RedRobin Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 Since the OP seems intent on inserting himself in other peoples relationships, then using the age difference as a justification/smoke screen... I am not sure what anyone here can do to help him. The OP made it about the age gap with the title and focus on her age... But maybe this so called situation seems like a problem for the OM/OW thread, more like. And he hasn't accepted advice about that either. Even the people without an axe to grind on the age difference have brought up some pretty important observations regarding her situation, and the situations that the OP seems to have a history of finding himself in. You can't separate the addict from the drug, then claim all is well, or there is no problem. His 'drug' of choice IS the situation. Not everyone is going to turn a blind eye to things that are almost certain to hurt him in the long run... And hurt other people. This reminds me of a fable my dad taught me years ago....There was this little bird who got lost from the flock... Flying and flying and flying.... Till it got so tired, it fell out of the sky into a big field... It squawked and squawked, catching the attention of a cat over by the edge of the field. A nearby cow, seeing this poor birds predicament, came over and took a big dump on the bird, trying to hide it from the cat. Oh boy, did that piss the bird off. It squawked even more! The cat came over, and cleaned the cow **** off the bird. Then ate it. Moral of the story. Not everyone who ****s on you is your enemy. Not everyone who cleans you up is a friend. Think about that OP. And the advice people have tried to offer you. Link to post Share on other sites
AMJ Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 I stopped reading this because a while back you wrote that you wanted to end it? I'm confused. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yxalitis Posted February 7, 2016 Author Share Posted February 7, 2016 I stopped reading this because a while back you wrote that you wanted to end it? I'm confused. No, I said I wanted her to choose clearly who she wanted... Despite all my bravado, I don't like being the OM Link to post Share on other sites
Author yxalitis Posted February 7, 2016 Author Share Posted February 7, 2016 Since the OP seems intent on inserting himself in other peoples relationships, then using the age difference as a justification/smoke screen... I am not sure what anyone here can do to help him. Huh? Where/how have I USED her age as "justification" Justification for what? Smokescreen for what? And I didn't "insert myself" into another relationship as you so quaintly put it, I simply let what she started happen. There are three things here Red that you go on and on about. Her infidelity. My complicity in that. The age difference That's it, right? Points 1 and 2 go together. The "justification" I use is that I think her relationship with this guy who for 6 months has been in another country, is doomed. I've explained my thoughts, and FYI, her friends and family agree...no one who knows about him thinks he is good for her. Should she simply have broken up with him..yeah, of course. Is her lack of maturity and experience a big reason why she is acting the way she is...yeah. Is that "good"? Is her age a "good thing" in this case? No, it's not. As to the age difference...well... You have expressed your opinion about 12 times... I, and others, both here and in my personal life disagree. You don't like it, fine, but you've mentioned that enough times in this thread...let it go! PS, your bird story makes no sense, is completely wrong...and irrelevant to this conversation anyway. A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out. Then he ate him! 1) Not everyone who drops **** on you is your enemy. 2) Not everyone who gets you out of **** is your friend. 3) And when you're in deep ****, keep your mouth shut! What the heck has that got to do with this situation I have no idea... Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 This SNL sketch reminded me of this thread. Jump to 2:35 SNL - Meet Your Second Wife: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HL4izodaH80 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author yxalitis Posted February 8, 2016 Author Share Posted February 8, 2016 This SNL sketch reminded me of this thread. Jump to 2:35 SNL - Meet Your Second Wife: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HL4izodaH80 It would have been funny if she was 18... But to have a child walk out crosses the line in my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 (edited) Okay... but you have to agree that when you were 30... your girl was 5. So it's not much different after all :/ It would have been funny if she was 18... But to have a child walk out crosses the line in my opinion. Edited February 9, 2016 by edgygirl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author yxalitis Posted February 9, 2016 Author Share Posted February 9, 2016 Okay... but you have to agree that when you were 30... your girl was 5. So it's not much different after all :/ But she's not now... I don't know why that's so hard to get across... She's an adult, and able to make adult decisions, like who she chooses to be with. If she was an immature twit, it would be different...but she's not. Link to post Share on other sites
AMJ Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 But she's not now... I don't know why that's so hard to get across... She's an adult, and able to make adult decisions, like who she chooses to be with. If she was an immature twit, it would be different...but she's not. You're missing the whole joke of the skit. Yes it's gross to date a girl who's 5. It's hilarious to see the men freak out because they feel disgusted by meeting "their future second wife". It's super funny. And it wouldn't be so funny if it weren't so common for old men to hunt down the young babies. I'd laugh at a skit about cougars going after the young men, too. It's just funny! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
AverageJoe1986 Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 (how many 20 somethings open the car door for his girlfriend every time?). Only 23% according to most surveys. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yxalitis Posted February 9, 2016 Author Share Posted February 9, 2016 Only 23% according to most surveys. But 80% of all statistics are made up on the spot... Only 32% of people know that though Link to post Share on other sites
