Dating a (much) younger girl

[Easyguy14]

Well.. I'm 37 and the thought of shacking up with a 24 year old makes me queasy ...

 

She's 24 man. How can you possibly have anything in common with a girl so much younger than you?

 

I'm not saying that to judge you. I'm actually asking. She's in a completely different stage of her life to you.

 

She's just starting her life journey. You might be an interesting distraction for a while, but it's doubtful you'll build anything that lasts with this woman.

 

Which is fine.

 

You're two consenting adults. I just wouldn't get too attached.

 

Why does it matter the age difference? I always notice that its mostly ladies on Loveshack that seem to have a problem with older men dating younger women. Frankly its annoying.

[Easyguy14]

Not sure what your post is asking however love has no age limit.

 

My work colleague is 53 and his wife is 24.

 

Im kinda seeing girl who is 25 now and Im 41. I need to add I dont look 41. More like 61 lol. Only kidding. I look in my early thirties.

 

I do worry what other people think and I worry what this girl I like parents think of me. Although I do know she has spoken to her dad about me.

 

Remember she is 24 and not 14. She is classed as a woman. An adult and she can choose what she wants in her life.

 

I have a friend of a friend who is in her 30s who is weeing a 74 year old! As you get older I think its more acceptable. it just depends what you want in life.

 

Isn't it about what makes YOU happy and not what pleases others? Why live to please others when your own needs and happiness is supposed to come first? What others think of you means nothing. They're not living your life!

[Qboro90]

Seriously - Karma is a bitch. Normally by 48 most people have learnt that treating other people like **** comes back to bite you in the ass. It doesn't even seem to cross the OP's mind that its him just as much as the girls behavior that is wrong here - which is frankly quite scary. Threads from the "other men" or "other women" on this site almost always detail how they feel completely terrible about what they are doing as they know its a horrible thing to cheat or be cheated on. The OP it doesn't even seem to cross his mind - no guilt or remorse whatsoever. Has the gall to make out the real boyfriend is the "bad guy". I hope he is deluded enough to actually play this out and develop real feelings for her. See how that works out for him.

 

I understand what you're saying here. Its just a perfect world way of looking at it and what a parent would advise their kid in order to develop moral decisions.

There's nothing anyone can say about that being wrong or debatable. You shouldn't cheat on your partner or be the other man/woman.

 

All I'm saying is that the OP doesn't need to be the "good guy" in this if he doesn't want to just because it's the right thing to do. Screw it, she's young and hot and he's getting laid. She's already slept with him numerous times so it's not like that gets erased if he stops now. Is Karma going to say "well he eventually stopped and did the right thing, so we'll give him a pass on this one"?

 

Of course not. There's also no consequence that's 100% goin to happen to him or her because of their decisions. Karma coming back around is a way to deter people from doing bad things. It's not a guarantee that future payback will occur. You say the OP has no remorse or guilt. He thinks the BF is an asshoke who treats her badly. What's he gonna feel bad about? If it was his best friend that was dating her then he can feel bad and like a dickhesd. But it's not. He owes this guy nothing and is never going to meet the guy to face any reprocussions so there's nothing to worry about there.

 

Indeed it does - and the OP can save himself the suspense and see exactly how she treats committed partners when the honeymoon period wears off or he goes overseas on business by simply looking at how she treats her current boyfriend. People tend to think "it'll be different with me". It seldom ever is.

 

If you read my posts i specifically detail why he needs to consciously prevent himself from getting emotionally invested with her and expecting anything at all. Strictly just treat it as a girl he's attracted to and connects with who's awesome to have sex with. Nothing else, nothing deeper, no expectations. If she leaves, she leaves. If she breaks up with her BF and stays, then he needs to create a new thread about what to do and how to go about that.

[Qboro90]

You know (and don't fall off you chair) you're right.

 

Now she is in Vietnam, I have had a chance to think long and hard.

She's too young for me, by about a decade.

 

She claims that she loves this guy so much that she will sacrifice everything to go off and live with him, YET opens a business, and shacks up with me.

