Dating a (much) younger girl

[Rejected Rosebud]

If she's just going to find a younger dude and dump me...why is it so hard for her to dump LDR douche-bag boyfriend?

Her loyalty to him is extreme.

It's VERY hard for her to leave him.

 

 

That's because, no matter what snippets of conversation you've heard, she wants to be with him.

 

I'm pretty sure he provides her with things. He asked her to accompany him to Dubai for a few months. Seems like he was ready to spend some big bucks right there. Do you think she got all the money to open a new business and work there for a month and then fly halfway around the world for a month by waxing?

[yxalitis]

That's because, no matter what snippets of conversation you've heard, she wants to be with him.

 

I'm pretty sure he provides her with things. He asked her to accompany him to Dubai for a few months. Seems like he was ready to spend some big bucks right there. Do you think she got all the money to open a new business and work there for a month and then fly halfway around the world for a month by waxing?

 

Hmmm

 

She specifically stated she and her friend saved money (They do work 6 days a week, 10 hours a day).

 

But...hmmm of course she could be lying...

 

This and the idea that popped into my head that she's playing me off against him to goad him into moving to Melbourne...

 

Her insistence that she sees him as her future, yet says just enough to keep me hanging on...could she be that devious, that clever?

 

Hmmm....

[Emilia]

Don't you think though OP that obsessing over this girl is a little undignified? I get the whole young chick thing. I used to be that way myself in my 30s, even early 40s, didn't care for men my age. One day however I had to face the fact that I was getting too old, that they would not take me seriously beyond a certain point, that I could only be a port in a storm because really young people settle with fellow young people. I was like that at their age. I had a very good looking much older lover when I was 18 but I always knew it wouldn't last. Age gap stuff just doesn't.

 

There comes a point when you have to take a look at yourself, gather up your self respect and face your aging. It's tough. I cried. Got over it.

[madjac74]

Well I'm 41 and my girlfriend of 3 years is 28 so I had a little sympathy for everyone teasing the OP for the age difference. But one thing I have no sympathy for is cheaters and they are both cheaters.

[Emilia]

Well I'm 41 and my girlfriend of 3 years is 28 so I had a little sympathy for everyone teasing the OP for the age difference. But one thing I have no sympathy for is cheaters and they are both cheaters.

 

He is single, she is the cheater. I think that's why most people are trying to get him understand that he will be hit hard in the face

[katiegrl]

Hmmm

 

She specifically stated she and her friend saved money (They do work 6 days a week, 10 hours a day).

 

But...hmmm of course she could be lying...

 

This and the idea that popped into my head that she's playing me off against him to goad him into moving to Melbourne...

 

Her insistence that she sees him as her future, yet says just enough to keep me hanging on...could she be that devious, that clever?

 

Hmmm....

 

One of the problems in this situation is that you are choosing to believe everything she *says*. Everything she *tells* you ..... like it's gospel or something. Why?

 

Please stop choosing to do that, people lie if it serves their purpose, and again, it is so very obvious that is what she's doing to you - lying.

 

Why? Who knows. She has her reasons I suppose....but please please wake up.

 

I won't go so far to say her goal is to scam you....but it's clear her behavior is disingenuous... not honest and she is making a fool of you.

 

A sick perversion perhaps (hers, not yours).

 

You're just a man in love, and in denial.

 

I'm sorry.

Edited February 10, 2016 by katiegrl

[Tribble]

When did this go from a girl you're dating to your girlfriend?!

[Rejected Rosebud]

One of the problems in this situation is that you are choosing to believe everything she *says*. Everything she *tells* you ..... like it's gospel or something. Why?

 

That's true. What's more of a problem, even, is refusing to take into account her ACTIONS and how they line up with what she tells you. This is not a dig at you at all. This is sound advice for every single person and you'll see it over and over on here. It has nothing to do with age gaps.

[yxalitis]

When did this go from a girl you're dating to your girlfriend?!

 

Just easier to type.

[yxalitis]

One of the problems in this situation is that you are choosing to believe everything she *says*. Everything she *tells* you ..... like it's gospel or something. Why?

