Why do women pick on other women at work?

[SerCay]

I'm sure this question was asked a lot.... But I'm really curious as it happens to me at this moment. It has also happened in the past.

 

There's this one lady who ignores, eye rolls, cannot look me in the eye when talking, tries to find eye contact with others when I make a joke, makes puking sounds when I receive compliments from my customers etc etc....

 

Then when she notices her behaviour she starts acting normal and nice again. It almost seems she's doing it while being unaware. Though I payed attention.. She o ly does it to me.

 

Why??

[jen1447]

Some women are just catty by nature. It says more about her insecurity than anything about you so just ignore her.

[Stereotypical11]

Jealousy and insecurity women like to be the best some more than others and you unnerve them don't take it personally they are the ones with the issues. I was going through the same thing just be you and try to ignore them be the bigger person.

[Madame_Noire]

She sounds jealous and bitter. Try to ignore her. Women are very catty and bitchy in the workplace. They seem to be in competition with one another. It is evident in my workplace because they are all on some sort of fad diet!

[newmoon]

it could be jealousy or something personal, but if it's in the workplace it might also be that she doesn't respect your work or work ethic, or how you conduct yourself. i have often 'looked down' on other women at work when i see they are using other means to get ahead, or when they lack motivation/talent, etc. it doesn't always stem from jealousy, but can also come from a place of thinking that the other person is less intelligent on certain tasks or not fulfilling workplace potential. just another view on it, as it isn't always a jealous/catty behavior pattern.

[BettyDraper]

I have had the unfortunate experience of vicious workplace bullying from other women.

 

I believe that it came from insecurity about performance levels; I was always doing better than the women who tried to make me look bad. Jealousy was often an issue due to appearance and life circumstances as well. The women who hated me were always frumpy, obese and unhappy with their love lives. In contrast, I always dressed well and I am happily married.

 

Some of the women didn't like the way I was friendly with some of the men who were above us; I certainly wasn't sexual or inappropriate but my female colleagues hated the rapport I had with these men. One of them even accused me of sleeping with the CEO and the rumor cost that woman her job; her comments were viewed as sexual harassment and bullying.

 

While I miss my career, I am very relieved not to be subjected to such terrible antics again. I rarely had problems with men but women were always out to get me somehow. I even spoke to a therapist to find out what it was about me that made female colleagues hate me so much. The therapist said it was insecurity on their parts.

[Bobbi7]

Because that's just how women are! Catty, jealous, insecure. But according to what others have told me on this forum, when dealing with things co-workers do.

 

"Your job is to do your job and a good employee doesn't distract herself from such a person."

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/platonic/business-professional-relationships/560246-do-you-think-its-appropriate-supervisor-best-friends-her-employee

[SerCay]

So this situation came to an extreme a couple of weeks ago.

 

This lady seems to have a hate/love relationship with me in her head.

One day she adores me and tells me we are friends etc, the other day things as this happen:

 

She was grumpy once again and I asked, what happened, are you grumpy?

She replied with: I JUST WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE.

 

So I did. I ignored her in every sence from then on.

Later on she came to me to apologize and talk it through.

 

WHAT is it with people. Make up your mind. Like someone or don't. Pathetic.

[candie13]

People have a life and may get up on the wrong side of the bed. You could give her some Space if you see she's not her usual self.

 

As for your other colleague, she is doing it on purpose, because you're too chicken to confront her. NeXT Time she is disrespectful, I Will stop and ask her if she wants a filed complaint with that attitude. Trust me, she'll never ever laugh at You, in your face. And if she keeps her attitude, talk to her manager. These people need submissive victims, not people fighting back.

 

So, to answer your questions: most women are catty at eachother because most women lack the balls to confront and demand respect in professions situations. This Is why men don't do it to eachother. Because it doesnt pay to get a broken nose over it, amongst many other things .

[elaine567]

It a dog eat dog world, men pick on other men too, it is not only women who do this. men pick on women, women pick on men.

Competitive environments like modern work demands, breed competitive people.

Increased stress does not make for happy people and some take out that stress on their co workers.

If YOU are always being picked upon by your co-workers, it may be your attitude. Analyse your own actions and how you come across to other people.

[candie13]

It a dog eat dog world, men pick on other men too, it is not only women who do this. men pick on women, women pick on men.

