My introverted, shy personality is such a hindrance at work!

[Mapper71]

I am so tired of being known as "the quiet one". I've been this way since kindergarten and am now 44 years old and still feel extremely awkward in social situations. It's just who I am. And why does everyone think the quiet people are so weird, yet the ones who won't shut up are annoying but normal?

 

I work as a graphics person for a European travel company and I really like my job. I like the people I work with (there's about 12 of us in my dept.) but we are sort of isolated in another building from the rest of the company of 100 people. My dept is nice, but I think some of them feel awkward around me. I just never have anything to say, and when I do speak, it comes out all weird and disjointed. Some people will come into our room and address a general question to the other girl sitting next to me rather than to both of us when either one of us could answer it. One of the perks of our company is that you can take one of the tours for free (except for airfare) once a year. I've been here almost 3 years now and haven't taken a tour yet because my husband and I just can't afford it with the airfare. My manager approached me about whether I'd be interested in being an asst. tour guide on one of the tours. EVERYTHING would be paid for (flight, transportation, meals, hotels) and I'd get $150/day for doing it. Dream opportunity, right? I thought about it but I know that I can't talk to people easily and I know people find me weird from the get go so I told her no. That feeling was confirmed this past week when all the guides were visiting our office and we had a Happy Hour with them. I would be standing there alone trying to get involved in a group conversation and everyone would ignore me or act like I'm interrupting THEIR conversation. When I would work up the guts to go and talk to someone they would talk to me for about 30 seconds uncomfortably and then say they had to go talk to someone else. If I can't even have a 30 second conversation with a guide without feeling awkward or making them feel awkward, then how the hell would I be an asst. guide to 25 people who would be asking me questions and looking to me to be someone who is sure of themselves and leading them around when I am constantly unsure of myself?!

 

I want to be outgoing, but when I try I feel even weirder than when I was quiet. I volunteered at an animal rescue, but quit halfway through the summer because people just seemed to think I was weird and nobody really wanted to talk to me even though I tried to start up conversations with them. I went skiing with a coworker a few weeks ago after not skiing for years. I was horrible and took a class with her but fell down again and again and held up the class because I couldn't get up on my own and the instructor seemed to be getting annoyed with me. I'll never be doing that again, at least not for a lesson. I took a cooking class with my husband a few weeks ago and thought that would be simple but couldn't even do things in the right order and felt like an idiot. I won't be doing that again. I'd love to take classes to learn things but am made to feel like an idiot even with the simplest of tasks. My husband says we should take a karate class together. Are you kidding?! I have no desire to do that and if I did I'm sure I'd be the idiot of the class! I'd like to take a jewelry workshop at the community college but I'd probably be the biggest idiot in the room who couldn't do the simplest task. I know people say it's just in my head, but it's not. I can see people's looks and I can tell that people are uncomfortable around me.

Edited January 18, 2016 by Mapper71

[preraph]

I guess everyone is different, but I can still be awkward in social situations where I don't know people and it's strictly social and large groups. But if I had a job like a tour guide, I would have a purpose and be just fine. I used to have to mingle at work parties with salespeople and clients and I was fine as long as there was a focal point (whatever was being promoted) and I had a job, such as talking to them about the product. I didn't like lone speech presentations though but was fine on a panel.

 

If you really are so that you can't discipline yourself to have a few casual polite things to say, it's really high time you took a class to get over it and fake it. One such place is Toastmasters International. It's kind of like an AA meeting but where you get up and have to speak. Everyone in there has the same type issues you do or has had in the past. They give feedback and tips.

 

Now, I can spot a Dale Carnegie devotee a mile away, but there are people who swear by Dale Carnegie's "Win Friends and Influence People," which has been around for decades. The main thing I can tell they got out of it is to ask the other person questions that aren't yes or no questions. Practice it until you get it down and get comfortable with it. Read it. It's just a book.

