pteromom Posted January 20, 2016 Share Posted January 20, 2016 I agree she lacks moral fibre big time. Plus she started a business and is just dropping it to move to another country with an ******* boyfriend? She isn't that smart, or there is something missing. This is an example of her immaturity. She believes that love conquers all, and doesn't consider the possible BAD consequences of this choice. She may be mature "for a 24 year old", but there is still a general lack of wisdom due to age and life experience. OP - if she makes you feel happy and you want to go for it, do it. Just don't expect it to be long term. If you two get to the point where you are talking long term, have VERY frank open conversations about kids, family, expectations, goals, etc. And as the older one, it will be your responsibility to end it if those things don't line up - even if it hurts you very badly to do so. If you are ready to take on that responsibility, it doesn't hurt to see where it goes. Oh also - expect her to go through some pretty major changes as she gets a little older and learns more of who she is and what she wants. Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted January 20, 2016 Share Posted January 20, 2016 Oh people.... I see soooo many men (and women) SAYING that they look much younger.... Let's put it non-offensively.... They don't. I can guess ages pretty well, except for East Asians, just because the features are a bit different. The examples that you gave exist, but it is DESPITE the age difference, not because of it. Let me not be a generalist: in my personal experience, I dated a man who was 46 (at 27), then a 29 yo (at 29). Well, the difference was VERY measurable - even just looking at the skin texture. The older one was much more fun though - here is where age doesn't matter. If anything repulsed me from the older man was his BELIEF that he looks/appears younger and couldn't man up and embrace his advanced age with dignity... Of course someone close to 50 is not going to look like they're in their 20s! lol. 30s looking like 20s is what I brought up. The celebrities I brought up were about age gaps not mattering. Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted January 20, 2016 Share Posted January 20, 2016 I agree she lacks moral fibre big time. Plus she started a business and is just dropping it to move to another country with an ******* boyfriend? She isn't that smart, or there is something missing. I think she is just lonely because her boyfriend is not there. She's using OP for physical intimacy until she meets up with her boyfriend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
123321 Posted January 20, 2016 Share Posted January 20, 2016 I'm pushing 50 now. Present GF is 26, last one was 23, before that 28. I've dated from 16 to 58, age is real, but people vary greatly. It's better to be with someone you can love than someone who 'has the right specifications', any day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted January 20, 2016 Share Posted January 20, 2016 I'm pushing 50 now. Present GF is 26, last one was 23, before that 28. I've dated from 16 to 58, age is real, but people vary greatly. It's better to be with someone you can love than someone who 'has the right specifications', any day. I've been getting negative feedback IRL about my desires to date a 25 year old because I'm closer to 40. It's not like I have this standard that I only date 20 somethings... it's just she caught my eye and the desire is there. Heck, if she were 30 or 35, I'd still want her. Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted January 20, 2016 Share Posted January 20, 2016 Yeah celebrities is a different world:) But I keep my opinion late 30s is very different than 20s appearance wise... I think there is a sharp transition in looks at 28-30, very hard to miss (skin, eyes, everything looks different, not necessarily worse but different...) All in all I'm not against dating with an age gap. I dated 19 year older guy, my friend dates 28 years younger man... But l'm a proponent of keeping it real and embracing the changes that age has brought Of course someone close to 50 is not going to look like they're in their 20s! lol. 30s looking like 20s is what I brought up. The celebrities I brought up were about age gaps not mattering. Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted January 20, 2016 Share Posted January 20, 2016 Ok, just read through the thread... I am challenged to see how special someone is who cheats on a BF. The only objectively 'special' thing about her is that she is a lot younger than you. Even THAT ain't too special. If a guy can attract a woman, he can attract a younger one with a healthy heap of BS with some $$ frosting on top. It's all about priorities, I guess. And whatever he is willing to deal with in order to feed that ego. in Hollywood, when women feel old, they get plastic surgery (and maybe a younger BF). When men feel old, they get a younger woman and a maybe a sports car, lol. Anyway, I don't see this situation as really dating. this is the girl version of making you her FB, except that you pay for her stuff and outings. *shrug*. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted January 20, 2016 Share Posted January 20, 2016 Oh people.... I see soooo many men (and women) SAYING that they look much younger.... Let's put it non-offensively.... They don't. ... Well...when you have enough people actually telling you you look much younger than your age...I guess you start to believe it. As for me, I am 37 and get told a lot I look like I am in my 20's. No wrinkles, good skin.... not saying this to toot my own horn, I just think some people DO look younger than their age, due to nationality, genetics, how well they eat, take care of their skin, etc. As for me, I am from Lithuania, and Lithuanians in general live to be really old (like over 100 sometimes)...and do appear to be much younger than their age. My aunt is 63 for example and I swear does NOT have a wrinkle on her skin. Her skin is as smooth as a baby's bottom and that is no joke. She looks to be about 40 (due to losing some elasticity). Link to post Share on other sites
123321 Posted January 20, 2016 Share Posted January 20, 2016 Anyway, I don't see this situation as really dating. this is the girl version of making you her FB, except that you pay for her stuff and outings. *shrug*. Nothing about that that requires an age gap, except the difference might make it a much easier sell. So to speak. How many women here will go on a second date with a guy who insists on going dutch? If you need a refresher on the subject, there are plenty of posts. Women, it seems, expect to be financially compensated for their time, for the most part. . . . Link to post Share on other sites
SSM3 Posted January 20, 2016 Share Posted January 20, 2016 Don't go there. I've been involved with two younger women. One 18 years my junior and the other 19 years my junior. I had nothing in common with either of them apart from we both loved sex. Enjoy it for a few months but as others have said don't get too involved. Link to post Share on other sites
123321 Posted January 20, 2016 Share Posted January 20, 2016 At this point in my life I've come to realise that nothing, literally, lasts forever. Enjoy what is now, while it it's there. Not encouraging short relationships, heck, this one has gone on more than 3 years now, and still going OK, but reality is that expecting the Hollywood 'one love of my life forever' propaganda is the fast track to disappointment. Love the one you're with while you're with them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author yxalitis Posted January 20, 2016 Author Share Posted January 20, 2016 Same age gap as one of my exes. Yeah there is a reason why he is an ex... Time to cold turkey this one. All experiences are different... Could you be more detailed? WHY did it break down, and how was that related to his age? I'd honestly appreciate your story. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yxalitis Posted January 20, 2016 Author Share Posted January 20, 2016 You mention her character and other moral attributes, but how much character can someone have if they are skyping with their boyfriend while the guy they are banging behind his back is in the other room? Seriously, what would make you so special that she wouldn't do this to you? She already shown you how treats her "boyfriend" and now that person is you. It honestly sounds like you are in love with the fantasy of who you want her to be as opposed to who she really is. I mean, that Skype thing was about as dirty as gets. Surely you can't ignore a huge red flag like that? Yeah...you've hit the proverbial little nail on it's pretty little head. This is my biggest concern... When we went on our first dinner (Just friends still), she happily told me: "I told my boyfriend I'm having dinner with you, he's jealous!" When she was Skyping her boyfriend, (and she did this every night I stayed) I wasn't in another room, I was RIGHT THERE ON HER BED, listening! And get this...HE ASKED ABOUT ME!!! (Read this in a hilarious over the top Indian accent) "Are you still seeing [my name]?" "I don't mind you have a male friend, but no kissing, no touching..." So, there's that... Yeah, she's promiscuous, I think that's apparent, when I commented I had about 20 woman in my life, she said "Ha, I've had more boys than that!" Being a playgirl is not a deal breaker for me, but I will be having a frank conversation about her infidelity if we do get more serious... Link to post Share on other sites
Author yxalitis Posted January 20, 2016 Author Share Posted January 20, 2016 ya if you have a mature 30 year old and an immature 50 year old, you can meet somewhere in the middle. That's EXACTLY what I told her....! Link to post Share on other sites