 

Please stop choosing to do that, people lie if it serves their purpose, and again, it is so very obvious that is what she's doing to you - lying.

 

Why? Who knows. She has her reasons I suppose....but please please wake up.

 

I won't go so far to say her goal is to scam you....but it's clear her behavior is disingenuous... not honest and she is making a fool of you.

 

A sick perversion perhaps (hers, not yours).

 

You're just a man in love, and in denial.

 

I'm sorry.

You know I have been thinking all along about her having a hidden agenda...

OK, let's analyse this...

What is her end-game?

1. She’s trying to get her bf to move to Melbourne:

 

She’d just ask him to!

She doesn’t need me to achieve this goal.

He decries his endless love to her nightly, tells her he’ll do anything for her, if she just wanted him to settle with her in Melbourne…SHE’D HAVE ASKED HIM ALREADY!

 

2. She intends to go off with BF to NZ, but wants company/sex in the meantime.

 

Why lie? Why not simply say, I just want you for now…it’s not like I haven’t asked her “is this just physical” There’s also the fact that she opened her business despite these plans. Last night she told me (again, I am trusting her, yes), that when he said he was arranging her visa to NZ. She asked him not to, and that she wanted to talk about it in Ho Chi Min city, and after that talk they might not be together anymore, and if he didn’t want to waste his money to not come at all.

And if THIS all she wants, well, I think I’ve indicated often enough I’m, OK with that…a few months amazing sex, then maybe a few tears, but I’ll be OK.

 

3. She’s a master liar and manipulator playing some unknown end game.

 

This I just doubt, a liar often slips up, makes too extravagant a lie, gets confused as to what’s real and not, or somehow reveals a falsehood. I sense none of that. If she IS a liar, she’s con-artist good. OK, so what’s her plan? What is she trying to achieve? If she suddenly asks for financial help, or whatever, THEN I will be cautious and aware of the possible scam in play. But I seriously doubt it.

 

4. She doesn't have one, she's just an inexperienced girl with no idea what she’s doing, what she wants, or how to move forward.

 

THIS is the most likely possibility, think about it…put all your conspiracy theories to one side and use Ockham’s Razer. This is the easiest, simplest, most likely scenario. She ‘s not deliberately playing me, making ingenious Machiavellian schemes for some unknown end game, not leading me on just for lols, not playing some “sick perverted” game with me…no. She’s just confused and young.

 

Why is that not the most likely scenario?

[katiegrl]

I don't think it's any sort of "conspiracy."

 

I just think she's playing you, tis all. She's young and likes the attention.

 

Not uncommon. There are many many chicks who "play" guys all the time... for the same reason - attention.

 

And be honest - if she had been straight and simply said "I just want you for now," would you be jumping through hoops trying to figure her out? Analyzing her to the nth degree? Would you be "as" intrigued as you are now?

 

Creating and continuing to post on a thread that is now 20 pages??

 

I doubt it....and SHE knows it.

 

Anyhoo... take it or leave it...but please know I am SUPER perceptive and sort of "know" certain things based on a gut feeling.

 

Based on everything you have posted about her, your conversations, her boyfriend, etc etc etc.

 

And that's my gut feeling here...again take it or leave it.

 

G'luck.

Edited February 10, 2016 by katiegrl

[AMJ]

Well if she wants money from you, a substantial amount of money, then she's going to wait until you are well and HOOKED bigtime before she asks you for it.

 

Just answer one question- would you consider yourself wealthy? And does she know this?

 

Like my friend who dated her 50 year old. I asked her- tell me if he was renting an apartment (instead of owning a home) like everyone else in this overpriced city, and had some typical boring job like everyone else (instead of being one of the most respected partners in the law firm she worked at) and didn't have this house on the beach in Mexico...would he be at all attractive to you? And she admitted the answer is no. And she felt bad about it. But that's the way it goes sometimes.

Edited February 10, 2016 by AMJ

[yxalitis]

Well if she wants money from you, a substantial amount of money, then she's going to wait until you are well and HOOKED bigtime before she asks you for it.

 

Just answer one question- would you consider yourself wealthy? And does she know this?

