He desires his mother sexually.

[Timshel]

What I wanted here, was the opportunity to talk this whole situation out the way I normally would with my friends. Given how extremely terrible the entire situation is, I feel like I have no one to talk to. I do appreciate everyone's feedback. Well, constructive and thoughtful feedback. I can honestly do without the judgement. But I appreciate that people have taken time to reply. I apologize if I seem like I'm ungrateful.

 

Ok, thank you. I think you realize that the level of dysfunction/distress for this particular situation is beyond the scope of a relationship forum. There is certainly no harm in asking the question. Posters have given the best possible answer: treatment with a mental health provider for him and for you to disclose your relationship with him to a provider of your own.

 

 

Perhaps you have become so entrenched in the online fantasy of your relationship that his confession of incest with his mother and subsequent suggestions of involving you are not being fully processed.

 

This is why the suggestion of discussing this with a professional and No Contact are so important. You have to stand outside of the fumes to have your wits about you.

Frankly, your continued contact with him at this time implies a lack of boundaries on your own part and does nothing to encourage professional support for him and again, his family.

 

No one has suggested that you stop contact in order to be cruel. It seems that you are too close to be objective and need space to make any clear-headed decision.

 

Edit: http://www.siawso.org/

Edited February 10, 2016 by Timshel

[spiderowl]

He has told you and you are feeling the weight of responsibility. If he is being honest and revealing himself in this way, it may have been a burden to him. You could encourage him to seek psychotherapy for his issues and then fade away. This is already so mixed-up and it's not your problem. Because you were a friend does not mean you have to carry every awful burden that someone comes up with. Sometimes one has to draw a line and know when to hand over to professionals.

[AMJ]

So, I know that I can't fix this. I mean, I'm not sure anyone can fix this- it's pretty bad. But I just posted here because I feel that- I can't just do nothing.

 

So if I go the route to convince him to go to therapy, what happens when he takes offense to that?

[Timshel]

So, I know that I can't fix this. I mean, I'm not sure anyone can fix this- it's pretty bad. But I just posted here because I feel that- I can't just do nothing.

 

So if I go the route to convince him to go to therapy, what happens when he takes offense to that?

 

Were you offended when he asked you to have a threesome with his mother or for you and her to have sex while he watched???

 

Come on AMJ, I'm not even suggesting that you 'convince' him to go to therapy.

 

My only advice to you at this point is 1. To find a therapist with whom you can speak honestly, otherwise you are wasting time. 2. Make your best effort to end this relationship.

 

If the thought of never speaking to this man is too much to bear, consider taking one month of NC. Tell him that you would like to take some time to process your relationship and ask for one month of silence. Hopefully giving yourself this space will facilitate some objectivity/clarity.

 

I wish you well and hope you are able to build healthy relationships and boundaries.

[MissCongeniality]

Were you offended when he asked you to have a threesome with his mother or for you and her to have sex while he watched???

 

Come on AMJ, I'm not even suggesting that you 'convince' him to go to therapy.

 

My only advice to you at this point is 1. To find a therapist with whom you can speak honestly, otherwise you are wasting time. 2. Make your best effort to end this relationship.

 

If the thought of never speaking to this man is too much to bear, consider taking one month of NC. Tell him that you would like to take some time to process your relationship and ask for one month of silence. Hopefully giving yourself this space will facilitate some objectivity/clarity.

 

I wish you well and hope you are able to build healthy relationships and boundaries.

This. Not going to lie it's best to just get away from him. I don't like judging people because well I've done some bad stuff but I recognize when things are just getting weird. Look I don't care who ****s who or who ****s what.

 

If this crazy **** makes you feel uncomfortable then get away from him. If not well you made your bed. There comes a point when you can't back out and you can't say no it's called going down the rabbit hole and right now you are leaning on the edge of that hole.

 

Right now you need to ask yourself if you want to dive in. You need to ask if he's worth it but your hesitating so clearly he doesn't mean that much to you. You've only come here seeking validation for leaving him. Even though deep down you've already made up your mind. You already want to leave other wise you wouldn't be here.

 

I'm not going to decided for you but if you have doubts about perusing this relationship you already have your answer.

[preraph]

You can't fix him. It would take a therapist years and then it might now happen because stuff that happens when our brains are still developing becomes hard-wired. Your response to it at the time is important. Many children would have rebelled and hated their parent for this even as children. They would have feared them and resented them and known it was wrong. Then later they would have maybe been able to do therapy and keep it from governing their future lives. He has not done this. His brain formed around liking it.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

What happens when he takes offense???

 

If my friend was an addict or being abused by their significant other I would not hold my tongue because I was afraid of offending them. I would not mind the friendship taking a back seat if it meant helping them.

 

It's not about you.

 

 

So, I know that I can't fix this. I mean, I'm not sure anyone can fix this- it's pretty bad. But I just posted here because I feel that- I can't just do nothing.

 

So if I go the route to convince him to go to therapy, what happens when he takes offense to that?

[AMJ]

What happens when he takes offense???

 

If my friend was an addict or being abused by their significant other I would not hold my tongue because I was afraid of offending them. I would not mind the friendship taking a back seat if it meant helping them.

 

It's not about you.

 

I'm about to close this because I am getting really tired of people not reading things thoroughly. How the **** is anything I'm doing here, about ME?

The fact that I am concerned enough about protecting HIS feelings, to post this issue online and then deal with all of these people who are being extremely judgmental and rude for no reason other than they feel the need to voice their opinions about something- even though their opinions are not at all what I'm asking for, I was asking for help from people who've had experience with incest.

 

Seekingpeaceinlove- have you had experience with incest? No? Then leave me alone.

 

Telling someone who is really fragile- OMG YOU ARE CRAZY! YOU NEED THERAPY!!!! is a very hurtful thing to say to someone. It's a difficult conversation to have. Have you ever dealt with that before? I have. More than once. About many different issues. All people take offense and are offended when they're told they need a therapist. Unfortunately there is a negative stigma about mental health in our society, but there's not much I can do to change that.

 

Anyway, I think I've stated plenty of times- and it would be common sense to assume- that he knows he needs therapy. That I've already TOLD HIM he needs therapy. Why do people think these types of issues can be solved so simply?