Got pointless & vague text from ex - am wondering what's going through his head

[eastern_mystique]

(Wasn't sure what forum to put this in, so I just decided to stick it here).

 

 

Me and my ex have been doing NC for exactly a month today (ironically, if we were still dating, it would be our 6 month anniversary today ).

 

It was my idea, and although he was sad at the thought that we wouldn't be seeing/talking to each other for a while (until after exams, at least), in some way he seemed more, well, I don't know if enthusiastic is the right word but I suppose he thought it was a better idea than I did.

 

In this whole time we've only seen each other once, by accident, and we didn't acknowledge each other.

 

Then last Monday, he sent me a text message out of the blue, apropos of nothing. It said:

 

"How are the exams going so far?"

 

Apart from being bland and generic, it seemed utterly pointless; everyone had a week off from college last week, so no exams were taking place anyway. As well as that, I knew he wasn't interested in how my exam revision was going, because I'm not interested in how his is going. My parents say that he's probably missing me and this is his way of breaking the ice, of opening up the channels of communication.

 

The really stupid thing is that when we last talked, he was all solemn and somewhat melodramatic, making out like we'd never see or speak to each other again, and now I get his stupid text message! As well as that, I suspect ( but don't know for sure) he's blocked me on MSN messenger (this from the guy who told me when we last spoke, "don't get rid of my phone number just yet" - he has obviously kept mine). A few days into NC I saw him online, but since then I haven't at all, and I used to see him usually once a week - now I don't see him at all. It could be that we're just not on at the same times, or that he doesn't see the point in using it anymore, as he mostly talked to me.....but I don't know. I've had him blocked for a couple of weeks now, as I don't want him seeing me online when I can't see him, if that truly is the case.

 

As for what prompted the text message, that seems a mystery as well. Perhaps he just felt like sending it. But an hour and a half before he sent it, I had a 5 minute coversation on MSN messenger with a mutual friend of ours who always hangs out with the ex, with whom I haven't spoken in as long as I haven't spoken to my ex. I just asked him how his exam revision was going and what he'd been up to lately, and he asked me the same stuff too. I mentioned that I had loads of exams and didn't have much time for fun lately, but that I'd hung out with one of my friends a few days before and we'd gone cruising in his car. I don't know if the mutual friend then relayed the information to my ex (which seems strange, I didn't think guys gossiped like that), but then an hour or so later I get the text message.

 

I didn't reply. I had nothing to say really and I was, and still am, a little suss as to why he sent it. The only reason I can think of is that he's missing me, and wanted to see how I was, but wanted to do it in such a way that it doesn't come across as missing me. It was very weird considering we haven't spoken or seen each other in so long. I know that people get texts from exes all the time, so it's not anything remarkable. But the fact is that we're both doing NC, and he was even more determined to do it than me, so why the hell did he go and cave in first? I feel everyday like calling him or texting him, but I don't because of a sense of pride. He must have realised that he would be breaking NC and probably put in some thought before sending it (he thinks a lot about things), and did some swallowing of pride himself.

 

Last night I decided that enough was enough and that I was going to reply, as I'd been thinking about it for the previous five days. I tried to make it as bland as his:

 

"Sorry I didn't reply sooner, but there's nothing to say - exams don't start until 15th so it's still just revision."

 

I didn't expect a reply or even really want one, and I haven't had one so that's fine. I just felt mean for ignoring him, even though I am annoyed with him because he has inadvertently made me break NC as well.

 

I know I'm asking for you to be omniscient about someone you don't know, but does anyone have any ideas why out of the blue he got in touch? I know it could be because he's checking up on me, but that seems dumb as he's not

getting any real information. At least it shows he's thinking of me, that's something.

 

This isn't an interesting issue, but it's been on my mind for a few days and just wanted to know what others think. Thanks for reading.

[blackendangel13]

Oh mystique,

 

it would be so much easier if we could read the minds of men wouldn't it? I am going through a similar situation for the past year actually. My ex would write me pointless emails after months of NC. I would reply angrily because he broke my heart and I continuously asked him to leave me alone and he wouldn't. I didn't have the heart to block his email address because I still have feelings for him. I can't figure out why he still emails me. We are currently talking civily but who knows.

