Online Dating for hot guys

[AverageJoe1986]

Woman 4 (whose profile specifically states she's a grammar nazi: 'Hi James, great profile :-)'

 

Me: 'Sory I not speel so wele an I thnk you find this impotent'

 

Woman 4: 'No problem. It's not that important. So where are you travelling to this year?'

 

Me: 'Can yo use shawta words plees?'

 

Woman 4: 'Sure the hun'

 

And the conversation went on and on and I couldn't get rid of her. I just had to stop replying. I mean how could that possibly be something any woman with half a brain would want to engage in??

[normal person]

So I'm tarnishing my profile by mentioning that I love Shakespeare...when I love Shakespeare? If we live in a world when that's pretentious then I'd rather get no responses. And did you miss the part where I totally connected with a girl over Shakespeare...who had totally ignored my actual profile with all the pretentions to a literary and artistic taste?

 

Apologies if it came out that way, I'm sure you mentioned it tastefully and not pretentiously. The examples used were not used to single you out specifically. They were just broad examples. I'm sure you're a smart guy but the broader point is that there are good and bad ways to demonstrate qualities. I'm not saying you're guilty of this, I'm just saying some people are and it can be detrimental.

 

You have a wide nose? Well come on post a photo. I bet you're downgrading how attractive you are significantly just to prove a point. It's the standard line on all these forums. If I see a photo of you and you really are not good looking then what you say has credibility. If you are good looking then it does not. I bet you are.

 

I gave you some good advice, if you think it's all dependent on my looks then you can take it or leave it. Like everyone else, I might be some womens' cup of tea and not others'. While looks can be important, men have an advantage in the sense that it's not all most women care about. As a man you can be less than good looking and have your appeal supplemented by plenty of other qualities. True, some of those may not lend themselves to online dating well, but you can pull the odds in your favor and even if your aren't successful with that, it's just one avenue to meet women. If you really think OLD is completely dependent on things you can't control, then move on from it.

[AverageJoe1986]

What do you mean you called them out on it? You told them they were ugly?

 

I asked her why she had messaged me when we had zero in common. She said I looked fun. I said nothing about my profile gives off a fun vibe. She said she thought I was hot. I said she should date at her own level. She got angry but I said to her that I don't really feel guilty because it was a shallow act to write to me in the first place when we have absolutely nothing in common and we live 100 miles apart. I asked here 'am I really a good option for you in any realistic sense?'. Obviously she didn't see eye to eye.

 

And really that's fine. It was clearly acceptable for smackie9 earlier on in this thread to ask me if I was trying to date at an appropriate level of attractiveness to myself. If you're saying I was out of order then you are also saying the same of her. Or there's a double standard implied.

[AverageJoe1986]

If you really think OLD is completely dependent on things you can't control, then move on from it.

 

Oh I have. I'm just doing this for a laugh now. It'll get boring in a couple of days and I'll delete POF forever.

 

I don't photograph well and the pics I put up were as flattering as you can get. I must have averaged 1 Profile view a week while i was on there. You can't impress women with a profile they never visit. And the one girl it would have been totally perfect who did look at it was still totally uninterested.

 

I'll take my chances IRL.

[jay1983]

This is old news OP. OLD works a certain way, you don't get to date women who are the equivalent of yourself.

 

Why?

 

Well, because you're the applicant and they're the hiring manager sorting through applications looking for the best they can afford to hire.

 

It's like when you take your car to the dealership for a trade in and they offer you 6k for a car that's worth 15 in the blue book. With so many people looking to buy, sell or trade with them, they can do that.

 

As a result, men start meeting with the girls looking for short term flings. Kinda like the companies who hire over qualified people at a low pay rate. The employees take the job just until they find another, then adiós.

[SwordofFlame]

Both men and women will look past red flags and deal breakers if the other person is hot enough.

[AverageJoe1986]

Both men and women will look past red flags and deal breakers if the other person is hot enough.

 

And I expected a certain amount of that, for sure. But when an intelligent woman, a teacher, asks someone out on a date who, as far as they're concerned, has the mental age of a seven year old. Who fixates on toys and makes 200 mile roundtrips to Lowestoft for Tonka Truck fairs. There are red flags and there are red flags. And like I say, she is not a one-off in this. In only one day I have about 25-30 comparable stories. Considering the sampling of women I can manage in one day, that suggests a frightening willingness to accept virtually anything that is wrapped in a pretty enough package.

