Online Dating for hot guys

[AverageJoe1986]

Well. So a little bit of background. I'm an average kind of guy, a 5/6 maybe on a good day. I have been on Plenty of Fish for about 6 months and have encountered the classic problem there for us average looking guys. I have sent out hundreds of specific messages to women with points from their profile and I've written a detailed profile myself and it's full of idiosyncratic but fun things. Anyway, in six months I have had about 3 replies. All just vague responses. Nothing followed up. It got demoralising to the point of extreme despondency. I asked friends and consulted online advice sites. I was told that looks probably didn't play much of a part as it's not really that important to women with regards to relationships. I didn't quite believe it, I mean really?

 

Anyway. I'm not one to just accept received wisdom. So I decided to delete my POF account from my phone and start again. I started a new one. Wrote pretty much the same Profile information and Interests, but I found some photos on Facebook of a really good looking guy who lives in Australia. Not famous and the photos look realistic. I completed my registration and went to make a sandwich whilst I thought of some good opening messages to send out. Well when I came back to my phone a few minutes later I was completely blown away. I already had 5 messages from women as far as 100 miles away. Within an hour I was just getting inundated with messages. 'Hi babe, how are you?' 'Hey, how's it going?' - where's the detailed profile information us guys are always told we need to include in our messages? I called some out on it, but that didn't deter them. Fat women, thin women, hot ones and ugly ones. They all wanted to say hi.

 

At first I was overwhelmed. Then I started to have fun. Several women I told that they probably wanted to move on as I was shallow and just wanted meaningless sex when they were looking for a relationship. Did that put them off? No, most of them were happy to oblige. I forced one woman to take quizzes on my home town and suggested that I spend most of my spare time in toy shops. I spoke as if I had a mental age of about 7 - after an hour she asked me if I wanted to go to dinner next week. I asked several women if they valued personality over looks. Of course they all said yes (women are congenitally incapable of answering that question any other way). So I offered to hook them up with my unattractive but fun and funny friend Joseph. I said as I was so shallow and had a really crappy personality so they would be better with him. One woman went mental at me and said 'but I like YOU!' Telling her that Joseph looked like Columbo didn't calm her down. I wrote with the most terrible grammar and spelling with one woman who specifically said she couldn't stand bad grammar; she still wanted to meet up with me. I told a bunch of women I like to put things up my backside because my Uncle dares me to. They lapped it up. Seriously this has gone on and on I am still getting a dozen messages every half hour now.

 

I thought the one trope I really wanted to test out was the idea that it isn't really about looks it's confidence. So with this really stunning woman I said that I had zero confidence. I find talking to women really difficult and preferred online chat. She was absolutely fine with it. Kept asking me if we will go out next week. What I'm upto and messaging me while having dinner round her friend's house. All of this has happened in ONE DAY. I have never experienced anything like it. It's amazing fun to be this popular. It is also real proof for me at last just how shallow women can be (as much as men can be). I couldn't believe the pathetic lows they would sink to in order to continue a conversation with my profile. We're always told it's always the men on these sites that prostrate themselves. But stick a really pretty face on your profile and you will get any and every offer under the sun.

[Sunyata]

I believe it. It's too bad. I think even what's "good looking" in online dating is different than what is necessarily considered good looking out in the real world. Also in the real world confidence comes through more than on online profiles. In any case, I wish I had advice to offer, I'm in the same position. Have never had much luck in online dating and don't have a solid social group to meet girls in real life. Still working on it. Quite difficult.

[smackie9]

It's a reality that good looking people have all of us tripping over ourselves to be with them or just to know them....it's in out genes. Celebrities that are attractive (most are) have us dreaming about them.

 

People are not shallow, it's genetics.....for men and women. You are attracted to what you are attracted to. The more attractive the more attention. It is what it is.

 

How about you OP, you would give an average girl a chance over someone who is hot? Give me a break, you are no different than anyone else.

Own it and just do it.

How about this....be all you can be. dress better, be more fit, go to someone that can give you a make over/ advice to improve your looks.

 

Women do it from the time they are 12. Guys need to step up and work at their appearance instead of whining about how those who are good looking get all the action.