 

You were saying how people get uncomfortable. Well, yes, they do, because very few people are SO confident and so skilled at making conversation that they can weather someone who looks like a deer caught in headlights and seems super uncomfortable around them, and that's you. This is all within your power to change. You fake it until you make it. In business, faking it is good enough! Good luck.

[privategal]

I would force yourself out of your comfort zone and take the assistant tour guide.

It will be easier to fake it and try and speak up more with strangers. They dont look for flaws or to judge you, they look to experience the tour. Keep it fact based and just try. If you fail, you fail but you've gotta try.

You seem really free with writing your thoughts.

For the record I like "weird" quiet people.

I am sure you are great.

Keep going, keep trying. Don't count yourself out because you aren't like everyone else.

But do try to work toward a middle ground.

Consider finding some support, go to EAP a free support network to talk to a professional usually right in your company. You don't have to suffer alone if you feel alone.

You do have to try.

You can open up.

You can talk more and try and not think or care what anyone might think.

At least begin in small steps to try.

I am glad you aren't a loud mouth.

But I feel after hearing you write your thoughts that you are really intelligent and people would t mind hearing your thoughts if you could slowly gain the courage to express them.

[Mapper71]

I just never ask questions because I think any questions I may have are stupid. I don't want to take lessons of any kind (as I did) because I am made to feel like an idiot. I have nothing to add to any conversation. I have no views on anything, especially political, because I don't understand politics or care to. It upsets my husband because he is so passionate about it and all I do is nod my head like I understand everything he said but really didn't understand a thing. I have no hobbies. My husband gets upset because I'm not passionate about anything whereas he plays guitar, works on and rides motorcycles, plays video games. The only thing I like to do is clean but then I wonder why I did it because my husband comes and messes it up. I don't even know if I LIKE to clean or I just do it to make me feel better about my surroundings. My evenings are spent watching tv waiting to go to bed.

 

I am a VERY boring person who has views on nothing!

[preraph]

And there's absolutely nothing holding you back from changing any or all of that. You are in control of your life. If it's not working for you, then you change. It's that simple. If you know nothing, then you learn something. If you have no interests, then you start a new hobby or interest.

[Mind-Chants]

I am so tired of being known as "the quiet one". I've been this way since kindergarten and am now 44 years old and still feel extremely awkward in social situations. It's just who I am. And why does everyone think the quiet people are so weird, yet the ones who won't shut up are annoying but normal?

I work as a graphics person for a European travel company and I really like my job. I like the people I work with (there's about 12 of us in my dept.) but we are sort of isolated in another building from the rest of the company of 100 people. My dept is nice, but I think some of them feel awkward around me. I just never have anything to say, and when I do speak, it comes out all weird and disjointed. Some people will come into our room and address a general question to the other girl sitting next to me rather than to both of us when either one of us could answer it. One of the perks of our company is that you can take one of the tours for free (except for airfare) once a year. I've been here almost 3 years now and haven't taken a tour yet because my husband and I just can't afford it with the airfare. My manager approached me about whether I'd be interested in being an asst. tour guide on one of the tours. EVERYTHING would be paid for (flight, transportation, meals, hotels) and I'd get $150/day for doing it. Dream opportunity, right? I thought about it but I know that I can't talk to people easily and I know people find me weird from the get go so I told her no. That feeling was confirmed this past week when all the guides were visiting our office and we had a Happy Hour with them. I would be standing there alone trying to get involved in a group conversation and everyone would ignore me or act like I'm interrupting THEIR conversation. When I would work up the guts to go and talk to someone they would talk to me for about 30 seconds uncomfortably and then say they had to go talk to someone else. If I can't even have a 30 second conversation with a guide without feeling awkward or making them feel awkward, then how the hell would I be an asst. guide to 25 people who would be asking me questions and looking to me to be someone who is sure of themselves and leading them around when I am constantly unsure of myself?!

