Ex just offered another chance

[Oregon_Dude]

Oh, how the tables turn! She's such a poor little baby!

 

This girl breaks up with you, and then wants you back, only after she's gotten her just desserts by some other d-bag?

 

HA!

 

She doesn't care about you at all, dude. She just wants someone, ANYone, to hold her hand. You're there, you're even entertaining the idea (which is kind of pathetic on your part). Because what a tragedy for a woman to be alone, even for a day!

 

I'd tell her to kick f-ing rocks, dude, but be a doormat if you want.

[marky00]

You were going to put your down down because its deaf?

 

Dude - I have a deaf dog. She is the fav at the office. Regularly puts herself between my niece and danger. She is trained well so no one notices she is deaf.

 

Mark you seriously need to get your brain into gear... thinking about putting down a dog just because its deaf? Taking back a girl that shacked up with some other bloke and letting her use you?

 

Yeah. I think I am done here.

 

At least the dog has more sense than its owner it seems...

 

LOL go read the post.

 

You people are just so bitter sometimes, it makes me stronger and i just laugh for real.

 

No my dog got deaf as a result of an operation. He was almost 14. As a result he started to get very anxious so much. so I could hardly leave the house due to noise complaints. I had to do stuff like take him in the car etc which was near impossible in the middle of summer.

 

His deafness and poor vision must have caused brain stimulation issues because after 6 months or so he had some type of dog dementia, would just pace up and down the house for no reason etc.

 

Anyway, I basically put my life on hold for 2.5 years and when I knew his quality of life was totally shot (was way past being shot) and I was way past my wits end. He was almost 17.

 

Believe me, I went over and above the call of duty with that dog more than you can possibly imagine. Unfortunately, the stress of being a carer put a strain on my relationship, which I believe was the main reason for the breakup.

 

Keep judging me... or whatever... I'm fine with it. I know who I am and what I did... that's all that matters.

 

Its opinions like this that remind me to trust my gut and myself, and i plan on following that regarding this possible recon with my Ex.

 

Ill report back one day ... so all this speculation can be replaced with fact....

Edited January 24, 2016 by marky00

[Oregon_Dude]

My lord. Just read thru this thread, and you are so defensive. You clearly lack self-respect.

 

Just get back with her and don't waste people's time when you already know what you're going to do.

[marky00]

My lord. Just read thru this thread, and you are so defensive. You clearly lack self-respect.

 

Just get back with her and don't waste people's time when you already know what you're going to do.

 

thanks for proving my point.....

 

Oh yeah and someone who stands up for themself (i.e. me) lacks self respect? I aint gonna be a punching bag for bitter folk on this forum who put all their own issues into their responses.

 

Time to grow up folks.

Edited January 24, 2016 by marky00

[K2z]

I do think people on this forum who are further along on their healing and self-esteem processes forget those days when they were just a ziplock bag filled with melted butter, and would have died to hear that their ex wanted them back.

 

I think there is a very significant risk you are setting yourself up to me returned to, then abandoned AGAIN if you take this woman back uncritically.

 

Don't hand her all the control. If this becomes all her decision she will resent you-- an ultimately leave again for a man she perceives to be a challenge.

[The Poster]

This forum seems to be extremely against reconciliation. A lot of the responses often come off as negative and bitter. I'm a believer in reconciliation. And I'm a believer in second chances.

 

Now, with that being said, I believe there are two important factors that will determine whether or not reconciliation has a good chance to work.

 

The first one is time away from each other. This is very critical. How many time do you see or read stories where a couple breaks up and keeps talking and gets back together after a few weeks or a few months only for the same problems to resurface? Happens all the time. You need serious time away for reconciliation to work. For many reasons. You need time to heal. Time to process the entire relationship and figure out why it went south. Time to regain your sense of self and begin living for yourself again with a clear heart and open mind. Time away includes ALL forms of contact. Texting, social media, email, phone calls, showing up at their doorstep. All of that must be eliminated. Off the grid. A ghost.