[LookAtThisPOst]

What's sad is these ladies aren't aware of their dating equivalent. I recall a long time ago a woman who posted on her profile "I am looking for my equal in looks" to be honest she was a model quality bombshell.

 

So she was kind of sending out a "read between the lines" message there.

 

But sadly an overweight woman will pursue a fit man but not her own equal.

 

I have a male friend that is a fit runner. Very trim fit and handsome.

 

There was this woman, cute had some weight on her...definitely not in shape. Had seen her on and off in our social circle thru the years and I could see she was gaining more.

 

She was totally into this guy. She even gave him HER digits. I got to talking to him later about her and he said she was a nice girl but just wasn't attracted.

 

It makes sense since he's always in shape.

[SwordofFlame]

I'm going to disagree here. Sure some women may try to date way out of their league on OLD, but most actually don't. If you don't believe me, just swipe right on every woman on Tinder. Sure you may get a few extremely unattractive women who say yes, but you won't get a book full of extremely unattractive women.

[jay1983]

I'm going to disagree here. Sure some women may try to date way out of their league on OLD, but most actually don't. If you don't believe me, just swipe right on every woman on Tinder. Sure you may get a few extremely unattractive women who say yes, but you won't get a book full of extremely unattractive women.

 

Yes, BUT and this is a big but, most of the matches are just playing around and aren't looking to meet in person. When you get to the ones who actually wanna meet, it's what's described.

[AverageJoe1986]

I'm going to disagree here. Sure some women may try to date way out of their league on OLD, but most actually don't. If you don't believe me, just swipe right on every woman on Tinder. Sure you may get a few extremely unattractive women who say yes, but you won't get a book full of extremely unattractive women.

 

But I got Tinder. As I daid I am probably a 5/6. I put a very flattering photo up and I swiped right on everyone. I got virtually nothing. Not even the 30 stone heifers who irl would be over the moon to date me.

 

There is something about the catalogue style choosing and the (apparent) surfeit of choice that currently pervades OLD which makes women believe they are several rungs higher on the ladder than they are. Part of it is that I'm sure the relatively hot guys they message online will happily keep them around for easy hook ups and they convince themselves that that is their level.

[AverageJoe1986]

Essentially for men online:

 

The 9/10's do what they want.

 

The 7/8's can get women of 4/5/6 level without too much problem. They have to be exceptional to get the odd low hanging 7 woman.

 

The 5/6's will sometimes get interest from a low self esteemed 4/5/6 woman or really have to go down to the lower levels.

 

The 1/2/3/4's have virtually no chance unless they match on specific interests or location.

 

There are variations and exceptions of course usually to do with exceptional compatibility or location.

[ChickiePops]

I asked her why she had messaged me when we had zero in common. She said I looked fun. I said nothing about my profile gives off a fun vibe. She said she thought I was hot. I said she should date at her own level. She got angry but I said to her that I don't really feel guilty because it was a shallow act to write to me in the first place when we have absolutely nothing in common and we live 100 miles apart. I asked here 'am I really a good option for you in any realistic sense?'. Obviously she didn't see eye to eye.

 

And really that's fine. It was clearly acceptable for smackie9 earlier on in this thread to ask me if I was trying to date at an appropriate level of attractiveness to myself. If you're saying I was out of order then you are also saying the same of her. Or there's a double standard implied.

 

Her post was absolutely out of order. Where did I say it wasn't?

 

That poor girl had every right to get angry with you. I hope you'll be kinder in the future.

[lino]

Anyone who believes women don't consider good looks in a guy they want for a relationship as a high priority, are pretty damn clueless. Whether in the real world or online.

 

How that myth got started is bewildering to me.

 

ALL women consider looks alongside things like status, money, popularity, etc.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Anyone who believes women don't consider good looks in a guy they want for a relationship as a high priority, are pretty damn clueless. Whether in the real world or online.

 

How that myth got started is bewildering to me.

 

ALL women consider looks alongside things like status, money, popularity, etc.

 

I have to make an exception, the last woman I dated said she didn't care about looks. Later on in our relationship, I asked her what was her celebrity crush...she still responded, "I don't care about physical looks, so I have never really had much of a celebrity crush, but if I were to guess, I'd say....that guy from The Avengers movie" (She didn't even know his name)....sounded she picked a guy at random...but I could tell by her tone she was genuine about her looks priority...she was jjust more into personality than looks.