 

I want to be outgoing, but when I try I feel even weirder than when I was quiet. I volunteered at an animal rescue, but quit halfway through the summer because people just seemed to think I was weird and nobody really wanted to talk to me even though I tried to start up conversations with them. I went skiing with a coworker a few weeks ago after not skiing for years. I was horrible and took a class with her but fell down again and again and held up the class because I couldn't get up on my own and the instructor seemed to be getting annoyed with me. I'll never be doing that again, at least not for a lesson. I took a cooking class with my husband a few weeks ago and thought that would be simple but couldn't even do things in the right order and felt like an idiot. I won't be doing that again. I'd love to take classes to learn things but am made to feel like an idiot even with the simplest of tasks. My husband says we should take a karate class together. Are you kidding?! I have no desire to do that and if I did I'm sure I'd be the idiot of the class! I'd like to take a jewelry workshop at the community college but I'd probably be the biggest idiot in the room who couldn't do the simplest task. I know people say it's just in my head, but it's not. I can see people's looks and I can tell that people are uncomfortable around me.

 

 

I know this is personal but am asking it anyway. Did u have strict parenting or punishments during childhood days ??? Early friendships and friend circles???

 

What u have is called evaluation apprehension. There is some kind of fear within u people would evaluate u in a negative way.

 

Quiet people are not weird. Take away these irrational beliefs. Introvert doesn't mean people who keep to themselves. Introverts are those people who draw their energy within themselves without being weird or awkward. What I feel is that u want to feel validated if other people talk to u without feeling awkward. You need to work on ur self concept and esteem soon. Improve and better yourself people would come to u. Positive energy within self is a big attracting feature. Gud luck.

[basil67]

Oh dear, it does sound rather grim. And yes, if you have no interests and can't ask people about themselves, conversation will be next to impossible.

 

Have you always been like this? Or did something happen to make you lose all hope in yourself? This is far more than garden variety introversion and shyness and I'm wondering if you're working with a psychologist to get to the root cause and find solutions. Thing is, even introverts can make conversation and have passions and hobbies - we just need more time out to recover.

 

Regarding your refusal to ever try certain things again after one fail - it's a cop out. Most of us manage lots of epic failures while we're on a learning curve. Yes, some are gifted in sports and arts - but most of us sit in the midline somewhere. One of my hobbies is sewing and I blog my creations. I also blog my failures just so that people know that good sewing doesn't involve success after success. On FB hobby pages, I see experienced sewers discussing new projects which they are having great difficulty with. And most of us have UFOs (unfinished objects) hidden under beds.

 

Your skiing for instance. Yes, it's crap when everyone else is skiing and you're struggling. But as a skiier (and not a very good one as it so happens - I just have fun on easy skiing) it's clear to me that your class was too hard for you. Instead of giving up, try a more beginner class. Or if it was an absolute beginner class, get private lessons. I've had private lessons when group classes don't cut it. Teachers won't laugh at you or mock you - they are just happy to see you working at the skill.

 

Same with cooking. If you couldn't keep up with the class, perhaps it was too hard. Can you cook at all? I wonder if an absolute beginners cooking class would be better? Then again, I'm quite an experienced home cook and still do stuff in the wrong order - so I wouldn't be stressing over that LOL

 

Your husband's idea of karate is good. If you don't want to start in a group class, how about the two of you get a couple of private lessons before joining a group? And so what if you make a mess when you start doing jewellery? Seriously though, jewellery making is really quite simple once you've learned the wrist movement for making loops at the end of the wire. When I learned, the teacher went over and over with with me while I formed the muscle memory to do it.

 

I think one thing that perhaps you haven't realised is that NOBODY CARES if you're hopeless. I spent years belly dancing and some women really struggled with certain moves - but nobody judged - we just had fun.

 

Your lack of interest in anything is alarming though. I don't suppose you're battling depression? Again, it's a reason to see a psychologist.

 

Lastly, if you don't fix this for yourself, you must address it for your marriage. It's terribly unfair for your husband to have a wife who's only interest is cleaning. I mean, what do you talk about? How do you have fun together? I suspect he could be going quietly crazy and is doing anything he can to make your lives interesting together.

