loverage21 Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 I went on a few "dates" with this girl. She did not want to call them dates and she told me she wanted nothing serious. But a lot of other guys were hitting on her at the time too and I found out later she really had an interest for this other guy (as she stated). I made a lot of stupid decisions along the way. I was torn to shreds when I found out she was serious with some dude for two years during high school. She can recount how long she was with the guy even down to the months. She proclaimed to be a virgin waiting until marriage and she was very serious about that. That was one thing I admired about her and I thought maybe she was never in a serious relationship. I was dead wrong. The thing that hurt me the most was that I was hoping I could of been her first love. And to find out I couldn't left me in a mess. I ended up getting drunk a few times and visiting her trying to give her a rose. She grew fed up with me and cut contact with me altogether. She tried to be nice about it but I didn't acknowledge the warning. I ended up getting white knight syndrome and wrote her this poem before she cut me off completely: I write this song to you To tell you how I feel Because the pain in my heart Is way too damn real Alexa Your eyes, your smile Everything about you is worthwhile Your beautiful Something I can't quite express Knowing your taken Has left me in a mess I want to win your heart Something I wish I could of done from the start But instead some guy swept you off your feet It is a feeling of defeat Because Alexa, Your eyes, your smile Everything about you is worthwhile To know you are taken Has left my heart achen But I still want you Your the girl I can't have The one that got away. But in my heart you still stay. Who knows what the future holds In God's hands, one's life he molds But I can stay afloat In this life that is like a boat One that takes you afar to new places Where you always meet new faces But you still hold that place in my heart A heart that feels struck with a pointed dart But I know this isn't the end That someday, we might meet again.[/Quote] I am the "hopeless-romantic"-type Thing is I can't get her out of my head. I still crush on her like mad but at the same time her loving a guy before me just causes worries to manifest in my head to absolute misery. So much I overdosed a few times on my prescriptions. Stupid idea because I just threw it all up instead of it being lethal. I talked to my uncle about her and he said that is the type of girl I should go for and he even encouraged me to pursue her and not let her go. What shall I do? Link to post Share on other sites
AspenBaldwin Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 she told me she wanted nothing serious. Therein lies your answer Sir White Knight. If she wasn't interested to begin with, what makes you think she will be now? Just let her go and find someone who really wants you, who won't deny the fact you were on a date. There is women out there who would appreciate a sensitive guy such as yourself, but if you insisit on focusing on this ''maiden'' you'll be bringing nothing but sorrow into your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Qboro90 Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 You really gotta stop. This is incredibly obsessive and unhealthy. Seek therapy immediately please in order to get past this. No one here can help you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 You really gotta stop. This is incredibly obsessive and unhealthy. Seek therapy immediately please in order to get past this. No one here can help you. Having already advised this, I will second it again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author loverage21 Posted December 28, 2015 Author Share Posted December 28, 2015 You may or may not remember me, it has been some time before we met. If you forgot about me, that is not all bad either. In fact, forgetting me is probably a very good thing. Listen, I apologize for acting like a fool. I have to say meeting you has sparked a lot of worry and deep thoughts that occupy my daily life. And I have to say while I have learned a lot, it has caused agony in my everyday life to the point of barely functioning. Nonetheless it was a pleasure meeting you and it has opened up my mind to new perspectives. Perspectives that have really made me reevaluate life's meaning and attributes. Alexa, I have to say I respect your decision to wait until marriage to engage in sexual activity. That has been something that has stuck with me because you are one of very few girls I have met that has held onto that decision. But let me tell you this too. Marriage is a status. One can be committed and married to someone else but not love them. Love and marriage are two different things. One may have loved another at one point, but people change. Feelings change. A person you know and love now may not be the same years down the road. The same for you too. I rather a woman be with me because she loves me and not because she feels an obligation to marriage or because she made a commitment. In other words, I rather a woman be with me because of the sake of love she has for me and not for the sake of marriage itself. Again, people change and love changes overtime. We live in a life of uncertainty. We live in the unknown. We don't have the ability to accurately foresee the future. If people had that ability, outcomes in life would be much different. For example, that guy you were serious with, if you both could foresee the future and see that if things worked out and you lived happy lives together, you may or may not have rethought the decision to separate from him. Thus, you would not have had the desire to meet other people and therefore ultimately would of never met your current SO. Then you may think, "well I can't imagine not being with the guy I am with now". But you can't grieve what you never had in the first place. We take risks in life and there is always potential for better love and better opportunity but we can never know that without experiencing it in the moment. We only know the present and the past and we don't know the future. We don't have that devine power to know. I