Ex OW here, got back together with (ex)MM after his divorce. Problems persist.

[whatatangledweb]

I divorced my 1st husband and 26 years later, I still care about him. He is the father of my children. I met my husband now after I filed for divorce. He stayed out of my divorce. He knew then as he knows now that I care about him. After you divorce you can care about your ex and still love your new SO very much. My ex and I had many heated discussions during these years, always about the kids and we had friendly ones. There were no talks about us.

 

If my SO now Husband had been jealous it would have made my life miserable while I was divorcing. Please take a step back and let him deal with his exwife. Be there for him to listen, to offer advice when he asks. He loves you.Don't drive him away or let him go because you don't like how he is dealing with it.

[minimariah]

also, OP - one thing i find interesting.

 

you describe him as a really passive man - but he left his wife in a matter of SIX MONTHS of your affair (if i understood right) & he did divorce.

 

it doesn't fit in with the profile of a passive man.

[Quiet Storm]

But still, there is this inkling of concern he has for her and her well being that insanely bothers me.

 

She is the mother of his son. Her well being can have a huge effect on their son's well being. He wouldn't be a good father if he didn't care about her. Her state of mind directly impacts their son, and he can't ignore that. So he might go along with things that feel unfair, because in his mind, it's not about what's fair or not, it's about what's best for his son.

 

As for all the money he's kicking out, this is just reality when you are with a divorced father. He has responsibilities and obligations, whether you agree with them or not. This is one of those "be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it!" dilemmas. Divorce isn't just signing a piece of paper and it's over- it's a long process of adjustment, financial obligation, emotional issues and conflict.

 

Also, most people that have affairs are conflict avoiders, which is why they had an affair instead of divorcing or working on their marriage. He's probably been a conflict avoider for his entire life and won't change. In the affair, you likely attributed this to his circumstances and didn't consider it to be a big part of who he is. Now it's annoying you because you are correctly seeing it as a character flaw. You want him to stand up for himself and not allow himself to be bullied, but that's just not the kind of guy he is.

[Midwestmissy]

A man cheating in his marriage often treats the wife like absolute crap in order to justify his behaviour. By emotionally abusing his wife, the kids suffer. Ask mine. I was a confused basket case, and it impacted the kids, while dad was lord knows where and his dinner plate was set.

 

Maybe this guy sees how poorly both wife & child were treated by him and wants to stop that now. Also, seeing as the ow has liked the drama of the whole affair and divorce and hatred for the exwife, she may not want to let that go. She got what she thought she wanted, but maybe it's not what it's cracked up to be. She may need an enemy in this triangle, where there has to be a loser, and God forbid it's the ow. it's hard to imagine a relationship thriving that was formed on lies and deceit. Lies and deceit leave a pretty bitter aftertaste. She's teamed up with a man she knows is an effective liar and that may not sit well now that there's a vacancy for another ow.

[lemondrop21]

This is why the advice to OWs is to tell MM not to come back until they are divorced and done with these details is so important. So many OWs believe the hard part is him leaving. Oh no, that's just the beginning.

 

Kind of a side note, but I respectfully disagree with this because, without another woman waiting in the wings, most men won't leave (especially a man with kids). If he leaves without an OW there, he will substantially diminish the time he has with his kids AND have no guarantee of another relationship that makes it "worth it" to give up that time. Who would do that? At the end of the day we make the decision that gives us the best possible outcome. Unromantic but true.

 

Back to the main topic - OP, I don't think you're wrong to have conflicted feelings about your boyfriend's relationship with his ex wife. They may be warranted feelings, or may be overblown, or some combination of the two (and let's be honest, it's VERY hard to tell just by reading someone's post on a board), but they are still YOUR feelings. You are feeling these feelings, and hurting, and could use some support. It might help to talk to someone about this - either the two of you, or you alone. Skype therapy is so commonly available now, if you want to talk to someone from your home country who understands your cultural background.

 

Best of luck and take care of yourself in this difficult situation.

[Poppy47]

When you take on a divorced person, you have to understand he/she had a life before you.

 

In this case, he had a marriage and a child with his ex wife. He doesn't just wipe the slate squeaky clean and start afresh with you. They are part of the deal and that is YOUR reality now.

 

Firstly, you should make sure you understand the financial arrangements they have very thoroughly because that can have an impact on you as well. You con't want to be working to pay for his ex wife's upkeep. He needs to support and provide for his son for a long time to come.