 

If she truly with her...

 

I won’t be her backup boyfriend/good time guy anymore.

 

Don't sabatoge a good thing dude. Ride the wave as long as you can.

 

If you are getting emotionally invested and falling for her... Then disregard that advise and end the affair until she leaves her BF. That goes without saying.

 

I have a feeling that this will all be a moot point after you sent her that ultimatum anyways. After 2 weeks, she's getting an ultimatum about the biggest decision of her life and forced to decide about her moving to another country and relationship because the 48 yo neighbor said so? Doesn't exactly come off too good in my opinion.

Edited February 7, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
rude~T

[yxalitis]

Don't sabatoge a good thing dude. Ride the wave as long as you can.

 

If you are getting emotionally invested and falling for her... Then disregard that advise and end the affair until she leaves her BF. That goes without saying.

 

I have a feeling that this will all be a moot point after you sent her that ultimatum anyways. After 2 weeks, she's getting an ultimatum about the biggest decision of her life and forced to decide about her moving to another country and relationship because the 48 yo neighbor said so? Doesn't exactly come off too good in my opinion.

 

True, I understand this point...but I am just protecting myself.

Her BF is flying to Vietnam to stay with her for a few days.

I think she really wants to see how she feels about him when they spend extended time together.

I'm just letting her know if she sticks with him, I'm gone.

I'm trying to reinforce the fact that I'm not really happy dicking about in the dark as her dirty little secret (not even her best friend knows)

Sex is sex, I'm not so much worried about that...I do OKAY for an old bastard.

I just got the coffee shop girl's number...she's a young Korean...

Edited February 7, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Happy-Dayze]

I understand what you're saying here. Its just a perfect world way of looking at it and what a parent would advise their kid in order to develop moral decisions. There's nothing anyone can say about that being wrong or debatable. You shouldn't cheat on your partner or be the other man/woman.

 

 

I honestly don't think it is perfect world thinking. Its just acting like a decent human being thinking. I would give that advice to any one old enough to listen. Yes people aren't perfect and make mistakes - things happen in the heat of the moment and I've made my fare share like everyone else. But hes been knee deep in this for a few weeks and had plenty of time to realize what he's doing is way out of line. Sometimes you need someone to slap you upside the head and show you the reality of what your doing.

 

All I'm saying is that the OP doesn't need to be the "good guy" in this if he doesn't want to just because it's the right thing to do. Screw it, she's young and hot and he's getting laid. She's already slept with him numerous times so it's not like that gets erased if he stops now. Is Karma going to say "well he eventually stopped and did the right thing, so we'll give him a pass on this one"? Of course not. There's also no consequence that's 100% goin to happen to him or her because of their decisions. Karma coming back around is a way to deter people from doing bad things. It's not a guarantee that future payback will occur. You say the OP has no remorse or guilt. He thinks the BF is an asshoke who treats her badly. What's he gonna feel bad about? If it was his best friend that was dating her then he can feel bad and like a dickhesd. But it's not. He owes this guy nothing and is never going to meet the guy to face any reprocussions so there's nothing to worry about there.

 

Nobody "needs" to be the good guy do they. I mean as long as I get mine then .... all good ? And even if I realize I'm doing something horrible - I guess I can't fix it so I'll just keep acting like a dick anyway. Great attitude. We can all just go around screwing people over and if we don't know them directly and don't meet them face to face then it doesn't count. No harm done! I'm not going to start a debate on how Karma works except to say it is ruthless, patient and cunning in how it hands out justice. In the words of the Mandarin from Ironman: You'll nevvvveeerrr seeeee meeee coming. But even aside from that - if you're still basing your moral decisions only on yourself and how it effects you and what you can get away with without repercussions then you really missed the entire point of morals in the first place. As they say the true test of a man's character is what he will do when no one is looking. Not necessarily speaking about the OP here - but you seem to have absolutely zero regard for how your actions affect others.