 

You can do this. But first you need to take the steps with a psychologist holding your hand

[privategal]

I just never ask questions because I think any questions I may have are stupid. I don't want to take lessons of any kind (as I did) because I am made to feel like an idiot. I have nothing to add to any conversation. I have no views on anything, especially political, because I don't understand politics or care to. It upsets my husband because he is so passionate about it and all I do is nod my head like I understand everything he said but really didn't understand a thing. I have no hobbies. My husband gets upset because I'm not passionate about anything whereas he plays guitar, works on and rides motorcycles, plays video games. The only thing I like to do is clean but then I wonder why I did it because my husband comes and messes it up. I don't even know if I LIKE to clean or I just do it to make me feel better about my surroundings. My evenings are spent watching tv waiting to go to bed.

 

I am a VERY boring person who has views on nothing!

 

 

You only get one life. I suspect this isn't how you want to live it. Work, tv, go to bed....that's it huh?

Because I am starting not to feel sorry for you. If you are aware you do nothing fun, don't even try to have fun, and are determined to let your husband and everyone around you live life while you sit on the couch silently watching the world pass you by, then you can do that.

 

But then you also cant write a post with the first sentence that says I am so tired of being known as the quiet one. Either help yourself or not but you were put on this earth to help others, and to use your strengths, gifts, and voice to make a difference. You are choosing to count yourself out and believe you have nothing to add or give and that is a real shame.

Id recommend you at least write letters to soldiers or go to a Nursing Home and volunteer to hold hands with folks who never get a visitor or work with animals who don't require you to talk. I'm not sad for you now, I'm mad after reading this post.

[Mapper71]

Oh dear, it does sound rather grim. And yes, if you have no interests and can't ask people about themselves, conversation will be next to impossible.

 

Have you always been like this? Or did something happen to make you lose all hope in yourself? This is far more than garden variety introversion and shyness and I'm wondering if you're working with a psychologist to get to the root cause and find solutions. Thing is, even introverts can make conversation and have passions and hobbies - we just need more time out to recover.

 

Regarding your refusal to ever try certain things again after one fail - it's a cop out. Most of us manage lots of epic failures while we're on a learning curve. Yes, some are gifted in sports and arts - but most of us sit in the midline somewhere. One of my hobbies is sewing and I blog my creations. I also blog my failures just so that people know that good sewing doesn't involve success after success. On FB hobby pages, I see experienced sewers discussing new projects which they are having great difficulty with. And most of us have UFOs (unfinished objects) hidden under beds.

 

Your skiing for instance. Yes, it's crap when everyone else is skiing and you're struggling. But as a skiier (and not a very good one as it so happens - I just have fun on easy skiing) it's clear to me that your class was too hard for you. Instead of giving up, try a more beginner class. Or if it was an absolute beginner class, get private lessons. I've had private lessons when group classes don't cut it. Teachers won't laugh at you or mock you - they are just happy to see you working at the skill.

 

Same with cooking. If you couldn't keep up with the class, perhaps it was too hard. Can you cook at all? I wonder if an absolute beginners cooking class would be better? Then again, I'm quite an experienced home cook and still do stuff in the wrong order - so I wouldn't be stressing over that LOL

 

Your husband's idea of karate is good. If you don't want to start in a group class, how about the two of you get a couple of private lessons before joining a group? And so what if you make a mess when you start doing jewellery? Seriously though, jewellery making is really quite simple once you've learned the wrist movement for making loops at the end of the wire. When I learned, the teacher went over and over with with me while I formed the muscle memory to do it.

 

I think one thing that perhaps you haven't realised is that NOBODY CARES if you're hopeless. I spent years belly dancing and some women really struggled with certain moves - but nobody judged - we just had fun.

 

Your lack of interest in anything is alarming though. I don't suppose you're battling depression? Again, it's a reason to see a psychologist.

 

Lastly, if you don't fix this for yourself, you must address it for your marriage. It's terribly unfair for your husband to have a wife who's only interest is cleaning. I mean, what do you talk about? How do you have fun together? I suspect he could be going quietly crazy and is doing anything he can to make your lives interesting together.

