he will think you're pathetic. The A is over and there's no point in contacting him. He doesn't care, he isn't thinking of you or even missing you. THAT is what you must tell yourself when you feel to urge to reach out to him. NO good can come of it, it'll just make you feel bad and not get onto day 17 of NC.

 

Call a woman friend and go have some girlie time together, laugh and be silly. You need to be around positive and happy friends to keep you going.

[Forceawakensme]

Thanks. Yes, I could leave but I have been there as long as he has now and I have a high position and get business. Why should *I* leave? I feel like I am two people - the emotional me who just feels she loves this guy and the thinking me who has to protect both of us (both me's) from basically myself. Because he may be back, maybe not, hard to say but if he starts, I need to be strong. What helps me is I have this picture of me and a guy friend (also in the group, knows the whole story) taken on 12.29 and someone put it on FB, we were at an event. I didn't know I was being photographed and I was looking down at my hands, which are facing up on my lap and I just look so broken.

 

I saved it to my phone and I look at it often to remind myself that I never, ever want to experience that death-like pain again, so brutally caused by MM's hands. He knew how I felt as he recently told me that he was also "devastated" at not being able to communicate.

 

What, were you in a Chinese prison? I think not. He made the choice to ignore me. Even my own husband said he was surprised at how he cut off so cruelly.

 

But - it does get easier. I did not die.

 

MidnightBlue, thank you for posting your story in so much detail -- it really helped me to see all the different angles.

 

The part i can relate to the most is feeling that icy cut off after so many declarations of love etc. I think what hurt me the most was him saying we cant even do sexual -- as he and i both know that this was me lowering my expectations considerably and he STILL said no. How humilitating for me.

 

The "thinking me" (as you said) KNOWS its because hes Married and either promised his wife or himself he wouldn't go there -- but the emotional me thinks "why am i not worth it?" to him. I was once... why not now? He would tell me before how physically beautiful i am, educated funny and amazing in bed (which i was for him lol) -- but now he wont even give me a bread crumb? .. Its torture.

 

Im only a few days in but you are very inspiring .. Especially as you still have to seehim (i do too, not for another month but he is tangled in a mutual group that i cant extract myself from without major disruption to a lot of lives

- disruption i am not ready to make yet as it will affect too many innocent people financially and otherwise).

 

I'd be lying if i said i didn't feel some days felt like i was just biding time until he changed his mind. Ugh.

 

Thanks again and Make-me-Stick, you've been heard.. i feel you and think we both need to take Churchill's advice -- we need to keep going through hell so we can come out the other side. If we try to turn backwards we'll have even long time spent in hell.

[MidnightBlue1980]

Hi Force,

 

Well, I do relate to your feelings and I am happy I inspire you. I will be honest, I still love him and it hurts. Plus as someone posted on a different thread, it's easier for me (and you) because we have no choice but to move on. There were times when I tried to back away from him and he would keep emailing and I'd just feel so guilty at hurting him. Funny how when the shoe is on the other foot they don't feel guilty.

 

I know there are men reading this so I hate to generalize but between my H (WS) and my guy friends in miserable marriages, it seems that men really are loathe to leave their marriage. I do not think they have the social support women to and they just like being married. I feel like being married is a lot of work, I daydream about a 2 bedroom apartment when we fight for me and my kids but men are just different. They like the aspect of being married - they like going to work, having their hobbies (fishing, hunting, biking) and they like their nice home there - home meaning wife, kids, family. They are very into their home in a materialistic way.

 

MM said once that he was not starting over at 46 and giving his wife half of everything, paying alimony and child support (even though he had only one kid). He was upfront that he married the wrong person and they had a totally sexless life. To contrast, I also would pay alimony and child support but if I was unhappy, I'd do it. So what. Now there are women who like the social status thing just there are men who do leave. But they say, assume you are the rule, not the exception and men rarely leave. And even when they do - you may be sorry.

 

I was married before and it was a bad married. I met a MM and within 5 months, he moved out - yes on his own. But he exposed our A to my H and insisted I move out. I was unhappy so I moved out and he moved in with me. I got divorced. But then exMM wavered. He could not file for D until he was 100% certain we would work out. The more insecure you feel, the less secure they feel and they need to feel secure to file. Catch 22. He moved in and out of my apartment and my life. Oh, the tears, lies and fights. Trust me, you are better off with NC. After 3 years of this, I had to quit my job and move to escape him. 3 months later I met my now H.

