The D Train Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 Asking for a co-worker. If infidelity was not the cause of a divorce, would dating have any implications on the divorce settlement, arrangement? There's significant money involved here and wonder if the financially secure spouse (family money) would contest anything if the other spouse had a new partner or it could possibly cause some headaches. What do you see as the general rule for waiting to date someone after separation and/or divorce? My co worker started to date prior to final divorce and is worried about family perceptions. Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 Asking for a co-worker. If infidelity was not the cause of a divorce, would dating have any implications on the divorce settlement, arrangement? no. your co-worker should check if his state is a no - fault one = in that case, even if there is infidelity on one or both sides; it won't matter and it has no effect on the divorce settlement. ...or it could possibly cause some headaches. legally - no. personally - that's another story. depends on the relationship him and his soon to be ex wife have. depends if the split was amicable, too - if he was the one who dumped her and now starts to date someone he knew for a longer period of time... the ex will probably get suspicious. What do you see as the general rule for waiting to date someone after separation and/or divorce? doesn't matter to me - if you're over with someone, you're over with them. you can date the second you dump me, as far as i'm concerned -- after we're done, what you do with your personal life is none of my business. when you're ready - you date. of course - if there are children involved, you should probably wait for some reasonable amount of time until you introduce your new partner to them. My co worker started to date prior to final divorce and is worried about family perceptions. he should talk it out with his family -- sometimes, people are done with the marriage long before they actually decide to call it quits so it's not so unusal that they start to date soon after. from my experience - things might get uncomfortable in the beginning, but eventually the dust settles and everyone moves on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author The D Train Posted January 19, 2016 Author Share Posted January 19, 2016 Ok I thought the one spouse could now claim adultery if it was proved that there was a relationship during separation period and then alimony or other financial matters would be affected. Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 Ok I thought the one spouse could now claim adultery if it was proved that there was a relationship during separation period and then alimony or other financial matters would be affected. i don't think you can claim adultery if the relationship began AFTER the separation period -- & in some states, everything is split half between the spouses... so the reason for the divorce (and possible adultery) don't matter. your co - worker should check what the laws in his state say & go with that. but i think he's safe to date. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 Committing adultery and proving it to the satisfaction of some legal hurdle or person are two completely different things. Short of a lady getting pregnant with someone elses DNA it's pretty hard to prove sex has occurred where the spouses are no longer in physical contact. Of course, an intrepid private investigator might be able to. However, care must be taken in collecting evidence, in that the collection is legal. If not, oops. If living in a jurisdiction where adultery is a criminal offense and/or where adultery is a grounds for a fault divorce and/or where one or both spouses are in the military, check into it more thoroughly. For most people, dating while separated is not an issue and many people do. Some even get to the point that they marry their new partner as soon as the court approves the dissolution of their prior marriage. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 What do you see as the general rule for waiting to date someone after separation and/or divorce? My co worker started to date prior to final divorce and is worried about family perceptions. Family perceptions and the legal aspects are two very different things. Is this his own family he's concerned about ??? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
testmeasure Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 (edited) The biggest factor is that it may totally change the soon to be ex spouse's attitude toward everything. From what I read this is totally un-predictable. The soon to be ex could say they are fine with it and be dating themselves. Yet as soon as there is a new romantic interest in the picture, they go nuts and the divorce becomes high conflict. The worst is if the co-worker is a guy and there are kids involved. The mom may think she's fine with him dating. Then once he has a girl, she realizes that her kids are going to be spending time with some other woman in her role and totally flips out. If there are high stakes here, don't mix things up, regardless of how "ok" everyone is with it. Being ok with the idea of it and the reality are two totally different things. The spouse, if they find out could suddenly act aggressively and irrationally in the divorce and not even directly tell you that was the cause. It turns out irrational aggressive legal action is very expensive to both sides. Suddenly everything that was already all figured out would be up in the air. Things that there would be no point in contesting would be contested. Legal costs would skyrocket and the outcome would become less certain. Don't risk it, no mater how safe it seems or what the laws of the particular state say about fault or adultery. If he's a guy and there are kids involved, from what I hear it often creates some kind of trouble even if the divorce is already settled. I'm not an attorney. This isn't legal advice. It's opinion or whatever. Edited January 19, 2016 by testmeasure Link to post Share on other sites
AzW Posted January 20, 2016 Share Posted January 20, 2016 They should wait, it could also make the other party stall the divorce or play the "if I can't have you, no one can" bull**** card. Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted January 20, 2016 Share Posted January 20, 2016 no. your co-worker should check if his state is a no - fault one = in that case, even if there is infidelity on one or both sides; it won't matter and it has no effect on the divorce settlement. Actually, this isn't true. Some no-fault states still consider adultery in the settlement phase. A few states still allow alienation of affection lawsuits, too. That said, if the separation papers were filed as part of a divorce, usually the court won't consider that as adultery since the marriage was already broken down beyond repair. Beyond that, there is dating and there is dating. Just having dinner here and there, catching a movie, etc. would be very hard to prove as adultery in court. Telling everyone you're a couple, sleeping over at each others house, making out in public...well, that's a LOT more provable in states where it matters. In my state, adultery actually HELPED my divorce. Our state law says that couples with children are supposed to attend a minimum number of counseling sessions, have to be separated for over a year before filing, and a bunch of other hoops to prove the marriage is beyond repair. I moved in with my partner and we openly presented ourselves as a couple. We also had a baby together. My ex was living with his partner and openly presenting themselves as a couple. When the judge was informed of our situations, he waived the counseling and other requirements because our new relationships served as proof the marriage was beyond repair. Saved us a lot of time and money. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
magnolialove Posted January 20, 2016 Share Posted January 20, 2016 If you're in the US, it REALLY depends on the state. For example, South Carolina allows for no-fault divorce after a one-year period of living apart. However, the state does not recognize legal separation, and even if you are living apart, dating someone else can be construed as adultery and give the other spouse grounds to basically sue you. I would get to know your state's laws VERY well before dating, or at least exercise great caution in doing so. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted January 20, 2016 Share Posted January 20, 2016 (edited) Where I live it's always a no fault divorce and the settlement is based on everything as of the day the married couple separated so technically it wouldn't have an impact. Most people avoid trials and go through lawyers or mediation due to the cost of a trial. If the ex felt scorned I could see how news of the former spouse dating could make negotiations turn south in mediation. The one exception is that in some cases alimony won't be paid if that person is living with a romantic partner. At least this is what was common in my area during my divorce. Edited January 20, 2016 by Miss Peach Link to post Share on other sites
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