Where to meet single self sufficient women? Do they exist?

[oregon0011]

I am divorced and 38. I own a business and do well for myself. I have many single guy friends in my same position, who are also self sufficient, good looking, and we all have dating/relationship horror stories.

 

Now one would think that in this day and age there would also be tons of single self sufficient women looking to meet a similar guy. But where are they? These are some of the things I encounter.

 

A. Daddies girl. Dad still supports her into her 30's. I dated a girl who couldn't get more serious because dad would take away her things if she moved in with or married a guy.

 

B. The in debt girl. She has a career, job, nice clothes. But she is 200k in debt and under enormous stress. College loans, credit cards. Etc

 

C. Girl who lives off men. May have been married before, stayed home, and wants the same again. And quickly. Never earned a dime and doesn't appreciate being taken care of anyway. Just a guys duty. Or they just want to move in quickly and you take care of them.

 

D. The sugar baby. Younger girl who wants to date you and be "taken care of"

 

E. The girl who can't manage money. Makes decent money but throws it away on ridiculous things. Soon throws yours away. Always a financial crisis.

 

F. The girl who can't hold a job. Every two weeks she starts a new job, loves it, then quits and asks to borrow money.

 

So when I tell friends about the girls I date, if they are girls, they laugh and tell me I meet the wrong ones. But if I look at their lives, they fit into one of the above classifications as well. Hahaha

 

So do they exist? That self sufficient well balanced egalitarian female who just wants to be loved?

Edited January 18, 2016 by oregon0011

[CarrieT]

Don't laugh at this suggestion:

 

Arts and Crafts Shows.

 

I am serious...

 

I am a woman who is now in my 50s and I have been making and selling jewelry on-and-off at these shows for two decades. Before I got married, I worked them alone and I used to tell all my single male friends to come and visit. They were SHOCKED at how many women flock to these events with their girlfriends, sisters, and mothers.

 

And those who were buying from me would lament the lack of single men or men who might spend a day with them at one of those shows instead of sitting home and watching sports.

 

Most men think these shows are limited to kitsch, but many show high-end artwork, serve good wine and food, and offer kick-ass live music. So many of you guys have no idea what you are missing in the volumes of available women at these shows...

[basil67]

I am divorced and 38. I own a business and do well for myself. I have many single guy friends in my same position, who are also self sufficient, good looking, and we all have dating/relationship horror stories.

 

Now one would think that in this day and age there would also be tons of single self sufficient women looking to meet a similar guy. But where are they? These are some of the things I encounter.

 

A. Daddies girl. Dad still supports her into her 30's. I dated a girl who couldn't get more serious because dad would take away her things if she moved in with or married a guy.

 

B. The in debt girl. She has a career, job, nice clothes. But she is 200k in debt and under enormous stress. College loans, credit cards. Etc

 

C. Girl who lives off men. May have been married before, stayed home, and wants the same again. And quickly. Never earned a dime and doesn't appreciate being taken care of anyway. Just a guys duty. Or they just want to move in quickly and you take care of them.

 

D. The sugar baby. Younger girl who wants to date you and be "taken care of"

 

E. The girl who can't manage money. Makes decent money but throws it away on ridiculous things. Soon throws yours away. Always a financial crisis.

 

F. The girl who can't hold a job. Every two weeks she starts a new job, loves it, then quits and asks to borrow money.

 

So when I tell friends about the girls I date, if they are girls, they laugh and tell me I meet the wrong ones. But if I look at their lives, they fit into one of the above classifications as well. Hahaha

 

So do they exist? That self sufficient well balanced egalitarian female who just wants to be loved?

 

Where I live, housing prices are 10x the annual salary and rents are just as high. University fees are high too. Short of an inheritance, there is no way a 38yo person can have an education and live independently and not be struggling with debt.

 

Unless of course mummy and daddy paid for their education and housing - which then puts them into another of your categories.

[dreamingoftigers]

Wow. I don't fit A-F.

 

I feel very "Unicorny" right now.

 

Maybe try Canada.

 

I honestly wonder where the heck you live if that's "all" you're finding.

 

And the suggestion in the other thread that the vast majority of women are offering "various goods" to receive various forms of payment or be sheerly provided for. Wow.