 

He will ALWAYS have a bond with his ex wife through their child. You must come to terms with that. He might still have feeling for her also. I have been divorced from my first husband for 38 years now and if anything happened to him I know I would grieve because he has been part of my life and my child's father.

 

If he treated his ex wife badly, would you be happy or would you think less of him? She has a right to be treated well. She is still a human being, not the wicked witch. You say she manipulates him but how do you really know that is what she is doing. She is probably going through turmoil right now, learning to cope as a single parent and looking for a job.

 

He is married to you now, and you have to learn to trust him as far as his ex wife is concerned.

 

Divorce is messy and takes many years to undwind. Eventually things will settle down . Many adjustments to their lives are happening and not everyone is good at coping with major changes.

 

You are going through a major change yourself. Please step back and have a look at the total picture. Please remember there is a child at the centre of all this and he should be the major concern.

 

I feel for all of you.

 

Poppy.

[whichwayisup]

This woman, his wife, gave him two children, raised them, that was what they decided for to her be a stay at home mom. He cheats and has an affair, leaves his wife and kids to be with you. Sorry but she has every right to have alimony, to have child support money from him and you don't get a say in that!

 

She isn't just going to up and disappear out of your life! She is the mother of his children therefore in time you will all have to be in the same room together, you as step mom should find some compassion in your heart for her. You are going to be around her kids eventually and it'll be hard enough for them, don't make it worse by having a hate on for their mom.

[ShatteredLady]

After many years my H proposed & I accepted. We got married. We promised to stand by eachother for better & worse.

 

I had a better career & earnt nearly twice as much as him. I owned my own property when we met. He had nothing but a large overdraft at the bank.

 

The equity from my property financed our home.

 

We made choices based on the permanence of our relationship. Those choices included having 2 children. WE didn't want OUR children in daycare > 10 hours a day so WE decided that the best for ALL of our family was for me to become a SAHM.

 

As a result of OUR choices I would not be able to walk into a job that would cover home, bills, living expenses & child daycare. Not possible!!

 

Why would anyone argue that if my H chose to have an affair & leave for OW I should loose EVERYTHING, leaving me & OUR children destitute?

 

I had the equity. I organized & supported his education. I made huge sacrifices for his career. We made children together & made joint decisions on how they should be raised.

 

I hate the bashing of ex wives & SAHM's.

What's embarrassing is that any woman in this situation should be seen as undeserving of financial support to start a new life (for herself & THEIR CHILDREN) while the deserting H rides off into the sunset with the OW & 'HIS' money & 'HIS' career intact.

 

Exactly what's so wrong with the law?

[Ms. Faust]

Objectively speaking:

 

The courts are going to take into account her being a SAHM (something they both agreed to) as well as their income discrepancies.

 

He should absolutely pay the full amount in child support, even if what the formula dictates sounds like a "ridiculous" amount to you.

 

He should absolutely pay for the private school tuition, especially if there is an income discrepancy. He should also help in any extracurricular activities, and medical expenses (which, considering you are in Europe, I assume that would be miniscule).

 

He should absolutely pay what is owed in alimony, even if to you it is a ridiculous amount. If her state/province/locale says that she can be entitled to X amount, and she is asking for X amount then that is what he should pay.

 

YOU are overstepping your boundaries. The minute you walked into the lawyer's office with him you overstepped your boundaries.

 

My advice: You love him? Suck it up. This is his future, and yours, too, if you decide to stay with him. You don't want to be saddled with an ex wife and him forking over some of his paycheck to support his son? Well, you know what you gotta do then.

 

For sure, though, you need to back off. You sound very controlling and like you view him as being too mild and passive to handle it on his own. He's a grown man with grown issues, and you are a legal stranger when it comes to his problems.

Detach from his problems. They are not yours.

Edited January 21, 2016 by Ms. Faust

[norudder]

Let's remember that while she's the mother, she's also now an ex-wife. Two roles that should have different boundaries which doesn't sound like have been completely adjusted to because of the unsettled terms of the divorce. Maybe I missed it but in the six months between ending affair and divorce, how much time did he spend on his own before coming back to you?

 

I think this time is so important post divorce. Whether it was due to an affair or not. Especially if an affair was involved though because as much as ow may want the mm, the healthiest thing is for the mm to know he's ok with the marriage ending even if it means being alone. It helps remove the doubt/insecurity for new partners.