Competitive environments like modern work demands, breed competitive people.

Increased stress does not make for happy people and some take out that stress on their co workers.

If YOU are always being picked upon by your co-workers, it may be your attitude. Analyse your own actions and how you come across to other people.

 

men don't pick on eachother. Not like that. Men don't pick on women like that. Women don't pick on men like that. I strongly dislike generalisations.

 

No, I am sorry, there is competition and there is jealousy. But people will treat you how you allow them, not based on how you are or act. Some people are so fu*ked up that will try to ridicule even the most perfect professional.

 

It's not on the OP to change her behavior, but it is up to her to stand up to herself and not allow others to ridicule her. IT is up to her to set healthy boundaries. That type of submission, of women accepting this sort of ridicule treatment is a typically female reaction. "oh, just ignore". Really? Until when? Until she is being called a "b*tch" to her face in front of clients? She's already mocked at, in her face, in front of colleagues. If she wants a promotion, will her colleagues agree that she's a respectable person? Will they ever listen to her? Isn't that colleague destroying her credibility and image, at work, in front of her team? Isn't she destroying her career? And isn't the OP allowing her to do so?

 

Remember this about defense: in court, if you shut up, that is being considered as agreement. So if you don't agree, show it, say it, manifest it.

 

change nothing and nothing changes.

[SerCay]

I actually had never looked at it this way.

But I have to say, you have a very strong point here.

 

The manager does see it. She also tries to take with another co-worker to side with her. When the manager compliments me, she will look at the other co-worker instantly. Manager sees and mentions her jealousy often.

 

He also told me in private that she is the kind of person that is always looking for a "buddy" at the work place. He said he thought it was good of me to show her she cannot treat me that way by ignoring her alltogether. He actually praised me for that behaviour.

 

But I take note of what you said, I think in the future I will definitely react immidiately when something like this happens. Maybe not in a harsh way, but I will definitely speak out that I will not accept this behaviour.

 

Thing is, I know where this leads to. People like her are not able to let go of grudges and resentment. If I speak up and cause confrontation at that moment, an atmosphere will be created in the office and I hate those kinds of negative energy atmospheres. I want to be at ease at work and be able to be myself and make jokes and everything.

 

Honestly, it is hard to work together with a person who is always having all kinds of troubles AND brings them to the workplace daily. She is racist too :S. She's the one I mention in my latest post about racism at the work place. Personally I would not want to hire such people.

[GemmaUK]

In general, people don't do this type of thing. No one works at a job to 'be liked' but the odd few who behave like this are best just avoided.

If ever you find the majority behave this way towards you then the problem is you and you rub folk up the wrong way - but that's clearly not the case for you here OP.

 

There are a 'few' where I currently work who do this kind of thing and right now it happens to be two women who just dislike two other women for whatever reason. It's like they have some kind of vendetta going and is so childish to witness.

 

Those who are the aggressors - even though it's not directed at me - I avoid unless I have no choice but to deal with them.

 

Ignore this colleague except for the times you have to deal with her for work.

Don't ask her anything, only respond neutrally when you need to regarding any personal interactions.

[thefooloftheyear]

men don't pick on eachother. Not like that. Men don't pick on women like that. Women don't pick on men like that. I strongly dislike generalisations.

 

No, I am sorry, there is competition and there is jealousy. But people will treat you how you allow them, not based on how you are or act. Some people are so fu*ked up that will try to ridicule even the most perfect professional.

 

It's not on the OP to change her behavior, but it is up to her to stand up to herself and not allow others to ridicule her. IT is up to her to set healthy boundaries. That type of submission, of women accepting this sort of ridicule treatment is a typically female reaction. "oh, just ignore". Really? Until when? Until she is being called a "b*tch" to her face in front of clients? She's already mocked at, in her face, in front of colleagues. If she wants a promotion, will her colleagues agree that she's a respectable person? Will they ever listen to her? Isn't that colleague destroying her credibility and image, at work, in front of her team? Isn't she destroying her career? And isn't the OP allowing her to do so?

 

Remember this about defense: in court, if you shut up, that is being considered as agreement. So if you don't agree, show it, say it, manifest it.

 

change nothing and nothing changes.

 

I'd have to agree...

