MiquelaB Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 I've been... Well was, dating someone since July 2015, E is his name. A Couple of months into us dating I cheated. We talked about it about everything was ok he forgave me. After that we made it official. Then outta nowhere my ex whom I have 3 children with, moves back to Columbus and wants to be here to take care of our children. I can't deny him his children so I let him move in with me so he can get on his feet. E knew about the situation. He trusted me. And I ended up cheating... Again... What happened was a mistake. I should have never let it happen. Even though as soon as it started I stopped it because all I could think about was E. But he found out. Now he says it over... And he's not sticking around for it to happen a 3rd time. I know I was wrong, but I don't want to lose him for good. I know it takes time to heal and I will give him at but I just want to know I still have a chance to win him back. I just want want to lose the best thing that's happened to me in a long time. Please help me with any advice. Is it possible? Link to post Share on other sites
moebius Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 In the huge ocean of possibilities, it is possible. If E has a little self respect and emotional intelligence he won't get back with you. If he does that, you'll end up cheating again. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 He gave you a gift of reconciling after the first time you cheated; most people wouldn't have. After the second time? Not a chance in hell. Not if he has an ounce of self-respect. You screwed up. Repeatedly. Take a hard look at yourself and figure out why you make such poor decisions, learn from it, and move on. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 Yeah people don't just cheat, like you fell over and it wasn't your fault. Your post reads as if this is some minor thing that no-one should make a fuss over. It's a major thing. I'm surprised he gave you a second chance, most people wouldn't. And then you went right back out there and did it again. You have no chance whatsoever to get back with him. Time to reflect and solve your issues so you can have a healthy relationship in the future. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 I agree you need to stop and take a good look at why you insist on making such poor choices. You knew the first time was a mistake, then you do it again, and yet you think you deserve to have him back.....you are selfish and haven't learned anything about respect. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 I've been... Well was, dating someone since July 2015, E is his name. A Couple of months into us dating I cheated. We talked about it about everything was ok he forgave me. After that we made it official. Then outta nowhere my ex whom I have 3 children with, moves back to Columbus and wants to be here to take care of our children. I can't deny him his children so I let him move in with me so he can get on his feet. E knew about the situation. He trusted me. And I ended up cheating... Again... What happened was a mistake. I should have never let it happen. Even though as soon as it started I stopped it because all I could think about was E. But he found out. Now he says it over... And he's not sticking around for it to happen a 3rd time. I know I was wrong, but I don't want to lose him for good. I know it takes time to heal and I will give him at but I just want to know I still have a chance to win him back. I just want want to lose the best thing that's happened to me in a long time. Please help me with any advice. Is it possible? It wasn't a mistake. It was a choice you made. You've demonstrated that you don't know what love is. There are many valid definitions of love, but here is one to contemplate: "Love is total commitment to the wellbeing of a person." Underneath that, you can place this aphorism, from medicine: "First, do no harm." Many people don't know the difference between: Being attached Needing Wanting Loving These are not different words for the same thing. Find out what love is. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
brothers343 Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 I guess if you came to this forum your looking for the truth....the truth is that your going to cheat again....how do i know that? This man took you back after the first time and you said that you wouldn't do it again but you did....there's marriege couples that would give you a second chance but he did. You don't have nothing to lose,his just a boyfriend and there a dime of dozen. I don't think your ready to have a committed relationship. Now you have your ex husband,father of your kids in your home. I know that you wanted to help but what was once ashes has turn to fire again and I wouldn't stay knowing that the house is about to burn down. Good luck 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Methodical Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 There's really nothing you can do. You gave him a reason to nix the relationship early on, he forgave you. Furthermore, he gave you the benefit of doubt and trusted you to not screw around with your ex. You say he found out, so undoubtedly you didn't fess up this time. The trust is gone, forever. Like someone else said, anything is possible, but I highly doubt you'll ever rekindle this flame. Sorry, live and learn. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 Yeah it wasn't like you just fell on those penises, c'mon. To paraphrase George W. Bush, "fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice ... you can't get fooled again." 4 Link to post Share on other sites