 

The second factor is why the relationship ended. One big argument people use against the idea of reconciliation is "how do you know he/she won't leave you again?" I don't like that argument, personally. Every relationship is a gamble. Any person you fall in love with can walk away at any moment. It's the nature of the beast, unfortunately. Especially these days. However, if the relationship ended because of trust issues or cheating, odds plummet. Those are very hard to overcome.

 

So, here's the thing. I agree with Simon Phoenix that this could have had a chance if you would have become a ghost after the breakup and worked on yourself and forged a new life without her, but you didn't. And that's ok. It's hard and you had a lot of time invested with this girl. I don't blame you for keeping in touch.

 

However, you seem to completely understand the risks and seem to have some sense of control over it. Take a leap if you really want to give it a shot. Just know that it could blow up in your face (which I know you're already aware of). Also understand that you must start a fresh relationship. Leave the past in the past.

 

I say...go for it. Why not? Stranger things have happened.

 

Good luck.

Edited January 24, 2016 by The Poster

[The Poster]

I didn't even read your thread. Just the title.

 

Never ever ever ever ever get back with an ex, under any circumstances.

 

You're welcome.

 

Wanna tell that to the four couples I know who broke up at one point and are now happily married?

[Thistooshallpass21]

Wanna tell that to the four couples I know who broke up at one point and are now happily married?

 

Hey Poster, just a very curious question. How long were these couples broken up for? Purely a curious question.

[The Poster]

Hey Poster, just a very curious question. How long were these couples broken up for? Purely a curious question.

 

One were broken up for about three years or so. She moved away after they broke up but they remained in limited contact. Then she came back and the rest is history.

 

Second one were broken up for about a year. They only dated for a short time before the split. Eventually they started talking again. Married and have a daughter.

 

Third one was about two years. He always wanted to reconcile but left it alone thinking she would have no interest. They just bought a house together and she's pregnant with their first child.

 

Fourth one were broken up for only a couple months. He was just telling me that story not too long ago. He started talking to other girls, she came back, convinced him and they've been together for 10 years now and are engaged.

 

So, 3 married and 1 engaged to be married.

 

Of course, none of this means it will happen for anyone else, but it does happen more than you might think.

[K2z]

I wish like Hell I could have reconciled. I prayed, chanted, rain danced, letter wrote, for it to happen. That's why Marky's got my full sympathy. Mine went from saying I love you, I miss you in June to being married to another guy in November. Soul crushing.

[EgoJoe]

Reconciliation is difficult for even the most mature of us.

 

You will need accountability, dedication, patience, persistence and most importantly real unresentful love.

 

Good luck. Most people here (including myself at times) will warn you away simply because the situation walks and talks like a duck.

[Thistooshallpass21]

One were broken up for about three years or so. She moved away after they broke up but they remained in limited contact. Then she came back and the rest is history.

 

Second one were broken up for about a year. They only dated for a short time before the split. Eventually they started talking again. Married and have a daughter.

 

Third one was about two years. He always wanted to reconcile but left it alone thinking she would have no interest. They just bought a house together and she's pregnant with their first child.

 

Fourth one were broken up for only a couple months. He was just telling me that story not too long ago. He started talking to other girls, she came back, convinced him and they've been together for 10 years now and are engaged.

 

So, 3 married and 1 engaged to be married.

 

Of course, none of this means it will happen for anyone else, but it does happen more than you might think.

Wow, crazy to think! Some food for thought for those wishing and hoping for reconciliation (including myself), the only way for it to be successful is that you have to get over it first. Take these prime examples, look at the gaps of time apart. If it's meant to be it will, so just keep on trucking. Anything can happen! Thanks Poster for sharing that information

[Itspointless]

Reconciliation is difficult for even the most mature of us.

 

You will need accountability, dedication, patience, persistence and most importantly real unresentful love.

 

Good luck. Most people here (including myself at times) will warn you away simply because the situation walks and talks like a duck.

Nice analogy.

 

Marky00 this is how her story sounds to me: like a walking and talking duck. That hasn't got to do with bitterness for me, under the right circumstance I really would have liked it myself. I also like stories of reconciliation. But your story Marky sounds like a crash to happen.

