Whats your view on this?

[Tina108]

Hi All,

 

My 35 year old boyfriend met a 17 year old girl at a scuba trip some 9 months back. The young lady tried to kiss my boyfriend but he gently pushed her away and refused saying that she is too young. She told him that she would visit him after she turns 18. They are in touch on facebook and chat on whatsapp though very irregularly (as mentioned by my boyfriend when i saw the text).

I requested my boyfriend to discontinue keeping in touch with her as it makes me feel emotionally uncomfortable. He reaction was that I should trust him and he would like to keep the friendship.

 

Am i wrong to feel insecure about this? to find this friendship inappropriate?

 

Am I dating the wrong guy?

 

Looking forward to hearing other people's views.

 

Thanks

[Robratory]

You are wrong to be insecure, but only in the sense that you shouldn't tolerate it at all!

 

It's very nice that he pushed her advances away, but regardless of her age, he was supposed to push her advances away. He's your boyfriend, right? Not only was pushing her advances away the least he should have done, but additionally he should not have facebooked or been chatting with her on whatsapp.

 

This whole thing about platonic friendships between boys and girls sounds very sweet, but it's bull when either one is in a relationship. Nobody wants to see their boyfriend or girlfriend giggling and gossiping and whispering with someone of the opposite sex.

 

If he's going to be communicating with women who are not friends of you both, it doesn't matter how old they are. Tell him he can't have his cake and eat it too. Tell him he can have one girl who gets him laid or a bunch of girls he just talks to, but he can't have both, at least not with you.

[katiegrl]

This whole thing about platonic friendships between boys and girls sounds very sweet, but it's bull when either one is in a relationship. .

 

First of all, he is NOT a "boy" he is 35!

 

Second, to the OP, I find it interesting he rejected her advances telling her it's because she's too young. Wha?

 

How about telling her it's because he has a girlfriend and therefore unavailable?! Then none of this shyt would be happening.

 

Because as it stands now.... SHE thinks all that needs to happen is she needs to turn 18...and then they can be together. And he's not discouraging her from thinking that either.

 

His behavior is flat out inappropriate....and would be 100% deal-breaker for me.

 

I wouldn't even bother asking him to stop -- he's gonna do what HE wants to do, period. He may try and be more discreet about it.... if you kept on him, but clearly he's got some sort of infatuation going on with her, and it's not likely to go away anytime soon. Not as long they continue this communique they've got going on.

 

And then when she turns 18 and she's legal -- it's not hard to figure out what will happen then -- or where that leaves you.

 

Just my $.02 FWIW. Good luck.

Edited January 20, 2016 by katiegrl

[Tina108]

Thanks Katie and Rabratory!

 

He had told me about this incident many months back but it didnt bother me then because i assumed that it ended there. I had no clue that they are facebook friends and also exchanged phone numbers.

 

It all unfolded when we were watching a video on his phone together and a message popped up on whatsapp saying "haha, thanks", I asked him who is this woman and why is she saying this (because all the earlier chat with this person was deleted). His response was that its her birthday and he just wished her "happy birthday" and nothing more. I was puzzled why would anyone say "haha" and not just thanks. I felt there is more to the chat that he is not letting me know....

[truth_seeker]

Your boyfriend wants to keep this friendship with her. Let me translate for you;

 

Boyfriend: "As soon as this hot piece of ass is legal, I'm hitting it!"

[Space Ritual]

Am I dating the wrong guy?

 

Yes

 

When someone says you should trust them is usually about the time you shouldn't.

 

Actions are more indicative of how trustworthy a person is. His actions show he basically is not trustworthy.

 

You can do better. Dump him.

[road]

Your boyfriend wants to keep this friendship with her. Let me translate for you;

 

Boyfriend: "As soon as this hot piece of ass is legal, I'm hitting it!"

 

 

Yes, hitting it hard and hitting it often.

[PegNosePete]

There are more red flags here than at a red flag maker's conference in a red flag factory in China.

 

Dump his ass, yesterday.

[RySant]

Deleted texts in Whatsapp?

 

That should tell you something already.

 

Goodluck. I will get out of there if I were you.

[RySant]

And just an additional input as I am SO ENRAGED by this situation, he is already on his way to cheating with no plans to stop.

 

I hope that you, Tina108, could get out of the situation BEFORE he acts upon his inevitable affair. The pain it'll cause you would be much more SEVERE later than leaving him right now. He's on his way there. Jump out before his dic- I mean his ship sank.