 

I have owned a company for decades that employs mostly men..They don't all like each other, but there isn't the type of stuff that the OP mentions,...I just have never seen it...I work in very close proximity, so if it was happening id absolutely know about it...

 

Put two women together here, though, and I'll spend half my day refereeing the bs and drama...

 

Its just a carryover from all the crap that starts with middle school girls...I have a daughter that age...Its never ending...I don't remember anything like that among the younger guys back then...Usually the fat kid got teased, and not that it was right, but it was in fun...No daggers and knives, like with the girls..

 

Agree with the other posters...Ignore them and do your own thing...

 

TFY

Edited April 24, 2016 by thefooloftheyear

[mrs rubble]

I actually had never looked at it this way.

But I have to say, you have a very strong point here.

 

The manager does see it. She also tries to take with another co-worker to side with her. When the manager compliments me, she will look at the other co-worker instantly. Manager sees and mentions her jealousy often.

 

He also told me in private that she is the kind of person that is always looking for a "buddy" at the work place. He said he thought it was good of me to show her she cannot treat me that way by ignoring her alltogether. He actually praised me for that behaviour.

 

But I take note of what you said, I think in the future I will definitely react immidiately when something like this happens. Maybe not in a harsh way, but I will definitely speak out that I will not accept this behaviour.

 

Thing is, I know where this leads to. People like her are not able to let go of grudges and resentment. If I speak up and cause confrontation at that moment, an atmosphere will be created in the office and I hate those kinds of negative energy atmospheres. I want to be at ease at work and be able to be myself and make jokes and everything.

 

Honestly, it is hard to work together with a person who is always having all kinds of troubles AND brings them to the workplace daily. She is racist too :S. She's the one I mention in my latest post about racism at the work place. Personally I would not want to hire such people.

I have been in my current job for 14 years and have been picked on by the same lady relentlessly since I started. Her biggest joy was in trying to manipulate my hours of work and place of work, despite the fact it was not her job to roster me.

My old manager used to tell her he was the boss and she couldn't change my hours without his permission which he denied her.

My new manager didn't have the balls to do a damned thing about it.

When I told her that this woman had threatened me with a weeks worth of roster that didn't suit me unless I complied to the original demand, my manager told me that accusing her of threatening me was a very serious accusation and I should forget it-- I was livid!

That is when I decided to stand up to her myself and I told her everytime I had a problem with her behaviour or treatment of me exactly what I thought about it. She left for a new job just a few months after I started standing up to her. Good ridance!!

[todreaminblue]

i dont understand it honestly...low tolerance...ignorance maybe....personal bias...rough childhood...a sense of superiority or entitlement to behave in such a way...could be any number of reasons why people not just women and not just this woman turn into bullies or exhibit bullying behaviors towards others....

 

 

the only thing you can change is your reaction if she wishes to behave in such a manner towards you.......it is not a reflection on you as anothr poster said but obviously her own issues that are unknown to you that make her behave this way towards you..i have always found with bullies...that silence is often the best way to deal with them...i have befriended some bullies in the past...because of my resilience to their attacks...i eventually find out why they chose to attack me....after i befriend them.........i wish you well....deb

[dreamingoftigers]

I've had crappy experiences with both men and women.

 

Men I find tend to be more condescending and insulting.

 

Women I find to be more manipulative etc.

 

Why? Because some people just SUCK.

 

They can't deal with others well and are relatively immune to kindness.

[Got it]

There are sucky people in both sexes, neither one holds the crown for ridiculous behavior. Trust me, I see this crap every day and men are no beckon of light, trust me. They are more than happy to compete for this crown.

 

Regardless this behavior is unproductive and inappropriate. If you manager is not addressing then go to HR. It needs to be shut down.

[Miss Peach]

I find it in both sexes. I see it as jealousy (women) or bruised egos (men).

 

I work in a male-dominated industry so when a woman does something as well as they do they become condescending, insulting, and sometimes even sabotage things. They seem to see it as an attack on getting respect. I tend to get a lot of it because I'm good at my job but still very feminine - a rare combination.

 

I tend to see a lot of it in men because I'm not in one of the lower knowledge positions they deem as 'safe' for women. I've even gotten this behavior from other women in positions similar to mine but the few women in this field tend to act like men.

