Marriage without living together

[Amelie1980]

I see alot of forums where people debate whether they should live together before marriage or not.

 

But what about, say if you marry having never lived together full time and then after you marry, you still dont live together full time and your spouse isnt even registered as living at your home.

 

What would you think of that.

 

(there is a reason for asking this).

[rester]

I know of a couple that has lived separately (3 hrs apart) Mon-Fri for the last 15 years. They've been married for longer than that. If it works for them, no reason to fix it.

[GunslingerRoland]

I know married couples who live in totally separate places due to work situations. But that is separate cities/provinces though.

 

 

If it isn't for that reason, I would consider that separation.

[losangelena]

I'd be curious to know the reasoning behind it. Work is something I can understand. I have a friend whose mom and dad have rarely lived together because the dad worked in China and the mom raised the kids here. Now that they're retired though, they live together.

 

I find it's quite an unconventional choice. I've always thought of marriage as a coming together of two people to make a new unit, so living intentionally apart while married seems counterintuitive, like why get married at all?

[basil67]

It wouldn't work for me. But I cannot judge what may work for others

[central]

If both people have personalities that require a lot of alone time, but otherwise love each other, I think it could work (this is in distinction to the cases where they do so due to work, etc.). However, if they want children, then I don't think living separately would be viable.

[pteromom]

Sure, I think it could work.

 

Depends on the people involved and what they want out of their marriage.

[carhill]

Some older folks like that because they have their own 'spaces' but also like, or are inured to, the legal partnership of marriage as their vehicle for relationships. I would opine it's probably fairly rare, compared to all marriages.

 

One example I've seen personally is a widow and a widower getting together. Both have their own homes replete with the trappings of their respective families but also enjoy the companionship of being married. Of course, being adults, sleepovers are not a problem

[Mr. Lucky]

One example I've seen personally is a widow and a widower getting together. Both have their own homes replete with the trappings of their respective families but also enjoy the companionship of being married. Of course, being adults, sleepovers are not a problem

 

Agree, my Aunt had a "friend" after my Uncle died who eventually became her 2nd husband though they didn't live together before or after marriage. Our legal system can offer some compelling reasons for marriage regardless of cohabitation.

 

But I get the impression the OP is describing a young couple just starting off and, by the use of "registered", not in the USA.

 

We'd need to know the cultural implications...

 

Mr. Lucky

[carhill]

Good point. If young, of reproductive age, the logistics and costs of maintaining two domiciles and raising children could be daunting. IME, such an arrangement would be quite rare. In fact I can't think of one instance, for young people.

[Amelie1980]

yes thirties and first marriage, didnt live together before marriage and not living together now.

I used the word registered as i couldnt think of any other word to describe it.

 

She is registered as living and working 250 miles away.

 

I wouldnt want to be away from my husband,

[carhill]

Oh, long distance marriage. Sure, that kind of stuff happens. Depends on the couple. Women don't follow their husbands careers around like in the past when many women were SAHM's or worked entry level jobs which were easily repeated elsewhere. Women gain established careers and grow them and, yup, sometimes that means being married and separate.

[sandylee1]

It's not what I'd want myself.. but if there was a plan to actually start living together at a date in the near future.. then I would be okay with it.

 

I knew a couple who kind of started like this...except he came back on the weekends. It just gave him the freedom to do whatever he wanted..Needless to say they are now divorced due to his infidelity.

[Hopeful714]

If it works, I see nothing wrong with it. I also know of a couple who live together married, have separate bedrooms but have regular sex and are quite happy. I kinda like that idea. If it works.....that's what matters i guess.

[Els]

I could understand it if there were a very good reason for it. In some families that I know of, the husband works in a different city or even country because it pays better money than anything nearby. Usually the job is remote and/or very male dominated and/or provides on-site accommodation that is similar to a bachelor's pad, so it isn't feasible for the wife and kids to pack up and join him.

 

If there were no such reason I would consider it a dealbreaker personally. Other people are free to do as they wish of course, but it's not something I could understand.

 

Living together but sleeping in separate bedrooms sometimes is a different kettle of fish entirely, not anywhere near the same thing.

[minimariah]

it wouldn't work for me personally, but i'm sure it works for some -- i know a couple, they've been married for over 30 years and during all of that time... they NEVER lived together; in fact, they live in two different cities, 2 hour ride from each other/30 minutes with plane.

 

their reason was & is their career - they each chose to stay in their city in order to develop their careers. they also have 2 kids together; i have no idea how it works for them, to be honest.