[smackie9]

Tip: if you have trouble getting dates irl, then old isn't the magic bullet you think it should be.

[Ruby Slippers]

Yes, the most aesthetically pleasing people of both sexes get the lion's share of attention in life and on dating sites. It's not fair, but that's the way it is.

 

Just about everybody can find reasonable, attainable prospects. I just reactivated my dating profile last night, and I'm having fun getting warmed up.

 

Some of the men who have messaged me so far are model-quality. These are usually the players, the married, the separated. I'm looking for something real, so I don't even consider this kind of guy.

 

I favor guys reasonably in my league (with respect to looks, intelligence, socioeconomic level) who think I'm intriguing.

[AverageJoe1986]

It's a reality that good looking people have all of us tripping over ourselves to be with them or just to know them....it's in out genes. Celebrities that are attractive (most are) have us dreaming about them.

 

People are not shallow, it's genetics.....for men and women. You are attracted to what you are attracted to. The more attractive the more attention. It is what it is.

 

How about you OP, you would give an average girl a chance over someone who is hot? Give me a break, you are no different than anyone else.

Own it and just do it.

How about this....be all you can be. dress better, be more fit, go to someone that can give you a make over/ advice to improve your looks.

 

Women do it from the time they are 12. Guys need to step up and work at their appearance instead of whining about how those who are good looking get all the action.

 

1, I have messaged women of all levels of attractiveness. Do you really think I just message really hot women? That'd be pretty stupid. I never messaged the most attractive women, I live in the real world.

 

2, Today, I have had the ugliest level of women message me. When I called them out on it they weren't prepared to own it. On what planet did they think they had a chance?

[Rejected Rosebud]

Wow that sounds like a tremendous waste of time! Of COURSE people respond to extremely goodlooking people on OLD. They can see the picture, they aren't getting to know your personality no matter what you write!

[smackie9]

If that is what you attract, you need to make changes, simple as that.

[AverageJoe1986]

Tip: if you have trouble getting dates irl, then old isn't the magic bullet you think it should be.

 

Not looking for a magic bullet. Have no time to meet people IRL, I'm either working or looking after my daughter. I just hadnt realised how everyone online these days are just chasing the one or two models.

[AverageJoe1986]

If that is what you attract, you need to make changes, simple as that.

 

No, the really attractive profile had the ugliest women message me. Online the obese 40 stone beats still think they're entitled to a male model. There is no chance for anyone else.

[smackie9]

Wow that sounds like a tremendous waste of time! Of COURSE people respond to extremely goodlooking people on OLD. They can see the picture, they aren't getting to know your personality no matter what you write!

OLD or irl, it's always what ones sees will attract....it's the way we are as humans. You see what you like, you check them out second. Shoot first ask questions later......we are all guilty of it.

[AverageJoe1986]

Wow that sounds like a tremendous waste of time! Of COURSE people respond to extremely goodlooking people on OLD. They can see the picture, they aren't getting to know your personality no matter what you write!

 

Oh I'm past actually searching for someone online. I was just curious and it was tremendous fun - still is. For a day I could be as arrogant as I wanted and it was lapped up.

 

IRL I don't generally have problems with women. I'm funny, charismatic and have an IQ over 150. I will just have to make time somewhere to meet people. OLD is pointless.

[Leigh 87]

It's a reality that good looking people have all of us tripping over ourselves to be with them or just to know them....it's in out genes. Celebrities that are attractive (most are) have us dreaming about them.

 

People are not shallow, it's genetics.....for men and women. You are attracted to what you are attracted to. The more attractive the more attention. It is what it is.

 

How about you OP, you would give an average girl a chance over someone who is hot? Give me a break, you are no different than anyone else.

Own it and just do it.

How about this....be all you can be. dress better, be more fit, go to someone that can give you a make over/ advice to improve your looks.

 

Women do it from the time they are 12. Guys need to step up and work at their appearance instead of whining about how those who are good looking get all the action.

 

 

But looks are subjective, too. I get as much attention and have the same options as my gorgeous friends despite being a cute but not beautiful 6.5 to 7/10 ( my mates are 9s...)