[acrosstheuniverse]

Seriously worrying. If someone tried to kiss me and I was known to be in a relationship, I would discontinue the friendship immediately, and I have written off male friends in the past who've made inappropriate advances while I haven't been single. It's downright disrespectful both to me, and the person I'm with.

 

I think he likes the attention. Maybe he likes knowing she's crazy for him... but wow, he's double her age, that's creepy even if he was single! I wouldn't tolerate that, it's a step way too far. The fact he's deleting messages pretty much proves it's inappropriate. And he's disrespected your wishes for him to discontinue (which you shouldn't even have had to express!), I'm sorry but I don't think he's as invested in this relationship as you are. Question is, do you still wanna be with someone like that?

[Chi townD]

Wow...really folks? To me, it sounds like a case of "puppy love" to me. I'm a registered diver and I have dive friends that I keep in touch with via facebook. Both men and women. No big deal.

 

 

He was forthcoming with the truth and told you exactly what happened and what was said. He rejected her advances (which can be devastating to a teenage girl). Instead of saying, "What?!?! Yuck! No way. What is wrong with you?!?!" he just said, "You're too young." Thus, softening the blow of rejection.

 

 

I seriously think he didn't do anything wrong. And since nothing happened, he didn't have to tell you anything. But, he felt it was the right thing to do.

 

 

Now, if him being in contact is bothering you, then tell him how you feel. I'm pretty sure you two can work this out and come to a happy median. And besides, do you honestly think that he's going to go with her to the Prom?!?!

[smackie9]

Your BF is dou*&y.....his actions are in appropriate. Sorry but this is grounds for dumping him for sure. Looks to me he has already emotionally left your relationship.

[smackie9]

So if a woman was in his place and an 17 year old boy tried to make a pass at her, then she proceeded with to add him on FB, etc..what would the opinion be then??

 

BTW whatever the BF said, I bet he has left A LOT out of what really happened/told her.

[Lois_Griffin]

LOL.

 

Methinks Mr. 35 year old has been biding his time until the little girl turns 18 so she's ripe for the plucking.

 

What a dirt bag.

[Lois_Griffin]

His response was that its her birthday and he just wished her "happy birthday" and nothing more. ....

Game, set, match.

 

She's good to go.

[Chi townD]

*facepalm* Seriously, is everyone this paranoid or is there something in the water?

 

 

HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!!! And, even though nothing happened, people are still convinced that he IS going to something. SHE DOESN"T EVEN LIVE BY THEM!!!

[Redhead14]

Hi All,

 

My 35 year old boyfriend met a 17 year old girl at a scuba trip some 9 months back. The young lady tried to kiss my boyfriend but he gently pushed her away and refused saying that she is too young. She told him that she would visit him after she turns 18. They are in touch on facebook and chat on whatsapp though very irregularly (as mentioned by my boyfriend when i saw the text).

I requested my boyfriend to discontinue keeping in touch with her as it makes me feel emotionally uncomfortable. He reaction was that I should trust him and he would like to keep the friendship.

 

Am i wrong to feel insecure about this? to find this friendship inappropriate?

 

Am I dating the wrong guy?

 

Looking forward to hearing other people's views.

 

Thanks

 

he gently pushed her away and refused saying that she is too young. -- Not a good enough response in my book -- the better response would have been "I have a girlfriend that I love very much and you are too young to be throwing yourself at 35 year old men".

[kendahke]

I was puzzled why would anyone say "haha" and not just thanks. ....

 

because lots of young people do that on their instant messages. I've seen it written here by the younger posters. My niece does it all the time when she's talking to me. It's a young person thing.

 

I felt there is more to the chat that he is not letting me know

 

IF this is how you feel, are you cool with staying with him and never, ever knowing? Because you may never get the answer to this to your satisfaction. Ever.

Edited January 20, 2016 by kendahke

[Keke1]

Wow...really folks? To me, it sounds like a case of "puppy love" to me. I'm a registered diver and I have dive friends that I keep in touch with via facebook. Both men and women. No big deal.

 

 

He was forthcoming with the truth and told you exactly what happened and what was said. He rejected her advances (which can be devastating to a teenage girl). Instead of saying, "What?!?! Yuck! No way. What is wrong with you?!?!" he just said, "You're too young." Thus, softening the blow of rejection.

 

 

I seriously think he didn't do anything wrong. And since nothing happened, he didn't have to tell you anything. But, he felt it was the right thing to do.

 

 

Now, if him being in contact is bothering you, then tell him how you feel. I'm pretty sure you two can work this out and come to a happy median. And besides, do you honestly think that he's going to go with her to the Prom?!?!