 

I kind of wonder what impressions you put out on OLD etc.

 

What social type of social groups do you associate with? Perhaps trying to meet someone volunteering. Because there's a better chance they have their own butt covered enough that they can spare some time to give to others.

 

Just a thought.

 

I moved out at 16 because my father was like Girl A's (plus he was seriously physically abusive.) I can't understand people who let their parents run their life.

[dreamingoftigers]

Where I live, housing prices are 10x the annual salary and rents are just as high. University fees are high too. Short of an inheritance, there is no way a 38yo person can have an education and live independently and not be struggling with debt.

 

Unless of course mummy and daddy paid for their education and housing - which then puts them into another of your categories.

 

My city has been in a similar economic space (and better) over the last 15-20 years.

 

Luckily with the low oil prices the market just dropped and we may be able to purchase a home within the next year.

 

But by 38 the student debt would surely be paid back?

 

I paid mine back sometime before I turned 24.

[oregon0011]

My city has been in a similar economic space (and better) over the last 15-20 years.

 

Luckily with the low oil prices the market just dropped and we may be able to purchase a home within the next year.

 

But by 38 the student debt would surely be paid back?

 

I paid mine back sometime before I turned 24.

 

I have a degree, paid myself and never had any debt.

 

So yes, It should be paid off by 30, I would think. Not that I really care, but it seems once people start acquiring debt they get the mindset of "oh well what's a little more debt" until they are deep in a hole. I never even had a credit card. But I have also had girlfriends who used college loan money for extravagant vacations.

[ChickiePops]

Of course we exist. Sadly, us normal people have trouble finding each other sometimes.

[Gloria25]

Where I live, housing prices are 10x the annual salary and rents are just as high. University fees are high too. Short of an inheritance, there is no way a 38yo person can have an education and live independently and not be struggling with debt.

 

Unless of course mummy and daddy paid for their education and housing - which then puts them into another of your categories.

 

Wrong,

 

I'm approaching 40 and am not "swimming in college debt". Thankfully the military paid for my education.

 

I also didn't take a dime from my family. Quite frankly, I've spent years bailing them out of crap and taking care of them.

 

I am having issues getting back to where I was financially cuz of some issues with a past job that I'm taking care of and slowly, but surely, making my way back.

 

So, sorry to disappoint anyone who expected me to be on a hunt for a guy and/or "daddy/mommy" to pay my bills.

 

I thank God every day for giving me two hands and two feet to stand on, the strength and ability to make/earn, and the brains to go to it. I could never see myself with my hand out to anyone....

[Gloria25]

I am divorced and 38. I own a business and do well for myself. I have many single guy friends in my same position, who are also self sufficient, good looking, and we all have dating/relationship horror stories.

 

Now one would think that in this day and age there would also be tons of single self sufficient women looking to meet a similar guy. But where are they? These are some of the things I encounter.

 

A. Daddies girl. Dad still supports her into her 30's. I dated a girl who couldn't get more serious because dad would take away her things if she moved in with or married a guy.

 

B. The in debt girl. She has a career, job, nice clothes. But she is 200k in debt and under enormous stress. College loans, credit cards. Etc

 

C. Girl who lives off men. May have been married before, stayed home, and wants the same again. And quickly. Never earned a dime and doesn't appreciate being taken care of anyway. Just a guys duty. Or they just want to move in quickly and you take care of them.

 

D. The sugar baby. Younger girl who wants to date you and be "taken care of"

 

E. The girl who can't manage money. Makes decent money but throws it away on ridiculous things. Soon throws yours away. Always a financial crisis.

 

F. The girl who can't hold a job. Every two weeks she starts a new job, loves it, then quits and asks to borrow money.

 

So when I tell friends about the girls I date, if they are girls, they laugh and tell me I meet the wrong ones. But if I look at their lives, they fit into one of the above classifications as well. Hahaha

 

So do they exist? That self sufficient well balanced egalitarian female who just wants to be loved?

