Work crush

[DHL2016]

Hi, I’m after some advice on what to do about this situation.

 

I’ve been married for a while and although we have our issues we are overall pretty happy.

 

However for the last year or so I’ve been falling for a woman at work, and I have the feeling she might like me as well, even though she knows I’m married.

 

We sometimes hang out for lunch every now and then, and also have a bit of back and forth banter during the work day. She works a few desks over from me.

 

It’s hard to tell if this is just her being friendly but my gut tells me it’s more.

I find myself constantly thinking about her and no matter how hard I try I can’t seem to get her out of my head, and it’s getting to the point where I’m either going to have to say something or leave.

 

So my question is what should I do? As I see it I have 3 options:

- Maintain the status quo and perhaps distance myself more from her, although this may cause her to think somethings up.

- Leave the company, even though it’s a really stable job and I’m doing quite well there.

- Tell her how I feel, and ask what her feelings are.

 

I’ve been thinking about this heaps but am still a bit stuck so welcome any advice people can give.

[frigginlost]

Hi, I’m after some advice on what to do about this situation.

 

I’ve been married for a while and although we have our issues we are overall pretty happy.

 

However for the last year or so I’ve been falling for a woman at work, and I have the feeling she might like me as well, even though she knows I’m married.

 

We sometimes hang out for lunch every now and then, and also have a bit of back and forth banter during the work day. She works a few desks over from me.

 

It’s hard to tell if this is just her being friendly but my gut tells me it’s more.

I find myself constantly thinking about her and no matter how hard I try I can’t seem to get her out of my head, and it’s getting to the point where I’m either going to have to say something or leave.

 

So my question is what should I do? As I see it I have 3 options:

- Maintain the status quo and perhaps distance myself more from her, although this may cause her to think somethings up.

- Leave the company, even though it’s a really stable job and I’m doing quite well there.

- Tell her how I feel, and ask what her feelings are.

 

I’ve been thinking about this heaps but am still a bit stuck so welcome any advice people can give.

 

There is no "perhaps". It's what you need to do. You should not care what she thinks.

[truth_seeker]

If you love your wife you either quit this job or ask your employer to reassign you so you can distance yourself from this woman.

 

Sounds to me you're game for an affair. I do not feel right giving advice on how to have an affair.

[SWTairen]

Hi, I’m after some advice on what to do about this situation.

 

I’ve been married for a while and although we have our issues we are overall pretty happy.

 

However for the last year or so I’ve been falling for a woman at work, and I have the feeling she might like me as well, even though she knows I’m married.

 

We sometimes hang out for lunch every now and then, and also have a bit of back and forth banter during the work day. She works a few desks over from me.

 

It’s hard to tell if this is just her being friendly but my gut tells me it’s more.

I find myself constantly thinking about her and no matter how hard I try I can’t seem to get her out of my head, and it’s getting to the point where I’m either going to have to say something or leave.

 

So my question is what should I do? As I see it I have 3 options:

- Maintain the status quo and perhaps distance myself more from her, although this may cause her to think somethings up.

- Leave the company, even though it’s a really stable job and I’m doing quite well there.

- Tell her how I feel, and ask what her feelings are.

 

I’ve been thinking about this heaps but am still a bit stuck so welcome any advice people can give.

 

Your married, if you love your wife and you are overall pretty happy then there's no question on what you need to do. I also don't approve of giving advice on how to go about having an affair.

[smackie9]

Get this totally, I have had male customers/co workers/temp staff try to express their feelings towards me even tho I'm married.....it's something I find inappropriate and not welcomed. It just happened to me again this week and it was incredibly awkward.

 

I agree with the others, keep your mouth shut, and don't care about it. You are basically emotionally cheating on your wife already...you have stepped over that threshold. You need to give your head a shake, because having such intense feels is regrettable down the road.

