Too little and way too late.

[deckard11]

So my former best friend of almost 20 years texted me recently to see how I was doing. He also wanted to get together for dinner but I gave him the line he'd been giving me for over 14 months. I said I was "busy". Felt damn good and I haven't returned any other texts as well. Too little and way too late for me. You bun me and that's what you get. Maybe now he sees what a horrible friend he became.

[deckard11]

In a relationship there is nothing feels better then the thing you just did with your friend. As long as it's gives you happiness you're okay to do it.

 

It did. Sooner or later you get tired of excuse after excuse. I did everything for my friend. Gave a lot and never asked for anything in return. It's all about how you are treated. I got tired of being Mr. nice guy, no more. I can honestly say that not having any friends in my life now is the best for me.

[preraph]

Sounds like you just need different friends.

[Wewon]

So my former best friend of almost 20 years texted me recently to see how I was doing. He also wanted to get together for dinner but I gave him the line he'd been giving me for over 14 months. I said I was "busy". Felt damn good and I haven't returned any other texts as well. Too little and way too late for me. You bun me and that's what you get. Maybe now he sees what a horrible friend he became.

 

I can't say that I blame you, a lame excuse is a slap in the face.

 

What is the backstory to this scenario?

[carhill]

OP, I guess we all define uniquely what best friends are; my version, thinking of mine, would be to definitely get together for dinner and hash it out and resolve it or move on.

 

My best friend has been busy of late too and hasn't been in contact much, though he did e-mail me yesterday that he'd be in town this week. He's been busy because of caregiving for his wife who may have early stage AD and can't currently function independently. 'Busy' can mean a lot of things. Better to gain clear understanding and, if not compatible, sure, move on. Friendships are great but, like romantic relationships, are time-limited and can be transitory. People move on and die. Life goes on.

[deckard11]

No, there will be no meeting up or hashing things out. All I have ever done in life is give give give. Never expecting anything in return but sometimes it's nice to be appreciated or even just here from someone how much you mean to them for all you do. Never got any responses like that from those I have let into my life in my 41 years on this earth. I'm done. It's time be selfish and focus on me. My former best friend made his choice and he can go to hell for all I care. Being nice and giving of myself has never gotten me anywhere in life. Not with friends or women for that matter. Time to just face reality and move on. I will never let anyone into my life again. People suck.

[nightingal]

This so sounds like my situation. I feel that there is no point in being nice to friends when they don't realize. I've been friends with a guy for so long and have never asked anything in return until today. The one time I asked he totally let me down, and I made up my mind never to expect anything in return from him. I keep helping him or being nice to him thinking one day he will realize and understand but just don't see that happening.

 

Feelz very strange as to how people can be so selfish that they purely use the person to just get what they need.

[deckard11]

This so sounds like my situation. I feel that there is no point in being nice to friends when they don't realize. I've been friends with a guy for so long and have never asked anything in return until today. The one time I asked he totally let me down, and I made up my mind never to expect anything in return from him. I keep helping him or being nice to him thinking one day he will realize and understand but just don't see that happening.

 

Feelz very strange as to how people can be so selfish that they purely use the person to just get what they need.

 

Yup. People suck.

[loverboy69]

Time to do a little self reflection OP.

 

Honest truth: You sound emotionally drained and unstable from your own words. That might be off putting to females (or friends in general) who are looking for other traits in men or platonic friendships.

 

Yea some people do suck. You weed those people out of your life over time.

 

Snap out of it. Life isn't black and white. If you want to give up on any socializing and the whole human race at large at the young age of 41 then it's time for a mental checkup.

 

Man up.

[deckard11]

Time to do a little self reflection OP.

 

Honest truth: You sound emotionally drained and unstable from your own words. That might be off putting to females (or friends in general) who are looking for other traits in men or platonic friendships.

 

Yea some people do suck. You weed those people out of your life over time.