Author yxalitis Posted January 20, 2016 Author Share Posted January 20, 2016 I think she is just lonely because her boyfriend is not there. She's using OP for physical intimacy until she meets up with her boyfriend. But...why ME? Of all the men she could have taken to be her lover, why some older man? Why she manipulated this situation to get me in bed...I don't know. Has she had any other lovers behind his back? ...maybe...but the doubt, guilt, and fear she showed while being with me makes me think it's actually not likely, she'd be more comfortable with the situation if I was number 2 or 3. This is why I don't think it's JUST sex...sure, there's a fair bit of that, but something else is going on here, that's what I want to find out. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted January 20, 2016 Share Posted January 20, 2016 Yeah...you've hit the proverbial little nail on it's pretty little head. This is my biggest concern... When we went on our first dinner (Just friends still), she happily told me: "I told my boyfriend I'm having dinner with you, he's jealous!" When she was Skyping her boyfriend, (and she did this every night I stayed) I wasn't in another room, I was RIGHT THERE ON HER BED, listening! And get this...HE ASKED ABOUT ME!!! (Read this in a hilarious over the top Indian accent) "Are you still seeing [my name]?" "I don't mind you have a male friend, but no kissing, no touching..." So, there's that... Yeah, she's promiscuous, I think that's apparent, when I commented I had about 20 woman in my life, she said "Ha, I've had more boys than that!" Being a playgirl is not a deal breaker for me, but I will be having a frank conversation about her infidelity if we do get more serious... You may have mentioned this already, but how old is her boyfriend? Is he older as well? Just curious. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yxalitis Posted January 20, 2016 Author Share Posted January 20, 2016 I agree she lacks moral fibre big time. Plus she started a business and is just dropping it to move to another country with an ******* boyfriend? She isn't that smart, or there is something missing. I didn't say he was a donkeyhole (If that's what the censored word is), I said he's a douchebag... He talks AT her not TO her, he spent 15 minutes going on and on about how much money his new job was paying him, I mean, seriously on and on... She sat there disinterestedly...saying "yeah, yeah, whatever" looking away from the phone for most of the call. Then when he started to talk about her, the WHOLE conversation was about her physical self... "Oh you look so pretty in your nighty..." "Have you out your cream on your legs yet, I makes your skin glow" "You bottom is amazing, seriously, you have a fantastic bum" And so on... He si also VERY controlling, she HAS to video chat EVERY night, no matter how tired she is, or how late it is. He will call her, and if she doesn't answer, KEEP CALLING, 20-30 times in a row. "when she was trying to get him off the phone so she could sleep, (Actually so we could have sex) he made her turn off the light...so she walked over to the light, flicked it off said "OK, I did it, happy?", then hung up, and immediately turned the light on again. He once asked her to show him her entire room, panning the camera around 360 degrees.(I stepped out for a few seconds for that) She explains the reason she is going to try with her Indian bf is that she finds it very hard to fall in love, and wants to just see what happens with this guy. I tried to explain that he is controlling her, and if she moves in with him,, in his house, in a new country, she will be totally his, and lose all freedom... She says: "OK, whatever, I like this control!" But all I could see was, she doesn't like being controlled... I told her she'd last a year, maximum, and she said, "that's fine, a year is long enough" "I'm young still, can waste time if I want" SHE doesn't think it will last..but she still wants to try...for the experience. "I want to see with my eyes, touch with my hands" So, yeah, there's THAT too... Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted January 20, 2016 Share Posted January 20, 2016 I do agree people from different parts of the world age differently (your example with Lithuanians, mine with East Asians). But taking 3 people from same ethnic origin, one 25, one 37, and one 49 (same age gap first 2 and last 2).... It is hard to miss the difference. E.g. I think one thing that changes a lot is the amount of subcutaneal fat in the face - skin can be smooth and wrinkle less, still the lack of this fat layer makes the texture different. But hey, aging is not necessarily bad! What you mentioned in terms of lifestyle and genetics makes older people look really good, sometimes better than when they're younger. I'd just refer to it as good looking 30someyhing (or whatever) not younger looking Well...when you have enough people actually telling you you look much younger than your age...I guess you start to believe it. As for me, I am 37 and get told a lot I look like I am in my 20's. No wrinkles, good skin.... not saying this to toot my own horn, I just think some people DO look younger than their age, due to nationality, genetics, how well they eat, take care of their skin, etc. As for me, I am from Lithuania, and Lithuanians in general live to be really old (like over 100 sometimes)...and do appear to be much younger than their age. My aunt is 63 for example and I swear does NOT have a wrinkle on her skin. Her skin is as smooth as a baby's bottom and that is no joke. She looks to be about 40 (due to losing some elasticity). Link to post Share on other sites