 

Distance yourself, stop day dreaming about her. If that doesn't work, start looking for another job. Losing a job is a way smaller price to pay than losing your wife, her family, friends and marriage over some damn crush.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

- Maintain the status quo and perhaps distance myself more from her, although this may cause her to think somethings up.

- Leave the company, even though it’s a really stable job and I’m doing quite well there.

- Tell her how I feel, and ask what her feelings are.

 

In these options, save for one, you take her feelings into account,

Not in one option you gave, did you ask how your partners feelings would count.

It seems you're quite smitten by this woman already, enough to make a post,

A happy marriage you say? Alternatively, I'd say your marriage is almost toast.

[loveisanaction]

Why do people even bother getting married anymore? Did anyone force you to get married? Was a gun poitned at your head when you were saying your i dos? Or was a knife under your throat when you asked your wife to marry you?

 

I don't get it. You obviously are not monogamous so why did you get married? You could have just as easily remained single and slept with as many women as you want. Why did you drag your wife into this mess?

 

Plus your co-worker is married too. How do you even feel comfortable wanting to sleep with another man's wife? Her body is meant for the pleasure of her husband ONLY. Her body is not meant for your pleasure.

 

Every marriage has troubles, every single one of them, not one marriage is exempt from them.

 

Go and work on your marriage OP, sex with your wife can be just exciting as it was in the begining of your relationship. You'll have to work at it..work at it every single day. But you may not want to do that...Naaahhh! It's easier to try and sleep with your married co-worker.

[Lois_Griffin]

I say you pass her a note in the hall at work.

 

The note should say, "do you like me? I mean, more than a friend?"

 

And it should have a 'yes' and 'no' at the bottom with a box next to each so she can check off her answer.

 

If she checks off 'yes,' I'd ask her to go steady.

 

Do you realize how juvenile you sound?

[RySant]

OP is yet to reply, I hope he followed the advices here.

 

If you are yet to engage in an affair, stop it by all means. Just read the dramatic posts in this forum for you to understand that affairs will only cause tears and heartbreaks for everyone and if there's a "happy ending" (i.e. you ending up with her) it will be at the expense of your wife's well-being that only conscience-less people can live with.

 

Spare the drama. If you need to scratch the itch, brush your dong with sandpaper.

Edited January 23, 2016 by RySant

[DHL2016]

Thanks all for taking the time to give your advice, I'm going with the first option and if I can't get over her then I'll look for another job.

 

I also told my wife about it and we realized that part of the issue was a lack of affection and effort on both our parts, but that we still love each and what we have so we're going to work on it.

 

Thanks again.

[RySant]

Thanks all for taking the time to give your advice, I'm going with the first option and if I can't get over her then I'll look for another job.

 

I also told my wife about it and we realized that part of the issue was a lack of affection and effort on both our parts, but that we still love each and what we have so we're going to work on it.

 

Thanks again.

 

Thank you! Thank you for taking the high road. Thank you for telling your wife about it and avoiding all unnecessary drama that might ensue if you have chosen the other part. Work it out with your wife.

 

If not, be honest about it. No need to break up with your wife with bad blood.

[Space Ritual]

Thanks all for taking the time to give your advice, I'm going with the first option and if I can't get over her then I'll look for another job.

 

I also told my wife about it and we realized that part of the issue was a lack of affection and effort on both our parts, but that we still love each and what we have so we're going to work on it.

 

Thanks again.

 

OMG somebody actually gave it a second thought and communicated with their spouse before taking the plunge!

 

Congrats, DHL. It may not seem like very much but you actually did something that most people who come here do so wishing they had. You have taken a good first step by not caving into workplace romance.

 

Now you may be able to take that step further and use this as an opportunity to get some type of marriage counseling. You have a much better chance of it being of some benefit than you would have had if you had take the infatuation at work a step further and acted on it.

 

If you read around this forum, you will see just how many people would love to have come here not yet crossing the physical line. And it's a usually a place they can;t come back from. So you are an actual rarity that might come out alright. Take this close call as a wake up call to concentrate on the things that are important to you AND your wife

[DHL2016]

Hey, just a bit of an update on this.