renny Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 I'm sorry to be harsh, but you don't deserve "E" You've cheated on him twice and I'm sure broken his heart. I appreciate your honesty, but you need to let him move on and work on your own relationship issues. If you don't, you'll do this another man, and on and on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MiquelaB Posted January 22, 2016 Author Share Posted January 22, 2016 Thank you everyone for your honesty and feedback. I don't think anyone was too harsh or too mean, it's the truth and sometimes the truth hurts. But that's what I needed. A wake up call... This experience made me learn a lot about myself. I realize that I have a lot of things I need to work on and think about. After hours a crying and texting, begging and pleading, I finally got him to talk to me. He told me that he loved me but he couldn't be the fool to wait around for a 3rd time. He didn't deserve any of this. I really lost a great guy lesson learned. Not only did I break his heart but I broke my own. It hurts me to know how bad I hurt him. It feels awful. I can't do anything but try to be happy and move on. That what he's doing so .... Yeah. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MiquelaB Posted January 22, 2016 Author Share Posted January 22, 2016 There's really nothing you can do. You gave him a reason to nix the relationship early on, he forgave you. Furthermore, he gave you the benefit of doubt and trusted you to not screw around with your ex. You say he found out, so undoubtedly you didn't fess up this time. The trust is gone, forever. Like someone else said, anything is possible, but I highly doubt you'll ever rekindle this flame. Sorry, live and learn. When I finally got him to talk to me last night I found out my own guilty conscious told. He was playing around with me n I just came out n told him... That's how he found out. So I did own up to my mistakes. We're going our separate ways.... It was a lesson learned 1 Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 Thank you everyone for your honesty and feedback. I don't think anyone was too harsh or too mean, it's the truth and sometimes the truth hurts. But that's what I needed. A wake up call... This experience made me learn a lot about myself. I realize that I have a lot of things I need to work on and think about. After hours a crying and texting, begging and pleading, I finally got him to talk to me. He told me that he loved me but he couldn't be the fool to wait around for a 3rd time. He didn't deserve any of this. I really lost a great guy �� lesson learned. Not only did I break his heart but I broke my own. It hurts me to know how bad I hurt him. It feels awful. I can't do anything but try to be happy and move on. That what he's doing so .... Yeah. As someone who gave a woman another chance... only to be cheated on again, you need to hear this: From this very second, you are going to learn who you truly are. The choice is up to you... You will either a) stop dating altogether and go to work on yourself learning to love who you are and digging out why you need to cheat or b) stick with your current pattern and be nothing more than a whoopee cushion for guys. Believe me, a cheater carries a stigma that guys can sense. It's not during the dating period that it shows, but usually around the 3 month mark as a cheaters patterns come to light... Your very last sentence reeks of "well if he is going to move on, I am too". *How* you move on is going to show you who you really are. Fight the good fight. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 I've been... Well was, dating someone since July 2015, E is his name. A Couple of months into us dating I cheated. We talked about it about everything was ok he forgave me. After that we made it official. Then outta nowhere my ex whom I have 3 children with, moves back to Columbus and wants to be here to take care of our children. I can't deny him his children so I let him move in with me so he can get on his feet. E knew about the situation. He trusted me. And I ended up cheating... Again... What happened was a mistake. I should have never let it happen. Even though as soon as it started I stopped it because all I could think about was E. But he found out. Now he says it over... And he's not sticking around for it to happen a 3rd time. I know I was wrong, but I don't want to lose him for good. I know it takes time to heal and I will give him at but I just want to know I still have a chance to win him back. I just want want to lose the best thing that's happened to me in a long time. Please help me with any advice. Is it possible? Sorry girl, he's done. You cheated on him and he forgave you. You let your Ex move back in with you and he gave you HIS trust that nothing would happen when he had every reason not to and you stomped on it again. Sorry to be blunt, but you threw it all away. You need to let him go. Chalk this up to lessons learned. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MiquelaB Posted January 22, 2016 Author Share Posted January 22, 2016 Sorry girl, he's done. You cheated on him and he forgave you. You let your Ex move back in with you and he gave you HIS trust that nothing would happen when he had every reason not to and you stomped on it again. Sorry to be blunt, but you threw it all away. You need to let him go. Chalk this up to lessons learned. Yeah I know... But actually we talked about everything and I think I got him back he loves me n I love him n I learned my lesson. I won't happen again Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 Well, if you think that you got him back, then great. But, I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you. He's still in shock and still hurt. But, once he regains his senses and sits down and thinks about everything, he may change his mind. But, don't expect him to trust you anytime soon. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 As someone who forgave the first time I was cheated on, only for it to happen again years later...he'd be a fool to get back with you again. You weren't respectful to him or the relationship. I'm assuming you cheated with your children's father and if he is still living with you, it will most certainly happen again. Trust takes a long time to build, and only seconds to destroy. Let the poor guy find someone who can be faithful to him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MiquelaB Posted January 22, 2016 Author Share Posted January 22, 2016 (edited) As someone who forgave the first time I was cheated on, only for it to happen again years later...he'd be a fool to get back with you again. You weren't respectful to him or the relationship. I'm assuming you cheated with your children's father and if he is still living with you, it will most certainly happen again. Trust takes a long time to build, and only seconds to destroy. Let the poor guy find someone who can be faithful to him. You know I've learned my lesson... No I will not do it again.... Almost losing him for good was a wake up call... This forum.... Was a wake up call.... I've NEVER cheated in any other relationships...I honestly don't know what it was that drew me away from him..... "E" and I had a loooong night last night..... No things aren't better and he didn't take me back ...... Yet .... But I see hope. I love him and I will do anything to keep him.... Trust my lesson is learned.... What hurt the most is knowing who his is and that I did this to him. I could just see the hurt in him... that scarred me... Coming from a 4 year relationship with someone who cheated on me multiple times, i was so pissed I did it to "E". I cheated on the person I love, with a person that cheated on me multiple times when we were together and that what makes me so angry at myself. I broke "E's" heart, messed around n broke my own too. But if I can get him back I'm going to. I love him and I know he loves me. You know alcohol really brings out the truth... Sad ...but it does... I think we both got a lot of truth out last night... Even something he was keeping from me. I know I did wrong but I'm going to fix this and get my baby back. Edited January 22, 2016 by MiquelaB Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 You know I've learned my lesson... No I will not do it again.... Almost losing him for good was a wake up call... This forum.... Was a wake up call.... I've NEVER cheated in any other relationships...I honestly don't know what it was that drew me away from him..... "E" and I had a loooong night last night..... No things aren't better and he didn't take me back ...... Yet .... But I see hope. I love him and I will do anything to keep him.... Trust my lesson is learned.... What hurt the most is knowing who his is and that I did this to him. I could just see the hurt in him... that scarred me... Coming from a 4 year relationship with someone who cheated on me multiple times, i was so pissed I did it to "E". I cheated on the person I love, with a person that cheated on me multiple times when we were together and that what makes me so angry at myself. I broke "E's" heart, messed around n broke my own too. But if I can get him back I'm going to. I love him and I know he loves me. You know alcohol really brings out the truth... Sad ...but it does... I think we both got a lot of truth out last night... Even something he was keeping from me. I know I did wrong but I'm going to fix this and get my baby back. I applaud you for your efforts, and I'm glad you're full of hope, However, all I see are words, and you must be prepared for him to say nope! Fix your living situation, live transparently, show him what he means to you, Maybe you'll have a chance, even against my intuition, to turn this around too. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 Maybe you can now be with one of the men you cheated on E with. Good luck to E. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 I get the feeling that you regret getting caught more than you regret what you did. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MiquelaB Posted January 22, 2016 Author Share Posted January 22, 2016 (edited) I applaud you for your efforts, and I'm glad you're full of hope, However, all I see are words, and you must be prepared for him to say nope! Fix your living situation, live transparently, show him what he means to you, Maybe you'll have a chance, even against my intuition, to turn this around too. He already said no.... But.... He is still constantly talking and texting he still tells me he loves me... It will take time but I will fix this... I can say or "type" anything but my actions will prove how I feel and I will show I'm... That's all that matters I'm getting my baby and when I do I'm going to hold on to him forever lol. I love him and he loves me our love will take over ☺️ Edited January 22, 2016 by MiquelaB Link to post Share on other sites
Author MiquelaB Posted January 22, 2016 Author Share Posted January 22, 2016 I get the feeling that you regret getting caught more than you regret what you did. I didn't get caught. My own guilty self conscious told him. It was killing me and he got it outta me... One day he came over and I was talking to my sister about the situation... When he came in there I just broke down and told him it was eating me alive that I was keeping it from him. That's how he found out Link to post Share on other sites
Author MiquelaB Posted January 22, 2016 Author Share Posted January 22, 2016 Maybe you can now be with one of the men you cheated on E with. Good luck to E. Never lol my done with my kids father and the other guy... Well I been cut him off I don't even have ways of getting in contact with him Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 Yeah I know... But actually we talked about everything and I think I got him back he loves me n I love him n I learned my lesson. I won't happen again Sorry its not that easy. Until you really find out why your this way It will continue to happen again. There is some reason why you can easily just destroy the people you say you love. You need to get into counceling and start digging until you figure out what it is or your doomed to repeat it. This is why so many people say Once a Cheater always a Cheater. If you want that saying not to apply to you then you have to do the hard work to change yourself. Good luck. Sadly I think your going to need it. I feel bad for your children too. C 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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