Tread Carefully Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 Sorry, but that's a patriarchal attitude. What did the guy do wrong? All he did was ask. It was your daughter who said yes. Maybe you should pound her as$ into the ground? But wait, who failed to teach her to say no to men older than her by a certain number of years? Find that guy and kick his as$ into the ground! He's the one who failed. I'd love to. But I'm the one who failed. And I kick myself every single day. Her father, my now exH, is 14 years older than me. I thought that since she saw the problems we had it would deter her from older men. It worked for my oldest daughter. All I can do is be there for her. And yes I'm mad at a 30 yo man asking a teenager out in the first place. Who failed to teach him that that is not ok? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
123321 Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 It didn't work for me? Well in order to say something failed, one must logically have some goals that define success. I was looking for those goals. Personally, my relationships don't fail now, because I define success as enjoying the time minute by minute. Sometimes they END, but that's not failure. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 I gotta chuckle at the notion that a 30 year old is an "older" man. Lol Hell, I've know 20 year old women who are more mature than some 40 or 50 year old men! And Tread Carefully, how do you know she didn't ask him out? And pursued him?? Let her live her life and make her own mistakes. That is how we learn. There is no reason to be mad at either of them. She's of legal age and is capable of making her own choices. And she chose him and vice versa. They are both adults...and I say let them be. Like mother, like daughter.... however, in her case, it just might work, who knows. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 When a parent has concerns its okay to address them with the sensible adult. Say your peace. Being defined an adult in legal ways doesn't necassarily gift the person with sensible reasoning and values. Yes maturity does play a part in relationships of a romantic nature. Parents do not need to preach to the upcoming adult, they can set healthy boundaries and listen in the process. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
123321 Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 I'd love to. But I'm the one who failed. And I kick myself every single day. Her father, my now exH, is 14 years older than me. I thought that since she saw the problems we had it would deter her from older men. It worked for my oldest daughter. All I can do is be there for her. And yes I'm mad at a 30 yo man asking a teenager out in the first place. Who failed to teach him that that is not ok? Just glad there's no baggage at work here that could negatively influence your child's life. At all. Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 I am challenged to see how special someone is who cheats on a BF. I think it's more like she's special because she comes to the door in a tiny nighty and then goes to be with a guy making him "pinky swear" to no sex!! She is not only special, but mature for a 24 year old! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 OP doesn't have the "all or nothing" attitude you ladies have. He's fine if things are what you say they are. Link to post Share on other sites
SmartDude Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 I agree with others in that a relationship does not need to last to be a sucsess. Enjoying the time you are with someone, and treating them well, is more important than how long two people remain monogomous. It gets really frustrating sometimes trying to explain to someone that bonding and attatchment are not the same as love. Although one could end up on either side of that coin. OP, I think you know on some level this girl is going to get her experiences and then move on with her life. I hope you can be secure in yourself and do the right thing when the time comes. Its not easy to turn away from the warmth and light of the fire. But we all must face the darkness at some point and walk into the unknown. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author yxalitis Posted January 21, 2016 Author Share Posted January 21, 2016 I agree with others in that a relationship does not need to last to be a sucsess. Enjoying the time you are with someone, and treating them well, is more important than how long two people remain monogomous. It gets really frustrating sometimes trying to explain to someone that bonding and attatchment are not the same as love. Although one could end up on either side of that coin. OP, I think you know on some level this girl is going to get her experiences and then move on with her life. I hope you can be secure in yourself and do the right thing when the time comes. Its not easy to turn away from the warmth and light of the fire. But we all must face the darkness at some point and walk into the unknown. Profound words, and probably the most articulate reply so far. Yes...with age..they say..comes wisdom... I know this it's not the last great relationship that will take me to my grave...how could I inflict that on such a young girl...watching her love age and die while she is still young and vibrant. But...whatever it is..it's worth pursuing...to whatever end... I'm content with this... Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 But...why ME? Of all the men she could have taken to be her lover, why some older man? Why she manipulated this situation to get me in bed...I don't know. Has she had any other lovers behind his back? ...maybe...but the doubt, guilt, and fear she showed while being with me makes me think it's actually not likely, she'd be more comfortable with the situation if I was number 2 or 3. This is why I don't think it's JUST sex...sure, there's a fair bit of that, but something else is going on here, that's what I want to find out. Uh... Because a guy closer to her age isn't going to overlook her obvious character flaws and treat her like a princess so he can get points from his friends or strangers on the internet about 'dating' someone much younger. Older men are easy targets. