Shooting for the Moon!

[Mannibalector]

Greetings y'all. I mostly just lurk around here, but I have come out of the woodwork in search of a bit of advice. I am a male college student, FYI.

 

Okay, so last semester I met this amazing girl (who's in my major and in pretty much all my classes) who makes my heart practice its trapeze act every time I see her. She is intelligent and a truly stunning sight to behold. She actually kinda looks like a Kardashian, only better 'cause I can't stand that family, haha. But she isn't a snob or anything; she's actually super nice and easy to talk to. Like, she actually came up and started talking to me, and that's how we met. We're pretty much just acquaintances at this point; we'll say hi and exchange a few words when we pass each other in the hallway, and we've studied together a couple times. She also gave me a ride home once, and I got her number, though that was more for studying purposes.

 

So I am pretty smitten at the moment, and want to ask her out now that we're on pretty good terms. Only thing is, uh, how do people ask each other out anyway? I've never really had a relationship before, although I have been in love (or what I thought was love) before. Yes, I did ask this previous love interest out, but she was actually a pretty close (well, by my standards...) friend, so I kinda just flat out told her that I liked her. Obviously that didn't work because she isn't speaking to me anymore.

 

So with this new girl I'm pretty much shooting for the moon. Although friendly, she is kind of a part of the rich, popular kid crowd, and I am...well, neither of those, haha. So I really gotta bring my A-game. Advice is welcome! I'd like to think I'm pretty good-looking (well, I think that I'm the sexiest man on earth, but I dunno how many girls share that opinion ); I work out a lot, and every time I look in the mirror I'm like "WHOA, is that really me???" (I think everyone should work out by the way. I literally get like high from it, and leave the gym feeling invincible. It does great things for your mood!) The main reason I'm such an eff-up when it comes to making friends/relationships is that I'm not very outgoing and just a little bit awkward at times. (Apparently I was diagnosed with very mild Asperger syndrome when I was young.)

 

But anyway! To make a long story short, I really want to ask this girl out, but I'm not exactly sure how to go about it. I've heard people say things like "ask her out for coffee," but I hate coffee (you wouldn't put 87-octane fuel in a Ferrari, would you? ). Like seriously, how do people date? Haha. I have done the whole online dating thing, but that's quite a bit different, as the girl already knows that you're interested in dating her. All I got from that was like six dates and one bad hookup though. Meeting women (especially attractive ones) in real life is so much easier. But I've rambled on enough (this post is way longer than I intended)! Any advice? I should be seeing her next week when school starts again.

[preraph]

Next time you just run into her, say "Wanna go grab a bite later?" Go get a pizza or whatever. If you both like music, ask her to a band playing on or near campus. If you don't know her well enough to know what she likes, next time, find out. "What do you like to do around here?" Then that may lead to you inviting yourself.

[normal person]

Please don't ask her out for coffee. She's 20 years old. It also just broadcasts the fact that you like her very clearly and is an incredibly forced, uncomfortable situation. On top of all that, I've recently seen some twitter/instagram meme from girls saying something to affect of "Coffee date? What the f*** is a coffee date? Take me out for tequila, like an adult." So I can't imagine I'm too far wrong on this. I've never seen much upside to asking someone to coffee.

 

If you're friendly with her, ask her if she wants to go to a party that weekend. A party is a fun event, and an excuse, unlike asking to go for coffee which is really just showing all your cards and can make things very uncomfortable between you two. When you get there, drink with her and after you're both a few deep it'll be pretty obvious if she likes you or not once the inhibitions are lowered. Proceed from there if you get the signals. If you don't, then just stay friends for the time being. You have to ease into these things with subtlety.

 

It's been a few years since I've been in college but I wouldn't think things have changed that much. Best of luck. And don't ramble.

Edited January 21, 2016 by normal person

[hasaquestion]

Please don't ask her out for coffee. She's 20 years old. It also just broadcasts the fact that you like her very clearly and is an incredibly forced, uncomfortable situation. On top of all that, I've recently seen some twitter/instagram meme from girls saying something to affect of "Coffee date? What the f*** is a coffee date? Take me out for tequila, like an adult." So I can't imagine I'm too far wrong on this. I've never seen much upside to asking someone to coffee.

