My turn to see what's out there!

[higgsboson]

In October, 2013 my wife had a Temporary Restraining Order taken out and both me and my son (her stepson and a junior in high school at the time) were removed from the house. This was all decided in an ex-parte hearing and I was served and disposed of my property at the school I taught at and my son was allowed to get a few things from the house and was then made to either join me or go to Child Protective Services. After spending a week in a hotel, we moved into two rooms for rent in a house. My room was in the basement. That's how we lived for the next three months.

 

I have always maintained that while we did have an argument and that there was a lot of yelling on both sides, I never threatened or laid a hand on her. Of course both my mom and my ex-wife said I must have done something otherwise, I would have never been removed from the house. In face at the exparte hearing, my wife presented no witnesses and her only statement was that she was in fear for life. I don't care if you believe me or not, its true. I was given no due process of any kind, no witnesses were called, no evidence presented just her statement that she was in fear for her life.

 

Anyway, 3 months go by and we reconcile; my son and I move back in and although I still wondered why she had done, especially to my son, I was happy to get out of the rented basement room, back in my bed and say it was a "wake-up call" for the marriage. But it didn't make any sense. My wife is a real penny-pincher and by throwing out my son, she lost a source of rental income from my ex-wife, not to mention that I would have to pay double, which is all very hard on a teachers salary. Anyway, ignorance is bliss.

 

Fast forward to June, 2015 (about 7 months ago) and I'm home watching my daughters, my son is 1,000 miles away at university and my wife is at school completing courses for her LPN. My daughters are playing games on my wife's tablet and I take it and check her emails and I find text messages that detailed a very physical affair between my wife and some guy she apparently met at the gym. The text messages were incredibly graphic! It is only recently that I've managed to get the mind-movies under control and I still have flash backs to those texts. Really graphic texts and lets leave it at that!

 

The dates of the texts prove that the sexual part of the affair started days after my son and I were removed from the house and the texts also prove that the affair ended just days before she vacated the TPO. It was actually amusing to read - my wife had a pregnancy scare, she told her AP and it turns out that her piece of **** AP was married and wanted nothing to do with having another. He already had four kids! It also turns out that he was a convicted felon sex offender. Not that it matters to this post but the fact is, the State of Indiana had my son and myself removed from our home for the protection of my wife and daughters and that winds up letting a convicted sex offender in the door. Hoosiers aren't the brightest people in the world!

 

After lots of drama and to make a long story short, I decided to test the waters myself. I probably know more about affairs than most people and what I've found is that women tend to have affairs when they are thinking of leaving a marriage. Certainly everything about my wife's affair and how she ended it after she discovered her AP was married proves that point.

 

I just got a job for the 2016/2017 school year in Mexico; most of my career has been spent teaching overseas and my wife herself is from China, which is where we met. I've also met a number of women on-line from Mexico and I fully intend to see if there is any possibility of a relationship that leads to marriage with one of these women. If there is, I will commence an affair and if it works out, I'll divorce my wife and try again in Mexico. Of course, my wife knows I'm going to Mexico but she has no idea about my plans once in Mexico. I'm sure deep down she must have an inkling.

 

Its been a hard 7 months!

I didn't think I'd make it!

Now I have some beautiful Latinas half my age lined up.

 

I'm just curious what some of you guys think about this? I told my mom, rubbed it in her face actually because when I was served the TRO she was certain that I must have "done something." She says I should consider my daughters, as if that's the only consideration.

 

What does the LoveShack community think?

[RySant]

Hmmm... This was an interesting story but I don't get what you need from LS. Should we celebrate your decision to finally take revenge on your wife by cheating as well?

[GorillaTheater]

What does the LoveShack community think?

 

 

Nothing too kind, for my part.

 

 

I get the motivation; the desire to stick a fork into your wife and twist a bit, but I can't get behind it. For one, you're reducing yourself to pretty much the same level as your wife, and that's no place I'd want to be or recommend to others.

 

 

The swinging from branch-to-branch thing bothers me, too. You're only going to divorce your wife if an affair works out? F*ck that. You should've divorced her when you found out about the affair, if not when she kicked you out (that would probably be enough for me, if it was done with no reasonable basis).

 

 

But it's sure not too late to divorce her now, and keep your dignity and integrity intact in the process. Get the paperwork moving, then play around as much as you like.

[higgsboson]

But it's sure not too late to divorce her now, and keep your dignity and integrity intact in the process. Get the paperwork moving, then play around as much as you like.

 

Thanks for the feedback Gorilla Theater.

