Sue your partners lover....

[HurtHusband]

I read that their are 7 states in the US where it is possible to sue your spouses affair partner. I live outside the US but in this country it's called 'infringement on your marriage'. The typical payout might be $30,000 and there could be jail time for not paying. Or he might settle out of court. according to a lawyer I spoke to this week ).

 

My wife is in an emotional relationship by text with a married man in the US who wants to come visit or 'will never give up trying to see her! As he puts it..

 

Both the make or female partner can sue/ I have read about cases where the wife will sue the husbands mistress. The funny thing is you don't have to divorce your cheating partner to sue the lover and you could still be married!

 

 

I am not sure if I would sue him yet but it's interesting how this law exists and I am curious to know other peoples thoughts /

 

Thanks

Edited January 22, 2016 by HurtHusband

[Whoknew30]

I read that their are 7 states in the US where it is possible to sue your spouses affair partner. I live outside the US but in this country it's called 'infringement on your marriage'. The typical payout might be $30,000 and there could be jail time for not paying. Or he might settle out of court. according to a lawyer I spoke to this week ).

 

My wife is in an emotional relationship by text with a married man in the US who wants to come visit or 'will never give up trying to see her! As he puts it..

 

Both the make or female partner can sue/ I have read about cases where the wife will sue the husbands mistress. The funny thing is you don't have to divorce your cheating partner to sue the lover and you could still be married!

 

 

I am not sure if I would sue him yet but it's interesting how this law exists and I am curious to know other peoples thoughts /

 

Thanks

 

 

He's in a different country, you could but he'd never have to pay.

 

IMO, I think it's a waiste of time. Either you fix your marriage or you move on. If your WS left you destitute than maybe ok but if not, move on & get your life back. If she's still speaking with him, why aren't you more worried about your wife vs her boyfriend? I'd make me my first priority if she continues. Do what's best for you.

[MuddyFootprints]

I think you'd be better off with a harassment or restraining order.

 

From my understanding, 'Alienation of Affection' suits do not have a 'typical' payout at all.

 

Even if the law is on the books, it's a difficult suit to win, not to mention the defendant has a wife who could counter-sue.

[brothers343]

If you really think about it....the payout is your wife or huband living the marriege. You won't have to deal with all the BS that comes with affairs. I would buy her a ticket to where the affair partner lives. I would even pack her bags. In this scenerio you already one. Her hell is just about to begin. Good luck.

[higgsboson]

I think wanting revenge is a perfectly normal reaction and I wish Indiana had an alienation of affection option for me to have taken advantage of. There are other ways to get revenge. I was able to find out a lot about my wife's AP and spent the first few months after D-Day doing everything in my power to turn his life upside down. Since he was a convicted sex offender, he was vulnerable. He was also still on probation so I could really mess with him - and I did! I found out where he worked and called his place of employment 10 times per day, until a big fat IMPD cop showed up at my door and told me to knock it off or face harassment charges. I found out who his wife, mom, brothers and cousins were and contacted them. His wife told me he was a serial cheater and she was going to divorce him.

 

Anyway sorry to hi-jack your post but I think revenge is a good thing and if this guy is so boldly messing with your woman, why not mess with him by any means possible.

[carhill]

OP, detail your monetary damages from those texts, gather evidence of that damage, and get down to the courthouse.

 

Having been there, the judge mainly cares about monetary damages, in my case people not paying me for work I did for them. They don't care about who cheated on who and who's texting who.

 

Did her texts directly monetarily damage your marriage? If yes, prove it and you've got a good case. Go for 'pain and suffering' and I wish you good luck.

 

BTW, lawsuits cost money. Last time I used my lawyer, it cost me 350per plus court costs. That's per hour. 35.00 per every six minutes he thought about me. Think it through and make a decision.

[HurtHusband]

I am living in Asia / he lives in the US. My wife last saw him over 5 years ago,

And out of the blue got back in touch over a yr ago. Now we are both married, he has two kids and so do we. We both married in 2010.

 

He does not have to be a resident here for me to sue him / and it won't cost as much as in the states. Of course if he comes over it's just for a short work related trip ( his work has a connection here and he made applications for a work visit according to his texts but no fixed date yet )

 

Of course he would most likely flee before the court date / but he works in the PD and he would be coming over to do lectures or through a connection with the PD here... So it wouldn't look good for a lawman to flee from the law here..

And would professionally be bad for him also /as well as his wife and family back home...

 

I have posted here before and this is the 2nd OM ( wife cheated before starting this emotional affair ) I would literally pay him if he took her off my hands..

 

Of course this action is separate from the custody problems I would face with my wife after everything is exposed....