 

You can do this. But first you need to take the steps with a psychologist holding your hand

 

My problem is that I don't want to join anything or even call anyone to do anything because that means committing to it and I don't want that. I liked working for the animal rescue group for a while but then it became a burden because I HAD to be there for 3 hours Wednesday night and I hate HAVING to be somewhere. Plus people seemed to look at me funny and no one really talked to me. I have never made plans to do anything with anyone because I had no ideas. I'd sit home on Friday nights in high school if nobody called me up. I think my mom actually got mad if I went out, especially if I went out both Friday AND Saturday nights because there was no need to go out two nights in a row. Especially after I turned 21 she really got upset with me for going out to the bars. Pretty soon it just got easier to make up excuses to my friends rather than deal with her being angry at me. I mean one time when I was 22 and home from college the summer, I called up a friend to go see a movie. My mom didn't know I had called her and then I went upstairs and told her that I was going to a movie. She was so angry that I had made plans to do this without telling her I was doing it. She gave me the silent treatment for days.

 

I can't wait to go to work everyday, but I get to work, I can't wait to go home and vice versa. I'm never really happy where I am and feel the need to be somewhere else to make someone else happy. I come home and clean and make sure everything is in it's place. Not sure why since nobody ever comes over, but just in case they do, the house is ready.

 

I used to be on a volleyball team, but have since moved and my husband isn't into sports so I don't seek one out because, once again, that means committing to something and I won't want to go eventually. I like country music, but my husband makes fun of it so I never listen to it. I like British tv shows, but my husband makes fun of them so I make sure to never watch them when he's around. Our cats drive us nuts in the morning scratching at the bedroom door at 4AM so rather than let them continue doing that, I get up and corral them so my husband doesn't have a **** fit like he did this morning because they are keeping him up. He had to get up at 5AM for training today whereas he never has to get up until 8. He bitched and screamed at them because they wouldn't let him sleep. I wake up every morning, even on the weekends, and try to keep them quiet at 4AM so that he doesn't go ballistic. I'm tired everyday but as long as he's in a good mood.

 

My life has been all about making sure everyone else around me is happy and comfortable with situations.

[whichwayisup]

You're a people pleaser and introverted, throw in some self esteem issues and insecurities (you are hard on yourself, meaning the I'm an idiot, I'll look like fool in front of others doing karate or whatever hobby) which is what's holding you back.

 

Who cares what someone else thinks? Especially if it's a stranger. Take a chance and face your fears, what's the worst that can happen?

[Maggie4]

Do you have children? If you find yourself the only adult with 5 lost children, can you talk to them?

 

Social interaction is all about taking care of other people, making them happy and comfortable. You are not doing that. So you become a taker not a giver.

 

I am also a quite person, but not because I'm focused on myself, but because I am listening, observing, and interested in others. Try to ask questions and get really curious about what other people have to say. Really focus on others, then you become less self-conscious.

[The D Train]

I am so tired of being known as "the quiet one". I've been this way since kindergarten and am now 44 years old and still feel extremely awkward in social situations. It's just who I am. And why does everyone think the quiet people are so weird, yet the ones who won't shut up are annoying but normal?

 

I just never have anything to say, and when I do speak, it comes out all weird and disjointed.

 

We must have been separated at birth! I am 44 and been the shy person all my life. My social anxiety seems to be getting worse. My job requires me to interact with people I manage, my customers and network with other professionals. I am good in small groups with familiar people and better with people who are outgoing and can keep conversation going. I thought about meds to help with social anxiety. If the setting is right, alcohol helps but it is a fine balance. Too much alcohol and it makes my thoughts jumbled and I am either going to say something that is weird or disjointed or I will just be more quiet.

 

 

I cannot tell jokes or if I try to be witty in a social situation nobody hears me or if somebody does they repeat it and they get all the laughs. I hate being the center of attention.

