nelib Posted January 20, 2016 Share Posted January 20, 2016 This just an update to the forum about hope and happiness. I am happy to report that I am STILL happily married with a beautiful toddler and another baby on the way. I turned to this forum during one of the darkest times of my life and members on here really helped me through a difficult time. I learned so much about myself and those around me. I found strength within myself and persevered even though I felt like breaking down and did many times but didn't show it to the outside world. I learned that people in your life will tire of you....rather quickly I must say. It's not to say that they are bad people but they don't want to hear about your problems, they don't want to hear you cry....I am still amazed by how those I considered some of my very best friends and close family members failed to "be there for me" but it happens. I used to have my mother to turn to when I needed advice. She was my very best friend but also during my ordeal in 2013 she was diagnosed with early onset alzheimers and so I have lost her too which was so hard for me and double whammy. I learned to rely on myself. I kept holding on to this quote and for some reason it made a difference to me. "In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer. And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.” ― Albert Camus I hope this update gives someone out there strength to keep moving forward without fear and regret. I am so glad I got out of my situation when I did. I realized that I only married because I was afraid I wouldn't find someone better and he was as good as it gets. SO WRONG. My husband and family are incredible and he is the man of my dreams. It was meant to be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nelib Posted January 20, 2016 Author Share Posted January 20, 2016 From January 2013. I can't even believe I wrote this. OMG!! I'm devastated. Divorce after 2 months of marriage I need advice. I am seeking a divorce from my husband after only 2 months of marriage and two years of dating, one year which we lived together. I went on his computer last week only to find that he was a member of a swinger website (since 2002) and had been contacting members on there the entire time we were dating, engaged, right before the wedding and even after the honeymoon. What is more is that he was contacting men as well as couples and women which leads me to believe that he lacks sexual identity and may be on the "other" team. We are both highly educated professionals in our mid 30s, not 20s!! We have no children and thank god I am not pregnant. When I confronted him, he closed his computer and told me that it was nothing. He told me that he had never met any of these people in person. He them went on to tell me that he feels empty inside and needs to figure out what he is comfortable with. At one point, he also told me that what he was doing was for us. ??? He asked me to forgive him. But when I asked to go back on the website and/or see the email account linked to the website (an email account I had no idea existed ). He refused to show me them. Lying to my face and telling me that the account is now deleted and he can't go back in. BS!!!! He closed the laptop. He didn't delete the account. The only red flags I knew of was his problem with depression/anxiety for which he was obtaining illegal prescription drugs, which I saw as his way of self medicating. I made him start seeing a psychiatrist. He swore to me that he would never take pills not prescribed to him ever again. Since this event, I found out that he has been obtaining prescription medications illegally and had been lying to me the ENTIRE time. There is no trust in this marriage. I don't believe a word that comes out of his mouth. I recently got tested for HIV etc. He claims that he hasn't had sex with anyone but he is also a pathologic liar. I am so hurt and embarrassed and humiliated. How could this happen to me? The only thing I keep thinking about is that he is probably so depressed because he is repressing his desire to be a swinger or gay and that I could have possibly found myself 5-10 years later with child when he tells me that he is leaving me to go live out his life with a man. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 20, 2016 Share Posted January 20, 2016 That's a pretty big transition from the second post to the first. Can you fill in some of the details as to what happened? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 Wow! Just WOW!! Please tell us how you worked through this & came out the other side Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 I'm a bit confused. At the start you say that you are STILL married & then at the end you say that you're glad that you got out. Do you mean that you're married to a NEW man or the same one that you originally posted about? "I am so glad I got out of my situation when I did. I realized that I only married because I was afraid I wouldn't find someone better and he was as good as it gets. SO WRONG. My husband and family are incredible and he is the man of my dreams. It was meant to be." I'm glad that your life has moved from such a dark place too one of happiness. I'm sorry to hear that you didn't get the support that you so desperately needed & your poor Mum. It's refreshing to know that there's always hope. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nelib Posted January 21, 2016 Author Share Posted January 21, 2016 yes...that was an old post from January 2013. I got out of that horrible marriage immediately and then met someone unexpectedly and started a family. But I don't forget this message board and the people on here who helped me through such a rough time Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 CONGRATULATIONS!!! I'm so glad that you've found the life you wanted & needed & it's GREAT that you got away from that terribly messed-up man! Link to post Share on other sites
Methodical Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 yes...that was an old post from January 2013. I got out of that horrible marriage immediately and then met someone unexpectedly and started a family. But I don't forget this message board and the people on here who helped me through such a rough time Thanks for the clarification. Congrats for realizing the first marriage was headed down a destructive pathway and getting out rather than settling for a life of misery, lies, and deceit. It's nice to see ppl come back with positive update. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 yes...that was an old post from January 2013. I got out of that horrible marriage immediately and then met someone unexpectedly and started a family. But I don't forget this message board and the people on here who helped me through such a rough time Always nice to see someone escape a toxic situation and find a happy ending. Congratulations and continued joy and happiness ... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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