My introverted, shy personality is such a hindrance at work!

[Rejected Rosebud]

I think I understand but the biggest problem is that when you identify exactly what your issues are and how you are allowing them to rule your life - you immediately defend them and throw all suggestions on how to change them back in peoples' faces.

 

Also (this may come off as mean but I really am just being frank) I have a feeling that people might not respond to you in a positive way because you probably don't give anything positive out. NOT because you are introverted and shy. Lots of very painfully introverted and shy people don't get a negative reaction from others.

 

I think you are in this state of mind: "Everybody else should change because I am very uncomfortable with people."

 

That is not gonna ever happen. :( You'd have to work on yourself.

[pink_sugar]

Damn, Mapper. You sound exactly like me down to a T. Only I would be too grossed out to eat on the toilet. I do avoid going into the lunchroom when people are in there and usually just leave without saying anything. Not everyone says hi and bye. There are times when I enjoy socializing and times I don't. It doesn't really have much to do with the people at work as it does my not wanting to be social because I'm tired at work. I'm not a morning person, so I'm not 100% myself until I've had a full night's rest on my own sleep schedule.

[basil67]

Yeah...I get people not being mad at me. I can't stand people mad at me. I can't function.

 

You made this comment in response to a poster said that you were being irrational when you don't ask for help. It doesn't make sense - why would someone be mad if you asked for help?

[basil67]

Oh I KNOW I'll regret everything about my life on my deathbed. I was conditioned by my mother that going places and staying out late and having too much fun and meeting people is a bad and scary thing. To her, it is much safer and I am being a much better person if I stay home and do stuff around the house and get a good night's sleep by going to bed early and get up at dawn and be productive. When I go visit her, if I am in bed past 7AM she starts getting loud so that I get up because she gets up at 2AM to just sit around and read and she wants me up for company. I'd go out to the bar on a Friday night and get home at 2AM and if I slept past 7AM I got the snotty treatment from her because I obviously must be hungover from being out that late. Only when I came bounding out into the kitchen after only 3 hours of sleep was she happy because I had to PROVE to her that I'm so perky after a night out. She used to complain to me all the time that my best friends (twins) were ALWAYS having family gatherings with their extended family or they were always throwing parties for everything. She just thought that all of that was so unnecessary that all they do is party. At least they have fun. On my wedding day, whereas most brides have their extended family and friends around them and having fun while getting ready, it was just me and her and my now stepdaughter staring at each other. Sitting around the kitchen table just waiting to go to the church. Once we got there, my sister met us and all my mom did is fuss about how I should look and making sure we got our cues to come upstairs. Afterwards some of us went to a bar before the reception. We stayed out about 1 1/2 hours and got to the reception hall and my mom was all upset that she didn't think we were coming. My god, it's my wedding and it's an occasion where she's making me feel like there's no time to enjoy myself, we've got to keep a schedule.

 

Well you aren't a little girl anymore and you can learn new ways. You're too old to be blaming your mother for your current choices.

 

If she's awful to stay with when you visit, tell her that you'll stay in a motel so that you can come and go without bothering her. If she says it's not a bother having you, just tell her that the motel is all arranged.

 

Anyway, I still want to know if you are writing here in order to vent or to seek ideas on change. Because you've rejected every idea given to you so far.

 

I have to agree with Rosebud - I think your struggle with friendships is purely because of all the negative vibes you're putting out.