 

 

I get a mental block sometimes & just can't think of anything to say.

 

 

Anyone ever try meds for this? Results?

[Mapper71]

We must have been separated at birth! I am 44 and been the shy person all my life. My social anxiety seems to be getting worse. My job requires me to interact with people I manage, my customers and network with other professionals. I am good in small groups with familiar people and better with people who are outgoing and can keep conversation going. I thought about meds to help with social anxiety. If the setting is right, alcohol helps but it is a fine balance. Too much alcohol and it makes my thoughts jumbled and I am either going to say something that is weird or disjointed or I will just be more quiet.

 

 

I cannot tell jokes or if I try to be witty in a social situation nobody hears me or if somebody does they repeat it and they get all the laughs. I hate being the center of attention.

 

 

I get a mental block sometimes & just can't think of anything to say.

 

 

Anyone ever try meds for this? Results?

I too HATE being the center of attention. Yes I would like to be noticed and remembered, but I do not want all eyes on me. I want to say something witty once in a while, but like you, when I say it I get a weird look like "Whoa did that just come out of you?? You haven't said anything for 30 minutes and now you say that?" or someone else repeats it and they get the praise. My husband is the complete opposite of me and is louder than loud. He is ALWAYS remembered, but I am not. Sometimes I'll sit there next to him waiting for this person we had met once before to talk to me but they don't even look at me. They are like "Who is this person? Your new girlfriend?" Nope, I'm his wife and I was there the last time we me. We have often been told "You two are the complete opposite of each other, how does that work?"

 

No, I've never tried meds. Like you, I can't spit out a sentence that makes sense half the time. I either over explain something to the point where they don't care about the details or trip over my own words.

[preraph]

Well, it sounds like you married your mother, and neither she nor your husband can stand to see you having any fun. You probably latched onto him because his attitude was familiar, like what you were used to growing up. It's never too late to break out and change. I have never heard of anyone else who would let someone making fun what show they watched keep them from watching it. I think you desperately need to be out on your own, making your own living, and living alone and doing what you want to do instead of letting these people constrict you.

[The D Train]

I too HATE being the center of attention. Yes I would like to be noticed and remembered, but I do not want all eyes on me. I want to say something witty once in a while, but like you, when I say it I get a weird look like "Whoa did that just come out of you?? You haven't said anything for 30 minutes and now you say that?" or someone else repeats it and they get the praise. My husband is the complete opposite of me and is louder than loud. He is ALWAYS remembered, but I am not. Sometimes I'll sit there next to him waiting for this person we had met once before to talk to me but they don't even look at me. They are like "Who is this person? Your new girlfriend?" Nope, I'm his wife and I was there the last time we me. We have often been told "You two are the complete opposite of each other, how does that work?"

 

No, I've never tried meds. Like you, I can't spit out a sentence that makes sense half the time. I either over explain something to the point where they don't care about the details or trip over my own words.

 

Yep my wife is loud, life of the party type, likes the center of attention. It is hard for me if we are in a social setting and I don't know anyone. I am there like a bump on the log while she is chatting with everyone and/or yukking it up with strangers. I prefer just time with her but she wants to be around lots of people.

 

 

Our friends tend to hug each other when greeting and the rest of the husbands get hugs, kisses on the cheek from other wives. It is rare I get that type of greeting from other wives. I just get a "hi". Do they think I am a weirdo or does my shy persona make me un approachable?

 

 

Work meetings I will try to make a point in a group conversation, usually a more dominant person will just talk over me and nobody hears me.

[Mapper71]

Yep my wife is loud, life of the party type, likes the center of attention. It is hard for me if we are in a social setting and I don't know anyone. I am there like a bump on the log while she is chatting with everyone and/or yukking it up with strangers. I prefer just time with her but she wants to be around lots of people.

 

 

Our friends tend to hug each other when greeting and the rest of the husbands get hugs, kisses on the cheek from other wives. It is rare I get that type of greeting from other wives. I just get a "hi". Do they think I am a weirdo or does my shy persona make me un approachable?