 

Maybe he just wants to check up on you? Maybe he just wants to make sure you are still readily available for him if he decides he wants to end the NC? I'd say leave him be and dismiss his messages until he gives you a bigger sign of what his motives are. You call the shots.

[littlelaxer]

listen i totally understand with the stupid pointless textes.

 

my ex does it randomly. we dated a yeah, we broke up i guess 8 months ago.....can u believe i lost count, before i would know exactly how many days and everything!

 

well like once i got "are you done classes yet?" and im thinkin why the heck does he care. we dont really talk that much for him to just text and say hi. course i was dumb and text back saying yes but i was takin summer classes.....i took my time to respond though. He textes me right back real quick to with something to say but i didnt reply. Then he started callin me askin me to go out to parties. i said i couldnt that i had a date and stuff.

 

then this past saturday i got a text "Hey sweetie" Hey sweetie????i mean whats with the hey sweetie. i dont need him to say hi, maybe he thinks im sittin waiting for him to say something to me. But u know what i did.......i DELETED it. i mean whats the point. im tlakin to someone new and i dont need him to text me.

 

maybe he is just checking to see if im still waiting around for him....maybe hes being nice.......i mean its odd how in the middle of the day he would decide to send me a text......oh well.

 

i would say dont reply and just wait and see what ur ex does next. thats what im doing. i dont have time to get my feelings messed around with again and im sure u dont either.

[eastern_mystique]

Well, I was in college on Thursday and about to leave to go home - when I saw my ex and his little group of friends standing by the doors. He had his back to me so he didn't see me, and I actually did a complete 180 and decided to walk out of the other doors, even though that was the longer way around. Then I thought to myself "Hey, I'm not gonna walk the longer route just to avoid him", so I pulled my hat down a bit further and walked past him, without even looking at him. One of his friends saw me and said hi, but I ignored him. Anyway, I guess my ex must have seen me after I'd gone past, not that I care, I would've preferred not to have seen him at all, and I certainly didn't want him to see me.

 

 

Then at about 11pm that night I got a text from him saying:

 

"Hey only me. Just wondering - when do you finish your exams?"

 

 

Hmmm, what's with the sudden obsession with my exams? He seems to be more interested in my exams than I am....I made this comment to my mum and she said something along the lines of that men generally don't express emotion the same way as women do, i.e crying and getting upset outwardly so they will express their feelings in a non-emotional way. I don't know if this is true - perhaps he's just bored or curious. But knowing him, he has something on his mind. Like I mentioned before, he wanted this NC thing to be more or less permanent and now he's getting in touch with me, I'm finding it quite unsettling. Aaaargghh, stupid men....

I read somewhere, that the more you push towards someone, the more they pull away. But sometimes if you pull away from them, they actually start pushing towards you - maybe this is what's happening here. I'm taking his contact with me as a not-negative sign, but I'm not about to start jumping for joy either. I had no credit on my phone so I couldn't text back, but last night I sent him very short two line email saying that my exams finish at the end of June, which he would've figured out for himself anyway, so not really telling him what he wanted to know. I predict another text in the next couple of weeks, and that followed up with a phone call not too soon afterwards. I know I'll have to see him in the next few weeks, but I just wish it wasn't so soon, I want more time apart.

 

Sorry, just a bit of a rant. I dislike it when you don't know what people's motives are.

[blackendangel13]

Sounds like my ex. He engaged me in conversation by saying very little things and when we began making small talk back in forth, he started talking about more serious issues i.e. us. Sounds like the same thing going on here.

[eastern_mystique]

Well, my prediction was right, he's texted me a couple of times since and I was feeling annoyed on Monday, so I sent him a slightly irritable-sounding text asking why is he texting me all of a sudden and is he playing games or is he bored or what....got a reply yesterday saying:

 

"Nope - too busy to be bored and I never play games. Just thinking about after the exams - when we can talk again."

