Ow/nc

[Privatelover01]

My truth : recently I was seeing a MM and we had a very interesting arrangement/relationship. We would see each other and have a wonderful time together. Things got out of control with feelings on both sides. Wife found out. He felt guilt and wanted to end relationship only because of the guilt. There was a lot of conflict but eventually things ended between us after a few months. We have not communicated in a couple months. I will not be the first to reach out even though he was the last to make contact.

I went NC because he just was giving mixed signal. Apart of me feels like we both fell in love and just none of us knew what to do.

I do miss him but I stand in my convictions and would only be with him if he left his M. I would never ask, hint or slightly suggest.

I guess my question is, we have been NC for about 2-3 months do you think he will make contact ?

[AngeliqueC]

Short answer: Probably not.

[Privatelover01]

I guess apart of me wishes he did. While the other part of me is just moving forward. I know seems conflicting.

[AngeliqueC]

Perfectly normal conflict!! Just ride it out - when you have the urge to contact him, or even think about him, do something else (preferably something you are passionate about!! ). Hang in there!!

[LivingWaterPlease]

Yes, I do think he'll reach out.

 

Read the threads on OW/OM LS and notice that most of them do reach out.

[Privatelover01]

I'm not a very emotional person. But, when I was with him he n I brought out the emotional sides to each other. It was never suppose to be more than what the expectations were.

I find myself crying ( alone) everything reminds me of him. I don't know I have changed so drastically. It is profound.

 

I am dating but missing him. I've never expected more from him

Or vise versa, things just happened.

 

Apart of me wants him to reach out so I can finally respond to him, and apart of me just wants to continue on the healing process.

 

Thank you for being honest with me..

Edited January 19, 2016 by Privatelover01

[Poppy47]

Just thank your lucky stars that he has not contacted you. Keep moving forward.

 

If he contacts you, please ignore him. You don't owe him a reply.

 

Keep dating, even if you haven't met anybody you really like yet. It's better than sitting home crying.

 

Cheers,

Poppy.

[RySant]

Sorry to be harsh but that's the price you pay for loving a MM. At least, now you've learned a lesson not to mess around with guys that are tied already. MM rarely leaves their wives for the OW (but it does happen, but again, rarely)

 

Emotions are fickle. You love him now, the next day, you don't. What you two have is that extreme infatuation of someone new who brings a lot of "newness" into both your lives.

 

I don't believe in that fairytale love anymore.

 

Those idealism of love, the notion of fate, universe working for your benefit, meant-to-be etc etc. are stupid things that will keep you holding on to him.

 

You fell in love because you clicked when you decided to have this affair. There's no way you can't have the same feelings for someone single.

 

If you just let yourself be.

[still_an_Angel]

You're already on your way out, keep going.

I think he will eventually reach out, like a poster said above, a lot do reach out after some time, hoping that you will let him in again.

 

 

Keep walking, there's another person out there for you. Best of luck.

[sandylee1]

If you made it crystal clear that you no longer want to be his OW. ... and the only way you would be with him is he left his wife..........then he probably won't contact you...but if you were wishy washy then he may think you'll accept the OW role and come back.

 

Does anything he's ever sais make you think he's likely to leave his wife?

Unless it was really bad before you came along ... then he's not leaving.

 

If he has a regular marriage... with kids ... normal sex life.. then he's staying put.

[Popsicle]

Yes I do think he will reach out but only out if weakness. Nothing will be different and he still won't leave his wife.

[oldshirt]

I also believe he will reach out. I'd bet good money on it in fact.

 

 

There is even a name for when he reaches out - it's called a "booty call."

 

 

 

 

When he hasn't got any for awhile and his tank is filling up bad and he needs it drained, he will give you a call.

 

 

 

 

Now this is assuming the other women he has on the side aren't available at that particular time.

 

 

But yes eventually he will contact you again. of that I am pretty certain.

[BuddyX]

You're asking this question so you're not over him. Which is ok.

But yes, he will reach out. And once he does, ask him "So, how's your family?"..Trust me, you'll find out a lot about him based on how he responds to that question.

[Lovetoohard]

Yes, he will probably reach out but it'll be for more of the same. He'll only look to restore your R's dynamic...his happy escape, emotional crutch and source of his ego boost. But that is all. While he may care for you, his reaching out will be most likely motivated by his self serving needs.

Edited January 19, 2016 by Lovetoohard

[whichwayisup]

I guess apart of me wishes he did. While the other part of me is just moving forward. I know seems conflicting.

 

If he does, it'll be under the guise of an affair, nothing else. You deserve better than being his hidden secret, a betrayal to his wife and family.

 

He may reach out for an ego feed, to see if you're still into him. That's not love!!

 

He isn't leaving his wife and family to start over with you. Please grieve the loss and let go, move on so you can find happiness and love with a great (single) guy.

[Privatelover01]

Thank you all for your very honest replies.

 

Yes I miss him. That is normal. Anyone who has a connection and relationship with someone will miss them to some capacity. However, my life has not stopped.

I knew he was married, he knew I was dating. We both used each other. It was a very honest dynamic with no promises made. He was a very nice man.

 

We both went into our situation with open mind.

[Privatelover01]

I realize no matter how much I can care for someone I love myself more

[RySant]

I realize no matter how much I can care for someone I love myself more

 

I am very sorry. You are just human. Yes, you just loved. Regardless if it is a married man or not. And again, I am really sorry for you to finding that spark from someone that has been already married.

 

But again, that's the keywords: He's married.

 

I know for a lot of people: Men, women, etc etc. When they fall in love, they have this capacity to forget their values, priorities, morals or even everything actually.

 

There are things that goes on in their (your) heads similar with these lines:

 

"I love this person, I will fight for him!"

"I never felt this way before, this is worth it!"

"I feel this love in my chest, and it's killing me, it must be meant/worth something"

"The universe won't let me feel this if it has no meaning to it"

 

Love is like a drug. It takes rationality out of everyone and I do get that.

 

I personally get that.

 

But maybe, what I have learned in my experiences is that, no matter how "in love" I am, there is no greater agony when that "euphoria" has subsided, when you realized how much damaged you have done to the aggrieved.

 

To the spouse, who will feel that their soul has been crushed. The magnitude of the betrayal that this "love" would cause.

 

To the kids (if any), where their daddy will be taken away, and witnessing their mother cry, the foundation of their family shattered, their lives forever altered.

 

All this for what? Yes, for that same love that you feel right from your heart.

 

For me, a LOT of people are saying that infidelity is "natural," that no human being should stick with one partner etc. etc.

 

But all I know is this: If infidelity is okay, or even if there is no cheating involved, let's say if a lover says to his/her other half: "I don't love you anymore, I met someone else, I fell in love with him/her, I didn't cheat on you but I am moving out/Let's divorce because I love him/her"

 

then why does it cause so much pain? Why does it hurt so freakin much like your life has been crushed to pieces?

 

Just my 2 cents.

[Privatelover01]

Thank you for your reply. I am not sure if you were the Spouse hurt from infidelity, however, if you were my sincere apologies and I am sorry for your pain.