 

If you're friendly with her, ask her if she wants to go to a party that weekend. A party is a fun event, and an excuse, unlike asking to go for coffee which is really just showing all your cards and can make things very uncomfortable between you two. When you get there, drink with her and after you're both a few deep it'll be pretty obvious if she likes you or not once the inhibitions are lowered. Proceed from there if you get the signals. If you don't, then just stay friends for the time being. You have to ease into these things with subtlety.

 

It's been a few years since I've been in college but I wouldn't think things have changed that much. Best of luck. And don't ramble.

 

YES! One can learn a lot about life from Cyndi Lauper. People like to have fun. So offer to show her a good time. Take her to a party. What's exciting about a coffee date? That's a rhetorical question.

[pteromom]

Ok. First of all, lay off the parentheses. Most of your sentences don't need them, and they are really distracting!

 

Do you know anything about her - like what kind of music she likes, or what her hobbies are? If you could find a concert or festival or something in your area that you are pretty sure she would like, ask her to go with you to that.

 

And the way you do that is just casually... "Hey I was thinking about going to ____ this Saturday. Would you like to join me?"

 

I agree with preraph about "inviting yourself" too. That's a good idea.

 

And of course, you can take advantage of the time you are studying together. When you are done, just say you are hungry and ask if she is. If yes, ask her if she'd like to go to a restaurant in the area.

 

It doesn't have to be a formal "date" to lead to dating.

[hasaquestion]

Ok. First of all, lay off the parentheses. Most of your sentences don't need them, and they are really distracting!

 

Do you know anything about her - like what kind of music she likes, or what her hobbies are? If you could find a concert or festival or something in your area that you are pretty sure she would like, ask her to go with you to that.

 

And the way you do that is just casually... "Hey I was thinking about going to ____ this Saturday. Would you like to join me?"

 

I agree with preraph about "inviting yourself" too. That's a good idea.

 

And of course, you can take advantage of the time you are studying together. When you are done, just say you are hungry and ask if she is. If yes, ask her if she'd like to go to a restaurant in the area.

 

It doesn't have to be a formal "date" to lead to dating.

 

It doesn't have to be a formal "date" at all but you have to be transparent about what it is.

 

That's my problem with the bolded. You have to be honest about and own your intentions. If you tell her you want to study, and then try to take her out to get to know her... your actions and words are incongruent. It makes the OP look timid at best and deceitful at worst, if she expected studying and all of a sudden feels pressure to go on an unexpected date. Its like masquerading as a friend to a girl and then professing your love, albeit on a more minor scale.

 

OP, you need to offer to show her a good time. That's my opinion. The most straightforward way to do it would be, as normal person said, to take her to a party. It doesn't have to be the coolest thing ever (I can tell that you think she's much "cooler" than you, and are insecure about that). If she likes you she'll have fun.

 

Whenever I wanted to hit on a girl in college I'd always talk to her first, and then ask her to be my partner in pong. You have to be worth your salt at the game. But if you are... its a great excuse to bond over something. If she's teasing you when you miss or giving you big high fives when makes it then she's having fun. I'm also a terrible dancer so it makes for a substitute.

[pteromom]

It doesn't have to be a formal "date" at all but you have to be transparent about what it is.

 

That's my problem with the bolded. You have to be honest about and own your intentions. If you tell her you want to study, and then try to take her out to get to know her... your actions and words are incongruent. It makes the OP look timid at best and deceitful at worst, if she expected studying and all of a sudden feels pressure to go on an unexpected date. Its like masquerading as a friend to a girl and then professing your love, albeit on a more minor scale.

 

I see what you are saying, but it doesn't have to be a masquerade or deceitful. It's just getting to know someone better, and seeing if things progress or not. And it doesn't even have to be done in a timid way, or in a way that causes her to feel pressure. It's just casual.