 

You just have stop "being" average and do something to compensate for your less than stunning looks. Then women would want the Op.

 

My bf isn't necessarily a heart throb to the masses (no 6 pack and stuff...) yet he hasa really nice energy about him; he is unique and pleasant. Down to earth but holds onto high stahdards in regards to dating. He's hard working. Masculine. Kind but doesn't come off as too soft.

 

My model friend thinks he's hot. Oh and my former "friend" tried to sleep with him. He gets attractive women without being a "heart throb".

 

And again, I am not gorgeous yet I have just as much male attention as my attractive friends. Because I have good style and take an interest in being proud of my good features and feeling good about my body.

 

Good looks naturally get more attention. But a positive attitude and average to cute looking people can still have plenty of options.

[fitnessfan365]

Guys need to step up and work at their appearance instead of whining about how those who are good looking get all the action.

 

THIS. It's easy to make excuses versus actually working hard to stay in shape. But at the same time, I will say that the attention from the opposite sex should just be a bonus. In the end, you main motivation should be to feel better about yourself.

[Leigh 87]

OP,

 

I have fallen the hardest for non hot men.

 

I have had plenty of hot men who fell for me. I never felt enough of a spark.

 

The men with whom I felt the instant butterflies and chemistry with were cute but not what the masses and society at large would deam "heart throbs ".

 

My two closest friends are model pretty. One has been scouted twice and the other modelled professionally for years. NEITHER of them went for "hot" men.

 

Both their partners are average looking. But to those girls, their men are gorgeous.

[Leigh 87]

If that is what you attract, you need to make changes, simple as that.

 

Yep.

 

Harsh but hey.. if you are average and want attractive women, you gotta find ways to compensate.

 

I got myself braces, adopted a great sense of style and got myself a banging body. I am not skinny either; I learnt to show off my body in the most flattering light.

I went from a woman who got average to no male attention, to a woman that is treated likean attractive women. I worker for it.

 

It actually took years for me to go from being a very average awkward looking woman to being "hot" to many men.

 

So again: good styling, affording anti aging skin care with active ingredients and is expensive (you need to spend big to get amazing skin unlessyou are blessed with amazing genes), regular exercise and a POSITIVE and CONFIDENTattitude where you love what you have and stop being bitter about your shortcomings.

 

People on this site call me up myself and delusional. But hey.. it works. I have loads of men that think am gorgeous; all because I know I am not, in fact, conventionally beautiful but have such a strong belief that just because I don't appear gorgeous to the masses, I can still have my fans.

 

Ever since stopped complaining about not being "beautiful " and actually did something about it to be the best version of myself, physically speaking, I have always had decent looking men falling for me and asking to date me.

 

Here are some common attributes that many women go for that you can try and emulate:

I love men that love to travel and see the world and who sieze the day. .

I love manly men

Women love confident yet down to earth men.

Men that are active and fit also fair well.

Oh. And men who are able to provide. It's feminine instinct to need a guy with a legit career who isn't dirt poor.

 

An average looking person that is hapless and uninspiring won't likely attract a partner who they themselves are attracted to.

[AverageJoe1986]

OP,

 

I have fallen the hardest for non hot men.

 

I have had plenty of hot men who fell for me. I never felt enough of a spark.

 

The men with whom I felt the instant butterflies and chemistry with were cute but not what the masses and society at large would deam "heart throbs ".

 

My two closest friends are model pretty. One has been scouted twice and the other modelled professionally for years. NEITHER of them went for "hot" men.

 

Both their partners are average looking. But to those girls, their men are gorgeous.

 

I think the posters in here have slightly misread the tone of my post.

 

1, Yes, I was shocked at how much women, even attractive ones, were willing to debase all of their principles and basic criteria for a 'hottie' Hell, I got asked for dinner by an attractive lady after I told her that I had stuck half a kilo of Double Gloucester cheese up my bum because my Uncle dared me. So much of the narrative around OLD is that men are sex pests, the message with pathetically short messages and bombard the attractive women with messages. I was totally surprised at how much of a double standard this is. Women may not do it to as many men but they're just as pathetic when they do it.

