Should i contiune giving him a second chance???

[turtle77]

My husband has always been a complete flirt but when we were together i always felt like he would never cheat on me! In February 2012 i had a miscarriage it would have been our third child together....and from then the problems really started. He was distant, i was distant, we argued alot. Then in June i decide to visit my family and friends for 1 week. The time i was away some of my mothers friends and her family were visiting, so my husband very nicely agreed to show them around and take them places...Then the night before i was due back i phoned and i heard him snapping at my kids that he was late...he never does that!! anyway to cut a long and painful night knowing something wasn't right..he had gone out with the daughter of my mothers friend. i knew something wasn't right and it took me a week to extract it out of him and it was only when i found out she had left the day i arroved two weeks earlier and that her mother said she had gon to watch football which was the same excuse he had used. I knew...oh and that day i found out i was pregnant. He begged and pleaded and our third child will be three next month. But i am not sure if it was the right desicion. My life will never be the same again!! He has been abusive and violent, i am scared of him. I don't trust him and he buys things all the time for himself, even though he tells me we have no money. He is writing emails to other women and is very sneeky. He says it is because i don't trust him and it may well be true. He is extremely controling gives me an allowance, i have no access to his accounts and he tells me all the time he has no money, but just bought a new motorbike and suit.. My question is was i wrong to give that second chance and should i continue with this controling, untrusting relationship???

[b-Shock]

I'm sorry you're going through all of this. Losing a child to miscarriage can be very tough on any relationship.

 

The biggest concern for me is not whether or not you did the right thing by giving him a second chance. Its that you say he is abusive, lying, and controlling.

 

These are very serious claims. Has he physically abused you or your kids? Is this an ongoing thing? Please explain this further.

[Satu]

People who ask for second chances rarely deserve them.

 

He sounds like a nasty blend of bully and conman.

 

I wouldn't give him the time of day, personally.

 

 

He is an abuser, and you are the person being abused.

 

 

Nobody deserves to be abused.

 

 

Look at this list of abusive behaviours:

 

 

1. They humiliate you, put you down, or make fun of you in front of other people.

 

2. They regularly demean or disregard your opinions, ideas, suggestions, or needs.

 

3. They use sarcasm or “teasing” to put you down or make you feel bad about yourself.

 

4. They accuse you of being “too sensitive” in order to deflect their abusive remarks.

 

5. They try to control you and treat you like a child.

 

6. They correct or chastise you for your behavior.

 

7. You feel like you need permission to make decisions or go out somewhere.

 

8. They try to control the finances and how you spend money.

 

9. They belittle and trivialize you, your accomplishments, or your hopes and dreams.

 

10. They try to make you feel as though they are always right, and you are wrong.

 

11. They give you disapproving or contemptuous looks or body language.

 

12. They regularly point out your flaws, mistakes, or shortcomings.

 

13. They accuse or blame you of things you know aren’t true.

 

14. They have an inability to laugh at themselves and can’t tolerate others laughing at them.

 

15. They are intolerant of any seeming lack of respect.

 

16. They make excuses for their behavior, try to blame others, and have difficulty apologizing.

 

17. The repeatedly cross your boundaries and ignore your requests.

 

18. They blame you for their problems, life difficulties, or unhappiness.

 

19. They call you names, give you unpleasant labels, or make cutting remarks under their breath.

 

20. They are emotionally distant or emotionally unavailable most of the time.

 

21. They resort to pouting or withdrawal to get attention or attain what they want.

 

22. They don’t show you empathy or compassion.

 

23. They play the victim and try to deflect blame to you rather than taking personal responsibility.

 

24. They disengage or use neglect or abandonment to punish or frighten you.

 

25. They don’t seem to notice or care about your feelings.

 

26. They view you as an extension of themselves rather than as an individual.

 

27. They withhold sex as a way to manipulate and control.

 

28. They share personal information about you with others.

 

29. They invalidate or deny their emotionally abusive behavior when confronted.

 

30. They make subtle threats or negative remarks with the intent to frighten or control you.

 

 

 

 

Even just one or two of these behaviours confirm his abuse of you.

 

 

Take care.