 

Like my friend who dated her 50 year old. I asked her- tell me if he was renting an apartment (instead of owning a home) like everyone else in this overpriced city, and had some typical boring job like everyone else (instead of being one of the most respected partners in the law firm she worked at) and didn't have this house on the beach in Mexico...would he be at all attractive to you? And she admitted the answer is no. And she felt bad about it. But that's the way it goes sometimes.

No, I'm not wealthy, I have a good job now, but was in between contracts for 6 of the past 12 months (nightmare, let me tell you).

She KNOWS I have no vast pools of money lying around.

And, again, let's settle down on these conspiracy theories...

[h0000]

 

4. She doesn't have one, she's just an inexperienced girl with no idea what she’s doing, what she wants, or how to move forward.

 

THIS is the most likely possibility, think about it…put all your conspiracy theories to one side and use Ockham’s Razer. This is the easiest, simplest, most likely scenario. She ‘s not deliberately playing me, making ingenious Machiavellian schemes for some unknown end game, not leading me on just for lols, not playing some “sick perverted” game with me…no. She’s just confused and young.

 

Why is that not the most likely scenario?

 

Yep that's it. You and her are made together. You two defined love. I know it, you know it and she will know it! Give her time, be patient, and I'm sure in 20 years time she will come around and figure it all out and be all yours till death do you apart. Don't forget to invite us to your wedding, wheelchair provided.

 

 

Guys, may we save our time and effort (its been 20 effing pages and NO bloody progress whatsoever) and just give them our best wishes?

[katiegrl]

No, I'm not wealthy, I have a good job now, but was in between contracts for 6 of the past 12 months (nightmare, let me tell you).

She KNOWS I have no vast pools of money lying around.

And, again, let's settle down on these conspiracy theories...

 

Did you read my last post? No I don't believe it's a "conspiracy" theory.

 

She's just playing you -- for the ATTENTION.

 

If it makes you feel any better, she's probably playing her BF too, for the same reason.

 

You're in denial so can't see it, but it's REAL clear to us.

 

Whatever....it's your life. Have fun with it! Just know it will never be anything more than what it is -- some fun sex with a hot young chick who craves attention.

[yxalitis]

Did you read my last post? No I don't believe it's a "conspiracy" theory.

 

She's just playing you -- for the ATTENTION.

 

If it makes you feel any better, she's probably playing her BF too, for the same reason.

 

You're in denial so can't see it, but it's REAL clear to us.

 

Whatever....it's your life. Have fun with it! Just know it will never be anything more than what it is -- some fun sex with a hot young chick who craves attention.

Ummm...I wasn't replying to you.

(Hint: see quoted text).

AMJ specifically mentioned the money-scam angle, I responded to that.

[yxalitis]

Yep that's it. You and her are made together. You two defined love. I know it, you know it and she will know it! Give her time, be patient, and I'm sure in 20 years time she will come around and figure it all out and be all yours till death do you apart. Don't forget to invite us to your wedding, wheelchair provided.

 

 

Guys, may we save our time and effort (its been 20 effing pages and NO bloody progress whatsoever) and just give them our best wishes?

How does my analysis that she's confused and uncertain get turned around to suggest I think we will marry and live together forever?

 

It's like you ladies only WANT to see one angle from me.

 

I DON'T THINK THIS WILL BE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE

I have stated this MULTIPLE times in THIS THREAD!

 

Why can you not COMPREHEND THIS!!

 

WHERE have I said I'm expecting 20, 10, or even 5 years with this girl?

[katiegrl]

Ummm...I wasn't replying to you.

(Hint: see quoted text).

AMJ specifically mentioned the money-scam angle, I responded to that.

 

Fair enough... but in my defense when I read this:

 

And, again, let's settle down on these conspiracy theories...

 

I took it to mean we should all settle down with the conspiracy theories.

 

My bad.

[yxalitis]

Fair enough... but in my defense when I read this:

 

 

 

I took it to mean we should all settle down with the conspiracy theories.

 

My bad.

 

No problem

[h0000]

 

WHERE have I said I'm expecting 20, 10, or even 5 years with this girl?

 

ok. So you expect what, 1 year with this girl?

Cool, I believe you can do that, just wait for 20 years first until she realises she loves you to death.