 

 

Work meetings I will try to make a point in a group conversation, usually a more dominant person will just talk over me and nobody hears me.

Well you know, we could have been twins separated at birth as I too am 44!

I am SO in tune with everyone's feelings. I can tell my husband's mood within 2 seconds of walking through the door. I can tell if someone doesn't like me right off. I would be the person who would carry a huge load without asking for help because I don't want to impose on anyone. My husband will go to the store to grab some stuff and I will need something a few doors down but rather than ask him to grab it when he's there, I'll just go at another time. If I get a wrong drink or wrong food, I just eat/drink it because I don't want to be a snot about it. If someone was to run me over with their car while I was in the crosswalk I would be the person to say "Oh my gosh, I am so sorry I was in the way."

[The D Train]

Well you know, we could have been twins separated at birth as I too am 44!

 

 

If I get a wrong drink or wrong food, I just eat/drink it because I don't want to be a snot about it.

 

OMG that is too funny...we get into arguments at restaurants b/c I never send food back and would rather just eat something I am not happy with rather than raise a stink. My wife will send something back about 1 out 3 meals out or will make a comment to the waitress/waiter about how she is not happy with it. She will even try to send some of my dishes back or I just say "it's fine!" even tho it isn't.

[basil67]

Mapper, I've been reading your responses and am now wondering why you made this thread. Initially I thought you wanted help and you've been offered lots of ideas. However you've rebuffed them all.

 

Are you wanting help and change - or are you just wanting to vent?

[basil67]

Regarding the cats waking you up at 4am, how much research have you done into the cause and cure for this? There's plenty of info out there on the interwebs

[preraph]

Well you know, we could have been twins separated at birth as I too am 44!

I am SO in tune with everyone's feelings. I can tell my husband's mood within 2 seconds of walking through the door. I can tell if someone doesn't like me right off. I would be the person who would carry a huge load without asking for help because I don't want to impose on anyone. My husband will go to the store to grab some stuff and I will need something a few doors down but rather than ask him to grab it when he's there, I'll just go at another time. If I get a wrong drink or wrong food, I just eat/drink it because I don't want to be a snot about it. If someone was to run me over with their car while I was in the crosswalk I would be the person to say "Oh my gosh, I am so sorry I was in the way."

 

Even you understand how ridiculous all those things are, so you must be getting something out of it to martyr yourself that way.

[privategal]

You had a lot of support and empathy and suggestions on here to help you but as someone else has said, you don't seem to want help.

I am wondering if you are using this thread to say, see, even the people in the anonymous message board think I am weird and I am hopeless.

The only weird thing is you are allowing yourself to live like this and not change. You are choosing this.

Someone should have told you a long time ago, weird is good, different is good, standing out in the crowd is good, not being a follower is good.

Clearly you aren't a bad person, but you've chosen a bad path which is to agree with the labels put on you and just lay down.

When you are on your deathbed I wonder if you will be ok with how you chose to live, to not speak, to not try, to not travel and take chances and risks. To have lived to wake up, work, watch tv, and go to bed.

That's the only thing that's wrong with you is you gave up on your own life.

[Mapper71]

Even you understand how ridiculous all those things are, so you must be getting something out of it to martyr yourself that way.

 

Yeah...I get people not being mad at me. I can't stand people mad at me. I can't function.

[Mapper71]

You had a lot of support and empathy and suggestions on here to help you but as someone else has said, you don't seem to want help.

I am wondering if you are using this thread to say, see, even the people in the anonymous message board think I am weird and I am hopeless.

The only weird thing is you are allowing yourself to live like this and not change. You are choosing this.

Someone should have told you a long time ago, weird is good, different is good, standing out in the crowd is good, not being a follower is good.

Clearly you aren't a bad person, but you've chosen a bad path which is to agree with the labels put on you and just lay down.

When you are on your deathbed I wonder if you will be ok with how you chose to live, to not speak, to not try, to not travel and take chances and risks. To have lived to wake up, work, watch tv, and go to bed.