 

Snap out of it. Life isn't black and white. If you want to give up on any socializing and the whole human race at large at the young age of 41 then it's time for a mental checkup.

 

Man up.

 

I don't need a mental check up. I'm fine. I just got sick and tired of people treating me like crap all my life. Sorry I can't be perfect like you.

[bigbaby]

I don't know what to say because I don't really understand the issue. Your friend wanted more distance so you don't consider him a friend at all anymore. And that's just the tip of the iceberg as far as who all you're done with because they've treated you poorly?

[StBreton]

Yup. People suck.

 

If people suck, why are you on here? To tell us all that we also suck? There is a berating policy. You do seem rather angry at the world ... Choosing different friends who believe in give and take would alleviate your troubles. FYI ...I do not suck ...nor do so many caring and giving people on this forum ... And I do not appreciate your saying they do suck.

 

I do believe you've set a good boundary for yourself with the particular friendship you had with this person you mention. Good for you. Friendships aren't always equally balanced all the time but when out of balance for a long time probably indicates it's time to move on.

Edited January 25, 2016 by StBreton

[jen1447]

No, there will be no meeting up or hashing things out. All I have ever done in life is give give give. Never expecting anything in return but sometimes it's nice to be appreciated or even just here from someone how much you mean to them for all you do. Never got any responses like that from those I have let into my life in my 41 years on this earth. I'm done. It's time be selfish and focus on me. My former best friend made his choice and he can go to hell for all I care. Being nice and giving of myself has never gotten me anywhere in life. Not with friends or women for that matter. Time to just face reality and move on. I will never let anyone into my life again. People suck.

 

Operating from spite or anger is never a good idea bc those emotions tend to be temporary. That means one day you'll likely regret burning those bridges and all that'll leave you with is remorse and sorrow. And guess what - those emotions tend to be more permanent.

[deckard11]

If people suck, why are you on here? To tell us all that we also suck? There is a berating policy. You do seem rather angry at the world ... Choosing different friends who believe in give and take would alleviate your troubles. FYI ...I do not suck ...nor do so many caring and giving people on this forum ... And I do not appreciate your saying they do suck.

 

I do believe you've set a good boundary for yourself with the particular friendship you had with this person you mention. Good for you. Friendships aren't always equally balanced all the time but when out of balance for a long time probably indicates it's time to move on.

 

I'm not berating anyone here by specific name. So I'm perfectly in my limits to say people suck in general.

[deckard11]

Operating from spite or anger is never a good idea bc those emotions tend to be temporary. That means one day you'll likely regret burning those bridges and all that'll leave you with is remorse and sorrow. And guess what - those emotions tend to be more permanent.

 

I regret nothing when it comes to my most recent ex friends. Good riddance.

[privategal]

You never told your friend how you felt. People aren't mind readers and when life is hectic sometimes you overlook the fact that a friend is hurt by you because you've been too busy for them.

He won't be crying over losing a friend of 20 years who walked away never giving him any logic or feelings, thats ridiculous.

Your right though your cynical attitude wont bode well in any relationship so its best you don't have friends.

[deckard11]

You never told your friend how you felt. People aren't mind readers and when life is hectic sometimes you overlook the fact that a friend is hurt by you because you've been too busy for them.

He won't be crying over losing a friend of 20 years who walked away never giving him any logic or feelings, thats ridiculous.

Your right though your cynical attitude wont bode well in any relationship so its best you don't have friends.

 

Actually I did tell my friend how I felt. And he obviously didn't care. So to hell with him.

[jen1447]

I regret nothing when it comes to my most recent ex friends. Good riddance.

 

That's what you say now, but what about next year after you've gotten over the butthurt? You seem to lack the wisdom of forethought. (Actually I suspect you have it but you're just deliberately ignoring it so you can indulge the bitterness, which is more rewarding in a short term acting-out sort of way.)