[PrismOfLove]

Please don't ask her out for coffee. She's 20 years old. It also just broadcasts the fact that you like her very clearly and is an incredibly forced, uncomfortable situation. On top of all that, I've recently seen some twitter/instagram meme from girls saying something to affect of "Coffee date? What the f*** is a coffee date? Take me out for tequila, like an adult." So I can't imagine I'm too far wrong on this. I've never seen much upside to asking someone to coffee.

 

If you're friendly with her, ask her if she wants to go to a party that weekend. A party is a fun event, and an excuse, unlike asking to go for coffee which is really just showing all your cards and can make things very uncomfortable between you two. When you get there, drink with her and after you're both a few deep it'll be pretty obvious if she likes you or not once the inhibitions are lowered. Proceed from there if you get the signals. If you don't, then just stay friends for the time being. You have to ease into these things with subtlety.

 

It's been a few years since I've been in college but I wouldn't think things have changed that much. Best of luck. And don't ramble.

 

I'm a bit confused after reading this post. Everything I've always heard said asking a woman out for coffee whether it's online or offline is a socially acceptable first meeting or date. It shows interest and gives you a chance to get to the know the person without seeming too serious with a laid back atmosphere. All week I've been mentally preparing myself to ask this woman out in one of my classes for coffee, but now I'm having second thoughts. Why is it forced and uncomfortable? I think of it as conversation and seeing if two people are compatible. Keep in mind, I'm looking for something serious and don't really drink either.

[preraph]

Asking for coffee is fine IF you both like coffee. If she doesn't like coffee, you just struck out. A lot of people do not drink coffee. And the coffee places have little or nothing else. How about ice cream or yogurt?

[todreaminblue]

what i find really refreshing or did when i was younger and honestly still do like...is guys who lay it out flat.....state their intentions and ask me on a date.....im not fussed on where...but what i do notice is initiative...a sense of adventure....a bit of an independent thinking style by the place we go.....most guys who have asked me out know a bit about me...and it is nice to think they listened or laid their plans on what they know i would like....shows a bit of selflessness and made me feel special.....just by a bit of effort and thought.....so as another poster said knowing what she likes would be helpful in planning a date...but honestly...the most important thing....is to lay it out flat you want to date....honesty is awesome...and sets the bar pretty high....good luck.....hope it happens for you...deb

[normal person]

I'm a bit confused after reading this post. Everything I've always heard said asking a woman out for coffee whether it's online or offline is a socially acceptable first meeting or date.

 

I'll dissect this all for you.

 

Is it socially acceptable? Sure. Does that make a good idea? Not necessarily. Things being socially acceptable doesn't mean they're socially desirable or attractive.

 

It shows interest and gives you a chance to get to the know the person without seeming too serious with a laid back atmosphere. All week I've been mentally preparing myself to ask this woman out in one of my classes for coffee, but now I'm having second thoughts. Why is it forced and uncomfortable?

 

Personally, I think it shows too much interest. If you invite her for coffee you might as well just scream at her through a megaphone what your intentions are. If she's not interested in you like that to begin with, that's a very daunting request of her, the atmosphere is irrelevant given the context. It's just you two talking because you made it very clear that you have an interest in her in the least sexy way possible. She doesn't have an "out." If you ask her this, it's pretty much saying "DO YOU LIKE ME? RIGHT NOW: YES OR NO. IF NO, THEN THIS IS UNCOMFORTABLE FOR BOTH OF US AND IT WILL DEFINE OUR INTERACTIONS FROM HERE ON OUT., YOU WILL MAKE ME UPSET. IF YES, SIT WITH ME IN A STARBUCKS AND TALK. THOSE ARE THE ONLY TWO OPTIONS AND THEIR IMPLICATIONS." If she doesn't want to hurt your feelings then she might feel obligated to say yes because you put her in such an uncomfortable position. Then she actually has to sit there with just you after you set in all this pretext. That's why it might be forced and uncomfortable. You're forcing her to make a judgment about you to your face with her response. And she might not want to be rude. It's not the end of the world, but it's not the best way to go about things, I don't think.

 

 

I think of it as conversation and seeing if two people are compatible. Keep in mind, I'm looking for something serious and don't really drink either.