 

2, I am finding the experience tremendous fun. Most of us never experience this level of attention. I am not trying to get anything out of it except to confirm what I already knew (which nearly every 'wise old owl' on every web forum tries to deny) and to have some fun.

 

3, I had already given up theidea of OLD as it clearly is a completely stacked market that 95% of men have virtually no joy in (although there is always the odd anecdote of theone fat bald guy who found love on OK Cupid - I know someone who got 5 numbers on the lottery two weeks in a row, we can all play that game).

 

4, I had a girlfriend who was scouted by Storm model agency. My ex-wife is a beautiful woman. I am not worried about my chances irl I was merely commenting on the Online side.

[AverageJoe1986]

I think the posters in here have slightly misread the tone of my post.

 

1, Yes, I was shocked at how much women, even attractive ones, were willing to debase all of their principles and basic criteria for a 'hottie' Hell, I got asked for dinner by an attractive lady after I told her that I had stuck half a kilo of Double Gloucester cheese up my bum because my Uncle dared me. So much of the narrative around OLD is that men are sex pests, the message with pathetically short messages and bombard the attractive women with messages. I was totally surprised at how much of a double standard this is. Women may not do it to as many men but they're just as pathetic when they do it.

 

2, I am finding the experience tremendous fun. Most of us never experience this level of attention. I am not trying to get anything out of it except to confirm what I already knew (which nearly every 'wise old owl' on every web forum tries to deny) and to have some fun.

 

3, I had already given up theidea of OLD as it clearly is a completely stacked market that 95% of men have virtually no joy in (although there is always the odd anecdote of theone fat bald guy who found love on OK Cupid - I know someone who got 5 numbers on the lottery two weeks in a row, we can all play that game).

 

4, I had a girlfriend who was scouted by Storm model agency. My ex-wife is a beautiful woman. I am not worried about my chances irl I was merely commenting on the Online side.

 

And sorry, but I have a crappy keyboard and the space bar keeps jamming.

[loveweary11]

Leigh could not be more correct.

 

After my divorce, I did the male version of what she did.

 

Good god it works. My inbox looks just like what you describe. Ooodles of new girls all the time, every girl on snapchat who follows me watches every story, lots of instagram followers, lots and lots of girls (none right, but that's a different story!)

 

It was never like this for me until I decided to put all the work in to look my absolute best. Lots of gym time.

 

I bought the topical botox face cream too, but always forget to use it.

 

Looks are the most important thing in getting first dates, so if you want them, you have to put the effort in.

[AverageJoe1986]

Leigh could not be more correct.

 

After my divorce, I did the male version of what she did.

 

Good god it works. My inbox looks just like what you describe. Ooodles of new girls all the time, every girl on snapchat who follows me watches every story, lots of instagram followers, lots and lots of girls (none right, but that's a different story!)

 

It was never like this for me until I decided to put all the work in to look my absolute best. Lots of gym time.

 

I bought the topical botox face cream too, but always forget to use it.

 

Looks are the most important thing in getting first dates, so if you want them, you have to put the effort in.

 

I feel as if I'm stuck in a parallel universe. Hello! I couldn't care less about going to the gym and getting botox cream. I'm a funny bastard and clever with it. I can get women no problem. None of this has anything to do with what I was saying.

 

I have noticed this before on this site. Regular posters want to spout the same old lines about confidence, working out etc that they wilfully misread posts.

[normal person]

IRL I don't generally have problems with women. I'm funny, charismatic and have an IQ over 150. I will just have to make time somewhere to meet people.

 

You've got an IQ of 150+ and just now at age 29-30 (I'm guessing based on the user name) you're realizing that women are just as superficial as men?

 

OLD is pointless.

 

Totally wrong. OLD is a godsend for guys who look good on paper. Your mistake was believing that all you have to do is merely have a profile and women will suddenly be interested you. If you have to message women, OLD isn't for you to begin with.

[AverageJoe1986]

You've got an IQ of 150+ and just now at age 29-30 (I'm guessing based on the user name) you're realizing that women are just as superficial as men?