Author yxalitis Posted January 20, 2016 Author Share Posted January 20, 2016 You may have mentioned this already, but how old is her boyfriend? Is he older as well? Just curious. Yeah, he;s in his mid 30's Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted January 20, 2016 Share Posted January 20, 2016 She's had more than 20 partners but never been to a "boys" house this way? Riiiiiight Testing, testing, stds.... I mean 123 3 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted January 20, 2016 Share Posted January 20, 2016 But hey, aging is not necessarily bad! What you mentioned in terms of lifestyle and genetics makes older people look really good, sometimes better than when they're younger. I'd just refer to it as good looking 30someyhing (or whatever) not younger looking I definitely agree with that! In fact, with respect to men, I happen to find men who appear to be a bit "weathered" super attractive. No matter how old he is!! No Justin Bieber types for me... no thank you. But yay for older guys (45+) -- if he's healthy, fit, good energy, spirited.... count me in! I only mentioned the age (45+) cause to me anything younger than that is still young! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted January 20, 2016 Share Posted January 20, 2016 (edited) I do agree people from different parts of the world age differently (your example with Lithuanians, mine with East Asians). But taking 3 people from same ethnic origin, one 25, one 37, and one 49 (same age gap first 2 and last 2).... It is hard to miss the difference. I am not sure what you mean here.... but if I interpret it correctly, the answer to that is because, in general, people from that same origin like Lithuanian (for me) and East Asia (for you) will always appear younger than their age. Hell, when I was 25, I was often told I looked like I was 16! NO JOKE. And I definitely DID.... I hated it in fact! Now that I am 37, I am often told I look like I'm in my late 20's, early 30's (not that much younger than my actual age).... I would probably look younger than that....but I live in southern cali, enjoy the outdoors and am in the sun quite often. But my skin is still darn good - no wrinkles yet, knock wood. When my dad was 49, he looked like he was 35. My aunt who is in her 60's looks like she's 40. Etc etc etc. Edited January 20, 2016 by katiegrl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted January 20, 2016 Share Posted January 20, 2016 Oh, I just gave Asians as an example (for people aging differently), my own origin is Eastern European:) But you got the point, just meant ethnicity affects how aging is perceived. I am not sure what you mean here.... but if I interpret it correctly, the answer to that is because, in general, people from that same origin like Lithuanian (for me) and East Asia (for you) will always appear younger than their age. Hell, when I was 25, I was often told I looked like I was 16! NO JOKE. And I definitely DID.... I hated it in fact! Now that I am 37, I am often told I look like I'm in my late 20's, early 30's (not that much younger than my actual age).... I would probably look younger than that....but I live in southern cali, enjoy the outdoors and am in the sun quite often. But my skin is still darn good - no wrinkles yet, knock wood. When my dad was 49, he looked like he was 35. My aunt who is in her 60's looks like she's 40. Etc etc etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Justanaverageguy Posted January 20, 2016 Share Posted January 20, 2016 Don't want to burst your balloon but this one seems pretty open and shut to me. She sounds to me like a young immature girl who has gotten herself into a situation with her boyfriend she wants to get out of. She appears to be a very submissive type and isn't capable of speaking up and telling the BF what she wants let alone actually breaking up with him .... So she goes and finds an older father figure to help her make the leap. My guess would be her standard "break up ammo" is to cheat and go from one guy to the next. Would ask some questions about previous ex's. She probably won't tell you she cheated on them but if she tells you replica story to the current BF assume as much. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yxalitis Posted January 20, 2016 Author Share Posted January 20, 2016 Don't want to burst your balloon but this one seems pretty open and shut to me. She sounds to me like a young immature girl who has gotten herself into a situation with her boyfriend she wants to get out of. She appears to be a very submissive type and isn't capable of speaking up and telling the BF what she wants let alone actually breaking up with him .... So she goes and finds an older father figure to help her make the leap. My guess would be her standard "break up ammo" is to cheat and go from one guy to the next. Would ask some questions about previous ex's. She probably won't tell you she cheated on them but if she tells you replica story to the current BF assume as much. Nope...you've got that wrong...I'm not saying this is the perfect next relationship, but your analysis doesn't marry up... If she wanted me to break up, she would have by now...he's overseas, breaking up would be as simple as saying..."I'm breaking up with you" She has told me she insists on going off with him... Link to post Share on other sites
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