 

You also make the assumption that because you want to sit in a coffee shop and have a conversation to see if you're compatible that she automatically does too. That's not necessarily the case. She might already know that you aren't compatible and that she doesn't want to do this with you, and if that's the case then you asking her to coffee is all of a sudden very daunting to her. If you're certain that she does like you, great. Go for coffee if you want. But if you're not certain which I imagine you aren't, why gamble and show all your cards like this? If you just meet her at a party and have a drink or two you aren't betting as much, saving face, and it'll still give you time to fold your hand and save some chips (a lot of poker analogies here, I know) if things don't work out as planned. If you're at a party, she has an out. She can talk to other people, she's not stuck in a situation where her decisions are so boldly dissected and seen as judgments or assessments. But... maybe at the party she'll reciprocate, showing a card voluntarily. Give her a chance to show one without you laying them all out there first. If she stays with you and talks a lot, good. Go from there. If she just says hi and then mingles with other people the rest of the night and doesn't give you a second thought, you get your answer without having to put so much on the table. It's much better risk management.

 

Also, it's misguided to assume that because you don't drink that coffee is therefore the best option. You aren't the one you're trying to appeal to, she is. Ask most college girls which is a better time, I doubt more than 10% would say "coffee." A lot might even frown on meeting a guy for coffee. Coffee isn't sexy. It's cheap, it's not fun. If you go for coffee, that's going to be the most that'll happen that day/night. Nothing will happen beyond coffee on that instance. Not much chance to build decent sexual tension. Same with lunch. Coffee and lunch aren't sexy. If she likes you already, it won't matter what you do. But I say just give yourself the best odds in case she's on the fence.

 

Asking for coffee is fine IF you both like coffee. If she doesn't like coffee, you just struck out. A lot of people do not drink coffee. And the coffee places have little or nothing else. How about ice cream or yogurt?

 

I respectfully disagree. Coffee is fine if she likes him. As in, she already has interest in him and just hasn't acted on it yet. Given that, the activity is almost irrelevant. Coffee/yogurt/ice cream, it doesn't really matter unless the person is on the fence and the activity is going to sway them one or way or the other (that's why I advocate staying away from no-fun, unsexy stuff like coffee and lunch). If they want to spend time with you, they will. The problem is that asking someone to go for coffee (or do anything) without having a good idea what the answer will be isn't really asking to do the thing, it's just asking the person the uncomfortable question of if they like you and want to spend time with you or not, which is the real dilemma.

 

I just think this is a bad idea until you have some indicator of interest from the person. Women will give them to you if they like you. And if you get one and act on it, your success rate will be close to 100%. If you act without one, you might be shooting yourself in the foot. It's not that I think it's a horrible idea necessarily, I just think the party/bar model is much more advantageous for you. Just my two cents. Best of luck.

Edited January 22, 2016 by normal person

[Mannibalector]

Haha, well you can stop arguing about coffee because like I said, I don't drink the stuff and therefore would rather not go that route anyway. It's just that for some reason going to get coffee is the mental image that pops into my head whenever I hear the word "date". When I was doing online dating I'd always prefer to go for walks, which were a nice way to get to know the person. Would that work with the girl in question though?

 

It sounds like the popular consensus is to ask her to a party (or similar event), but I've literally only been to one party during my time in college so far. Nobody ever invites me and I don't drink anyway. I don't do a whole lot of popular college activities to be honest. Hopefully that isn't nailing shut the coffin for me. I mean, I could take her street racing, but she probably wouldn't like that, hahaha.

 

Ugh, y'all are making this sound complicated. I wish I could just be like "want to go out with me?" and she'd say either yes or no, and that would be that. I mean, I don't want to force things, but I also don't want to wait too long to make my intentions clear like I did with my last love interest.

 

Ok. First of all, lay off the parentheses. Most of your sentences don't need them, and they are really distracting!

Are they really? That's always been how I write, but if they make things hard to read I'll try to avoid using them.