 

I wish you lots of luck though, as you already made your decision.

[dyna85]

I do not think this will last purely based on the fact that you made all of the effort this past year to reconcile and she didn't give 2 craps and then all of a sudden she wants your company after being dumped merely 2 months ago.

 

She's in the process of mourning that relationship and using you as an escape.

 

You're too far gone, feelings-wise, to see this for what it is.

 

I think I can speak for the rest of the crew trying to forewarn you, that we're looking out for your best interests since you're still wearing rose-colored glasses.

 

Just like back in March when you were so determined to call her after 40 or so days of no contact, and you were hell-bent upon doing so, no matter the advice given.

 

Guess you just have to go through it to learn the truth. Most people learn the hard way, so that's really no surprise.

 

I'm all for reconciliation in the event that both parties are all in and/or it seems feasible. In this case, it just doesn't appear to be a lasting situation and it looks like it will go up in flames, based on the fact that it seems very lopsided, with you caring way more than she, and it looks like you're getting ready to let her use you in the rebound sense.

 

I wish you a lot of luck and believe with all of my heart you are going to need it.

[K2z]

it seems very lopsided, with you caring way more than she, and it looks like you're getting ready to let her use you in the rebound sense.

 

 

It seems this way to me, too. But to the pining heart even being used sounds like a good propsition, cause it feels like love.

[dyna85]

It seems this way to me, too. But to the pining heart even being used sounds like a good proposition, cause it feels like love.

 

very true.

[Itspointless]

The following made me grin (just a little bit). It was written December the 18th.

Hmmm.

 

A female dumper coming back.... well...... this is very very rare.

 

Something is up here... it as to be.

 

Is it that she is just lonely and would prefer the old relationship than having nothing?

 

Maybe there was another guy on the horizon but he didn't work out?

 

Something was up.... I'm sure of it.

Perhaps you should listen to yourself here.

[Blanco]

If relationships have taught me anything, it's that there's often a major disconnect between how we look and analyze our own relationships versus everyone else's.

 

I feel like I've got some great insights about the relationships around me, dating and relationships in general, and yet, I've found it difficult to maintain those same lucid perspectives when it concerns my own affairs.

[Simon Phoenix]

I'm not against reconciliation. I know of a few reconciliations that ended in marriage. I'm just against this reconciliation because of the reasons I stated earlier ITT. I truly think she's wanting to use you as a safety net because that's how you established yourself with the needless contact. But you might have to learn this the hard way if you choose to try this.

[marky00]

Maybe some of u remember my story.

 

 

Anyway, in April of this year, I went to the Maldives with my Ex after her recent relationship failed. It wasn't like love sparks were flying but it was a decent holiday given the awful things that have happened in the past.

 

 

Anyway, had been just sending light-hearted messages for a few months thereafter (we are long-distance) and she was doing the same. Wasn't expecting anything amazing to happen but I was hoping to take this opportunity to at least attempt to repair the bad things that have happened.

 

 

Anyway, just like 3 weeks ago, she pretty much disappeared, stopped answering my messages, although I pretty much stopped after one message wasn't answered coz my gut instincts kicked in. I'm pretty sure she may be giving her recent relationship another crack, don't really want to know anyway.

 

 

But yeh, I got to say this was pretty surprising. I mean, there was never any heavy talk, just took her on this trip to the Maldives, pretty much just acting as friends with a history and then boom... she disappears.

 

 

I did tell her a few months back that if someone does come into the picture to please let me know. I was kind of expecting she would for once in her life actually say something directly but no, once again, she disappears. Not sure if she did that as a favour to me, I very much doubt it.

 

 

Looking at it now, its quite ironic really. Here I was taking her to the Maldives, thinking I was doing her a favour, just to have some fun, no pressure or relationship talk. But now, I think she agreed to the Maldives, thinking she was doing me a favour. Like maybe to make a menz from the horrible breakup.

 

 

So yeh, like I picked up on it real quick, so pretty much asked her once if she was alive. Her response was yes. I said ok and that was it. 3 weeks no contact and I'm guessing this maybe the final contact ever.