 

It might not be in my best interests to divorce her. I want to see what else is out there before I make that decision. If I was younger, maybe I'd divorce her right away but at 55, I need to be a little careful. Since I survived to total mind-**** stage and am thinking calmly, if not rationally, I want to wait and see what Mexico has to offer.

[TX-SC]

That's called an exit affair and it's not uncommon. If you already have plans to divorce, I would recommend just giving her the evidence then divorce. If not, then you have cheated too and have no moral ground to stand on. But, no raisingyour voice or arguing. You might want to record all interactions moving forward. You are already recorded as a threat according to the state. It wouldn't take much to get another TRO taken out on you. Honestly, I would move then have her served.

[GorillaTheater]

Thanks for the feedback Gorilla Theater.

 

It might not be in my best interests to divorce her. I want to see what else is out there before I make that decision. If I was younger, maybe I'd divorce her right away but at 55, I need to be a little careful. Since I survived to total mind-**** stage and am thinking calmly, if not rationally, I want to wait and see what Mexico has to offer.

 

 

Well. I'm 53 and if I divorced tomorrow, I don't think I'd lack for companionship. I may be guilty of being overly self-confidant, though.

 

 

It's your life and your choice. If you can take this path without regrets, then go for it I guess. I couldn't.

 

 

Also, watch your ass in Mexico. More so from the balazos than the mujeres.

[higgsboson]

That's called an exit affair and it's not uncommon. If you already have plans to divorce, I would recommend just giving her the evidence then divorce. If not, then you have cheated too and have no moral ground to stand on. But, no raisingyour voice or arguing. You might want to record all interactions moving forward. You are already recorded as a threat according to the state. It wouldn't take much to get another TRO taken out on you. Honestly, I would move then have her served.

 

Hi TX-SC - I confronted her on the very day I found the texts. She knows I'm going to Mexico but she thinks its for work only. In her mind, we are reconciling and maybe we are. I'm talking in terms of my best interests and if it is in my best interests to reconcile, then I will. But I also want to opportunity to see what is out there, just like she did. I'm just guessing that I can come up with something just a little better than a married, convicted sex offender.

 

So she was having an "exit affair?" Maybe that's what I'll have - an exit affair!

[Sassy Girl]

If you want to expose your daughters to being raised by someone else, potentially another Sex offender then knock yourself out.

 

I get why you want to ditch the wife.

 

But your daughters? For gods sake be a man.

[Mrs. John Adams]

Hi TX-SC - I confronted her on the very day I found the texts. She knows I'm going to Mexico but she thinks its for work only. In her mind, we are reconciling and maybe we are. I'm talking in terms of my best interests and if it is in my best interests to reconcile, then I will. But I also want to opportunity to see what is out there, just like she did. I'm just guessing that I can come up with something just a little better than a married, convicted sex offender.

 

So she was having an "exit affair?" Maybe that's what I'll have - an exit affair!

 

no...you're contemplating a revenge affair....and did you ever hear the saying two wrongs don't make a right?

 

Just divorce your wife...and take the high road.

[Marc878]

Full exposure and file for divorce sighting adultery if you have enogh evidence.

 

Then move on. Why stoop to her level.

[road]

Divorce your WW.

 

 

Then start dating.

[JS84]

Why go through all that? Just get a divorce. Hell you should have filed for divorce when she filed the restraining order against you and your son. No idea wtf you would stay with her after she did that to you, and especially your kid.

[aliveagain]

Copy the texts, file for divorce, get tested for STD's. First step is to talk to a lawyer.

[higgsboson]

I appreciate all the feedback; it is about what I expected to hear and there is integrity and wisdom in all the advice: be the bigger man and don't stoop to her level. I get it. The thing is, at 55 and having been a teacher all my life, money is a consideration. If I divorce and get my fair share of 50%, it'll be hard to reestablish myself and I'm concerned about whether that is worth the risk or not. I'm prepared to do it but only if I meet someone really young and really special. I basically want to see what's out there before I commit to divorce

[lolablue17]

I think you're mixing between two matters.

 

1. Your desire to try again with another woman.

2. How you deal with your wife's cheating an lying to court, making them to remove you from your own house.

 

About the second matter. If I were you i would have gone to a lawyer, trying to build a huge lawsuit against your wife + involving the police. What she did was criminal.

 

I don't think there is anything to reconcile with a wife who lies to the police, accusing her husband with violence, removing him from home, just so she can $crew a man, a convicted sex offenderm while letting him to risk her own daughters. It's insane!

 

With the first matter. I think you should do what ever you feel like. Go, enjoy living your life.