 

Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhh

 

Bloody men.....

 

He is completely screwing over the whole No Contact concept and has turned it into Low Contact or some crappy diluted version of NC. If we're not gonna talk in person til after the exams then we shouldn't be talking at all in any way! What hypocrisy! Oh man.....

 

I've decided that I'm not gonna reply to any more texts he sends me. If he really wants to see me, he'll call. And he will. I'll be interested to see what it is he wants to talk about......

[fundamental]

Who ended the relationship??? It seems like you both still have strong feelings for each other. He swallowed his pride and contacted you because he still likes you. And you are posting this on here because you still like him. He misses you. If you dont want to talk to him ever again then just call him up and tell him "DONT CONTACT ME EVER AGAIN!!!" Your problem should be solved. Maybe you feel he is trying to sucker you back in??? In any case, do what you feel is the right thing to do.

[FolderWife]

Well obviously, he's wanting your exams to be over, so he can talk to you again. He just wants to know when they're over, because he misses you.

 

What's the big deal?? Why are you two doing no contact if you plan on getting back together in a few weeks??

[eastern_mystique]

He broke up with me. We'd only been together a few months, and at the end of it, he said it didn't feel like it did before, something didn't feel right anymore. At his request, I tried being friends but it just was killing me.

 

Since we've broken up he's displayed a hell of a lot of inconsistent behaviour. For e.g:

 

- Flirting/innuendo/physical proximity

 

- Talking about when we were an item, occasional references to intimate moments

 

- On the day we broke up, a few hours later he told me that he could "see us being together after uni" (??!!!)

 

- Says I'm one of the few people in his life he feels he's met for a reason

 

- Says that he still feels something between us/ thinks about me in *that* way

 

- Even once said that he probably wouldn't want to be friends if he didn't think something would happen again

 

- Oh yeah, and there was that one time we both got a little bit drunk and ended up all over each other.

 

 

Yet any time I've suggested or brought up the idea of getting back together, he's said no, although he's had to think about it a lot before turning me down. So tried being friends with him for a little while longer, drove me more and more crazy, finally snapped and told him "I can't do this anymore".

 

I chose to do No Contact with him because firstly it was suffocating for me to be around him as a friend, when I want so much more. I thought it might benefit him because he would get to see how his life is without me, I've always been there for him, and it would allow him to sort out whatever feelings he's got or doesn't have. He knows that I can't be friends with him and I'm concerned that his repeated texting (he sent a couple more yesterday) is just him wanting to be friends, although I've made it crystal clear that we cannot be friends.

 

So perhaps he's changing his mind or feeling differently now. I get that he misses me, that's obvious......I don't know if something's changed for him and he wants to talk to me about it, which is why he's so keen to see me......I don't know. I guess I'll find out in a couple of weeks.

[cadnoess]

Bang! This is exactly where I’m at with my ex. Didn’t realise this was so common! We dated 4 months, then wham out of the blue, it “didn’t seem right anymore”. I mean things weren’t perfect, but I was crazy about him and I was sure he was starting to feel the same way. (I’m putting this down to fear of commitment- check out the signs on askmen.com if this one is messing with your head too.)

 

But what now? I cried all day for 2 weeks and now I’m picking myself up, but I’m getting these bland, meaningless messages from him. At first I get all excited, like “He’s thinking of me!”. But I have to stop and say to myself: well, he’s not saying I miss you, or I want to see you. Just “How are you?” Maybe that’s just like “I’m sorry” but without giving the impression he’s changed his mind. But every time I get one it turns my world on its head. I don’t know what to do anymore. I asked him to stop at one point, then took it back because I couldn’t stand the thought of never hearing from him again.

 

I figure the best plan right now is ignore it. I don’t know if I’m moving on or giving him space, but it seems like the best thing for a while. I’d like to hope it’s keeping the lines open to make another go later, but I just don’t think it is, and eventually I’ll be strong enough to not care.

 

How old are you guys? And keep me posted- it might shed some light on my life too!