 

No not with but after the Prom. This guy is waiting till she's 18 and probably keeping her single in hopes of a relationship. I don't think age matters all that much as they're both of age but I wouldn't. I'm 32 and the lowest I'll go is 22 or 23.

[Amelie1980]

*facepalm* Seriously, is everyone this paranoid or is there something in the water?

 

 

HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!!! And, even though nothing happened, people are still convinced that he IS going to something. SHE DOESN"T EVEN LIVE BY THEM!!!

 

He has done something....deleting whatsapp chats and lying to his gf about being friends with her.

 

If there is nothing wrong going on why did he hide it.

[mssweet]

Wow...really folks? To me, it sounds like a case of "puppy love" to me. I'm a registered diver and I have dive friends that I keep in touch with via facebook. Both men and women. No big deal.

 

 

He was forthcoming with the truth and told you exactly what happened and what was said. He rejected her advances (which can be devastating to a teenage girl). Instead of saying, "What?!?! Yuck! No way. What is wrong with you?!?!" he just said, "You're too young." Thus, softening the blow of rejection.

 

 

I seriously think he didn't do anything wrong. And since nothing happened, he didn't have to tell you anything. But, he felt it was the right thing to do.

 

 

Now, if him being in contact is bothering you, then tell him how you feel. I'm pretty sure you two can work this out and come to a happy median. And besides, do you honestly think that he's going to go with her to the Prom?!?!

 

Are you kidding...? He's leading this young lady on by telling her "she's too young", which gives her the impression that once she turns 18 there's a chance for them to hook-up. The appropriate response would of been "sorry, I have a girlfriend".

 

Also, this means that if a woman of an appropriate age tried to kiss him, he would probably do it!

Edited January 21, 2016 by mssweet

[RySant]

*facepalm* Seriously, is everyone this paranoid or is there something in the water?

 

 

HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!!! And, even though nothing happened, people are still convinced that he IS going to something. SHE DOESN"T EVEN LIVE BY THEM!!!

 

There IS something wrong with it. Ugh, this kind of thinking is the reason why people are being cheated on. Signs are there but people STILL brushed them off.

 

"Cheating doesn’t mean you have to kiss, meet or have sex with someone else… Once you find yourself deleting messages so your partner will not see them, then you already are there. ~Unknown"

[Poppy47]

I can't understand why he let her get even close to the kissing stage. She's almost young enough to be his own daughter.

 

Also, why didn't he politely say he was already spoken for. His response has just sparked more interest in her.

 

Why is he wishing her a happy birthday. Were they both waiting for the birthday?

 

Maintaining contact on FB ? Why on earth would he do that if nothing was going on. She's a child. What could they possibly have in common? Maybe more happened than he has revealed.

 

DUMP HIM.

 

Poppy.

[Chi townD]

You know what? You people have convinced me to have a change of heart. You need to dump his ass.

 

 

Because he's a cheat...even though he....didn't actually cheat. But, he could POSSIBLY cheat! I'm surprised that you haven't contacted the police because he could POSSILY have sex with a 17 year old!

 

 

You should dump him because he hides things from you!.....even though he came forward and told you what happened and what was said when he didn't have to. God forbid you want a guy to be honest with you. Oh, and deleting stuff off of facebook or any other social media is totally unheard of! Hell, I haven't deleted emails since the 90's! How dare he!......yet when she responded and said thank you for a Happy Birthday comment that probably 100 people probably gave her, little did the rest of the internet know that HIS Happy Birthday actually meant, "I want to have sex with you." You've cracked their code! Congrats! But, he probably let you see his Facebook and all of his social media and you didn't find anything incriminating...

 

 

So, why is he facebook friends with her. Well, you figured that out too. I'm in my forties and I'm facebook friends with a girl that I was on a dive with in Florida. She's 24 and just got engaged. I say "Hi" to her every once in a while. But you figured me out. Everytime I say "Hi" it MUST be because I want to have sex with her. I'm a bad man too.

 

 

So, kick him to the curb! He's HORRIBLE!!!! But, also give him a piece of advice. Tell him not to be open and honest with his next girlfriend, it's not doing him any favors.

 

 

Okay, I'm sure you got my sarcasm from my post. But here's the rub, you have no proof, no hard evidence that he has cheated; has thought about cheating or what his future intentions are! You might be throwing away a great relationship over wild speculation. You have no hard evidence. And if you feel you can't trust him, then by all means drop him before you get anymore invested in this guy. But, you might be making a mistake because you have no HARD PROOF that he did any wrong doing.