[Mrs. John Adams]

so you want to keep your wife just in case you can't get anyone else?

 

I see.....

[road]

Sometimes money can be an important enough matter to not divorce. Though not in your case it is.

 

 

I would pursue criminal charges against your WW.

[higgsboson]

Sometimes money can be an important enough matter to not divorce. Though not in your case it is.

 

 

I would pursue criminal charges against your WW.

 

Hi Road,

 

Believe me I looked into pressing charges when I discovered the texts. Its a no starter! The misuse of Temporary Restraining Orders is the best kept dirty little secret in the American criminal justice system. The lawyer I contacted explained it like this: the only possible charge would be perjury but the statement my wife made, and the type of statement that is typically made to get a TRO, was that "she was in fear for her life." How would I prove that she wasn't in fear for her life? You just can't.

 

In fact, the situation is even worse when it comes to TRO. Not only are constitutional rights to due process tossed out the window, first amendment right to free speech is also tossed out. I kid you, if I were to setup a blog doing nothing more than naming my wife, her AP, the judge who granted the TRO and deputy who served me along with the facts of the case, I could and probably would be charged with felony harassment.

 

Check out the site I linked below if you don't believe me. Dan Brewington was sentenced to 5 years in prison and actually served 3 years for criticizing a judge. It went all the way to the supreme court and they ruled in favor of the conviction!

 

I know we like to toot our horn here in the States but its bull****! We don't have half the rights we think we have!

 

Indiana Supreme Court upholds conviction of blogger who threatened judge

 

Bottom line, the only remedy is divorce but that may or may not be economically feasible for me. The good news is, I'm an international school teacher heading to Mexico and even if I don't meet the Chica of my dreams, I can continue to travel the world and use Indiana as like a home base and ultimate retirement destination. Its not like I'll have to deal with my wife day in and day out. It is a hollowed out shell of a marriage and I really want to start something new with someone new but that might not be in my best interests.

[dreamingoftigers]

I appreciate all the feedback; it is about what I expected to hear and there is integrity and wisdom in all the advice: be the bigger man and don't stoop to her level. I get it. The thing is, at 55 and having been a teacher all my life, money is a consideration. If I divorce and get my fair share of 50%, it'll be hard to reestablish myself and I'm concerned about whether that is worth the risk or not. I'm prepared to do it but only if I meet someone really young and really special. I basically want to see what's out there before I commit to divorce

 

Ugh.

 

I've been betrayed. But the crap you are about yovdrag your children through (and they've been through more than enough) is just pathetic.

 

First they see Mom cheat and one of them gets thrown out of the house.

 

Now, best case scenario Dad is going to pretend to have a new gf post-relationship. And that's the BEST CASE scenario.

 

More likely, it will go down the typical way. You get a bunch of stupid flings which temporarily boost you, then you go back to feeling like crap.

 

Or you depend on some new gf to bind your wounds and make you whole again. Thing is, it doesn't work that way. You're pretty much leeching off of someone emotionally.

 

And frankly, women that knowingly get involved with married men (no matter how much of a sad sausage story you come up with) are often effing nuts. Entitled, in competition with the wife, interfere with family.

 

Just so unhealthy.

 

And who's to say when your wife finds out she doesn't pull the "fear for my life abuse abuse" card because she's pissed. That will be fun for your kids, again.

 

You already know she's manipulative.

 

You both have serious maturity problems. "Revenge?" Seriously. You've already had the cops visit you about harassing the ex-OM. Youve already had a TRO, you look real bad here already, and yet your plan is to drag your kids through another potentially risky situation to satisfy your need for "revenge." That'll be awesome when the custody hearing happens. And you can tell the kids it was because you didn't want to lose money by divorcing.

 

You both suck. As much as your wife sucks, you are a Dad. The kids didn't ask to be brought here. Your first responsibility isn't to your dick, its to their health and stability.

 

Don't even pull the "but she started it" card. "She destabilized them first, so now with my revenge I'll do it again." And you teach? You know what effects crappy home life has on kids. And don't use the "we leave the kids out of it, I won't get caught, kids will never know, I'm preserving the stability" crap line. You know that you aren't.

 

In fact your whole focus is "revenge." Even how you rub it in your mother's face. If say to her something like "see wife was cheating that's why she did X. Here's some evidence to back it. That's why we're getting a divorce. Think that was a crappy thing you said about me Mom. Not happy at all about that."

 

But as a 55 year old man going to Mommy's to tell her you are going to screw around? That is an effed-up parent-child dynamic.