 

(I can tell that you think she's much "cooler" than you, and are insecure about that)

Hey, who are you calling insecure? I don't think she's cooler than me, I just think she's a pretty awesome girl who I could see myself dating. It's true that she has lots of friends and I don't, but those are just facts.

 

I suppose I can just try to sit with her in class and chat a bit. She is certainly talkative. Maybe hang out after class? I just don't want her to see me as just a friend, that's all. Argh, this whole dating thing seems so mysterious to me. It's like the one thing in life that I just don't "get".

[JuneJulySeptember]

First answer these questions.

 

Would you want to date a woman who would reject you on the basis of where you asked her out? Is that the kind of woman you want to be with? Do you want to be with your kids 25 years from now and have her tell the story "If your father asked me out for coffee instead of to the club, I would have rejected him, because that shows he's an unhip shmuck."

 

Let's say you get the date. Now what? What do you wear? Do you wear cologne? Do you offer to pay? Do you drive or take the train? Do you try and kiss her? And if so, when and how?

 

Would you want to date a woman who is waiting to reject you at every turn for every single mis-step you make? Or do you realize that relationships are based on understanding and sacrifice for another person.

 

Just go with your gut and be you man.

 

And just to be honest, if you're not 'smooth enough for her' at this point, it will come out. If you make it through the first date based on all the dating experts' advice, it will come out on the second date or third.

[normal person]

 

Ugh, y'all are making this sound complicated. I wish I could just be like "want to go out with me?" and she'd say either yes or no, and that would be that. I mean, I don't want to force things, but I also don't want to wait too long to make my intentions clear like I did with my last love interest.

 

You're right, this did get overcomplicated when we brought in the coffee. You could just ask her out and have nice results. I'm just saying, it's easier to hedge your bets other ways.

 

As I said, if a girl likes you, you'll know. They make it easy for you. If you don't know, you could take a chance, ask her out and see what happens but that seems like more of a crapshoot.

 

Best of luck.

[Mannibalector]

Rejecting someone based on where they ask you out does sound pretty silly, and I don't think I'd want to date someone like that. I have no idea if she's the type who'd kick me to the curb if my shirt had a wrinkle. If she is then obviously I wouldn't like her so much anymore. I was mainly just wondering how the heck people start relationships, because I have never been able to do so.

 

I don't know if she likes me or not, as we only introduced ourselves for the first time in the beginning of December. She's always super nice to me, but she's like that with everyone so that doesn't mean anything. It's one of the things I like about her though!

 

Right now I'm thinking of asking her to take a walk in the nature preserve with me, after asking her if she's into hiking, etc. Or I might ask her out for lunch if I happen to be going to eat after talking to her. OR, I suppose I could ask her over to "study", haha. A friend of mine actually started dating his girlfriend of ~2 years that way! But perhaps it's better just to ad-lib this ish and make it up as I go along. I GOT THIS.

 

You're right, this did get overcomplicated when we brought in the coffee.

This sentence made me laugh for some reason. Like "damn, they brought in the coffee. This will complicate matters..."

 

Anyway, I'll probably see her on Tuesday. Time to grab da bawlz.

[normal person]

 

I don't know if she likes me or not, as we only introduced ourselves for the first time in the beginning of December. She's always super nice to me, but she's like that with everyone so that doesn't mean anything. It's one of the things I like about her though!

 

This is what I was getting at earlier though. If she likes you, you'd probably have picked up on it already. It's odd to assume people like you when they haven't given you much indication that they do. Because that's just assuming everyone might like you just by default. When in reality the percentage is probably very small for anyone.

 

Regardless, it can't hurt too much to try. I could very well be wrong. Best of luck, I'll be curious to hear how this goes.

[hasaquestion]

Haha, well you can stop arguing about coffee because like I said, I don't drink the stuff and therefore would rather not go that route anyway. It's just that for some reason going to get coffee is the mental image that pops into my head whenever I hear the word "date". When I was doing online dating I'd always prefer to go for walks, which were a nice way to get to know the person. Would that work with the girl in question though?