 

Before I got into this industry I worked in a field that was more 50/50 between the sexes and I saw the cattiness and other stuff more from women back then.

[jen1447]

I have been in my current job for 14 years and have been picked on by the same lady relentlessly since I started. Her biggest joy was in trying to manipulate my hours of work and place of work, despite the fact it was not her job to roster me.

My old manager used to tell her he was the boss and she couldn't change my hours without his permission which he denied her.

My new manager didn't have the balls to do a damned thing about it.

When I told her that this woman had threatened me with a weeks worth of roster that didn't suit me unless I complied to the original demand, my manager told me that accusing her of threatening me was a very serious accusation and I should forget it-- I was livid!

That is when I decided to stand up to her myself and I told her everytime I had a problem with her behaviour or treatment of me exactly what I thought about it. She left for a new job just a few months after I started standing up to her. Good ridance!!

 

Good job. You do have to back down the petty tyrants/office napoleans once in a while so they don't get too caught up in themselves, assuming they're the sort who actively want to take it to other ppl. As you saw, they usually don't respond well to learning they don't have all the power.

[preraph]

Over the years, the source of tension I've found among women in the workplaces is caused because there's always at least one who is furthering herself by, at minimum, flattering male bosses and even other males in the office. No one likes to think someone is going to get better pay than them simply because they're flirting or sucking up, and there are still many women who play this card in the office. Many of them know they were probably hired mostly because of their looks or whatever, but even the ones who weren't can get a long ways by just flattering the men and when the women lash back, they may simply sabotage them. My career was actually brought down by one such woman, and she was nothing, not good looking, not a good worker, but she acted like Monica Lewinski and flattered and "needed" the 30-50 yr old bosses and gave them gifts and got them all on her side, while she sabotaged every woman within her reach. So any of us who have been victim of that see it coming a mile away.

 

For example at one of my more recent jobs, the boss hired a cute ex-cheerleader on the elevator who also worked in the building and wasn't looking for a job. They would come in looking sheepish and no one with eyes could have missed it. He put her in a well paying position and set her up. She was so juvenile (the woman was over 30) and living in her past glory days that she had to be the center of attention at all times. Once a few of us were having a standing up meeting, serious, no joking, no reason for her to intrude and she came up and just got in the middle of us. If she wasn't getting enough attention, she might come out into the open area and begin doing cheerleading jumps. She was just ridiculous. She is an extreme example, and it doesn't take that to cause resentment and fear that you will never, on your work performance alone, get anywhere in a company.

 

What finally got her fired is gossiping about the boss she was carrying on with and it got back to him.

[Pastypop]

I have put up with so much of this in workplace from both men and women. I was just kicked off a project because this horrible co-worker verbally attacked me in a meeting and two other co-workers ganged up on me at the same time. I defended myself the best I could and finally just got up and walked out. So three days later, I was removed from position and have been sitting here for two waiting for a pink slip. For some reason, these type of people always get promoted and rewarded for their horrible behavior while they screw over everybody else. I am so mad that I've lost my 12 year career, accountability and have to be one who loses everything over people who have no idea how to run a successful project.

[Aniela]

There are sucky people in both sexes, neither one holds the crown for ridiculous behavior. Trust me, I see this crap every day and men are no beckon of light, trust me. They are more than happy to compete for this crown.

 

I was just wondering why I never see threads titled, "Why do men pick on other men at work?" or just "why do men pick on other men?" because they do - it isn't just women.

[porta77]

Many women are stuck in the 8th grade mean girl catty jealous mindset. Don't waste your time analyzing or trying to change them. Just go on and live your life.

[jakrbbt]

There's a theory that when women look around and see (say) 9 men and one woman holding the senior spots in a company, they all assume they're competing with each other for the one female-occupied spot. They should in theory be competing with each other plus the men for all ten spots, but instead, many women assume there's only that limited number of positions reserved for women and so they compete with each other only. So goes the theory, and I've seen a handful of workplaces where that makes sense.

 

In general people who feel insecure about their job security are often horrible to deal with.

 

A decent book on the topic of female aggression and bullying: Odd Girl Out by Jessica Simmons

 

And I remember reading multiple statistics from the Anti Bully Institute and others, that bullies are comprised roughly evenly of men and women, but victims are far more often women.