 

Even if you hadn't had an affair you're dealing with some of the same issues/feelings any woman would have dating a divorced/divorcing man. You just have an added layer of complexity in your history.

 

Maybe read some books on dating a divorcing man since that dynamic still seems to be at play a bit. Hopefully they settle things peacefully soon but remember that life may present situations that may have them renegotiating terms again and again until his son is 18. Its to your benefit if they get along.

 

I would be supportive but not as involved as you have been. And know your own limits. He should be able to handle his responsibilities and commitment to his son while validating your relationship as a priority as well.

 

People can divorce and be ready very soon if they've spent a long time feeling lonely in the marriage. Others divorce but never fully detach or move on even years later. It's your responsibility to gauge who you're involved with and if you're ok with it.

[sophinla]

After many years my H proposed & I accepted. We got married. We promised to stand by eachother for better & worse.

 

I had a better career & earnt nearly twice as much as him. I owned my own property when we met. He had nothing but a large overdraft at the bank.

 

The equity from my property financed our home.

 

We made choices based on the permanence of our relationship. Those choices included having 2 children. WE didn't want OUR children in daycare > 10 hours a day so WE decided that the best for ALL of our family was for me to become a SAHM.

 

As a result of OUR choices I would not be able to walk into a job that would cover home, bills, living expenses & child daycare. Not possible!!

 

Why would anyone argue that if my H chose to have an affair & leave for OW I should loose EVERYTHING, leaving me & OUR children destitute?

 

I had the equity. I organized & supported his education. I made huge sacrifices for his career. We made children together & made joint decisions on how they should be raised.

 

I hate the bashing of ex wives & SAHM's.

What's embarrassing is that any woman in this situation should be seen as undeserving of financial support to start a new life (for herself & THEIR CHILDREN) while the deserting H rides off into the sunset with the OW & 'HIS' money & 'HIS' career intact.

 

Exactly what's so wrong with the law?

 

Usually I don't chime in between OWs and wives, to each her own! But the above post really deserves support, in every moral and logical aspect. Not a SAHM myself, but bravo ShatteredLady for standing up for this group of amazing women. These women give up their "self" to raise their children. These women should be supported by law, by society, by everyone that's ever been raised by a good woman. We are where we are because of the millions of women who choose to fully devote themselves to their families.

 

It is sickening even to suggest that it is ok for these women to be cast aside, abandoned and fend for themselves, so the man can move onto the next one. Nope, not going to happen, not in any civilized society.

 

Deal with it.

[Ms. Faust]

Honestly, not having to split the retirement sounds like a sweet deal, alone.

 

I don't know about other countries, but in the U.S. the less time a parent has with their kid, the more they have to pay (which make sense). So theoretically, a father who has their kid 50% of the time should be paying less than one who has their kid only 10% of the time... of course it is all dependent on the difference in income between the two spouses (I believe alimony is the same as well).

Edited January 21, 2016 by Ms. Faust

[Majormisstep]

OP, the issues your SO is experiencing with his XW may not necessarily be because you were an OW (now SO). I know of many D couples that had children together, split with no one waiting in the wings and they still fought and battled for years after. Some actions were caused by guilt, others retribution, but most likely because someone was just plain peeved. That is a downfall of getting involved with someone shortly after a D...there's still a lot of water to navigate.

[norudder]

Usually I don't chime in between OWs and wives, to each her own! But the above post really deserves support, in every moral and logical aspect. Not a SAHM myself, but bravo ShatteredLady for standing up for this group of amazing women. These women give up their "self" to raise their children. These women should be supported by law, by society, by everyone that's ever been raised by a good woman. We are where we are because of the millions of women who choose to fully devote themselves to their families.

 

It is sickening even to suggest that it is ok for these women to be cast aside, abandoned and fend for themselves, so the man can move onto the next one. Nope, not going to happen, not in any civilized society.

 

Deal with it.

 

In general I agree with you and the quoted post, however each case is different and each family has their circumstances. In today's society its best to say SAHP, because it can be either gender and there are cases where the family needs both parents to work but the other one won't and uses being at home to justify destitution. That kind of mentality tends to manifest in other areas too though (home not maintained, absent in relationship, etc). Doesn't sound like that was an issue for the previous marriage of OPs man but just something to keep in mind, that there are types of of SAHP- not all of them wonderful, in the discourse of these topics.

