Would you ask your SO to move from a good place for him so you can be together?

[Skot02]

So, I met my SO and we lived together for 2+ years. We had discussed that we both would like to live abroad but he made the move way too early and now we have been in a ldr for around 2 years because I haven't finished with my responsibilities here. The thing is that I don't think I can find a job in his city although I would love to because it's a beautiful place. But I always had another country in my mind that I would do great. My question is whether asking him to move there beforehand-or after would be ok even though he loves it where he is.

I have been really stressed about it because I continue to look for work opportunities in both cities but don't find anything in his.. While he thinks that I will go leave with him and maybe work in something irrelevant at least at first..

[Anderlie]

Military families do it all the time. You can ask, he has the right to say yes or no.

[Els]

So, I met my SO and we lived together for 2+ years. We had discussed that we both would like to live abroad but he made the move way too early and now we have been in a ldr for around 2 years because I haven't finished with my responsibilities here

The thing is that I don't think I can find a job in his city although I would love to because it's a beautiful place. But I always had another country in my mind that I would do great. My question is whether asking him to move there beforehand-or after would be ok even though he loves it where he is.

I wouldn't phrase it so much as 'asking him to move', but rather discussing how to end the distance, with one of the possible options being both of you moving to a 3rd country. You have been together for 4+ years with 2 years LD (if I read your OP correctly), surely you have discussed ending the distance? What are his suggestions?

 

But anyway, to answer your question, yes of course you should bring it up. Why ever not? Surely he is able to recognize that you being able to further your career is worth considering a 3rd country for?

 

I have been really stressed about it because I continue to look for work opportunities in both cities but don't find anything in his.. While he thinks that I will go leave with him and maybe work in something irrelevant at least at first..

This really concerns me. While people can and do sacrifice their careers to move for their SO, IMO it should not be an expectation from the other person that their partner will do that. And the very least the person who isn't sacrificing their career can do for the person who did sacrifice theirs, is to support them financially while they search for a relevant job instead of expecting them to work a McJob. Expecting you to leave your country and career and work a McJob while he can stay where he is, with no damage to his career, and have you pay 50% of the bills is just... wrong. Someone who cares for their partner does not behave like that, in my opinion.

 

It sounds to me like your SO is expecting you to make all the sacrifices so that he can have his cake and eat it too, and you're afraid to even ask him to compromise (hence this thread). This makes me worry about you and your relationship. I know that as a virtual stranger I'm operating on the basis of just a few posts from you, but from what I've read, I'm concerned about the dynamics of your R.

 

Please be smart and protect yourself, whatever you choose to do.

Edited January 22, 2016 by Elswyth

[Skot02]

Hi Elswyth, thank you for you answer.

 

Yes we discuss it all the time but we hit kind of a dead end because the future is very unpredictable for me.

The thing is that we both have been through a lot and right now he is at a place where he feels nice and has a lot of potential so I asked here.. because I don't want to take that away from him.... On the other hand I don't want to take my future away from me as well.... It saddens me because I am afraid that the distance with break us apart and neither of us wants that, but at the same time, we have been through a lot that I don't know who would be willing to sacrifice that. I don't even think I could do that because I am sure I would regret it in the future..

Also, I never said that he is expecting me to pay everything 50%, but I just don't think he understands that although I would love to go where he is, I don't think I have many opportunities...

I don't know if I have to agree with you on the fact that he is expecting me to make all the sacrifices... deep inside me I think this is true..... but there are a lot of buts .... :/

[Els]

Ah, okay. Well, I still think you should absolutely talk to him about your suggestion instead of remaining silent and wondering. Not every country/city suits everyone, but most people have more than 1 location that they could live happily in. It's possible you might be able to find a nice compromise, but you'll never find it if you don't even try to talk about it.

[brothers343]

Is he doing what he loves, many people have what we would call great jobs.....but are they really happy? I make decent money but I absolutely love my job. I love helping people. If my wife was to tell me to move to another place wher I would probably have to find some other career path I would really have to think hard about that. Yes.....I love her and we have been together 13 years and have 2 kids but It would still be hard to let my career go becouse I have done it for so long and i feel thats what the lord has giving me to do. And many people would tell you, if he loves you he would do everything possible to be with you. But sometime life is not black and white. You both need to talk and give each other the pros and the cons of the move. Hopefully everything works out.