 

I swore I'd never do it again, but obviously I did. So I am not so much strong as I love myself more than I love MM. Look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that everyday. It's okay to be sad and love someone. Hate binds, love frees. Heck, I even told MM last week, I still love you! But then I said, I'm still not having an affair. Love yourself! You are worth it!

Edited January 18, 2016 by MidnightBlue1980

[Popsicle]

Hi Force,

 

Well, I do relate to your feelings and I am happy I inspire you. I will be honest, I still love him and it hurts. Plus as someone posted on a different thread, it's easier for me (and you) because we have no choice but to move on. There were times when I tried to back away from him and he would keep emailing and I'd just feel so guilty at hurting him. Funny how when the shoe is on the other foot they don't feel guilty.

 

I know there are men reading this so I hate to generalize but between my H (WS) and my guy friends in miserable marriages, it seems that men really are loathe to leave their marriage. I do not think they have the social support women to and they just like being married. I feel like being married is a lot of work, I daydream about a 2 bedroom apartment when we fight for me and my kids but men are just different. They like the aspect of being married - they like going to work, having their hobbies (fishing, hunting, biking) and they like their nice home there - home meaning wife, kids, family. They are very into their home in a materialistic way.

 

MM said once that he was not starting over at 46 and giving his wife half of everything, paying alimony and child support (even though he had only one kid). He was upfront that he married the wrong person and they had a totally sexless life. To contrast, I also would pay alimony and child support but if I was unhappy, I'd do it. So what. Now there are women who like the social status thing just there are men who do leave. But they say, assume you are the rule, not the exception and men rarely leave. And even when they do - you may be sorry.

 

I was married before and it was a bad married. I met a MM and within 5 months, he moved out - yes on his own. But he exposed our A to my H and insisted I move out. I was unhappy so I moved out and he moved in with me. I got divorced. But then exMM wavered. He could not file for D until he was 100% certain we would work out. The more insecure you feel, the less secure they feel and they need to feel secure to file. Catch 22. He moved in and out of my apartment and my life. Oh, the tears, lies and fights. Trust me, you are better off with NC. After 3 years of this, I had to quit my job and move to escape him. 3 months later I met my now H.

 

I swore I'd never do it again, but obviously I did. So I am not so much strong as I love myself more than I love MM. Look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that everyday. It's okay to be sad and love someone. Hate binds, love frees. Heck, I even told MM last week, I still love you! But then I said, I'm still not having an affair. Love yourself! You are worth it!

 

Midnightblue1980, you are spot on with the reasons men never leave and that they love marriage. I've been saying that here for months. Glad to have someone explain it better.

 

One question for you, what makes you not leave your marriage now? Do you just not see the point in leaving if MM won't leave?

 

Also, you mentioned that your H was shocked at how quickly your MM left you in the dust, but he (your H) did the same thing to his OW. The irony is not lost on me.

[RySant]

I love MB's story!

 

Same questions as Popsicle. What makes you stay in your marriage even if both of you are already having affairs of your own. Isn't it kinda toxic living that kind of life? 40 is a bit young to give up finding genuine happiness.

[Forceawakensme]

Hi Force,

 

Well, I do relate to your feelings and I am happy I inspire you. I will be honest, I still love him and it hurts. Plus as someone posted on a different thread, it's easier for me (and you) because we have no choice but to move on. There were times when I tried to back away from him and he would keep emailing and I'd just feel so guilty at hurting him. Funny how when the shoe is on the other foot they don't feel guilty.

 

I know there are men reading this so I hate to generalize but between my H (WS) and my guy friends in miserable marriages, it seems that men really are loathe to leave their marriage. I do not think they have the social support women to and they just like being married. I feel like being married is a lot of work, I daydream about a 2 bedroom apartment when we fight for me and my kids but men are just different. They like the aspect of being married - they like going to work, having their hobbies (fishing, hunting, biking) and they like their nice home there - home meaning wife, kids, family. They are very into their home in a materialistic way.

 

MM said once that he was not starting over at 46 and giving his wife half of everything, paying alimony and child support (even though he had only one kid). He was upfront that he married the wrong person and they had a totally sexless life. To contrast, I also would pay alimony and child support but if I was unhappy, I'd do it. So what. Now there are women who like the social status thing just there are men who do leave. But they say, assume you are the rule, not the exception and men rarely leave. And even when they do - you may be sorry.