think romantic love is an illusion. I think marriage is an illusion. I don't agree with marriage and again I believe it is a status. You can be married to someone yet not have the feelings to accompany that. Also, people can be "in love" with ideas or the potential for what a relationship could be. People can romanticise ideas and the way they want outcomes to be and trying to form that around their current partner. Then they are disappointed to find out the outcome is not what they initially expected. This is an illusion. This is projecting ideals onto an individual and claiming that is love for that person. This is far from the case. Love is scientifically chemical reactions that occur in the body. It is a release of two chemicals called dopamine and oxytocin. These chemicals deplete with age. Love, or at least the way most people see it, is an illusion. It is our species way of being able to reproduce and raise offspring. Most of what we think love is is fabrications. I have you stuck in my head. I can't stop thinking of you. This is alarming because there are so many other girls out there, many of which are likely to be better suited for me. But it may be because I associate you with my worries that have progressively grew and worsened overtime. That and my parents affair they had with each other with their high school loves. This, to be honest, is one reason why I kept holding your past against you and I am sorry for doing so. But understand that you are also a high canadate for rekindling old flames later in life. Yet another reason why I can't really invest my emotions in you. I think a lot of it too, and excuse my language, I wanted to **** you really bad. But I was also guilty of fabricating illusions and ideals myself. I rather be single for life than to be with a woman that does not want me. I don't want a status. In fact, I am contemplating on whether or not I even want a relationship in the future. I may want to stay single for life, because again I feel what leads life's outcomes is uncertainties and the unknown. That the potential for love is greater elsewhere (or even with an old flame) but you would not know that for certain because of the paths chosen in life. To know in reality a woman would not be with me if she had that ability to foresee outcomes with other people. To know she is with me because she is settling or because she feels "safe" in her current relationship not knowing the outcomes with someone else, that hurts to know that deep down inside.[/Quote] Tell me what you think Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 I think it's perfect.... Go ahead and send. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 Alexa was a crush? Not a woman you had an actual relationship with? I made it almost through the first paragraph and had to stop. If you had a crush on me and sent this, I would absolutely block you in any way that I could. You seem obsessed and off your rocker. This reads like a drunken journal entry at best. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author loverage21 Posted December 28, 2015 Author Share Posted December 28, 2015 Alexa was a crush? Not a woman you had an actual relationship with? I made it almost through the first paragraph and had to stop. If you had a crush on me and sent this, I would absolutely block you in any way that I could. You seem obsessed and off your rocker. This reads like a drunken journal entry at best. I can't convey these thought in any other way. My POV is something you cant see. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Qboro90 Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 I think the jury will really see this letter as eye opening to say the least. That is honestly one of the most odd/concerning/bizarre things I've ever read. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author loverage21 Posted December 28, 2015 Author Share Posted December 28, 2015 I think the jury will really see this letter as eye opening to say the least. That is honestly one of the most odd/concerning/bizarre things I've ever read. The jury? Rofl you are making me laugh 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Qboro90 Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 The jury? Rofl you are making me laugh I wish I was joking. If you ever send her that letter the only thing you're going to guarantee is a retraining order being placed against you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Snakechammah Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 I don't know your story about this Alexa person. But based on the letter, I honestly couldn't read past a few lines. Nothing is cringey-er than an extremely needy guy. If she is anything like Teknoe's ex gf, she will embrace the letter but if she's normal, she will most likely run for the hills. We all have crushes and we are all desperate. The winners are the ones who move on and turn their desperation into lessons, and lessons into confidence. Try to stop being the whiny person, that might change the tide for you. All the best for 2016. Link to post Share on other sites
Author loverage21 Posted December 28, 2015 Author Share Posted December 28, 2015 I don't know your story about this Alexa person. But based on the letter, I honestly couldn't read past a few lines. Nothing is cringey-er than an extremely needy guy. If she is anything like Teknoe's ex gf, she will embrace the letter but if she's normal, she will most likely run for the hills. We all have crushes and we are all desperate. The winners are the ones who move on and turn their desperation into lessons, and lessons into confidence. Try to stop being the whiny person, that might change the tide for you. All the best for 2016. I am not a needy guy. I am conveying the senselessness of my feelings for her. Telling her that I should not be feeling this way towards her that it is an illusion. Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 Leave people alone!! sometimes saying nothing is best!! Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 I need some context. Who is this woman? And what are you hoping will be the outcome of sending this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author loverage21 Posted December 28, 2015 Author Share Posted December 28, 2015 I need some context. Who is this woman? And what are you hoping will be the outcome of sending this? I don't even know my motives anymore. Right now I am in a state of emergency psychologically. Link to post Share on other sites