[yxalitis]

ok. So you expect what, 1 year with this girl?

Cool, I believe you can do that, just wait for 20 years first until she realises she loves you to death.

huh?

I've no idea what you even mean by that?

[Rejected Rosebud]

Why lie? Why not simply say, I just want you for now…

 

Look. Whatever is coming out of her mouth, she IS telling you she just wants you for now. She tells you that by CONSISTENTLY telling you that she HAS a boyfriend and she plans to be with him.

 

She doesn't have one, she's just an inexperienced girl with no idea what she’s doing, what she wants, or how to move forward.

No, not that. No way.

 

You got mad at me before for bringing this up, but remember how you first got sexual with her? The circumstances around that? She had her boyfriend then. NO inexperienced girl would EVER EVER EVER be in the situation, or do the actions that you described. And the "Penthouse forum" kinds of things you've written in this thread that she's said and done? :eek: The girl has done stuff like this before, probably a whole lot.

[yxalitis]

Look. Whatever is coming out of her mouth, she IS telling you she just wants you for now. She tells you that by CONSISTENTLY telling you that she HAS a boyfriend and she plans to be with him.

 

No, not that. No way.

 

You got mad at me before for bringing this up, but remember how you first got sexual with her? The circumstances around that? She had her boyfriend then. NO inexperienced girl would EVER EVER EVER be in the situation, or do the actions that you described. And the "Penthouse forum" kinds of things you've written in this thread that she's said and done? :eek: The girl has done stuff like this before, probably a whole lot.

Oh, yeah, I agree she's promiscuous, she admits as much.

I also doubt I'm the first guy she's boned behind her bf's back.

 

At this moment, she's in Vietnam, so neither me nor her BF are with her.

Her bf arrives on the 17th for a few days, before going back to India, and, yeah, I'm jealous (you can have a go at me for that one, even I get the irony of the situation).

She intends to have a very important, long discussion with him about...everything.

On the 26th she lands bright and early, and I'll pick her up...by then, I'll know a whole lot more than I do now.

Stay tuned...whatever your thoughts are on this, I bet you're interested in what happens,

[yxalitis]

Hmm, update time.

We talk nightly, sometimes she calls, sometime me, it’s nice to have a girl that just calls out of the blue just to chat, even my last serious gf I lived with rarely did that.

She is now planning to stay long term in Melbourne, and asked me to start looking at accommodation choices so she has somewhere to stay when she returns.

 

She is going to tell him all about us!

 

She told him that she “has a secret”. That they might not continue when he finds out, and if he doesn’t want to come to Ho Chi Min city as a result, she’d just tell him now.

He didn’t want to cancel the trip, so she will wait until they meet to tell him.

She has also asked him not to arrange any visas for her to anywhere.

 

I am a little worried about what he might do if she just tells him she’d been screwing around.

 

I have described him as obsessive, based on his excessive texting, phone calls, and statements of love over and over in one phone call.

 

In my mind he is the type who MIGHT lash out and become physical. This girl is tiny, 43kg, 5ft tall, he could easily really hurt her if he lost control.

 

I suggested she should find a quiet place in a café or something public to tell him, she declined stating that “she knows him, if he hits me, he’s not my boy”

 

Forget everything else for the moment…your opinions on my lack of moral, the age difference, just answer me this.

 

Am I right in worrying for her safety?

[Rejected Rosebud]

 

Forget everything else for the moment…your opinions on my lack of moral, the age difference, just answer me this.

 

Am I right in worrying for her safety?

Well ... your heart's in the right place for worrying about that. But you really need to stop making decisions or going deeply into discussing situations based on what she is telling you.

 

Really, go read the cheating or the OW/OM forum. You might find one in about 20, or even fewer posts where the cheater is telling either their partner OR the one on the side the real story.

 

Honestly no matter how old she is, she has given you enough 100% solid information about how she functions in her life that you really should STOP listening to anything that she says, and just sit back and see what she does.

 

Also I don't think it's appropriate for you to arrange a home for her when she comes back. She's a grown woman. She has friends and a business partner (and a boyfriend). That is not your role. Plus of course you'd have to at least put the deposit on it.