 

If you read my posts i specifically detail why he needs to consciously prevent himself from getting emotionally invested with her and expecting anything at all. Strictly just treat it as a girl he's attracted to and connects with who's awesome to have sex with. Nothing else, nothing deeper, no expectations. If she leaves, she leaves. If she breaks up with her BF and stays, then he needs to create a new thread about what to do and how to go about that.

So basically your strategy is this. She is definitely bad news and you want to avoid getting into a relationship but you have no problem with stringing her along and using her just for sex for as long as you can whilst she cheats on her boyfriend at the same time. Minimize damage to you - who cares about everyone else. Basically the same as what you said above.

 

But like I said early - I have no problem at all with the OP getting some. I love sex. I love casual sex. Just do it in the right way.

Edited February 4, 2016 by Happy-Dayze

[yxalitis]

Seriously - Karma is a bitch. Normally by 48 most people have learnt that treating other people like **** comes back to bite you in the ass. It doesn't even seem to cross the OP's mind that its him just as much as the girls behavior that is wrong here - which is frankly quite scary. Threads from the "other men" or "other women" on this site almost always detail how they feel completely terrible about what they are doing as they know its a horrible thing to cheat or be cheated on. The OP it doesn't even seem to cross his mind - no guilt or remorse whatsoever. Has the gall to make out the real boyfriend is the "bad guy". I hope he is deluded enough to actually play this out and develop real feelings for her. See how that works out for him.

 

I understand what you're saying here. Its just a perfect world way of looking at it and what a parent would advise their kid in order to develop moral decisions.

There's nothing anyone can say about that being wrong or debatable. You shouldn't cheat on your partner or be the other man/woman.

 

All I'm saying is that the OP doesn't need to be the "good guy" in this if he doesn't want to just because it's the right thing to do. Screw it, she's young and hot and he's getting laid. She's already slept with him numerous times so it's not like that gets erased if he stops now. Is Karma going to say "well he eventually stopped and did the right thing, so we'll give him a pass on this one"?

 

Of course not. There's also no consequence that's 100% goin to happen to him or her because of their decisions. Karma coming back around is a way to deter people from doing bad things. It's not a guarantee that future payback will occur. You say the OP has no remorse or guilt. He thinks the BF is an asshoke who treats her badly. What's he gonna feel bad about? If it was his best friend that was dating her then he can feel bad and like a dickhesd. But it's not. He owes this guy nothing and is never going to meet the guy to face any reprocussions so there's nothing to worry about there.

 

Indeed it does - and the OP can save himself the suspense and see exactly how she treats committed partners when the honeymoon period wears off or he goes overseas on business by simply looking at how she treats her current boyfriend. People tend to think "it'll be different with me". It seldom ever is.

 

If you read my posts i specifically detail why he needs to consciously prevent himself from getting emotionally invested with her and expecting anything at all. Strictly just treat it as a girl he's attracted to and connects with who's awesome to have sex with. Nothing else, nothing deeper, no expectations. If she leaves, she leaves. If she breaks up with her BF and stays, then he needs to create a new thread about what to do and how to go about that.

You know Karma isn't real...right?

[Rejected Rosebud]

You know Karma isn't real...right?

What do you think Karma is? Anyway, what a person puts out in life definitely has something to do with what they get out of life.

[Aniela]

Why does it matter the age difference? I always notice that its mostly ladies on Loveshack that seem to have a problem with older men dating younger women. Frankly its annoying.

 

Why do so many men here seem to have a problem with women their own age? It's annoying to be repeatedly hit on by much older men, for a lot of us.

[RedRobin]

Why does it matter the age difference? I always notice that its mostly ladies on Loveshack that seem to have a problem with older men dating younger women. Frankly its annoying.

 

What is annoying is how so many men fetishize a woman's age and couldn't care less about women. I consider it a form of misogyny, with traces of pedo tendencies, to have to date people that much younger.

 

The OP is a perfect example. Look at all of the glaring character flaws in the person he is willing to overlook just so he can say he is 'dating' someone younger.

[yxalitis]

What is annoying is how so many men fetishize a woman's age and couldn't care less about women. I consider it a form of misogyny, with traces of pedo tendencies, to have to date people that much younger.