[norudder]

Also, yes anger toward an ex is a red flag for any two people considering a relationship, with or without a divorce.

 

But a divorce does involve many strong emotions. Some of his feelings/anger may be directed more at the situation or himself rather than her. There's a difference. Don't be quick to assume. Communicate.

[HappyAgain2014]

Kind of a side note, but I respectfully disagree with this because, without another woman waiting in the wings, most men won't leave (especially a man with kids). If he leaves without an OW there, he will substantially diminish the time he has with his kids AND have no guarantee of another relationship that makes it "worth it" to give up that time. Who would do that? At the end of the day we make the decision that gives us the best possible outcome. Unromantic but true.

 

Plenty of men divorce without having another woman waiting in the wings. In fact, this forum proves most men with OWs don't leave so let's give credit to the men out there who file without cheating.

 

Many men acknowledge their marriages aren't working and make a decision in the best interests of their families to divorce and hope for a successful coparenting relationship. These men view a new romantic relationship as secondary to the needs of their children and a hope for the future.

 

[]

 

Again, there's a whole world out there with mature, honest men. Let's give them credit.

Edited January 28, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[RySant]

Again, there's a whole world out there with mature, honest men. Let's give them credit.

 

And I want one. :bunny:

[waterwoman]

The simple answer to this is that it is none of your business. Do you earn enough money yourself to support yourself? if so what does it matter to you how much he pays her. It simply shouldn't be your concern. As to the nature of his relationship with her, you cannot influence this. Tell him what you will and won't put up with it and then leave it. It's up to him then.

 

You could try a little empathy and compassion for her. It might work wonders....

[ElectricTangerine]

Ok, thank you all for your responses. I feel the need to clarify a few things here and provide additional information.

 

1. Child support. I never claimed that it is unreasonable OR that their son shouldn't be attending private school. I'm glad he is, the school is excellent and the kid is thriving and doing extremely well. It should stay that way. When it comes to his son, I definitely stay out of SO's way and let him handle everything. And for the record, as I wrote in the OP, they only had one son, who is now 11 (not two children, not 6 years old...). I met him a year ago and we currently have an amiable relationship. He is a wonderful kid with a huge heart, and he deserves nothing but the best in life.

 

2. Alimony & why I chose to get involved this time. First of all, the lies I mentioned in OP were two - he didn't tell me he was still living with his wife for the first 6 months or so of our relationship, and it was easy to hide since we were living in different countries. In addition, he told me he filed the papers for divorce when in fact he did not. I didn't want to get involved in his divorce because I felt like it wasn't my place, so I took his word for it and did not inquire further. Once I found out he was not actually "separated" when we started the relationship, and that he did not even file for divorce yet, I left him.

 

I took him back after he was divorced, under the condition that he stops enabling his ex. Now, I don't know what exactly went on during their marriage and how they negotiated things. I only know what I witnessed and heard from SO. She was working before they had their son and earned enough to support herself. They first agreed she would get a job when kiddo enters kindergarten, she did not, then they said when he enters school, no job again. According to SO, her refusal to pitch in financially and get a job was a constant source of conflict in their marriage. She only got a part-time job after the divorce. However, the conflict lives on. She keeps on asking for more. The conflict manifests itself in screaming matches between them, hostile emails, and the ex playing hardball and going through her lawyer to get as much alimony as possible - beyond what would be reasonable. Last screaming match was about two weeks ago, in public, on the street of her apartment, in front of their son.

 

Now, I'm all for "letting him handle it on his own", and I've been staying back, but enough is enough. This is affecting MY life and MY future too. I'm not just the OW anymore, I'm his partner. The idea that I should stay out of it because we had an affair, is in my opinion, not helpful at all. What happened happened, a lot of people got badly hurt by the situation, but in the end, you can't change the past. We chose to continue our relationship, and there has to be a point when we move on from the affair into a normal relationship. SO was extremely distraught by ex's increasing demands, which would more or less financially ruin him. That is, in my opinion, unreasonable, especially since the ex has no health issues that would prevent her from working. We are also not living in an area where there are no jobs - yes, the economy is difficult, but jobs do exist - she is just not applying for them. Kid spends 8 hours in school, which is walking distance from their home, in addition, her family lives in the same area too. Do you really mean to tell me she should be given a pass just because she gave birth to one child and her husband had an affair? Dos he really need to apologize to her forever and act accordingly? And yes, he feels very guilty about everything, so he acts out of guilt, and will stay passive until there is enough external pressure to change the status quo. He's very conflict avoidant and too kind for his own good. As I said, SO is feeling quite devastated about the whole situation, and told me that he has no idea what to do. I'm upset that this is a reoccurring issue, and the toxicity of it affects our relationship.