Author yxalitis Posted February 9, 2016 Author Share Posted February 9, 2016 We had a big talk last night... she admitted that for sure she prefers me, she knows we are vastly more compatible, but still she clings to the old relationship. He has changed plans again, now he's going to Dubai for a few months leaving 15th March, he asked her to accompany him. She said no. She reminded him she has a business to run. She's left her partner to look after it for a month already, and she needs to get back to manage it. (It's funny how a man who "effing loves" her, "effing do anything" for her, has no consideration for her needs or lifestyle at all) She will meet him in Ho Chi Min city, to "talk about everything" However, this is not to break up with him, in fact she said to me "if I choose him, you still pick me up from the airport?" Yeah, I wasn't happy to hear that...why she would even be CONSIDERING staying in a relationship with this guy is what I can't get my head around... She admits she doesn't think he's the right partner. She admits she much prefers to be with me. She has a business to run here, which he doesn't seem to care about. Yet she is still focused on progressing with him...! I don't understand her! "I prefer you, but it's very hard for me to break up with him, we have history..all my family know him..." I used breaking up my marriage and last relationships as example of how important it is to do what makes you happy, not what you're "expected" to do. Yes, it's hard, but you HAVE TO DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY. Auugh! Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 We had a big talk last night... she admitted that for sure she prefers me, she knows we are vastly more compatible, but still she clings to the old relationship. He has changed plans again, now he's going to Dubai for a few months leaving 15th March, he asked her to accompany him. She said no. She reminded him she has a business to run. She's left her partner to look after it for a month already, and she needs to get back to manage it. (It's funny how a man who "effing loves" her, "effing do anything" for her, has no consideration for her needs or lifestyle at all) She will meet him in Ho Chi Min city, to "talk about everything" However, this is not to break up with him, in fact she said to me "if I choose him, you still pick me up from the airport?" Yeah, I wasn't happy to hear that...why she would even be CONSIDERING staying in a relationship with this guy is what I can't get my head around... She admits she doesn't think he's the right partner. She admits she much prefers to be with me. She has a business to run here, which he doesn't seem to care about. Yet she is still focused on progressing with him...! I don't understand her! "I prefer you, but it's very hard for me to break up with him, we have history..all my family know him..." I used breaking up my marriage and last relationships as example of how important it is to do what makes you happy, not what you're "expected" to do. Yes, it's hard, but you HAVE TO DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY. Auugh! Why don't you offer to completely provide for her for her lifetime? It sounds like that's what he has done, and it works for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yxalitis Posted February 10, 2016 Author Share Posted February 10, 2016 Why don't you offer to completely provide for her for her lifetime? It sounds like that's what he has done, and it works for him. He hasn't provided anything for her, which you'd know if you actually read my posts... Link to post Share on other sites
AMJ Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 why she would even be CONSIDERING staying in a relationship with this guy is what I can't get my head around... But no one here understands why you are considering staying in a relationship with her. So...what's the difference? Oh wait, the hot sex. I'll never understand the tradeoff between great sex and drama....as in, how much drama is anyone willing to put up with for great sex? Also...why do you even believe what she tells you about him? She has her reasons for staying with him, she just tells you that he's a jerk because it makes her look better for cheating on him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author yxalitis Posted February 10, 2016 Author Share Posted February 10, 2016 But no one here understands why you are considering staying in a relationship with her. So...what's the difference? Oh wait, the hot sex. I'll never understand the tradeoff between great sex and drama....as in, how much drama is anyone willing to put up with for great sex? Also...why do you even believe what she tells you about him? She has her reasons for staying with him, she just tells you that he's a jerk because it makes her look better for cheating on him. Great sex..yeah..of course. Not denying it. Totally Worth it. Oh, I have decided based on overheard conversations and other snippets of information (her friend) that he's a douche bag...She specifically does NOT tell me he's a jerk. Link to post Share on other sites
sagamore Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 We had a big talk last night... in fact she said to me "if I choose him, you still pick me up from the airport?" Translation = Backup plan 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author yxalitis Posted February 10, 2016 Author Share Posted February 10, 2016 Translation = Backup plan Translation..she doesn't want to arrive at the airport at 6:30 am and have no ride home. Link to post Share on other sites