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 I'd love to. But I'm the one who failed. And I kick myself every single day. Her father, my now exH, is 14 years older than me. I thought that since she saw the problems we had it would deter her from older men. It worked for my oldest daughter. All I can do is be there for her. And yes I'm mad at a 30 yo man asking a teenager out in the first place. Who failed to teach him that that is not ok? Who failed to teach him it's not ok? All the same people who failed to teach her it's not ok. Add to that, movies, social media... Who seem intent on trundling off young women to some old guy.. Young women are over sexualized at a very young age now... More than ever, they learn that sex is all they have to offer and they don't learn to cultivate relationships with older men in a mentor role. I blame the families of those men too, and 'high five' attitude of men who encourage others to 'date' much younger. It's like a little club. You see some of it in this thread... The very mistaken notion that all 'relationships' are the same. Of course, they are not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 Who failed to teach him it's not ok? All the same people who failed to teach her it's not ok. Add to that, movies, social media... Who seem intent on trundling off young women to some old guy.. Young women are over sexualized at a very young age now... More than ever, they learn that sex is all they have to offer and they don't learn to cultivate relationships with older men in a mentor role. I blame the families of those men too, and 'high five' attitude of men who encourage others to 'date' much younger. It's like a little club. You see some of it in this thread... The very mistaken notion that all 'relationships' are the same. Of course, they are not. I agree with this, but in TC's case, her daughter is 19. Is 19 still considered a "teenager"? Technically I suppose it is, but when I think of teenager, I think of 13-17. 18+ we are heading into adult territory. Being that 18 is the legal age of consent, the age where they're off to college (or wherever) living on their own, able to vote, etc. So I don't see it as he went after some teenage girl who doesn't know better. And like I said earlier.... she may have been the one to pursue him. JMO. Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 I agree with this, but in TC's case, her daughter is 19. Is 19 still considered a "teenager"? Technically I suppose it is, but when I think of teenager, I think of 13-17. 18+ we are heading into adult territory. Being that 18 is the legal age of consent, the age where they're off to college (or wherever) living on their own, able to vote, etc. So I don't see it as he went after some teenage girl who doesn't know better. And like I said earlier.... she may have been the one to pursue him. JMO. Who does the pursuing doesn't matter. A responsible adult would not indulge in that. That's my point. Objectively speaking, any 30 yr old who would agree to engage with a 19 yr old has issues. You might give the 19 yr old a pass for lacking life skills... The 30 yr old? Not so much. I feel the same way about the OP and his situation. 'Dating' someone that much younger reeks of insecurity and ego problems, in my opinion. Not to mention, he seems to be overlooking quite a lot in order to be able to tell people he got with that young thang. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 As a former drama addict, I can spot one a mile away. I have read OP's previous threads and he seems to get off on the high and lows of "forbidden" (such as age difference, already in a relationship, bonus points if both). It's kind of sad that at 49 he still hasn't learned from his mistakes. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 Who does the pursuing doesn't matter. A responsible adult would not indulge in that. That's my point. Objectively speaking, any 30 yr old who would agree to engage with a 19 yr old has issues. You might give the 19 yr old a pass for lacking life skills... The 30 yr old? Not so much. I feel the same way about the OP and his situation. 'Dating' someone that much younger reeks of insecurity and ego problems, in my opinion. Not to mention, he seems to be overlooking quite a lot in order to be able to tell people he got with that young thang. the idea of a guy 24+ dating a 19 year old comes off weird. The only way I see it working and being acceptable is if she's very old fashion and was raised to get married very young, have children and be a mother. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 (edited) the idea of a guy 24+ dating a 19 year old comes off weird. The only way I see it working and being acceptable is if she's very old fashion and was raised to get married very young, have children and be a mother. Just curious but if you were 24 and met and clicked with a 19 year old, who let's say was a sophomore at Harvard University ...who was turning 20 in 1-2 months, how would feel then? Would it be *weird* until her next birthday in 1-2 months, and then suddenly it's not weird anymore cuz she's now 20? Just trying to understand the rationale there. Age is a number. And people mature at varying stages. As I said, I have known 20 year old women more mature than some 50 year olds. On it's face, yeah the OP being 49 and interested in women in their 20's IS weird. But from reading his previous threads, there are definitely some issues there he'd be wise to address... But to say, in general, a 24 year old man should not date a 19 year old (who may very well be turning 20 soon), without knowing either one of them, their respective levels of maturity, etc, is unfair. JMO and of course you're entitled to yours. Just sayin..... Edited January 21, 2016 by katiegrl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 Just curious but if you were 24 and met and clicked with a 19 year old, who let's say was a sophomore at Harvard University ...who was turning 20 in 1-2 months, how would feel then? Would it be *weird* until her next birthday in 1-2 months, and then suddenly it's not weird anymore cuz she's now 20? Just trying to understand the rationale there. Age is a number. And people mature at varying stages. As I said, I have known 20 year old women more mature than some 50 year olds. On it's face, yeah the OP being 49 and interested in women in their 20's IS weird. But from reading his previous threads, there are definitely some issues there he'd be wise to address... But to say, in general, a 24 year old man should not date a 19 year old (who may very well be turning 20 soon), without knowing either one of them, their respective levels of maturity, etc, is unfair. JMO and of course you're entitled to yours. Just sayin..... Hypotheticals... where do I begin? How about over a glass of wine? What I'm saying is that if you're 24+ and your girlfriend is still a teenager (even if she is a couple of months away from turning 20) it comes off weird. I think 35 with 25 is fine. 24 with 19 is weird. Some may agree, some may not. It's the idea you're an adult and you're with a teenager. I do agree some mature faster than others and age is a number, and age gaps shouldn't really matter, it's about the people, not their ages... but it's a bit cringeworthy for a man to be dating a teenager, no? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 Hypotheticals... where do I begin? How about over a glass of wine? What I'm saying is that if you're 24+ and your girlfriend is still a teenager (even if she is a couple of months away from turning 20) it comes off weird. I think 35 with 25 is fine. 24 with 19 is weird. Some may agree, some may not. It's the idea you're an adult and you're with a teenager. I do agree some mature faster than others and age is a number, and age gaps shouldn't really matter, it's about the people, not their ages... but it's a bit cringeworthy for a man to be dating a teenager, no? Please read my post #87. My answer to your last sentence/question can be found there.... Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 I agree with this, but in TC's case, her daughter is 19. Is 19 still considered a "teenager"? Technically I suppose it is, but when I think of teenager, I think of 13-17. 18+ we are heading into adult territory. Being that 18 is the legal age of consent, the age where they're off to college (or wherever) living on their own, able to vote, etc. So I don't see it as he went after some teenage girl who doesn't know better. And like I said earlier.... she may have been the one to pursue him. JMO. Okay, so you believe 18-19 is not considered a teenager... but when you spell it out, it's eighTEEN and nineTEEN... Regardless, I respect your opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 (edited) Okay, so you believe 18-19 is not considered a teenager... but when you spell it out, it's eighTEEN and nineTEEN... Regardless, I respect your opinion. Okay, you would rather judge a person based on a suffix at the end of a word ...rather than their actual levels of emotional maturity based on intelligence, life experience up to that point, upbringing, education, etc.. Got it! I respect your opinion too..... Edited January 21, 2016 by katiegrl Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 OP, a lot of people on here are creeped out by the age difference in general but whatever. To me the main thing is how you wrote that like erotica, all focussed on the sexy, and then you talk about her "maturity" and "character" and how bad her boyfriend is for talking about her body and all that. A guy who really likes a woman and posts about it on LoveShack doesn't write like what you wrote. What I get from that is you are just interested in having sex with young Asian girls and bragging about it. I remember you have a lot of experience with very young Asian prostitutes and you wrote EXACTLY the same way about your encounters with them. Bottom line is I get from you that you fetishize little Asian girls and you are going to keep having this type of liaison because it's all you're into as far as dealing with women in your life goes. So it doesn't even matter that 1) she's acting like a pro, it's hard to believe she's not one from this story2) she has a boyfriend and acts quite sleazy skyping with him while you are in the room 3) you might have a girlfriend yourself (unclear since you said you don't, and then you said you do). She is a fetish object for you, nothing more than that - that is what I got from reading your post and others of yours. So, whatever, carry on. Do you give her money? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
higgsboson Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 But she does have a boyfriend so that would make you a scumbag. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 Okay, you would rather judge a person based on a suffix at the end of a word ...rather than their actual levels of emotional maturity based on intelligence, life experience up to that point, upbringing, education, etc.. Got it! I respect your opinion too..... Are we doing the tango? No. All I'm saying is for man to be dating a teen... eh, it doesn't come off right. I'm not saying she's not mature, the relationship will not work, it's 100% wrong... just a bit of queasiness. If I went to a family dinner and introduced my hot nineteen year old girlfriend (I say hot because she would have to be hot) some of the people at the table would be disgusted with me and think I'm a perv... yet I'm sure grandpa at the end of the table would be hollering: "That's my boy!" Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 Are we doing the tango? No. All I'm saying is for man to be dating a teen... eh, it doesn't come off right. I'm not saying she's not mature, the relationship will not work, it's 100% wrong... just a bit of queasiness. If I went to a family dinner and introduced my hot nineteen year old girlfriend (I say hot because she would have to be hot) some of the people at the table would be disgusted with me and think I'm a perv... yet I'm sure grandpa at the end of the table would be hollering: "That's my boy!" Fair enough ....I understand! My family is a bit more open-minded and non judgemental about these things, and that is the environment I was raised in ....hence my attitude now. When I was 18 and a freshman in college, my boyfriend was 23 ..and my family welcomed him with open arms. He was intelligent, educated, great job, and most important of all, treated me like gold. His age was never a concern, as we were both at the same level of maturity....well tbh, I was a bit more mature than he was ...but it worked. We eventually grew apart and broke up, which happens with many young couples dating. Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 Fair enough ....I understand! My family is a bit more open-minded and non judgemental about these things, and that is the environment I was raised in ....hence my attitude now. When I was 18 and a freshman in college, my boyfriend was 23 ..and my family welcomed him with open arms. He was intelligent, educated, great job, and most important of all, treated me like gold. His age was never a concern, as we were both at the same level of maturity....well tbh, I was a bit more mature than he was ...but it worked. We eventually grew apart and broke up, which happens with many young couples dating. I had a feeling with your responses you were in a relationship like this. Nothing wrong with it... just that TEEN factor can be bothersome. I'm sure you were a woman at 18, not a party girl. That's great... but you were still a teenager. I think though your family would have been upset if he were around 30 years old. Link to post Share on other sites
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