 

SO did not have a lawyer, so after I shared my concerns and feelings with him, he realized that getting one is essential. There is no reasoning with her, and they seem to be incapable to work it out among themselves (screaming arguments in the street). I wanted to come to the lawyer because I wanted to know what exactly I'm dealing with here - all the legal documents are in a language that I don't speak, and SO is not very savvy with legal system (also, history of lies, so trust, but verify). He negotiated with the lawyer, I sat back and listened. The reason why I'm concerned about him giving into paying more alimony is because I see a pattern here of her always asking for more, and it's a boundaries issue. Just because they were married once and have a child does not mean that he needs to continue participating in dysfunction with this person. Since they can't be civil, it's best that they stay in low contact, at least until she heals and moves forward too - if that happens. I know he had a life before me, and that is fine, but he also has a future with me. Living in the shadow of his past is no good for anyone.

 

3. All in all, this thread helped me realize that it's not as bad as it was in my head. Yes, some of the past dynamic persists, it's hard to move past it but I'm working on it. Hence asking for help. So thanks to those who constructively contributed.

[Poppy47]

Is there no way to make a legal agreement?

 

Where I live, it usually goes through a family law court. That way, there are proper avenues for increases etc.

 

Poppy.

[minimariah]

The idea that I should stay out of it because we had an affair, is in my opinion, not helpful at all.

 

you shouldn't stay out of it because you had an affair; that's not WHY -- you should stay out of it because it's none of your business & you're not neutral in the entire situation. it's only affecting YOUR life and YOUR future because YOUR partner allows it to -- so you have a problem with HIM; not with courts & his ex wife.

 

needless to say -- you should also stay out of it because you bring in a lot of negative energy directed at his ex & for ONE reason only - you don't trust him. he lied to you the first time so this time you want to see it all with your own two eyes. can't say i blame you -- but that's an issue.

 

the same way he is enabling his ex -- you're enabling him. you're trying to get a grown man to handle his relationship with the ex wife & to put up those boundaries YOU see fit.

 

you're like a parent in this relationship -- he didn't make any major moves until you had your fist down; you're doing it again & you're wrongly identifying it as his "kindness" -- he isn't kind, he's just being passive. like Quiet Storm wrote -- that's the man you have & you can't change him.

 

and he was "kind" during his separation period in those emails -- you don't see the pattern? that's conflict avoidant; not kind.

 

There is no reasoning with her...

 

& there is no reasoning with your ex husband -- if you ask her; this is how it looks like where she's standing --- she got dumped out of nowhere; she has him + YOU, the new partner who is overstepping her boundaries, has jealousy issues because he lied to you both & paints everything she does as manipulation (she is probably not aware of that part). you're strongly against him helping her in any way because you're not comfortable with it & you think it won't ever stop; you're not giving her any benefit of doubts here.

 

put yourself in her shoes for a minute.

 

...(also, history of lies, so trust, but verify).

 

and this is the biggest problem, if you ask me -- you don't trust him. not saying you should blindly trust him with EVERYTHING he says -- but you are at the point where you have to VERIFY things he does, follow him to the lawyer's office in order to make sure he actually makes his moves & doesn't get screwed by his ex in the process. that's a MAJOR trust issue & i think - the main thing you should focus on in order to make this relationship successful. because one day, you will get tired of it.

 

The reason why I'm concerned about him giving into paying more alimony is because I see a pattern here of her always asking for more, and it's a boundaries issue.

 

according to your older posts -- everything that goes beyond strict business relationship is a boundary issue. calls about things other than their child are a boundary issue for you. stepping into her apartment is a boundary issue for you. HELPING HER OUT, fixing things when she needs and doesn't have anyone else to ask are boundaries issues for you. you need to figure out what are reasonable BOUNDARIES in your relationship. you can put up those in your own relationship, not in theirs.