That's the only thing that's wrong with you is you gave up on your own life.

Oh I KNOW I'll regret everything about my life on my deathbed. I was conditioned by my mother that going places and staying out late and having too much fun and meeting people is a bad and scary thing. To her, it is much safer and I am being a much better person if I stay home and do stuff around the house and get a good night's sleep by going to bed early and get up at dawn and be productive. When I go visit her, if I am in bed past 7AM she starts getting loud so that I get up because she gets up at 2AM to just sit around and read and she wants me up for company. I'd go out to the bar on a Friday night and get home at 2AM and if I slept past 7AM I got the snotty treatment from her because I obviously must be hungover from being out that late. Only when I came bounding out into the kitchen after only 3 hours of sleep was she happy because I had to PROVE to her that I'm so perky after a night out. She used to complain to me all the time that my best friends (twins) were ALWAYS having family gatherings with their extended family or they were always throwing parties for everything. She just thought that all of that was so unnecessary that all they do is party. At least they have fun. On my wedding day, whereas most brides have their extended family and friends around them and having fun while getting ready, it was just me and her and my now stepdaughter staring at each other. Sitting around the kitchen table just waiting to go to the church. Once we got there, my sister met us and all my mom did is fuss about how I should look and making sure we got our cues to come upstairs. Afterwards some of us went to a bar before the reception. We stayed out about 1 1/2 hours and got to the reception hall and my mom was all upset that she didn't think we were coming. My god, it's my wedding and it's an occasion where she's making me feel like there's no time to enjoy myself, we've got to keep a schedule.

[pink_sugar]

I'm very similar at work like this. Everyone is super close knit and talks about EVERYTHING at work. I don't always have a lot to say and don't care to get personal with everyone at work. Of course I have been called out on it jokingly. I usually walk a different route into work, mostly because I'm not a morning person and don't feel the need to greet everyone in the office each day. When I first started this job, I was encouraged to eat with the group....like they felt as if I thought I wasn't included. When it was nothing to do with them. I just enjoyed getting out and away from the office during lunch.

 

Anyways, I am hoping to find a new employer that is laid back, but still somewhat professional and not so much like high school and full of cliques. The job I'm currently interviewing for is asking for all kinds of insight into my personal life than I am comfortable with. See my previous thread on here.

[Mapper71]

I'm very similar at work like this. Everyone is super close knit and talks about EVERYTHING at work. I don't always have a lot to say and don't care to get personal with everyone at work. Of course I have been called out on it jokingly. I usually walk a different route into work, mostly because I'm not a morning person and don't feel the need to greet everyone in the office each day. When I first started this job, I was encouraged to eat with the group....like they felt as if I thought I wasn't included. When it was nothing to do with them. I just enjoyed getting out and away from the office during lunch.

 

Anyways, I am hoping to find a new employer that is laid back, but still somewhat professional and not so much like high school and full of cliques. The job I'm currently interviewing for is asking for all kinds of insight into my personal life than I am comfortable with. See my previous thread on here.

I just can't make myself go into the kitchen when there's anyone else in there. I have no idea what to say to them even though everyone is nice. I often try to leave work when most people are away from their desks so I don't have to say awkward goodbyes and then rush out the door. I mean even as a teenager in high school there was a time when twice a week all my friends would be in a different lunch period due to band and rather than go sit alone in the lunchroom and feel like all eyes were on me, I'd take my lunch into a bathroom stall and spend the entire lunch period in there. I mean how sad and gross that I would rather sit on a toilet and eat lunch than be seen sitting by myself in the lunchroom?!

 

And I don't go into little specialty shops because there's rarely any customers in there and I don't want to feel as if all eyes are on me to buy something or have to make small talk. I don't go into any shop I haven't been into before because I don't want to seem like I don't know where I'm going or what I'm looking for. There's lots of cute shops where I work, but none I would go into by myself.

Edited January 20, 2016 by Mapper71