 

The OP is a perfect example. Look at all of the glaring character flaws in the person he is willing to overlook just so he can say he is 'dating' someone younger.

 

Bullcrap

I'm not dating her "because she's young" that's absolute bollocks

The fact is that's a major drawback in my mind, I'd much rather she was 10 - 15 years older.

It's not her age.

She's smart, driven, funny, sexy, adventurous, beautiful.

Her "Character flaws" consist of..what?

She's cheating on her bf...I get that.

She's unhappy with her BF but feels trapped by convention and obligation.

 

Should she simply have broken up with him before starting to sleep with me...yes, of course.

If she was older and wiser, she would have...again, her age here is a DIS-advantage.

 

But this does not turn her into someone unworthy of love, forgiveness, compassion.

She's not this b!tch you all think she is.

Edited February 4, 2016 by yxalitis

[yxalitis]

Why do so many men here seem to have a problem with women their own age? It's annoying to be repeatedly hit on by much older men, for a lot of us.

 

Just to point out, she started this, not me...she was fully aware of my age when she started.

[h0000]

 

The OP is a perfect example. Look at all of the glaring character flaws in the person he is willing to overlook just so he can say he is 'dating' someone younger.

You forgot she has to be Asian also.

 

Bullcrap

I'm not dating her "because she's young" that's absolute bollocks

The fact is that's a major drawback in my mind, I'd much rather she was 10 - 15 years older.

It's not her age.

She's smart, driven, funny, sexy, adventurous, beautiful.

Her "Character flaws" consist of..what?

She's cheating on her bf...I get that.

She's unhappy with her BF but feels trapped by convention and obligation.

 

Should she simply have broken up with him before starting to sleep with me...yes, of course.

If she was older and wiser, she would have...again, her age here is a DIS-advantage.

 

But this does not turn her into someone unworthy of love, forgiveness, compassion.

She's not this b!tch you all think she is.

How about the new young Korean chick that grabbed your number? You should try her at least she is single?

[Qboro90]

What is annoying is how so many men fetishize a woman's age and couldn't care less about women. I consider it a form of misogyny, with traces of pedo tendencies, to have to date people that much younger.

 

The OP is a perfect example. Look at all of the glaring character flaws in the person he is willing to overlook just so he can say he is 'dating' someone younger.

 

Whoa... Cmon now.. This is a little absurd to put out as a generalization. Men don't fantasize about a woman's age and think "the younger the better". It's misleading to make it sound that way.

 

The fact is that overall, most men, even women for that matter, would agree that a woman is in her physical prime in terms of looks and appeal between 18-35. Does that mean that a 50yo woman is not beautiful? That 50yo woman can be gorgeous and odds are that she's got more to offer in a man on every level compared to a 25yo.

 

That being said... There's a reason why Victoria Secrets models are in the age range I listed above. Haven't seen too many 65yo models strutting down the runway. And it's not because men are pigs. It's human instinct. You're naturally going to be drawn to the opposite sex when they are more desirable when it comes to focusing on sex. Which is what the OP has been doing since the start. It's a sexually based rs. I'd have to assume that it's also making him feel better about himself and boosted his confidence. Most men let alone older men don't think that the 24yo attractive girl wants anything to do with them. And it's generally viewed that the Op is past his "physical prime" at least at his age. So the fact that he is attracting a woman who is at the peak of her life (in a shallow way I'll admit) is of course going to be alluring to him and most anyone.

 

To suggest that dating a 24 yo girl when you're a 48 yo man means you have "ped tendencies" is baseless and downright obscene to suggest from someone who has no idea who this person is or who the female is and is making such a serious accusation off of a handful of posts on a forum. You should be better than that.

[RedRobin]

Bullcrap

I'm not dating her "because she's young" that's absolute bollocks

The fact is that's a major drawback in my mind, I'd much rather she was 10 - 15 years older.

It's not her age.

She's smart, driven, funny, sexy, adventurous, beautiful.