 

I can't imagine in 10000 years talking about my sex life to my father and he talks trash about me all of the time. Man I can not even envision that conversation.

 

There's some really weird "my screwing will SHOW YOU ALL!" nutiness going on here.

 

The only woman (or man) you need to see in Mexico is a psychiatrist.

[dreamingoftigers]

Hi Road,

 

Believe me I looked into pressing charges when I discovered the texts. Its a no starter! The misuse of Temporary Restraining Orders is the best kept dirty little secret in the American criminal justice system. The lawyer I contacted explained it like this: the only possible charge would be perjury but the statement my wife made, and the type of statement that is typically made to get a TRO, was that "she was in fear for her life." How would I prove that she wasn't in fear for her life? You just can't.

 

In fact, the situation is even worse when it comes to TRO. Not only are constitutional rights to due process tossed out the window, first amendment right to free speech is also tossed out. I kid you, if I were to setup a blog doing nothing more than naming my wife, her AP, the judge who granted the TRO and deputy who served me along with the facts of the case, I could and probably would be charged with felony harassment.

 

Check out the site I linked below if you don't believe me. Dan Brewington was sentenced to 5 years in prison and actually served 3 years for criticizing a judge. It went all the way to the supreme court and they ruled in favor of the conviction!

 

I know we like to toot our horn here in the States but its bull****! We don't have half the rights we think we have!

 

Indiana Supreme Court upholds conviction of blogger who threatened judge

 

Bottom line, the only remedy is divorce but that may or may not be economically feasible for me. The good news is, I'm an international school teacher heading to Mexico and even if I don't meet the Chica of my dreams, I can continue to travel the world and use Indiana as like a home base and ultimate retirement destination. Its not like I'll have to deal with my wife day in and day out. It is a hollowed out shell of a marriage and I really want to start something new with someone new but that might not be in my best interests.

 

And what arrangements have you made for your children while you are off exploring strange?

 

Are they going to have a stable homelife while you are gone? Because your wife already had your son thrown out once.

 

Is ANYONE in counseling?

[higgsboson]

Well DreamingofTigers, its clear you have a royal hair up your ass!

 

I won't even bother to address your rant line by line except that you brought my mom into it. It's true, I have some real anger toward her since the TRO was served but look at it like this: my son and I are on the street, essentially homeless, and her only thought was "you must have done something wrong." That just pissed me off to no end and so when I stumbled upon evidence that the whole TRO thing was a ruse to get me out of the house well, honestly - mommy was the first one I contacted with the very graphic texts that I discovered. Her tune changed pretty quick after she read those texts.

 

As far as my daughters go - and your going to love this DreamingofTigers - my feeling is that if the State of Indiana wants to interfere in my life to that extent, the State of Indiana had better well look out for my daughters.

[dreamingoftigers]

Well DreamingofTigers, its clear you have a royal hair up your ass!

 

I won't even bother to address your rant line by line except that you brought my mom into it. It's true, I have some real anger toward her since the TRO was served but look at it like this: my son and I are on the street, essentially homeless, and her only thought was "you must have done something wrong." That just pissed me off to no end and so when I stumbled upon evidence that the whole TRO thing was a ruse to get me out of the house well, honestly - mommy was the first one I contacted with the very graphic texts that I discovered. Her tune changed pretty quick after she read those texts.

 

As far as my daughters go - and your going to love this DreamingofTigers - my feeling is that if the State of Indiana wants to interfere in my life to that extent, the State of Indiana had better well look out for my daughters.

 

I read the first line and know that posting to you is a waste of time.

 

You've got something to prove and everyone else can suck it, including your kids. You've abdicated responsibility for them, evidently.

 

I was a the child of a cheater. People who do this wantonly hurt their kids with little consideration. Whether it be first or last.

 

Go find your strange. It doesn't make you a reasonable person or parent. Don't bother responding. I didn't even read the rest.

[Whoknew30]

So bc your wife didn't care about your kids, you now don't care about your kids. Yeah, leaving your daughters to fend for themselves against a bad mom, is really going to show everyone! Instead of being a good father & better person you're choosing to want to screw another woman to get back at your wife vs protecting your kids.

 

Your mom may have been wrong about what happened, but not wrong about your character.

[66Charger]

I could understand the RA and the anger at the fake restraining order.

 

But your comment about your daughters made you worse than your wife. If anyone hurt my daughter, there life would be forfeit.

 

Your man card is permanently revoked.

Edited February 4, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language ~T

[TX-SC]

Family should always come first. Seriously man, take care of your kids. They didn't treat you like ****, your wife did.