 

It sounds like the popular consensus is to ask her to a party (or similar event), but I've literally only been to one party during my time in college so far. Nobody ever invites me and I don't drink anyway. I don't do a whole lot of popular college activities to be honest. Hopefully that isn't nailing shut the coffin for me. I mean, I could take her street racing, but she probably wouldn't like that, hahaha.

 

Ugh, y'all are making this sound complicated. I wish I could just be like "want to go out with me?" and she'd say either yes or no, and that would be that. I mean, I don't want to force things, but I also don't want to wait too long to make my intentions clear like I did with my last love interest.

 

Are they really? That's always been how I write, but if they make things hard to read I'll try to avoid using them.

 

Hey, who are you calling insecure? I don't think she's cooler than me, I just think she's a pretty awesome girl who I could see myself dating. It's true that she has lots of friends and I don't, but those are just facts.

 

I suppose I can just try to sit with her in class and chat a bit. She is certainly talkative. Maybe hang out after class? I just don't want her to see me as just a friend, that's all. Argh, this whole dating thing seems so mysterious to me. It's like the one thing in life that I just don't "get".

 

Why don't you get invited to any parties?

 

Go for it and have no regrets. I just think you're focusing a lot on the fact that you'd like to date her, and not on what the reasons are she might want to date you!

 

What makes "Mannibalector" a catch? I'm assuming you don't eat people, by the way. Tell us about you.

[Justanaverageguy]

Holy hell walls of text and advice analyzing the pros and cons of coffe and whether it's acceptable

 

My advice - keep it simple. If you like her ask her out. Don't over analyze it. Don't break it down to the umpteenth degree going over every small detail. Just keep it casual and ask her if she wants to catch up for a drink or bite to eat. Easy.

[Mannibalector]

This is what I was getting at earlier though. If she likes you, you'd probably have picked up on it already. It's odd to assume people like you when they haven't given you much indication that they do. Because that's just assuming everyone might like you just by default. When in reality the percentage is probably very small for anyone.

Well I haven't picked up that she doesn't like me either. If I just assume she isn't interested in me, then my brain will use that as an excuse to wimp out and not say anything. Then I'd never know what could have been.

 

Why don't you get invited to any parties?

'Cause I don't really have any close friends to invite me. If there were a bar graph that goes from best friends to acquaintances, most people I know would fall somewhere in the middle. I guess I'm just not that good at meeting people, which is why I'm inexperienced in the dating field. Meh.

 

Go for it and have no regrets. I just think you're focusing a lot on the fact that you'd like to date her, and not on what the reasons are she might want to date you!

 

What makes "Mannibalector" a catch? I'm assuming you don't eat people, by the way. Tell us about you.

I can't think of any reason why she wouldn't want to date me! I dunno, it's kind of hard for me to list my positive attributes. Someone who knew me well would have to do that. I'm too biased, haha. The only thing I truly don't like about myself is the fact that I'm not very outgoing. I think I need more mental energy.

 

But I can try. Let's see. For one, I have a big ol' heart and would do anything for those I love. I'm loyal to the grave, and cheating isn't even something I understand. In addition, women (and people in general) hardly ever talk to me so there aren't really any opportunities to cheat anyway! I'm extremely laid-back, and it takes a lot to get my blood boiling. I LOVE to laugh, and I think that a sense of humor is one of the most important things to have in life. I don't usually go to parties and stuff, but I like to have fun by going on insane adventures, like climbing mountains, and exploring awesome places like caves and abandoned buildings. I drive a kick-ass car, and always will. I'm six feet 180 lbs all muscle and I know kung-fu, so I can be an effective bodyguard. I may be laid-back, but I also don't take s*** from ANYBODY, no matter who they are. I work out a lot and will serve as your (meaning the person I'm dating) personal fitness trainer. I also got mad brainz yo, and if I'm not a millionaire when I'm older, something went horribly wrong. I'm part of the rare species of the athletic nerd. Brains or brawn? Why not both? I live on my own and I've learned to be an adult and deal with things life throws at me. And lastly, I'm pretty top-notch in bed, haha. The first person I ever hooked up with couldn't believe it was my first time.

 

I realize that was a huge run-on paragraph ego-tripping, but you asked for it. =p I'm not conceited, I swear!

