Does the rate at which your marriage evolves slow down over time?

[Thinkalot]

The other post, with advice for newlyweds made me think-

 

we (as in people in general) are always finetuning our relationships, learning new things about our partner and ourselves. We make improvements, we modify behaviour, we learn what works and what doesn't. We make mistakes and learn from them etc.

 

Does that mean, that there comes a time, where the learning, and the finetuning lessens a bit? Do you get to a point after many years, where you have the basics down pat? Where you already know what works in your marriage and interactions with your spouse, and simply do that? And does that make it easier?

 

Or, owing to the fact that our lives and circumstances keep changing, does the marriage relationship keep changing and adapting too?

[LucreziaBorgia]

Or, owing to the fact that our lives and circumstances keep changing, does the marriage relationship keep changing and adapting too?

 

I'd say this one, for sure. Its when the partners in the marriage refuse to change or adapt, and the marriage falls into a monotonous rut - is when the marriage growth becomes stunted. Growth and development in a marriage is a choice, not a given.

[Thinkalot]

I guess that's true. I tend to take it as a given, because I can't imagine not growing, and adapting. I am always so conscious of doing so.

 

I suppose though, some things, to do with how you communicate, and what works and doesn't, can be learned over time, and then not have to be learned again.

[quankanne]

good questions thinkalot!

 

relationships are living, breathing entities, a reality we tend to forget. I celebrate 13 years with DH this month, and I am often surprised by our marriage because I sometimes slip into the mindset "well, since he blah blah blah the last time, he's *always* going to blah blah blah" and don't give him credit for being an independent thinker. Because I'll get it into my head that I'm the only one who rolls with changes …

 

couple that with the different things that get thrown at a relationship -- stress of work, challenge of child-rearing, drudgery of money problems, etc -- and thousands of responses to those situations each and every time, you begin to see how even though you've got an idea of the "basics," it really is a new day every day. Adaptation, on the parts of both people, is a must if the relationship is to roll with the punches.

[Thinkalot]

Thanks quank... that's what I was wondering about, and it makes sense that we must always be adapting to things and not taking things for granted, or assuming we know!