 

 

But yeah, It was really weird how sudden it was so it has to be due to someone else. But at the same time being long-distance and really just chatting at friendship level, it did seem to be an extreme reaction. I mean she's never been the type to worry about my feelings so doesn't really add up why she would do me a favour by cutting off contact if a third party has arrived on the scene.

 

 

Im staying no contact of course right now. But yeh, it was just so weird how sudden it was. Almost more shocked than being dumped in her home country when I visited on a holiday. I mean that was horrible but when u are in someone's face, sometimes crazy tings like that can happen. But when ur chatting long-distance about light-hearted stuff and then within like 2 days total silence. Yeah, that's pretty full-on.

Edited August 31, 2016 by marky00

[preraph]

She's just doing whatever she feels like at the time, sounds like. It's not nice she's keeping you in the dark. I'd say after this long, you deserve to be in the loop. You'd never be able to trust her, even if things started going your way.

[marky00]

yes very true.

 

 

pretty sure its a case of her not wanting an unexpected arrival in her country which I did once back in 2013. Personally, I felt that was ok because she broke things off whilst I was going through some personal issues.

 

 

Wouldn't do that this time. But yeh, I got to say I feel almost more angry with her disappearing than maybe actually suggesting we have a chat. Coz right now, I have to assume she wants no contact forever which is kinda hard to do when u don't have that final argument that makes moving forwards a little easier.

[marky00]

So,

 

 

Im 25 days NC after a failed attempt to re-kindle things with an EX who broke it off in 2015. Had been long-distance for 9 years.

 

 

This time, since I really feel its over forever, I've re-hashed things over and over and can see that a personal issue I was facing in 2012/2013 is what caused the real end of things.

 

 

I don't even feel like saying what that issue was. I just feel really stupid how I handled it even though it was a big issue and of course wasn't something I asked to happen, it just happened.

 

 

I genuinely feel that had that issue not occurred or had I been able to handle it better, our relationship would probably still be going.

 

 

I just hate it. I want to start hating her so I can move on but then I look back and say well ... I can maybe understand why she lost feelings.

 

 

I'm really at the core of the issue here and to be honest I've been looking at it for a long time and I don't like what I see.

 

 

There is no way to relieve myself of how I feel about this as I cannot go back in time.

 

 

Its such an awful feeling to have such a clear understanding of what went down but yet no ability to do anything about it.

 

 

Spoken to family and psychologists and I can tell they know the thing on my mind is a goliath so pretty much just turn to the old "let it go" blah blah blah.

 

 

This is just terrible.

 

 

Its at the point where I wish I was no longer here. I don't want to own these thoughts anymore.

[basil67]

You were long dstance for nine (!) years but you think that your personal issue was to blame? Ever considered that the nine years long distance was the problem?

 

Why did the two of you not move and make a proper relationship much earlier?

 

Know this sounds like I'm gong in a tangent, but perhaps there was a whole lot more behind the breakup than your persnal issues. Be careful to not take on unwarranted blame

[marky00]

You were long dstance for nine (!) years but you think that your personal issue was to blame? Ever considered that the nine years long distance was the problem?

 

Why did the two of you not move and make a proper relationship much earlier?

 

Know this sounds like I'm gong in a tangent, but perhaps there was a whole lot more behind the breakup than your persnal issues. Be careful to not take on unwarranted blame

 

 

 

well yes, im not saying the first 7 years or so weren't flawed but I know that my personal issue is what caused her to fall out of love. Prior to that the relationship was flawed yes but the love was there. Now, she doesn't even care if I exist. Feel like I came out of prison and she was gone.

 

 

Worst thing is, I was never really able to explain properly what was going on. I mean yes she had an idea but long-distance you don't really know exactly what's up.

 

 

I've lost her for good, fee like I was mostly to blame and I assume she doesn't want to talk to me. I'm just too far deep in this now. Don't think I can get over it. Being no-contact isn't really helping, just gives me time to look at what I did.

Edited September 1, 2016 by marky00