 

I don't think I'm going to be able to get over this other girl while still working there, and I'm getting pretty strong signals that's she's interested in me.

 

Unfortunately I'm not in the kind of role where they can just move me to another floor/building (small company) so I've decided I'm going to look for a job somewhere else.

 

If I could I'd just up and quit but I can't as I'm the primary earner so need to have somewhere else to go to first.

 

Thoughts? Am I doing the right thing?

 

Because it feels like a cowards exit.

[d0nnivain]

Yes you are doing the right thing. You tried to ignore it but when that didn't work, you recognized that you can't have this job and your marriage. Good for you for picking ethically. Happy job hunting.

 

 

To celebrate take your wife out on a date tonight. It will help you reconnect.

[Space Ritual]

Hey, just a bit of an update on this.

 

I don't think I'm going to be able to get over this other girl while still working there, and I'm getting pretty strong signals that's she's interested in me.

 

Unfortunately I'm not in the kind of role where they can just move me to another floor/building (small company) so I've decided I'm going to look for a job somewhere else.

 

If I could I'd just up and quit but I can't as I'm the primary earner so need to have somewhere else to go to first.

 

Thoughts? Am I doing the right thing?

 

Because it feels like a cowards exit.

 

 

You are doing the right thing. It may not seem like it but you are choosing your marriage, and that is a good thing.

 

You know , sometimes we have to take one for the team. It is exactly w hat you are doing, but it is worth it.

 

Imagine what hell would await you if you went through with it with this woman at work, only for your wife to find out, have her world destroyed and the fallout of that? She tells all her relatives and friends, and then other people find out. Again, you have the ability to think about the long term effects of messing around that you would not even have thought of had you continued with this woman. The ego boost you are getting from this woman is temporary.

 

If that isn't enough reason. Let me just lay out a scenario for you...stay with me. because this is NOT out of the question should you hit this.

 

Suppose you were going to bang this chick at work. You don't seem like a guy hat has much of a poker face and do you just think you can bang it once and act like nothing happened/ you think this chick would allow that being you work with her? How about she figures out you banged her but you have no interest in any type of relationship. She gets pissed, threatens to tell your wife, and does. Better yet, how about somebody who doesnt like one or both of you at work finds out and lets HR know. You wanna risk losing a job over a piece of ass?

 

You are not being a coward. You are thinking ahead...and again, that is a rare occurrence around here.

 

Read some of the threads of people who cheated who swore up and down they were going to take their secret to the grave. It usually does not end up that they are able to and I would bet you the vast majority of those posters wish they had never taken the step to cheat in the first place. The fallout that comes with it is the thing cheaters never ever think about. and then they are hit like a ton of bricks when people that they have known and been close to want nothing to do with them,when in laws cut them out of their lives. Or if they have kids, how awkward that becomes when it comes time to tell them that Mommy or Daddy loves them, but they just can't live there anymore. Then to have to hear from them how Mommy or daddy's new "friend" is really cool...yeah I bet you would shudder to even think about that. Most cheaters never ever think about that and the ones that have said it has all been worth all of that fallout I could count on one hand from the threads here. And there are hundreds of those threads here.

 

So mull that possible future for a moment, and then realize you are not being a coward at all by seeking a new place to work.

[DHL2016]

Thanks again for the advice, good to know I'm on the right track.

 

I'll just keep applying some distance until I can get a job somewhere else.

[triple-s]

dude . save your self from dating someone you work with ... transfer if you can ...

 

I made the mistake dating someone i work with ... one of the biggest regrets ive ever done in my life ... till now i still have to put up with the BS

[DHL2016]

Thanks, yeah definately working on it.

Having her sit so close and working with her is definately not helping, especially as I'm pretty sure she likes me too.

She's away from work this week for a conference so at least I'll get a week off.