Author loverage21 Posted December 28, 2015 Author Share Posted December 28, 2015 For example today I responded to a pediatric cardiac arrest. The 34 week old infant was pulseless and apnic. We worked on him and got him to the hospital where he was ultimately pronounced dead. I was actually did not feel bad whatsoever. I was actually glad he did not have to live in this world and endure these same problems I have. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 Right, but who is she? Also, I'd apply the HALT method here. Don't send this if you're hungry, angry, lonely or tired. I'd say a "philosophical state of emergency" counts. Link to post Share on other sites
Qboro90 Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 For example today I responded to a pediatric cardiac arrest. The 34 week old infant was pulseless and apnic. We worked on him and got him to the hospital where he was ultimately pronounced dead. I was actually did not feel bad whatsoever. I was actually glad he did not have to live in this world and endure these same problems I have. Wtf...I'm becoming sickly drawn to see what absurdity is posted next with your threads and you surprise me yet again. What you just posted honestly could be looked at as you not doing all you could to save that babies life or give the best effort you could to try and keep him/her conscious due to your overwhelming depression and obsessive behavior going on in your personal life. I sincerely hope that's not the case whatsoever because if it is then you're a criminal and its despicable. All I want is for you to acknowledge that you're thoughts and mindset is not normal/healthy. Knowing you're aware of that would at least be a start. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 I can't convey these thought in any other way. My POV is something you cant see. Exactly, and that's why you should send the letter and stop waivering already...Give Alexa a chance to read it and go from there. You sitting around and worrying in misery ain't getting you no where. Time to call the meeting to order, send her the letter... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 the context of this letter is distrubing. Tangents bordering on obscure. I suggest tossing it in the can and taking up journaling. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
almond Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 Seek psychological help. There is not a single internet forum that is able to assist you in any worthwhile way at this stage I'm afraid. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
burnt Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 Alexa is just a girl you had known briefly and only had a crush on, but you two were not in a relationship; is that correct? Chances are, as most posters have said, getting a letter like this will make her want to RUN. But I side with Gloria in this thread. I think you should send it to Alexa. I've read many of your posts. They all seem to be reiterating the same idea: an obsession. You are obsessed with your ideas of what you think love is. These ideas are eating you up. But they are your ideas, they are your norms, nonetheless. What you have written in this letter is consistent with all the threads and posts you have written in LS recently. Understand, virtually no one here agrees with you on what you have been insisting on and everyone suggests that you should seek therapy. With that said, you have composed this letter and put all your thoughts as coherently as you could and finally addressed it to the one person you have been talking about in all your posts. There are two options for you now: option 1. Toss it and don't send it (as many people here are suggesting). But then all it will do is amplify the pent up bottled up intense obsessive ideas you already have inside your head. Nothing good will come out of that. Which means you will continue to obsess over the same things and everyone will continue to disagree with you ad infinitum. option 2. Send it to her. You have written it for her, so express to her. But if she chooses to not respond and run, then you should respect that also. Just as you are entitled to define what 'love' means in your life, so does she and you must allow that. Keep in mind, from a woman's point of view, to receive a love-confession as strong as this will not make her want to run to the sunset with you, but run away from you with fear most likely. So I'm suggesting that you send it, just to get the pent-up emotions off your chest, but, seriously, don't set up false hope for yourself and expect her to respond back to you in kind. So the question for you is: if she rejects your letter, are you prepared to accept that rejection and walk away and leave her alone? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 Why do you think this girl who might not even remember who you are should have to receive all of your emotional vomit? It doesn't seem like a thing a person would do to a person they cared about. Extremely self absorbed. Why don't you go to a therapist? You are a medical professional, right? Don't you think that the fact that you consider yourself to be in a "state of psychological emergency" is a STRONG indicator that you should get some professional help of your own? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 Why don't you go to a therapist? You are a medical professional, right? Don't you think that the fact that you consider yourself to be in a "state of psychological emergency" is a STRONG indicator that you should get some professional help of your own? Especially given that he is a first responder. Having been put on leave once due to his psychological distress over this girl tells me he shouldn't be functioning in his capacity as ambulance driver. He's putting an entire crew at risk, as well as those he's responding to. Get help, OP. Take the letter with you to a therapist, before you seriously endanger someone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts