lemondrop21 Posted January 24, 2016 Share Posted January 24, 2016 Self love after the affair. Yay or nay Well I'm still coming out of the affair I suppose, but haven't had sex with him in nearly 6 weeks. "Self love" has been a necessary means of preventing me from trying to go back to him just for sex. It's terrible though because I fantasize about him (doesn't work to think about anyone else) and I usually cry afterwards. Yikes, I know. Just being honest. Link to post Share on other sites
lemondrop21 Posted January 24, 2016 Share Posted January 24, 2016 You are very welcome Rudder. I think it was so horrible because of the special bond I had with MM. I will never again feel the bond I felt with MM. We were both in our 60's when we met and it was like being a teenager all over again for both of us. I never felt used at all.. For me, it was something wonderful I had never experienced my whole life . I don't have trust issues and I don't feel used. We both knew what the situation was. It was an AFFAIR. I was every bit as responsible as he was and I loved it as much as he did. Told MM about it once. He said tried once with his wife after we stopped seeing each other. It didn't work out. He sex with us was like having all the grains of sand on a beach. With her it was like looking at one grain of sand and not wanting it. I will always remember that because it encapsulates the feeling perfectly. Poppy. Ouch. Just ouch. Link to post Share on other sites
Lovetoohard Posted January 24, 2016 Share Posted January 24, 2016 MM and I were drawn to each other like magnets. It wasn't a looks thing necessarily- I've dated equally or more handsome men before, and hello, he came with baggage being a MM and all, but it's like we were like magnets drawn to each other. It was an EA for 4 months before it got physical for the rest of the duration of 6 months. It was intense and passionate. I have never felt sexier and more beautiful in my life as I felt around him. I've gone out on a few dates post-A, but I've kept the guys in the friendzone. I kissed one and it was so blah. I actually felt gross. I've always been conservative and can't do casual hook-ups with no emotional attachment so it's self love for me for now and even then, it's MM I think of during. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
minnesotagirl Posted January 24, 2016 Share Posted January 24, 2016 My first post-affair sex partner was about one month after our D-day, AP and I were still NC. A friend had been flirty for awhile, almost trying to court me. I started seeing him more a few weeks after D-day, and things just progressed one day. He was a perfectly wonderful person to have as a lover. Caring and kind, but emotionally non-demanding, fun and available whenever I wanted (something you don't get in an affair. I remember the first time we slept together, my mind was so much on my AP - I just thought "Can I do this?!?" but once I did, it was great and a nice distraction. A year later and I have a new partner and we have an awesome sex life. My AP taught me a lot in bed, our sex was awesome - but instead of mourning it anymore, I take the fun things I discovered I like and have moved on with new partners. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author norudder Posted January 24, 2016 Author Share Posted January 24, 2016 Well I'm still coming out of the affair I suppose, but haven't had sex with him in nearly 6 weeks. "Self love" has been a necessary means of preventing me from trying to go back to him just for sex. It's terrible though because I fantasize about him (doesn't work to think about anyone else) and I usually cry afterwards. Yikes, I know. Just being honest. I cried afterwards too at first, right after ending things. Stopped my selflovin for a little bit too because of it. Not sad after anymore. He's still the primary fantasy unfortunately. Link to post Share on other sites
Outofmysystem Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 (edited) I've restarted my sex life with my W, it was difficult for a long time because of the sex with my MOW, we had crazy chemistry and nothing was off limits....not to mention she was multi-o ( discovered with me ) in every position and option if you know what I mean. For a man, obviously that is ****ing fantastic...when you can just start and she is already arriving, talk about an ego boost....and even though I'm 50, and she is 38, I have stamina and no ED issues, we had many, many sessions because we were together for almost 6 years...it was the best ever, hers too because even if she was an Oscar award winning actress, she couldn't pull off a performance for that long....she is a vocal woman.....obviously, I miss that, I'd be lying if I said I didn't, she was anytime anywhere......that is very addicting along with the feelings....a screwed combination once it's over.... Edited January 25, 2016 by Outofmysystem 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author norudder Posted January 25, 2016 Author Share Posted January 25, 2016 I've restarted my sex life with my W, it was difficult for a long time because of the sex with my MOW, we had crazy chemistry and nothing was off limits....not to mention she was multi-o ( discovered with me ) in every position and option if you know what I mean. For a man, obviously that is ****ing fantastic...when you can just start and she is already arriving, talk about an ego boost....and even though I'm 50, and she is 38, I have stamina and no ED issues, we had many, many sessions because we were together for almost 6 years...it was the best ever, hers too because even if she was an Oscar award winning actress, she couldn't pull off a performance for that long....she is a vocal woman.....obviously, I miss that, I'd be lying if I said I didn't, she was anytime anywhere......that is very addicting along with the feelings....a screwed combination once it's over.... I was curious if anyone would post about their post affair sex being with their spouse! My exh wanted to try before we finally separated but I just couldn't. Even just to "scratch that itch", the emotion wasn't there. I can only imagine if we had actually tried reconciling how awkward and different it would be to reestablish that part of the relationship. Marriage is more than just sex, but it is important. Glad you've been able to bring it back into yours. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lftbehind Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 I was curious if anyone would post about their post affair sex being with their spouse! My exh wanted to try before we finally separated but I just couldn't. Even just to "scratch that itch", the emotion wasn't there. I can only imagine if we had actually tried reconciling how awkward and different it would be to reestablish that part of the relationship. Marriage is more than just sex, but it is important. Glad you've been able to bring it back into yours. Good luck. I'm having problems with post affair sex with my spouse. There was not a DD, but we had problems before the A. The emotion isn't there and I keep thinking of MM. We still have daily emails, but I can't see him because of his new job schedule. I wish that I could reestablish the feelings and the sex with my h, but I haven't been able to. Link to post Share on other sites
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