 

It would be nice to get some money / but I could always just leave them meet / get some photos of them hooking up / sort out my situation first than at a later stage contact his wife and send her the photos and all their texts...

 

I prefer that / I assume divorce in the US can be costly? As for wanting revenge etc. I would never do anything illegal / and I don't take my pleasure in knowing someone else's life is going tits up / but the truth will set you free and if you mess with the bull you'll get the horns... I wouldn't screw around with another mans wife .. But also because I think your messing with fire and you never know how another man would react / this guy has directly caused me a lot of anguish not to mention me having to DNA test my kid cause they went in dates 9 months before our eldest was born ( the kid is mine )

 

 

So he should know better and any whatever happens is tough **** for him

Edited January 22, 2016 by HurtHusband

[dreamingoftigers]

I don't think it would help in your case (international issues) but in general I like the idea of APs having consequences for their extremely poor choices that affect a family's well-being.

 

If a husband/wife runs off with an AP, instead of treating the relationship with dignity, I think there absolutely should be a financial or civil consequence for that.

[stillafool]

I wish this law applied to all the states. People should be held accountable for their decisions.

[jen1447]

I have a feeling you wouldn't get much traction if all you've got to go on is some talking over the internet. And does this guy even live in one of those 7 states?

 

Generally infidelity is less and less viewed as any sort of crime or even liability. And I assume for the damages to stick you'd have to prove some sort of emotional distress (difficult itself to prove w/out some sort of physical injury to go along w/it), which would include some explicit effort on his part to cause alienation of affection ('kill the love') in your marriage. Most ppl who fool around aren't doing it to hurt others, and it's actually really hard to show they are. From what I understand it's actually not just a negligence thing - it has to be shown to be willful and deliberate.

 

You might end up just burning a hole in the bottom of your pocket trying this. You can be sure no lawyer's gonna bark up this tree on a contingency basis, so you'll pay even if you lose.

[Whoknew30]

You know OM can't contact your wife oceans away unless she wants that? She can block him, why aren't you dealing with that part vs thinking up ways to get a man thousands of miles away? IMO, that's a waiste of energy. Go to the source, your wife!

 

It doesn't matter if you can sue, of course a lawyer will take your money but (once again my opinion) you'll look ridiculous explaining this. A man that lives thousands of miles away on a different continent is messaging my wife & I want money. As if your wife has no control or yourself to leave. I'd be embarrassed to even say that.

 

You sound hurt, which is understandable but that's your wife's fault. No one is holding a gun to her head, she's choosing this.

[Chi townD]

I agree, his defense would be that they're were just talking over the internet. Not too strong of a case to say that he was infringing on your marriage. Inappropriate sure, infidelity, not so much. I think you would be wasting your money.

[ShatteredLady]

The first time my H had an A we were REALLY hard-up. We had paid for his eduction, which meant I couldn't go back to school as planned when we moved to the USA.

 

I was spending my time clipping coupons & traveling to different shops to save $1 here & 50c there. I couldn't afford new clothes. My H needed smart new work clothes, designer running shoes (part of his new "Golden God" super athlete 'thing') & I purchased 1 pair of Walmart jeans on clearance that whole year. No hair cut. No make-up. Nothing!

 

When I found out he was taking her to restaurants for lunch nearly every single day & sending her expensive flowers... I would of LOVED to sue her just to get some of my money back!!

 

Are these laws ever really used or is it just the occasional famous, very wealthy, case that hits the press?

 

I wouldn't use it but it's interesting that they have the law & I can understand it.

[OneLov]

I agree with Jen. You have jurisdictional issues that prevent you from suing him. Let's pretend a court had jurisdiction. You would still have a very weak case. It's only going to amount to enriching an attorney and leaving you feeling even worse. Even in those jurisdictions that still allow it, it is very very disfavored. Here is an excerpt from the opinion of the SC Supreme Court striking down the common law action. This opinion is often cited in other jurisdictions although it's effects are not binding outside SC.

 

 

 

 

"The elements required to prove a cause of action for alienation of affections are (1) wrongful conduct on the part of the defendant, (2) the plaintiff's loss of affection or consortium of the spouse, and (3) a causal connection between the defendant's conduct and the plaintiff's loss. Rivers, 292 S.C. at 29, 354 S.E. (2d) at 788. This tort seeks compensation for a party who has been deprived of the comfort, society, and aid of his spouse because of the acts of another. See Holloway v. Holloway, 204 S.C. 565, 30 S.E. (2d) 596 (1944). A cause of action for alienation of affections does not necessarily involve adulterous intercourse, although it may. Rivers, 292 203*203 S.C. at 29, 354 S.E. (2d) at 788. Although the tort originally was available only to husbands, we extended to wives the right to bring actions for alienation of affections in Messervy v. Messervy, 82 S.C. 559, 64 S.E. 753 (1909).