 

 

 

Totally wrong. OLD is a godsend for guys who look good on paper. Your mistake was believing that all you have to do is merely have a profile and women will suddenly be interested you. If you have to message women, OLD isn't for you to begin with.

 

Well as Hamlet is one of the great masterpieces of world literature and it's essentially about how impossible it is to truly know what is in another person's mind I'm not the first or the brightest person to grapple with this. I have long been aware that women are just as supericial as men, but the party line from virtually everyone I know/read is to the opposite. I decided to test it out. My shock wasn't so much the superficiality but the utter debasement, willingness to overlook extreme arrogance and rudeness and any number of bizarre character flaws. If you cannot see the distinction then you're beyond reasoning with.

 

Your last paragraph makes next to no coherent sense. You can see how many people view your profile beyond the main photo. I could have written a dozen of the greatest love sonnets and a business plan for the perpetual motion machine and I still would only have had my profile perused but once a week.

[loveweary11]

I feel as if I'm stuck in a parallel universe. Hello! I couldn't care less about going to the gym and getting botox cream. I'm a funny bastard and clever with it. I can get women no problem. None of this has anything to do with what I was saying.

 

I have noticed this before on this site. Regular posters want to spout the same old lines about confidence, working out etc that they wilfully misread posts.

 

That's all fine and dandy, but if you aren't looking the part in this social media driven world, you are closing off more than 50% of where new girls come in from, in your case.

 

Other than that, we were talking in general about how so many men put zero effort into their looks. Smackie started that line of discussion and she's right.

[Leigh 87]

Oops.

 

I apologize for the misunderstanding. I am just a huge advocate for average ish people like me, learning how to become hot and have options.

 

Well hey I can relate. I look awful in pics. I look way better in real life!

 

I've done far better in real life.

 

I still stayed away from the very hot guys when online dating: I aimed for average men who had a certain something about them.

 

I am a realistic woman; I know that a super hot guy won't likely become enamoured with is highly likely to use me for sex.

 

Where as the average or cute men were the ones who I figured would treat me better and feel really lucky to have me.

 

I am a slim woman with an amazing body shape and a nice teeth and smile yet I didn't just go for men that had a 6 pack. I went for many chubby men. Again, I wanted to aim for men who would be more likely to feel LUCKY to have me and enamoured with my looks.

 

Women who want to find men online that will actually be into them would be best to not only aim for the hottest men around.

[AverageJoe1986]

Oops.

 

I apologize for the misunderstanding. I am just a huge advocate for average ish people like me, learning how to become hot and have options.

 

Well hey I can relate. I look awful in pics. I look way better in real life!

 

I've done far better in real life.

 

I still stayed away from the very hot guys when online dating: I aimed for average men who had a certain something about them.

 

I am a realistic woman; I know that a super hot guy won't likely become enamoured with is highly likely to use me for sex.

 

Where as the average or cute men were the ones who I figured would treat me better and feel really lucky to have me.

 

I am a slim woman with an amazing body shape and a nice teeth and smile yet I didn't just go for men that had a 6 pack. I went for many chubby men. Again, I wanted to aim for men who would be more likely to feel LUCKY to have me and enamoured with my looks.

 

Women who want to find men online that will actually be into them would be best to not only aim for the hottest men around.

 

Seriously, there is no one like you in the dating pool I'm working in.

 

It's funny because there were two revealing conversations I had today. Both with attractive women who hadn't messaged me back 'as me'.

 

The first one I really connected with. She loved theatre and we both loved Shakespeare. She was totally taken aback when I discussed the relative merits of Rosalind and Juliet. We talked for a while about our favourite paintings in the National Gallery. The thing is, my profile with the hot photo had none of this info on it. But the profile with my own photo had my love of Shakespeare and Renaissance and Baroque art. Yet she almost tripped over herself to talk to the former and ignored the latter.

 

Secondly, I discussed the idea of looks vs personality with another woman. She felt she could admit that she would just never be attracted to a guy who she didn't find physically atrractive. And that by that she meant conventionally so. She did feel a fair degree of (totally unprompted)shame over this fact and felt incredibly pressured by society to toe the party line over the prioritisation of 'personality' whatever that word actually means.