notoriginal Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 I read this on here but I think it's an excuse for men not to see past their own desires to give women they aren't attracted to at first glance, but who love them a chance. At the same time, I think women torment themselves needlessly by giving men who love them but who they aren't attracted to a chance... and another chance... and another chance... Until they eventually end up married without having any feelings of attraction. What do you think? Thanks in advance for your reply.
Miss Peach Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 In my experience men usually need to be sexually attracted to a woman to want to turn it into more. Women can have men grown on them or not over time. In my experience I've met attractive men who really rubbed me the wrong way and they became a huge turn off. I've also met men who weren't initially attractive who grew on me. 3
basil67 Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 I'm a woman. And I can't imagine giving a man I'm not attracted to a chance. If he's not my type, then it's just a waste of time for both of us. I don't think this is a gender issue at all. And for what it's worth, my attraction is primarily to personality. 1
Tayla Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 (edited) seems presumptuous of either gender. I've sat with the hens and some of them boggle my mind when they speak of their husbands.., That is not love. And I've sat with some men who consider their spouses [poorly]. So both genders at time miss loves' arrow piercing there tender heart. Most ppl who have genuine love for their mate, act and speak well of the other. Thats part of loving. Its not gender specific, its human kindness that accounts for it... Edited January 20, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language 3
neowulf Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 I read this on here but I think it's an excuse for men not to see past their own desires to give women they aren't attracted to at first glance, but who love them a chance. At the same time, I think women torment themselves needlessly by giving men who love them but who they aren't attracted to a chance... and another chance... and another chance... Until they eventually end up married without having any feelings of attraction. What do you think? Thanks in advance for your reply. I think it's easy for someone who isn't of the gender in question to make all kinds of assumptions. I think a lot of people are carrying around a great "need" inside of them. They try to fill that need with other people, projecting onto them all their hopes, desires and dreams. They then become overly invested in the relationship because of what they've dreamt it "might be", rather than what it is. The other assumption is that men always know how they feel from moment to moment. I assure you that's not the case. Often a man won't really know how he feels. He can be "fond" of a woman, but that doesn't make it love. I think people need to be responsible for themselves and their own feelings in relationships. You make your needs clear and communicate them. If the relationship isn't working, you have the courage to let it go. Easier said than done, but a much better option than throwing around blame. 5
Author notoriginal Posted January 20, 2016 Author Posted January 20, 2016 What's this? I never blamed anyone. This was not a personal situation. But anyway, thanks for the replies. Ok, this is not a gender issue then. I learned something new. I think it's not only being responsible for your own feelings but also how much you feel responsible for others'. You have people who don't feel responsible at all and others who do.
Robert Z Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 Most ppl who have genuine love for their mate, act and speak well of the other. Thats part of loving. For their mate or anyone else. Yet some people are blind to that even when it's right in front of them.
Robert Z Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 (edited) I read this on here but I think it's an excuse for men not to see past their own desires to give women they aren't attracted to at first glance, but who love them a chance. At the same time, I think women torment themselves needlessly by giving men who love them but who they aren't attracted to a chance... and another chance... and another chance... Until they eventually end up married without having any feelings of attraction. What do you think? Thanks in advance for your reply. The truth is that a lot of young men are just looking for sex and fall in love by accident - in fact this happens to older men as well. But it is definitely true that love can grow out of friendship. Unfortunately, love does not result from being loved. I wish it did. I also think a lot of bad marriages result from people getting comfortable. People start thinking about time and age, and being alone, and settle, rather than risk being alone. Edited January 20, 2016 by Robert Z
basil67 Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 I think it's not only being responsible for your own feelings but also how much you feel responsible for others'. You have people who don't feel responsible at all and others who do. You probably nailed it here. I owe others respect and courtesy, but I am not responsible for their feelings. They are responsible for their feelings and I am responsible for mine. I think that when someone starts taking on responsibility for the feelings of others, you end up with all kinds of dysfunction in relationships.
GoodOnPaper Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 I read this on here but I think it's an excuse for men not to see past their own desires to give women they aren't attracted to at first glance, but who love them a chance. At the same time, I think women torment themselves needlessly by giving men who love them but who they aren't attracted to a chance... and another chance... and another chance... Until they eventually end up married without having any feelings of attraction. What do you think? Thanks in advance for your reply. My experience is the opposite of your assertion. When I was single, I was always more attracted to my partner than she was to me. It always ended with me being dumped for another guy. With my wife, the attraction balance was reversed -- we've been together for over 20 years. It seems to me that opportunities for affairs and no-strings sex are much more available to women than to men, so that marriage stability would be more questionable if it's the woman that's less attracted.
regine_phalange Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 My experience is the opposite of your assertion. When I was single, I was always more attracted to my partner than she was to me. It always ended with me being dumped for another guy. With my wife, the attraction balance was reversed -- we've been together for over 20 years. It seems to me that opportunities for affairs and no-strings sex are much more available to women than to men, so that marriage stability would be more questionable if it's the woman that's less attracted. If the most attractive woman you've ever seen had a crush on you and let you know it, how would you feel? Supposing she has a nice personality and intelligence and everything.