 

You know what I love about that list ^^? That I've been dumped/chucked for chicks who were either A, B, C, D, E, F and/or all of the letters. Worst, I was treated as the enemy. Actually, the most recent guy that dissed me for a chick that fit a lot of those letters you listed above considered me a "cancer" that he had to rid himself of - not a "self-sufficient" woman. Oh gosh, he even is "suspicious" of me and what I want from him - while other women just are making a fool out of him via demands, manipulations, money, etc.

 

Oh, maybe you can also add G. Lets go of her looks/body and/or stops having sex once she's got a guy on the hook.

 

Also, you need to modify "A", cuz there's "daddy's girls" out there who's dads push them to get married cuz they want some sucker to share the debt and/or take her off of his hands; and/or, some daddy's will do anything to make their little Princess happy - to include financing the wedding and/or bills within the marriage so that their little Princess can get her a hubby and kids (anything for their little darling)...in other words, daddy continues to foot her bills even if she gets married and/or pops out kids.

[67Chevelle]

I am divorced and 38. I own a business and do well for myself. I have many single guy friends in my same position, who are also self sufficient, good looking, and we all have dating/relationship horror stories.

 

Now one would think that in this day and age there would also be tons of single self sufficient women looking to meet a similar guy. But where are they? These are some of the things I encounter.

 

A. Daddies girl. Dad still supports her into her 30's. I dated a girl who couldn't get more serious because dad would take away her things if she moved in with or married a guy.

 

B. The in debt girl. She has a career, job, nice clothes. But she is 200k in debt and under enormous stress. College loans, credit cards. Etc

 

C. Girl who lives off men. May have been married before, stayed home, and wants the same again. And quickly. Never earned a dime and doesn't appreciate being taken care of anyway. Just a guys duty. Or they just want to move in quickly and you take care of them.

 

D. The sugar baby. Younger girl who wants to date you and be "taken care of"

 

E. The girl who can't manage money. Makes decent money but throws it away on ridiculous things. Soon throws yours away. Always a financial crisis.

 

F. The girl who can't hold a job. Every two weeks she starts a new job, loves it, then quits and asks to borrow money.

 

So when I tell friends about the girls I date, if they are girls, they laugh and tell me I meet the wrong ones. But if I look at their lives, they fit into one of the above classifications as well. Hahaha

 

So do they exist? That self sufficient well balanced egalitarian female who just wants to be loved?

 

I agree with everything /\ /\ /\

 

I've met many women that seem great on the surface, then after talking to them for about 30 mins they always fall into one of those categories. One category you missed though is the woman that seems to move a lot, or stays with friends. And many of these women always have other red flags that go along with the categories listed, its not just a 1 item deal breaker.

 

 

Don't laugh at this suggestion:

 

Arts and Crafts Shows.

 

I am serious...

 

I am a woman who is now in my 50s and I have been making and selling jewelry on-and-off at these shows for two decades. Before I got married, I worked them alone and I used to tell all my single male friends to come and visit. They were SHOCKED at how many women flock to these events with their girlfriends, sisters, and mothers.

 

And those who were buying from me would lament the lack of single men or men who might spend a day with them at one of those shows instead of sitting home and watching sports.

 

Most men think these shows are limited to kitsch, but many show high-end artwork, serve good wine and food, and offer kick-ass live music. So many of you guys have no idea what you are missing in the volumes of available women at these shows...

 

I just cant believe majority of women want men approaching them with the intent of trying to date them when they are attending such shows. When you or other women think about the scenario you are picturing a situation that plays out just right.

 

You can have a guy approach a woman on Tuesday at store xyz and he gets shot down, but if that same guy approached the same woman on a different day or even hours later on Tuesday she would have reacted totally differently. Most women at most times do not want to be approached by 95% of the male population at any given time. A guy has to be just right at just the right time to typically be successful with a random cold approach during daylight hours. Approaching with the intent to get a number and a possible date is extra hard duing the day because most women are in a "I'm busy" mindset, and the last thing they want is to be bothered by some guy trying to hit on them. Because sadly, almost anytime a guy tries to talk to a woman her defense wall instantly goes up and she assumes this guy is hitting on her. Thats exactly why you hear women give advice to "just make conversation" dont act like you are hitting on them. So now guys are forced into playing a game, and hiding true intentions, because somewhere along the line it become a bad thing to let a woman know you are actually interested in her, because that will scare her away.

