My boyfriends father is unable to come back to the US so he wants to have our wedding

[MiaMckenz]

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 4 years now and he's getting ready to propose soon. I know because he's given several hints.

 

He's really close to his dad and his dad was deported to Jamaica almost 8 years ago now. His father can never return to the United States. Although his father was deported to Jamaica, they both still talk to each other on the phone everyday and he's visited him about 3 times now. He wants to have our wedding in Jamaica because of his dad and I agreed to this a long time ago, but now, realistically, having a wedding there will cost more than if we had a small local wedding.

 

I told him how i felt regarding this situation and he thinks i'm selfish thinking this way. He also asked me how i would feel if I were to have our wedding here in the United States, but one of my parents was unable to attend because he/she is deported. It's not like his father or mom is really going to help pay for our wedding.

 

We're literally flying to another country and asking our guests to pay alot of money to attend a wedding in another county because his dad is deported. Is that fair? If not, i don't know how else to bring this subject up to him. I've already brought it up several times. Or am i just being selfish?

Edited January 20, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs ~6

[Nilfiry]

No, I think finances is a proper topic to talk about, especially for something that can get expensive like a wedding. Definitely bring it up as often as necessary until you can reach a compromise.

 

I personally think that it is not worth it logically and financially to host your wedding in another country just for one relative (unless that is your ONLY relative), no matter how close. It seems more sound to have your wedding in the country, and then go to Jamaica to pay your respects.

[MidwestUSA]

If your boyfriend has visited three times, how much more is it to go again and take you? Have a civil wedding there, eat some jerk chicken, then come back and do another here. Start saving money now.

 

Or, have it here, and Skype the dad in.

[Mr. Lucky]

He wants to have our wedding in Jamaica because of his dad and I agreed to this a long time ago

 

I stopped reading at this point. If you agreed you should honor your end of the agreement...

 

Mr. Lucky

[basil67]

I have a pet hate of people wanting wedding guests to pay airfares and accommodation, so I'm going to say that it's unreasonable to ask all your friends to fly out.

 

Yes, I know you agreed to it earlier - but it's OK to change your mind after giving the matter more consideration. Thing is, it's not like we're talking church vs park - this is something which will affect all your guests.

 

I'd also consider the reason he was deported. If it was due to bad behaviour, I would have a lot less sympathy for him than if it was some type of legal technicality

[Anderlie]

If your boyfriend has visited three times, how much more is it to go again and take you? Have a civil wedding there, eat some jerk chicken, then come back and do another here. Start saving money now.

 

This. Do a simple beach ceremony in Jamaica with his dad and a couple of relatives who live there or something then come home and 'do it proper' as they say. Or reverse the order, whatever. Hell you could even do a ceremony there that isn't quite legal but will mollify boyfriend and dad until the legal US one.

 

Either way it's a good litmus test to see how you two sort out the big issues before marriage. Pay careful attention.

[Davey L]

My wife is African. We married here in the UK but then traditional tribal wedding on our next visit to my wife's home. Would something like that work? You could make your honeymoon back in Jamaica and do it then.

[bathtub-row]

If your bf is that close to his dad, then you would be wise to work this out so that his dad is present. I can't imagine my son getting married without me being there. That would break my heart, and his.

[sandylee1]

I agree with the idea of two weddings. Although I'm not sure who else would attend the one in Jamaica if they were going to be at the U.S. wedding.

 

I know a couple who did one in Australia for her family and one in Europe for their friends. They were loaded though.

[GunslingerRoland]

I`m not necessarily saying that you should be guilted into this, but destination weddings can often be much less costly. Mostly because destination weddings typically have a small handful of guests whereas traditional wedding are usually in the hundreds. You may want to price it out, IF cost is the only issue.

[Miss Peach]

I'm going to throw another idea out there...

 

Could you visit his dad, get married (maybe immediate family only and/or a civil one) and then have a reception somewhere more appropriate for the rest of your guests?

[preraph]

Hey, everybody knows weddings are all about the bride. It's not his father's call. Nice he offered, but no. The very most you can offer in return is what a lot of bicoastal couples do, which is to marry in one place and visit the other for a reception type visit later.