 

let me tell you one thing - if you never saw those emails...... you wouldn't have any problems with her. but you did see them, him calling her pet names & telling her he adores her and you got a glimpse into their happy life together and that's the only reason you're trying to monitor his reationship with the ex so much. it planted a doubt in you & it never went away.

 

i mean -- the guy gets upset with her (probably because she gets on his last nerves) & you IMMEDIATELY recognize it as some kind of sign that he's still romantically attached to her - WHY? work on that part of your relationship. that's an issue. why was your first thought - he isn't over it! - instead of - damn, she annoyed the life out of him!

 

Since they can't be civil, it's best that they stay in low contact, at least until she heals and moves forward too - if that happens.

 

how would you know what's best for THEM and THEIR relationship? isn't that up to them to figure out? and even if she heals -- you STILL wouldn't be comfortable with them having a friendly relationship because of his previous lies. don't you think YOU need to heal from his lies, too? don't you think your presence in their relationship puts a strain on them, too?

 

you're putting it all on HER as if she's the only party with a problem in this situation -- but you are, too. you're jealous, you see her as a threat, you try to monitor their relationship in order to prevent some kind of rekindling to happen... all of this = HUGE negativity directed at his ex. THAT is the main reason you should stay out of it -- he won't ever have a decent relationship with her while you're so involved. how could he? you're by his side, constantly telling him how he should and shouldn't act and what is his ex doing wrong this time -- that's their conflict and instead of letting THEM handle it; you're trying to act as some kind of voice of reason... when you're not neutral AT ALL. because you're annoyed by his passive nature & you don't trust him + still see her as a threat to your relationship... even though he dumped her in RECORD TIME like years ago.

 

& honestly -- you don't have it that bad. the only issue here is the money; compared to the drama i've seen on this Forum by the betrayed wives... the stories i've read...! SHEESH! you have it GOOD.

 

i'd strongly recommend joint counseling for the two of you as a couple and possibly for all three of you (if she's even aware of how strong your negative influence is).

 

or just the two of them - some kind of family counselor because they desperately need someone neutral to guide them -- and no, that wouldn't be a boundary issue.

Edited January 22, 2016 by minimariah

[wmacbride]

Again, we NEED to know first why this woman stopped working for 10 years. There must be a reason for that one, let's not throw the darts at her first.

 

 

My guess sis that the man was fine with it while they were married, but now that he is divorced, it's suddenly a huge problem, but not so much for him.

 

More a problem for the former ow now So, who doesn't like the idea of any of "their" money being sent on his ex.

[minimariah]

oh and, OP - you're not an other woman. you didn't know you were in an affair and that's not your fault.

 

many OWs wait for their lovers to leave for YEARS -- you didn't even know you were waiting for those short 6 months. he did leave, he did divorce and he is trying to make it work, he is listening to you and paying attention to your advice. okay, he was clearly an idiot with those silly lies BUT - he sounds like a man who cares about you and is interested in this relationship to work out.

 

so remember that the next time you think how he's not over his ex.

[RySant]

Is there no way to make a legal agreement?

 

Where I live, it usually goes through a family law court. That way, there are proper avenues for increases etc.

 

Poppy.

 

I agree. It's actually in the best interest of BOTH parties if negotiations like these will be ironed out through legal matters. In that way, both parties are protected from possible abuse AND the child will have the PROPER support from either parents.

 

Phew, this is a tough one.

 

P.S. Are we lacking supply on quality single men/women out there? Why is the dating game nowadays devolve from finding eligible bachelors to finding married men? Dramas like these could've been avoided, if people just choose wisely. And this mature comment is coming from a Young'un

Edited January 22, 2016 by RySant

[ShatteredLady]

Please consider that for you this relationship is established. To her you've only just arrived 2 months ago & that must be opening the wounds for her.

 

If she's a 'normal' woman she's like you...blaming the woman for any changes & arguments with him. My guess would be that it's HIS nature & failure to get this legally sorted in this time.

 

If you stay in this relationship the very best thing you can do is wait for the dust to settle & then slowly become 'friends' with her. I know you're probably laughing at that idea!!

 

I've known FAMILIES in your situation & EVERYONE is happiest when they ALL co-parent responsibly.

 

It's going to be hard for a while. As I said, this is very new for her (2 months) & you don't know what he's been saying to her.