Her "Character flaws" consist of..what?

She's cheating on her bf...I get that.

She's unhappy with her BF but feels trapped by convention and obligation.

 

Should she simply have broken up with him before starting to sleep with me...yes, of course.

If she was older and wiser, she would have...again, her age here is a DIS-advantage.

 

But this does not turn her into someone unworthy of love, forgiveness, compassion.

She's not this b!tch you all think she is.

 

Whatever. Check the title of your thread.

 

its your primary motivation. Face it. You have an addiction, fueled by your ego. Why you'd feel any sort of 'special' for someone like her 'picking' you is beyond me.

 

If you ask me, is say you'd hit rock bottom in your own self esteem and self worth.... Dating relative children being the first symptom.

 

A ten to fifteen year age gap is still substantial... And still about ego and some other need besides her personal qualities. More likely trying to impress friends or coworkers.

 

Funny. No one I know is impressed by guys who date younger women.

 

They view it as midlife crisis, buy the sports car, hit the Viagra phase of life. *shrug*

Edited February 5, 2016 by RedRobin

[yxalitis]

Whatever. Check the title of your thread.

 

its your primary motivation. Face it. You have an addiction, fueled by your ego. Why you'd feel any sort of 'special' for someone like her 'picking' you is beyond me.

 

If you ask me, is say you'd hit rock bottom in your own self esteem and self worth.... Dating relative children being the first symptom.

Your opinion is unsubstantiated, belligerent, and frankly quite bizarre.

She is 24, not 16, and as I stated repeatedly, a confident, independent woman.

The title of my thread supports my statement that the age gap is NOT a good thing, it's a big concern.

Red, you've had your say, best just leave this thread.

[yxalitis]

You forgot she has to be Asian also.

 

 

How about the new young Korean chick that grabbed your number? You should try her at least she is single?

What, you want me to cheat on my new gf?

[RedRobin]

Your opinion is unsubstantiated, belligerent, and frankly quite bizarre.

She is 24, not 16, and as I stated repeatedly, a confident, independent woman.

The title of my thread supports my statement that the age gap is NOT a good thing, it's a big concern.

Red, you've had your say, best just leave this thread.

 

She's young enough to be your child. Same thing.

 

Stop deluding yourself.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

I coudn't even get through the whole thread but it seems like these 2 enjoy playing games.

 

OP, if you like her and you don't mind getting your heart put through the wringer a bit.. then go for it. The girl doesn't seem to know what she wants herself and at the same time you are trying to convince her that you know what's best for her..it's all a very messy situation but I think you get off on it.

 

Honestly, I don't see a future for you two but I think you will not heed any advice and continue to chase this girl until you are utterly heart broken..

 

Do what you want to do because nothing still stop you, OP. I think you feel that if you don't try everything in your power to persue her..then you'll regret it. But, like others have said, how special is a girl who doesn't mind lying and cheating on her bf.

 

Good luck with it all.

[yxalitis]

If I thought her bf and her stood a chance to have a decent relationship, I'd have bowed out long ago.

As a FRIEND my advice is the same to her, he's an obsessive control freak, with whom you will lose all freedom and independence.

 

He says he will do "...anything for her" but not, apparently come to Australia and support her business and lifestyle!

 

NO, she has to literally abandon all her plans to go off to a strange country just because he says so.

 

She texted me late last night:

"Ugly man...I know I don't want to lose you...of course, I know ur right he is not the right choice for me, but I don't want to lose my bf too. I know that means I'm a very selfish girl...I know. It's a terrible thing to keep two men at the same time...I know. I have to choose 1 person I want...but now I'm really confused."

Edited February 7, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[yxalitis]

To put my own opinion in here again.

Do I feel guilty about her cheating with me behind her bf's back...

No.

Why?

Because SHE chose to do it.

I am a willing participant, but that does not make me the instigator.

 

Further, I've expressed my opinion on the bf...

I am actually afraid of how this will pan out for her.

 

However, the most despicable things written in this thread are those who judge her with no way of knowing anything about her except a handful of lines written by another person (Me)

 

Instead of condemning her, stop and ask yourself WHY?