 

I was married before and it was a bad married. I met a MM and within 5 months, he moved out - yes on his own. But he exposed our A to my H and insisted I move out. I was unhappy so I moved out and he moved in with me. I got divorced. But then exMM wavered. He could not file for D until he was 100% certain we would work out. The more insecure you feel, the less secure they feel and they need to feel secure to file. Catch 22. He moved in and out of my apartment and my life. Oh, the tears, lies and fights. Trust me, you are better off with NC. After 3 years of this, I had to quit my job and move to escape him. 3 months later I met my now H.

 

I swore I'd never do it again, but obviously I did. So I am not so much strong as I love myself more than I love MM. Look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that everyday. It's okay to be sad and love someone. Hate binds, love frees. Heck, I even told MM last week, I still love you! But then I said, I'm still not having an affair. Love yourself! You are worth it!

 

Thank you so much for posting this....So helpful.

[lemondrop21]

Thank you Midnightblue for your story and I wish you the best in unraveling everything. It sounds very complex with lots of people hurting .

[CALOVELY]

 

 

 

 

I guess if I had to sum it up, I would say I feel not good enough - good enough for sex and an affair but not good enough for a real relationship. It doesn't matter how good looking you are or what you do in bed, they won't leave easily - MM is staying in a sexless marriage over being with me. And I know this is true because my H yelled at his W and said she needs to sleep with her husband. I know I am better off, what kind of guy openly admits he wants both his W and me. But it hurts.

 

You don't find it the least bit disgusting that your husband is screaming at the wife of your MM that she should be [having sex with] her husband more? What a revolting and cruel thing for him to say to the victim in all of this. You should think long and hard about your choices in men, your MM and your husband.

Edited January 24, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language

[imperfectangel]

I wish I could print this off and stick it on my fridge! Best post in a long time

[insidemymind02]

I have gone NC at least 4-5 times on my xMM and each one lasted 4-6 months. The first couple of days are always brutal because you are changing patterns, then it gets a little easier, and then all of a sudden for some reason is slaps you in the face with a brick (mine are usually hormonally related also). Find something to do with your time and know that we all have been there and are here to support you. I am starting this NC journey all over again and am on day 1. I have read the posts here for a while, but needed to have a different experience this time. best of luck to you... be strong

 

inside

[Lady2163]

MB....you remind me of the saying, "Single life is just too damn hard"

 

Years ago I dated a man who one year took his income tax refund and rounded out his work wardrobe to 15 suits/outfits. He was so thrilled he only had to go the dry cleaner once every 18 days or so. I was working a job that required a uniform and had to do laundry every four work days. He also only cooked one day a month. He'd make a bunch of food and freeze it in single portion containers. He was kind of a jerk and very self centered. So we ended things.

 

Fast forward years later and we end up at a party for a mutual friends wedding. It was pleasant, but his new wife knew who I was. I would have preferred not to have been at the same table for the wedding. Anyway, the conversation was light and friendly, but she did pump me for some details. I popped off with those two remembrances. I think I joked that he had more clothes than I did and he never cooked for me. I may not be explaining this the best way, but it wasn't vicious.

 

But, oh good God, did I start World War III. Turns out just before she moved in, he quit taking his clothes to the dry cleaners. She was doing all of his washing and hers and all their ironing. They had been married four years or so and he had NEVER cooked a meal. He told her he really didn't know how to cook and he was almost a gourmet chef when I'd had samples of his creations. He could make scampi and piccata that was just fantastic!

 

But single life is tough. There's no one else to run their errands, do the chores, fix anything that is broken, wait for the cable person, drop you off when your car needs to be repaired, etc. It is hard work to come home after an 8-12 hour day, fix a meal, clean up after a meal, take care of kids and/or animals. The day never ends and it is exhausting.

 

I mentioned this in another post. it used to be after a divorce men remarried within six months, women six years. The sociological perspective was that men realized single life was just too hard and cleaned up their bachelor pad long enough to hook another woman. Meanwhile, women were raising children as a single parent and didn't want the added work of a man until the kids were more self sufficient.

[MidnightBlue1980]

You don't find it the least bit disgusting that your husband is screaming at the wife of your MM that she should be [having sex with] her husband more? What a revolting and cruel thing for him to say to the victim in all of this. You should think long and hard about your choices in men, your MM and your husband.