 

Although, she was cute, but average looking herself and knew better to think she wasn't one of those "I am hot and I know it" women...like so many are.

[carhill]

A hot guy could be the same way, unimpressed by looks. So could an average guy. So could a guy who can't get a date to save his life due to getting no interviews from being Quasimodo.

 

If the 'hot' guy is universally attractive, he'll simply have a larger dating pool to choose from and will be solicited by more women. That's a double-edged sword because, as women who use OLD well know, that inbox full of 'interest' can and often is from a cadre of people they'd never give the time of day to. It can get annoying.

 

When I first read the title, I was thinking 'wha??', why in the heck would a hot guy waste his time with OLD? Then I thought, well dope, you're looking at it from a relationship standpoint, always seeking a relationship. That's narrow thinking. Most guys like casual sex as well so OLD is a barrel full of fish, ostensibly unentangled fish, ready for the shooting. Makes sense!

 

OP, something I noticed in my married life, relevant to your 'zero confidence' trope, was that, when the chips were down, I was very frustrated with my M and felt like dirt, approximating your zero confidence hack, women came out of the woodwork. It certainly wasn't because I was 'hot'. Only thing I can think of is vulnerability was some sort of a draw. Anyway, in the case of your experiment, unsurprising. Universally attractive people, in life, are perceived differently, for better or worse. That's how life works, including on OLD.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Anyone who believes women don't consider good looks in a guy they want for a relationship as a high priority, are pretty damn clueless. Whether in the real world or online.

 

How that myth got started is bewildering to me.

 

ALL women consider looks alongside things like status, money, popularity, etc.

 

I know women that will forgoe their own religion for a "cute" non-believer. You'd be surpised what people will put up with in the name of physical attraction.

 

Some may think he's cute or she's hot, and if there's something about them they don't like...they attempt to change him/her. I think this is where the whole bad boy thing comes into play. Usually bad boys are men women are attempting to change to be nice guys...but it never happens for them.

[Natalie8]

Anyone who believes women don't consider good looks in a guy they want for a relationship as a high priority, are pretty damn clueless. Whether in the real world or online.

 

How that myth got started is bewildering to me.

 

ALL women consider looks alongside things like status, money, popularity, etc.

 

Please dont speak for all women..even if you are one. And if you are not then please dont make such sweeping statements.

I dont care about money and status. The guy i have last cried about is in a low paid manual job.

As for looks- i need to feel attracted to him. I dont care if he is universally attractive.

Status? Whats that. We are both expats living in a country very far from home. Not sure what my status is. Or his..

[ChickiePops]

Anyone who believes women don't consider good looks in a guy they want for a relationship as a high priority, are pretty damn clueless. Whether in the real world or online.

 

How that myth got started is bewildering to me.

 

ALL women consider looks alongside things like status, money, popularity, etc.

 

I'm sad for you that this is what you've experienced. But just like not all men honestly probably not even most men, want the stereotypical blond bimbo, not all women want to date the all American jock.

 

I haven't dated that type since high school. My ex fiancé had a belly and he was half bald, he is socially awkward and had barely any friends, and he snores like a trucker and I loved the **** out of him. HE dumped ME because he decided he didn't want kids.

 

And I am pretty..and 10 years younger than him.

 

Perhaps it's time to stop using cliches as an excuse for why you struggle in dating and figure out what improvements you can make in yourself.

[Httm]

POF is the lowest class of dating sites. Try okcupid or match.

[MissBee]

Were any of these women one's you'd messaged before? Because it's hard to say if they are not. No one has said that some women aren't only into looks and are shallow, because some are, and it's clear the ones willing to keep talking to someone who writes like a 7 year old, says he has no confidence etc. are obviously one's who really do not care. However, there were others who didn't message you or might have stopped replying.