GoodOnPaper Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 If the most attractive woman you've ever seen had a crush on you and let you know it, how would you feel? Supposing she has a nice personality and intelligence and everything. Ha! If such a thing was possible, it would have happened a long time ago. I think a small percentage of guys actually have opportunities to be with "the most attractive woman they've ever seen".
Popsicle Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 (edited) Like men, I need to have the physical sexual component to fall in love, but unlike men, I need to have a strong emotional component as well to keep it going. (These are stereotypes obviously) Edited January 20, 2016 by Popsicle
WaitingForBardot Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 My experience is the opposite of your assertion. When I was single, I was always more attracted to my partner than she was to me. It always ended with me being dumped for another guy. With my wife, the attraction balance was reversed -- we've been together for over 20 years. ... I think some imbalance in the intensity of feelings/attraction/love partners feel towards each other is pretty common. I have experienced both ends and I'm always much more comfortable being the one with stronger feelings, provided, as I mentioned in another thread, the woman at least desired me to begin with. Yes sometimes it leads to being dumped, but the other way 'round is has no guarantees either.
carhill Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 Getting back to the title, we guys, generally, tend to fall in love differently from women because our brains and bodies are different from those of women and, while the body and senses do come into play, our main organ of love, the brain, exhibits a number of differences in function, part nature and part socialization, which cause us to fall in love differently. The cool thing is, again generally, that women are socialized to fit with this difference and expect it. That's how disparate behaviors can mesh and become complimentary. Likewise, men are socialized into how women fall in love. I noted this due to lack of substantive focused socialization in this area and my own method of 'falling in love' being different than typically male and failing miserably due to being generally 'wha?' with women. Once I got over the dope period and learned from successful men the correct path which women understood and embraced, love styles meshed and relationships resulted. Guys who figure this out early, and that's most guys, generally have no issues in this area of differences. They get it. Others, like me, smash their face into the wall for awhile before it sinks in. IMO, since none of us can read minds, it's impossible to know with any certainty who loves 'more' in a relationship or marriage. Sure, we can guess. Perhaps 'more' or 'less' is simply our perception of 'different'.
dichotomy Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 As others have said I think it’s dangerous to label genders as a whole. However I can only give my view from experiences. Most of the women I have known who have “fallen” in love with me did so fairly quickly. I think these women went with feelings and let them flow easily. I tend to not so quickly let feelings translate into the words “I love you” because for me it’s an extremely deep and major event when I say “I love you” based on so many factors from trust, respect, devotion, sacrifice and more. I was feeling love for months with one woman, but not until she shared a touching story about her self did I say it. Unfortunately I have been stung in not knowing that when a woman says “I love you” it does not mean the same thing when I say it. And appearance/looks/animal attraction is not a big deal for me – I get turned on by the character and mutual chemistry and love with a woman.
Miss Peach Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 OP - Have you ever heard of Dr. Pay Allen? She writes about the different in the sexes a lot. A lot of her work was based on a lot of Jung's work. In any case she says men fall in love through their eyes and women fall in love through their ears.
Author notoriginal Posted January 20, 2016 Author Posted January 20, 2016 (edited) thanks again for the replies. I had not expected that some men have experienced falling in love differently. Dichotomy, I think that's the fault most women make. I did so in the past. I told a guy I loved him and he immediately wanted to get rid of me. Guys hate it when they know they can have you. That's why I never tell them anymore when I'm in love. But I can understand that men are first looking for sex and then fall in love. I'm the same, only with men. @ Miss Peach: No, I haven't heard of her. It's interesting but I think it's the total package for me and I personally wouldn't want to be with a man who only falls in love with his eyes. But I like that she explores the idea of feminine and masculine sides. Maybe it's wrong that I associate being selfish with males. But she also says that people who are similar repel each other, I don't agree. my ideal man has had the same experiences so he understands me. but I agree with her ingredients for a relationship. the problem is when I use this checklist of chemistry, compatibility and communication, I never find someone. I usually have chemistry for them but they don't have it for me or the other way around, and when we are compatible we feel nothing. very irritating, I think a lot of others have the same problem. Edited January 20, 2016 by notoriginal
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