 

That's not what happened. It had been over 3 years. They are roommates. My H was basically telling her that when you are married, you have to take care of your spouse's needs. She enjoyed not working and living a nice life, well, you have to do your part. I really can't believe she was so shocked. If I did not have sex with my husband for 3 years, I would expect him to look elsewhere. And he did not use that language or yell at her. He just wanted her to keep her husband away from his wife. She called my husband, believe me, it was the last thing I wanted. But she is not innocent here and no victim. There are other vows that can be broken in a marriage.

Edited January 24, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edit quote

[Lady2163]

That's not what happened. It had been over 3 years. They are roommates. My H was basically telling her that when you are married, you have to take care of your spouse's needs. She enjoyed not working and living a nice life, well, you have to do your part. I really can't believe she was so shocked. If I did not have sex with my husband for 3 years, I would expect him to look elsewhere. And he did not use that language or yell at her. He just wanted her to keep her husband away from his wife. She called my husband, believe me, it was the last thing I wanted. But she is not innocent here and no victim. There are other vows that can be broken in a marriage.

 

I don't know how to bold, but if I could, I'd highlight that last line.

 

[]

 

While my ex-husband didn't cheat on me, I've been cheated on by men I truly loved and would have wanted to spend the rest of my life with. He did, however fail to cherish me and placed others above me. These were also in our vows. Oh - and I didn't cheat on him. But I did stop having sex with him, so if he had gone elsewhere, I would have owned up to my part. It wouldn't have changed the outcome of our divorce. Anyway, that failure to cherish and the neglect that came from that had much more of an impact on me and my future than if he had cheated.

Edited January 24, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[MidnightBlue1980]

I love MB's story!

 

Same questions as Popsicle. What makes you stay in your marriage even if both of you are already having affairs of your own. Isn't it kinda toxic living that kind of life? 40 is a bit young to give up finding genuine happiness.

 

I just saw this question by you both. Well, yes, back when this first came all out in the open, I was very upset at my husband and in an emotional mess of my own. I made plans to separate. It's interesting at moments like that - people really see things as black or white. Any guy or girl friends who were divorced insisted I leave him immediately. My own long-time girlfriends insisted I leave him - move out, move on. Guy married friends insisted I stay - you don't leave they said. You don't leave your kids. You work it out. We were fighting a lot and I was going to leave. You know, staying is the new shame.

 

And then my Mother In Law took me to lunch and said, do not leave. This stuff happens. You work through it for the kids (4 and 6). She said I would thank her in a few years. She said she would take care of the girlfriend. She asked me if it was serious with MM and I said, he's married, so no.

 

So I stayed. We each worked our way through our own relationships and ended them, very painfully for each of us. I do love my husband, I always did. We just had kids quickly and the years went by, I worked and he stayed home. We were lonely and people picked up on that. I really can't be mad at him for meeting someone as I did the same thing. I do believe it is possible to love two people at the same time. But our "others", they were not reality. They were infatuations, an escape from the humdrum of married life. He says it was exciting but in no way worth the pain that followed. He is 100% happy to be back in the nest.

 

Me? I don't know. I do love him. I do like him, we have fun, there are no real problems. I've said to him, should I leave, you can find someone more suitable to this life but he is insistent that he wants me and is certain my feelings for MM will go away, that they are not real. He says it's his fault, which I really don't agree with.

 

Personally, I think our concept of marriage is fundamentally flawed. If half of marriages end in divorce and half of married people are cheating, then what, 25% of people are happy in a marriage? People are only as faithful as their options. People are not naturally monogamous. I really believe that now. Everyone craves that love feeling. Being faithful is a choice.

 

But, back to me - well, it's not really about me. I am not going to wreck two little lives by going off to find myself in my early 40s. I can find myself here in my home office by seeing my therapist and listening to my favorite youtube speakers. It's my job to make me happy, no one elses but at the same time, I have a responsibility to other people depending on me.

 

It's time to grow up and be an adult. I'm not going to flirt or look for attention outside my marriage to validate myself, look who that attracted and the impact it had on me. I'll give myself all the attention I need. The person to take care of me should be me. H and I have made major changes. He took classes and will be working for me as one of his big issues was all I do was work and he feels lonely (SAHD). We also went years without a date night. Now we do one every other week. We are spending a lot more time together whereas it used to be him and the kids and me and my work.

 

So we'll see.

 

But I will say this, if it doesn't work out, I will never, ever date a MM or Separate Man again.

Edited January 24, 2016 by MidnightBlue1980

[hello214]

why didnt i see your post sooner.. I am going through the same.. in your case who initiated NC and why?