 

Of course my interest is piqued by looks that I find attractive, but I read every profile before I send a message or reply to one and I also pay attention to our convo, for me, and many women with actual standards, a hot face or body but a pea-sized brain and awful personality won't get you very far. I just need to find a guy interesting and attractive to me, he need not be "hot" or the best looking man. I have had 2 bfs from online dating and went on dates with many others and they were not necessarily the hottest guys to message me....I was attracted to them primarily because of their messages. Even my ex, I wasn't really physically attracted to him in pictures, but his message was funny, witty and it was interesting to talk to him, so I gave him a chance, good thing he looks way better in person and I was so pleasantly surprised. Same with the other bf, online I wasn't super into his looks, he had a good smile, but his messages sealed the deal and in person he was better looking and I was pleasantly surprised. But basically, for me, while a good looking man will catch my eye, he cannot hold my attention for long if he isn't up to par in other ways. He may get his foot through the door more easily than one who is unattractive or average but if he is boring, can't spell, voerly sexual with me etc...he gets nixed.

 

Not every woman will care and some will simply be enamored by looks alone, but that's certainly not everyone's response. Just like some men are capable of turning down good looking women who don't meet other standards they have, while other men seem not to care whether she has cotton balls for brains or not, it's no different. The women who responded and kept responding to you were obviously of the shallow, don't care variety...so your experiment simply proved that some women are shallow and don't care....but was that really a shock?

[AverageJoe1986]

I'm sad for you that this is what you've experienced. But just like not all men honestly probably not even most men, want the stereotypical blond bimbo, not all women want to date the all American jock.

 

I haven't dated that type since high school. My ex fiancé had a belly and he was half bald, he is socially awkward and had barely any friends, and he snores like a trucker and I loved the **** out of him. HE dumped ME because he decided he didn't want kids.

 

And I am pretty..and 10 years younger than him.

 

Perhaps it's time to stop using cliches as an excuse for why you struggle in dating and figure out what improvements you can make in yourself.

 

There is a difference though in the Online Dating universe.

 

This morning my fake profile got a message. Attractive girl saying hi. I messaged back one of my 'I'll get my mate to message you'. She got a bit angry with me. Anyway, after a while we got into a really long conversation. We had loads and loads in common. Now I should I guess be really annoyed that I hadn't contacted her with my real profile (I hadn't ever seen her profile as she was just outside of the search I was doing). However, I simply know that she'd never have responded to any message I sent her. I'd have been written off immeadiately (I'm sure some will think but how can I know this but I reckon I can be fairly confident in that fact). Now she's not super hot or stunningly attractive and I would bet if we knew eachother in real life there'd be a chance we might go out.

[Wewon]

Anyone who believes women don't consider good looks in a guy they want for a relationship as a high priority, are pretty damn clueless. Whether in the real world or online.

 

How that myth got started is bewildering to me.

 

ALL women consider looks alongside things like status, money, popularity, etc.

 

In all fairness, the idea that men are driven by looks while women can see past it is driven in to guys from a pretty young age. That's why these a-ha moments seem like such a big deal.

[AverageJoe1986]

Were any of these women one's you'd messaged before? Because it's hard to say if they are not. No one has said that some women aren't only into looks and are shallow, because some are, and it's clear the ones willing to keep talking to someone who writes like a 7 year old, says he has no confidence etc. are obviously one's who really do not care. However, there were others who didn't message you or might have stopped replying.

 

 

Nearly every woman I tried to message with my real profile have interacted at length with my fake profile. About half contacted me off their own bat and the rest were only too pleased to respond. As I said one girl who was over the moon that 'I' could discuss Shakepeare with her had ignored me even though my original profile had my love of Shakespeare on it and my fake one didn't.

[katiegrl]

There is a difference though in the Online Dating universe.

 

This morning my fake profile got a message. Attractive girl saying hi. I messaged back one of my 'I'll get my mate to message you'. She got a bit angry with me. Anyway, after a while we got into a really long conversation. We had loads and loads in common. Now I should I guess be really annoyed that I hadn't contacted her with my real profile (I hadn't ever seen her profile as she was just outside of the search I was doing). However, I simply know that she'd never have responded to any message I sent her. I'd have been written off immeadiately (I'm sure some will think but how can I know this but I reckon I can be fairly confident in that fact).

 

-----

 

***Now she's not super hot or stunningly attractive and I would bet if we knew each other in real life there'd be a chance we might go out*****.

 

AJ ....keep in mind I have not dated in six years... let alone ever had much experience with OLD .....but would it possible to say that, for privacy reasons, you did not feel comfortable posting your real picture?

 

But that you find her so intriguing, you would like to send her one?

 

I dunno, just a thought!

Edited January 25, 2016 by katiegrl