 

Many states have abolished "heart balm" litigation through legislative enactments.[2] Other states have abolished causes of action for alienation of affections or criminal conversation by judicial pronouncement.[3] Thus, the majority of states have acknowledged that these causes of action were rooted in antiquated perceptions that wives are chattel of their husbands, and that the actions survived in hopes that they afforded some protection to marital relationships. Fundermann v. Mickelson, 304 N.W. (2d) 790 (Iowa 1981). However, "[h]uman experience is that the affections of persons who are devoted and faithful are not susceptible to larceny...." Id. at 791. When a marriage is viable, an outsider can neither entice one spouse to adultery, nor alter the mental attitude of one spouse toward the other. Accord O'Neil v. Schuckardt, 112 Idaho 472, 733 P. (2d) 693 (1986).

 

Causes of action for criminal conversation and alienation of affections present opportunities for blackmail. They are often brought for mercenary or vindictive reasons. O'Neil, 112 204*204 Idaho at 477, 733 P. (2d) at 698. The remedies of alienation of affections and criminal conversation foster bitterness, promote vexatious lawsuits, put marriages on the marketplace, and use marriages as a means of character assassination. Hunt v. Hunt, 309 N.W. (2d) 818, 822 (S.D.1981). See also O'Neil, 112 Idaho at 476, 733 P. (2d) at 698; Wyman v. Wallace, 94 Wash. (2d) 99, 615 P. (2d) 452 (1980)."

 

- Russo v. Sutton, 422 SE 2d 750 (1992)

Edited January 22, 2016 by OneLov

[ShatteredLady]

It's a strange law to me.

 

If I had a friend who convinced me to be horrible to my H & buy lots of expensive shoes, spending all our savings, could my H take her to court?

 

It just seems like something very wishy-washy & denying personal responsibility. I understand the bitterness & want for a sense of justice AND I REALLY get the financial aspect but it's was my H's choice to do it, same with OP's wife.

 

The only real life case I've ever heard of was a serial adulteress who was very experienced in manipulation & affairs....& she had a LOT of money!!

 

Focusing on revenge, although an unavoidable little fantasy at times, really isn't healthy. I know the OP is in a horrible legal situation. I understand his interest in fighting back

[badkarma2013]

I agree, his defense would be that they're were just talking over the internet. Not too strong of a case to say that he was infringing on your marriage. Inappropriate sure, infidelity, not so much. I think you would be wasting your money.

 

******************************************************************

 

I agree..However if you know my story...I sued their company...OM used company funds to fly my EXWW with him on business so they could continue their affair..with threatened public exposure they fired them both...i outed him to his wife and she ruined him in their divorce...he dropped my WW like a hot potato and i divorced her thereafter ... i may not have won any money but i damn sure got the next best thing...again did my pain leave ..no..but i damn sure regained my self respect and my self worth quickly...badkarma2013

[GorillaTheater]

Lawsuits are expensive and time-consuming, for everyone involved. A good attorney is going to advise you to think long and hard before you make a decision to dive into that world.

 

 

I could see an alienation of affection suit being used as a tactic to get someone to back off or cause some general misery, but I couldn't recommend it as a way to make a few bucks. And that misery thing cuts both ways.

[carhill]

Heh, yeah, that's what my attorney asked me - how much money do you want to spend to get your pound of flesh? He didn't care. It's just billable hours. TBH, just going through estate stuff and divorce was enough legal stuff for me for awhile and I wasn't seeking to avenge any real or perceived misdeeds. Like you said, it's draining, both on the wallet and emotions.

[Red123]

What do I think of suing the AP? I don't think it is realistic. I can only speak from my situation and in my situation it would be ridiculous to put the full blame on the MOW when my H engaged in the A with her. My H alienated me from his affection during his A. She didn't know me, but did the same to her H. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing but disgust for this woman but she wasn't married to me. After the A had ended my H has maintained NC, she had attempted contact a few times trying to get him back. At first he was polite stating simply do not contact me again. When she continued he bluntly told her he didn't want her and threatened to expose her with proof to her H. The contact attempts stopped. If she continued to harass him I could see a restraining order, but I don't understand how I would have a right to sue her for this. My H originally allowed her to invade our lives, so it is up to him to now ensure that she doesn't. The WS should make it clear to the invading AP that the intrusion will not be tolerated and then take legal action if needed. If I needed to sue anyone for this horrible situation my H would have to be it for starting it in the first place.