[deckard11]

That's what you say now, but what about next year after you've gotten over the butthurt? You seem to lack the wisdom of forethought. (Actually I suspect you have it but you're just deliberately ignoring it so you can indulge the bitterness, which is more rewarding in a short term acting-out sort of way.)

 

Not at all. It's over and done with and I am very comfortable with my decision.

[privategal]

Quite frankly you did expect something in return for your kindness if you are breaking up a friendship over it.

Before you got to this level of frustration you should have said "Id love more time with you" or "hey, Im starting to think you don't feel the same about the friendship as you always make an excuse not to meet"

Either way the constant negativity of every post of yours makes it obvious your friends are better off without you as its clear your bitter and no one needs that type of attitude in their lives, good call on sparing every one of your friends your rotten attitude.

[deckard11]

Quite frankly you did expect something in return for your kindness if you are breaking up a friendship over it.

Before you got to this level of frustration you should have said "Id love more time with you" or "hey, Im starting to think you don't feel the same about the friendship as you always make an excuse not to meet"

Either way the constant negativity of every post of yours makes it obvious your friends are better off without you as its clear your bitter and no one needs that type of attitude in their lives, good call on sparing every one of your friends your rotten attitude.

 

I did say the things you suggested. Still nothing but excuses. But I expect people here to stick up for my ex friends. No one ever sees the real picture. That's fine. I really don't give a crap anymore.

[Wewon]

I did say the things you suggested. Still nothing but excuses. But I expect people here to stick up for my ex friends. No one ever sees the real picture. That's fine. I really don't give a crap anymore.

 

I for one, won't stick up for your friend. Mostly because I don't know the guy, but also because I firmly believe that any good relationship needs reciprocation in order for it to keep a pulse.

 

That being said, I also can't take sides, a lot of relationships do wear out and become obsolete for both people over time.

[privategal]

There aren't any sides.

I see he reached out to you as his schedule allowed and you sent a snide reply "I'm busy" which was passive aggressive instead of "dear x, Ive spoken to you many times about my feelings and you just haven't been able to be there for me or dedicate time to the friendship. I am parting ways with the friendship as it doesn't fit us mutually anymore" or anything along those lines.

Theres no handbook to friendship that says how often...you just love your friends unconditionally and when you connect again you have lost no time or bond and pick up where you left off.

He did care to carve out some face time with you and thats when you see him and sit down and say "whats happened that we don't see eachother, it truly reads you dont you care" and then you give the courtesy of letting him explain eye to eye and hearing him out in person. I am so busy I have best friends that I love and adore and Ive forgotten texts, not replied to emails or calls on accident...its terrible how life gets chaotic. My point is if I reach out to ANYONE my crazy busy life to hang out...you best believe I care for them as I barely have time to go to the doctor or dentist let alone carve out social time.

I feel you misread your friend but thats your call. Good luck.

[deckard11]

There aren't any sides.

I see he reached out to you as his schedule allowed and you sent a snide reply "I'm busy" which was passive aggressive instead of "dear x, Ive spoken to you many times about my feelings and you just haven't been able to be there for me or dedicate time to the friendship. I am parting ways with the friendship as it doesn't fit us mutually anymore" or anything along those lines.

Theres no handbook to friendship that says how often...you just love your friends unconditionally and when you connect again you have lost no time or bond and pick up where you left off.

He did care to carve out some face time with you and thats when you see him and sit down and say "whats happened that we don't see eachother, it truly reads you dont you care" and then you give the courtesy of letting him explain eye to eye and hearing him out in person. I am so busy I have best friends that I love and adore and Ive forgotten texts, not replied to emails or calls on accident...its terrible how life gets chaotic. My point is if I reach out to ANYONE my crazy busy life to hang out...you best believe I care for them as I barely have time to go to the doctor or dentist let alone carve out social time.

I feel you misread your friend but thats your call. Good luck.

 

I didn't misread anything. He screwed up, not me.