Why did she choose to do this?

If she's so in love as to drop everything and chase off across the world...why did she start a business AFTER this decision was made.

WHY did she jump at the chance to be with me?

 

Can't you see she DOESN'T want to go with him...but her inexperience makes it hard for her to work out the best way to let him go.

He loves her, she doesn't want to hurt him...but obviously has to.

 

THis inexperience is NOT an advantage for me...it makes the way she is going about it messy and complicated.

That's not MY doing...OK!

Finally, to the comments on my morals, maturity etc.

 

OK, shoot away, I'm a big boy, and frankly the extreme remarks made here are so way off line they're amusing.

Grandpa

Pathetic as a comb over

Pedo tendencies

Young enough to be his daughter

 

As insulting and ridiculous as those comments are, I'll add my 2c:

You can't be a pathetic loser and attract a vibrant, sexy, independant young woman...you can't.

And I am not rich, I certainly haven't been flashing the cash, and she is insistent on paying her way, she'll hand me $20 for the pizza...put money in my wallet if I refuse...

 

So whatever facile notion you have in your head about this geriatric old bastard seducing innocent young girls for his disgusting perverted pleasures, you can ditch them...

 

I am confident, attractive, dignified, well mannered, chivalrous (how many 20 somethings open the car door for his girlfriend every time?).

I have an outgoing personality, I take the time to chat to people everywhere, I show my appreciation an respect to the waiter, the bartender, the sandwich bar worker...I ask their names, get to know them, why do you think the 25 yo Koran coffee maker give me her number?

Because I'm that guy people notice.

 

You may have your opinion about my actions, the girls actions, but don't sit there on your moral high-horse and presume to judge me or the girl.

My work colleagues, friends, family, heck, even my doctor al just shrugged and said "So what" when i told them my gf was 24.

 

If you don't like it..fine express your opinion, and move on, plenty of threads here to post in.

Edited February 7, 2016 by yxalitis

[edgygirl]

It saddens me when guys around my age or a little older get fascinated by a woman only because she's young. You can say whatever you like, but it's not her incredible brain or intellectual chemistry that's dragging you in.

 

I'm also flabbergasted by women that age that date men who are so much older. I remember when I was 20 I thought 35 yo were almost... grandads.

 

Oh well. Guess it feels good to get some affirmation. But I'd say to get affirmation from an experienced woman your age loving you seems more of a big deal to me. Most men don't seem to think like that...

[joseb]

It saddens me when guys around my age or a little older get fascinated by a woman only because she's young. You can say whatever you like, but it's not her incredible brain or intellectual chemistry that's dragging you in.

 

..

 

This has been explained on this and any other threads here. Guys are naturally biologically driven to be attracted to females in their prime reproductive years.

It doesn't mean they will always prioritise that, but that's what's driving it.

 

I don't know why women seem to get so annoyed by it, it's just a fact of lfe.

 

Women have their own drives too - look at all the short guys complaining about having it harder, for example.

[MidwestUSA]

 

She texted me late last night:

"Ugly man...I know I don't want to lose you...of course, I know ur right he is not the right choice for me, but I don't want to lose my bf too. I know that means I'm a very selfish girl...I know. It's a terrible thing to keep two men at the same time...I know. I have to choose 1 person I want...but now I'm really confused."

 

This just jumps out at me. This is a game to her, and she's loving it!

 

She was probably giggling as she texted. The skype act with the BF is probably just that, an act.

 

You know what you've gotten into, OP, so I'm not going there. But just, wow. She knows how to play.

[William]

Folks, I'm posting this in a final attempt to salvage this thread.

 

The OP has already expressed his opinions on the ethical questions regarding dating a much younger woman and I see no reason to keep revisiting that at this point from either side. There is a consolidated thread for that.

 

Let's leave this thread focused on the OP's unique situation and remember to keep our replies respectful and helpful in nature.

 

Those that have had posts deleted, consider this your warning to stay on track or move on. ~T