[basil67]

My city has been in a similar economic space (and better) over the last 15-20 years.

 

Luckily with the low oil prices the market just dropped and we may be able to purchase a home within the next year.

 

But by 38 the student debt would surely be paid back?

 

I paid mine back sometime before I turned 24.

 

Yeah, perhaps by 38 it would be paid back - fair point. But if the person has managed to save $50K for a deposit on a small condo (while paying our horrendous rents), they will then be in debt way more than the $200K the OP talks about.

[basil67]

I just cant believe majority of women want men approaching them with the intent of trying to date them when they are attending such shows. When you or other women think about the scenario you are picturing a situation that plays out just right.

 

You can have a guy approach a woman on Tuesday at store xyz and he gets shot down, but if that same guy approached the same woman on a different day or even hours later on Tuesday she would have reacted totally differently. Most women at most times do not want to be approached by 95% of the male population at any given time. A guy has to be just right at just the right time to typically be successful with a random cold approach during daylight hours. Approaching with the intent to get a number and a possible date is extra hard duing the day because most women are in a "I'm busy" mindset, and the last thing they want is to be bothered by some guy trying to hit on them. Because sadly, almost anytime a guy tries to talk to a woman her defense wall instantly goes up and she assumes this guy is hitting on her. Thats exactly why you hear women give advice to "just make conversation" dont act like you are hitting on them. So now guys are forced into playing a game, and hiding true intentions, because somewhere along the line it become a bad thing to let a woman know you are actually interested in her, because that will scare her away.

 

Agreed. I find it annoying being approached by men if I'm out at night with my best friend - and that's in a situation where meeting others is normal. I couldn't begin to imagine getting hit on while in the middle of choosing fabric at a craft fair!

[dreamingoftigers]

Yeah, perhaps by 38 it would be paid back - fair point. But if the person has managed to save $50K for a deposit on a small condo (while paying our horrendous rents), they will then be in debt way more than the $200K the OP talks about.

 

I would assume that a mortgage wouldn't count toward looking at debtload. I assumed it was consumer debt.

 

Yeah our average housing is over 500K here, now, during the slump.

[67Chevelle]

Agreed. I find it annoying being approached by men if I'm out at night with my best friend - and that's in a situation where meeting others is normal. I couldn't begin to imagine getting hit on while in the middle of choosing fabric at a craft fair!

 

Yea, I think women that are open to it are in the minority. I still believe most women rely on a friend or family member setting them up with "this great guy I know" and online dating, rather than being approached randomly in public.

[67Chevelle]

 

So do they exist? That self sufficient well balanced egalitarian female who just wants to be loved?

 

They totally exist, they are just few and far between. Depending on where you live has a huge effect on this as well. If you live in a major metro area you will see more independent women with careers that stand on their own two feet. But in a suburb or or more rural setting, you will typically see more women that grew up with getting married and having kids as their priority, and never invested in much of a career or education.

 

Where I live, looking at the profiles of women on dating sites, it is filled with STNA's, Dental assistants, phlebotomist, telemarketers, waitresses, rather than dentists, RN's, teachers and other jobs that require years of schooling and degrees. And most of those women had kids at a young age, because it seems thats the norm, at least where I live, for women to graduate high school, get married, and have babies.

 

But when I look at the profiles of women from large metro areas, I see women with careers that required lots of schooling, and majority of them dont have kids, or have a much younger child which means they didnt get pregnant at a young age. They put their focus on their education and career first.

 

Now of course for those that want to nitpick, I am well aware that theres exceptions to everything, and its not a blanket that covers every woman out there, but the shoe fits for most.

 

Another thought just entered my head when it comes to self sufficiency, and maybe someone else can add to it or clarify, but I'm betting its probably easier for a guy with no degree to find a job that pays a suitable wage than it is for a woman. It may be easier for women to find a job, because theres a lot of jobs out there that typically hire women(cleaning, secretary, clerical, cashier etc) but those jobs do not obviously pay as well as most jobs a guy with no degree could get. So a single woman(if she has no degree) may have the cards stacked against her when it comes to earning and taking care of her bills vs a guy in the same situation.

Edited January 18, 2016 by 67Chevelle

[ScienceGal]

We exist!

