Should I move to her? I'm about to lose her..

[JohnGoober]

I've been in an online relationship with a girl from the past 1 and a half years. We had lot of ups and downs.. I guess more downs than ups because of me. I had to postpone my visits a lot,I lied to her, I broke many promises and all of this was because of my untreated anxiety, depression and being jobless for a year. I'm finally getting back on my feet and I've finally made my the courage to tell it to her and visit a shrink.

 

She wants me to move to her country and study there ( I have plans on doing my Master's degree ). I would love to study there but I don't really know anyone over there except her.

 

I want to meet her, spend some time with her in person before making the decision of moving to her country. I'm all set to meet her next month if my tourist visa gets granted. But she wants me to move to her country first with a student visa. I don't want to do that before meeting her in person. I got a decent job here but I haven't told her yet. If our meeting goes well, I intend to quit my job and apply to University over there. I'm quite lost in my life. Yes, we don't have good and honest communication. I don't feel excited about her much now and I think that's because I don't love myself, how can I love others?

 

She has been patient enough, she waited a long time for me and I can feel she's starting to lose interest in me because I delayed for so long. I'm quite nervous about whether my tourist visa would get approved or not. If I don't get my visa, it's probably the end of our relationship. She wants me to move there as soon as possible but I want to spend some time with her before making and drastic decisions in my life. She's a wonderful person, no doubt about that, I want her to know me in person and like me.

 

What should I do? I know I've been a bad person to her but I'm trying to make up for it. I feel like it's too late. I really need some insight.

 

Thanks for reading.

[Els]

Do NOT move to a country for a person whom you have never met!!! I can't stress this enough. Sure she has waited for you long enough but she will still see you when you go on a tourist visa. And frankly any reasonable person would understand that you cannot base a major life decision like this on a person whom you've never even met.

 

Go on the tourist visa.

[justwhoiam]

She wants me to move to her country and study there ( I have plans on doing my Master's degree ).

What country? And where do you come from?

 

I want to meet her, spend some time with her in person before making the decision of moving to her country.

I think that's the best decision you can make. So, congrats for your common sense.

 

I got a decent job here but I haven't told her yet.

Why haven't you?

 

we don't have good and honest communication.

Well, that doesn't make for a good start in a relationship. It might create suspicion, resentment and other negative feelings, that might ruin the potential relationship.

 

I don't feel excited about her much now and I think that's because I don't love myself, how can I love others?

It sounds as if you lost enthusiasm for anything, which is sort of unrelated to her. Young people without enthusiasm for life, life goals or good causes are like candles without a wick.

 

What should I do?

Follow your plan.

 

I'm trying to make up for it. I feel like it's too late. I really need some insight.

It can't be too late. If it were, she's not in love with you, so you wouldn't be losing anything anyway. Be strong. Which doesn't mean being inflexible, rather sure about what you're doing. Show her you have your --- together.

 

Thanks for reading.

You're welcome.