 

My username actually comes from one of my favorite hip hop albums, which goes by the same name. It's pretty dark stuff though, so I wouldn't recommend it to most people.

 

Holy hell walls of text and advice analyzing the pros and cons of coffe and whether it's acceptable

I know, right? Haha.

 

My advice - keep it simple. If you like her ask her out. Don't over analyze it. Don't break it down to the umpteenth degree going over every small detail. Just keep it casual and ask her if she wants to catch up for a drink or bite to eat. Easy.

Well this is certainly what I was hoping to hear. That's pretty much what I had in mind from the get-go, but I'm still new at this so I wanted advice.

 

Hopefully I get the chance next week! Pretty excited.

[normal person]

Well I haven't picked up that she doesn't like me either. If I just assume she isn't interested in me, then my brain will use that as an excuse to wimp out and not say anything. Then I'd never know what could have been.

 

Fair enough, I personally think it's naive to think that because the odds are stacked against you, or anyone in your situation. You might be right, sure. But I wouldn't advise anyone to bet on it. The thing is, if a girl likes you, you'll know. Then you can bet on it with about a 100% success rate.

 

 

Well this is certainly what I was hoping to hear. That's pretty much what I had in mind from the get-go, but I'm still new at this so I wanted advice.

 

I know some of my answers were long winded (with good purpose) but "just go for it," while encouraging, seems like a huge oversimplification. You could've just told yourself that. It's like you're learning to drive, and I gave you reasons why you need to do certain techniques and maneuvers to get the hang of it, but all you really wanted to hear was "just put your foot on the gas and go." It might work, but you could give yourself the best odds if you just gave a more measured, calculated approach. I'm just trying to give you the best odds of success and mitigate any failures.

 

Regardless, I'm pulling for you. Best of luck. Let us know how it goes.

[Mannibalector]

I know the odds are stacked against me, and honestly she will likely say no, but I'm going to go in feeling cautiously optimistic. As in, confident enough to actually ask out the hottest (in my opinion) girl in my class, but not so much that it will be a huge disappointment if she turns me down. I have some other possible options too.

 

I understand where you're coming from, and I appreciate you taking the time to help me. It's just that the party thing probably won't work with me so I need a different approach. I wish there were more fun things to do around here, but it's looking like asking her for lunch is my best option. Or maybe a nature walk. I just don't want to overthink this is all.

 

I'll let y'all know what ends up happening, but it might be a little while. Depends when I get a chance to talk to her.

[lino]

at all the analysis over a coffee date.

[ZA Dater]

The thing is, if a girl likes you, you'll know. Then you can bet on it with about a 100% success rate.

 

How is it you tell if someone like you? White walls don't like but if someone did I wouldn't know how to tell?

[LookAtThisPOst]

I'm a bit confused after reading this post. Everything I've always heard said asking a woman out for coffee whether it's online or offline is a socially acceptable first meeting or date.

 

Indeed, it's the company that matters, not the venue. Of course, if she doesn't like coffee, then I would go with other options.

[normal person]

How is it you tell if someone like you? White walls don't like but if someone did I wouldn't know how to tell?

 

The best way is to just think about the motivations behind actions. Does a girl make an effort to talk to you? Does she hang around you specifically in a bar when she could be talking to other people? Is she in no rush to leave you? Is she paying you a particular amount of attention? Asking you questions? Text you frequently without any real practical information to exchange?

 

It might just be that she's interested in what you have to say, sure. It could very well be deeper than that.

 

If you don't know the girl and haven't met yet, her MO is often to just get you to notice her and have you take action. This includes making eye contact from across the room, smiling at you, bumping into you slightly, etc. To a guy this stuff might seem subtle but in a woman's eyes they're very overt gestures.

 

Maybe we could get a woman to chime in here and give some more/better examples.

 

Indeed, it's the company that matters, not the venue. Of course, if she doesn't like coffee, then I would go with other options.

 

I never said it wasn't socially acceptable, it much is. I just think it's bad risk/reward and there are much better options to get what you're after.