[67Chevelle]

We exist!

 

And a science gal at that...even better

[Popsicle]

I am none of those things. I think the normal men and women are not on OLD. Sadly, they hide in their houses and never meet each other unless they get lucky and someone introduces them.

 

That said, I would be put off by a guy who picked me based on my job and/or finances.

Edited January 18, 2016 by Popsicle

[PrettyEmily77]

I am divorced and 38. I own a business and do well for myself. I have many single guy friends in my same position, who are also self sufficient, good looking, and we all have dating/relationship horror stories.

 

 

So do they exist? That self sufficient well balanced egalitarian female who just wants to be loved?

 

Yeah, they exist but maybe they have their own prerequisite, like they don't want a divorced guy, for instance?

 

I'm nearing 40, never married, no kids or debts (probs because I never married or have kids...), LTR-minded, no OLD and before I met my BF, dating a divorced guy (with kids!!) was the last thing on my mind. But I really liked him so I put that aside because I'd rather have him in my life than not.

 

You just haven't met the right girl for you yet. Relax a little and keep an open-mind: she may even be one of your a to f categories but you won't mind as much if you like her enough .

[Popsicle]

Oh and another thing, as you get older, more people (especially desirable ones) are already married or in a R, so the pickins are slim.

[JourneyLady]

Guess I fall into one of your categories, though I'm much older.

 

I'm nearing 60, divorced for almost 10. Had an agreement with my ex that I didn't have to work if that were possible after raising the kids. Of course such agreements fall by the wayside in a divorce, but I asked minimal alimony and went husband shopping because I really love "keeping home and hearth". I also went back to school and got a degree in something useful. It doesn't take much money to keep me happy - desktop computer with creative software, heat, and a forest nearby and that is all I want. But I do want a guy who is my best friend and confidant - hard to find at this age.

 

I do have debt, but net worth is in a comfortable place. After not having much luck finding a decent workable relationship, I will be looking for work this spring. The men I have had time to meet are either living off the government and/or retired and underfoot, or tend to have been alone a long time and not good at relationships. Also some of the things I am into (writing and creative pursuits) seem to garner little interest in my age group.

[Emilia]

To be fair, those of us that fall into that category often date younger men because we don't have to consider finances/social status so we are free to choose. Also, it's time to call us women, not girls. The usage of that word speaks volumes.....

[Emilia]

Oh and another thing, as you get older, more people (especially desirable ones) are already married or in a R, so the pickins are slim.

 

And/or have kids.

[VeveCakes]

I fit the description:).

 

32, good career, no debt, own a home, divorced no kids.

 

BUT I'm a horse girl, they need their own letter assigned . Not for everyone lol

[Easyguy14]

I am divorced and 38. I own a business and do well for myself. I have many single guy friends in my same position, who are also self sufficient, good looking, and we all have dating/relationship horror stories.

 

Now one would think that in this day and age there would also be tons of single self sufficient women looking to meet a similar guy. But where are they? These are some of the things I encounter.

 

A. Daddies girl. Dad still supports her into her 30's. I dated a girl who couldn't get more serious because dad would take away her things if she moved in with or married a guy.

 

B. The in debt girl. She has a career, job, nice clothes. But she is 200k in debt and under enormous stress. College loans, credit cards. Etc

 

C. Girl who lives off men. May have been married before, stayed home, and wants the same again. And quickly. Never earned a dime and doesn't appreciate being taken care of anyway. Just a guys duty. Or they just want to move in quickly and you take care of them.

 

D. The sugar baby. Younger girl who wants to date you and be "taken care of"

 

E. The girl who can't manage money. Makes decent money but throws it away on ridiculous things. Soon throws yours away. Always a financial crisis.

 

F. The girl who can't hold a job. Every two weeks she starts a new job, loves it, then quits and asks to borrow money.

 

So when I tell friends about the girls I date, if they are girls, they laugh and tell me I meet the wrong ones. But if I look at their lives, they fit into one of the above classifications as well. Hahaha

 

So do they exist? That self sufficient well balanced egalitarian female who just wants to be loved?

 

I know about the sugar baby nonsense. I'll touch on that in another thread.