sagamore Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 We had a big talk last night... she admitted that for sure she prefers me, she knows we are vastly more compatible, but still she clings to the old relationship. He has changed plans again, now he's going to Dubai for a few months leaving 15th March, he asked her to accompany him. She said no. She reminded him she has a business to run. She's left her partner to look after it for a month already, and she needs to get back to manage it. (It's funny how a man who "effing loves" her, "effing do anything" for her, has no consideration for her needs or lifestyle at all) She will meet him in Ho Chi Min city, to "talk about everything" However, this is not to break up with him, in fact she said to me "if I choose him, you still pick me up from the airport?" Yeah, I wasn't happy to hear that...why she would even be CONSIDERING staying in a relationship with this guy is what I can't get my head around... She admits she doesn't think he's the right partner. She admits she much prefers to be with me. She has a business to run here, which he doesn't seem to care about. Yet she is still focused on progressing with him...! I don't understand her! "I prefer you, but it's very hard for me to break up with him, we have history..all my family know him..." I used breaking up my marriage and last relationships as example of how important it is to do what makes you happy, not what you're "expected" to do. Yes, it's hard, but you HAVE TO DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY. Auugh! Translation..she doesn't want to arrive at the airport at 6:30 am and have no ride home. Right. He's her lover...and you're her Uber. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author yxalitis Posted February 10, 2016 Author Share Posted February 10, 2016 Translation = Backup plan [Missed the edit timer] I know her feelings, and that she prefers me, I also know this other guy is going to be OS again for another few months. She won't choose him, she'd be choosing loneliness, sexual frustration, and a seemingly endless LDR. She just needs to work this out for herself. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 OP.....omg...it is so very very obvious that she is playing you. It couldn't get any more obvious. But it's a futile waste of energy trying to get you to see that ..... as you are in a serious SERIOUS case of denial ....which is understandable given how you feel about her. All I, or anyone, can say at this point is best of luck... I hope when this is done, you don't emerge too scathed. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 [Missed the edit timer] I know her feelings, and that she prefers me, I also know this other guy is going to be OS again for another few months. She won't choose him, she'd be choosing loneliness, sexual frustration, and a seemingly endless LDR. She just needs to work this out for herself. You are going to crush down to earth pretty fast. She is 24, she'll find a 30 year-old dude no problem. I know older guys delude themselves because facing aging is HARD but we all have to eventually. I can really see you getting hurt big time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
AMJ Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 I know older guys delude themselves because facing aging is HARD but we all have to eventually. I can really see you getting hurt big time. For some reason I don't think he's going to be hurt. He'll be bummed out for a few days, maybe even a whole week. Then he'll move on. My friend dated a 50 year old man last year- we're both 30. Everyone's reaction was- WTF are you doing?? You're drop dead gorgeous, you can have any man you want...including those who don't need little blue pills. Even though she wouldn't admit it, the fact that he was extremely wealthy and could fly her to his house with a private beach in Mexico seemed to be the main appeal. A few months later, he wanted to take her to Tokyo..or maybe it was Hong Kong. Who knows. But the thought of devoting the amount of time to fly across the globe, even though he was obviously going to pay for it, scared her. So she broke up with him while he was working overseas. I had just hoped he didn't already purchase her flight. Basically the strangeness of their relationship wore off, and she realized- woah, I can't have kids with this guy. And, woah, we have literally nothing in common because he is old enough to be dating my mom. Young ladies can be fickle. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author yxalitis Posted February 10, 2016 Author Share Posted February 10, 2016 You are going to crush down to earth pretty fast. She is 24, she'll find a 30 year-old dude no problem. I know older guys delude themselves because facing aging is HARD but we all have to eventually. I can really see you getting hurt big time. OK, I understand your viewpoint (I have said similar in this very thread already)...but If she's just going to find a younger dude and dump me...why is it so hard for her to dump LDR douche-bag boyfriend? Her loyalty to him is extreme. It's VERY hard for her to leave him. She won't do it over the phone, she HAS to see him. What I am thinking is she is using me to push him to move to Melbourne. Then she gets the BF she thinks she wants where she wants him. ...maybe... We'll see in a few weeks anyway... Link to post Share on other sites
Author yxalitis Posted February 10, 2016 Author Share Posted February 10, 2016 For some reason I don't think he's going to be hurt. He'll be bummed out for a few days, maybe even a whole week. Then he'll move on. My friend dated a 50 year old man last year- we're both 30. Everyone's reaction was- WTF are you doing?? You're drop dead gorgeous, you can have any man you want...including those who don't need little blue pills. Even though she wouldn't admit it, the fact that he was extremely wealthy and could fly her to his house with a private beach in Mexico seemed to be the main appeal. A few months later, he wanted to take her to Tokyo..or maybe it was Hong Kong. Who knows. But the thought of devoting the amount of time to fly across the globe, even though he was obviously going to pay for it, scared her. So she broke up with him while he was working overseas. I had just hoped he didn't already purchase her flight. Basically the strangeness of their relationship wore off, and she realized- woah, I can't have kids with this guy. And, woah, we have literally nothing in common because he is old enough to be dating my mom. Young ladies can be fickle. Yep, I can see that happening... Except I'm not the rich guy jetting her off to exciting parts of the world... Her BF is, or wants to... She refused the trip to Dubai, because she's more grounded. Oh, I don't need no little blue pills... In this one aspect I am like an 18 year old. Link to post Share on other sites
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